


It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Animal World

by Empress_Imperia



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Shiptease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 90,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empress_Imperia/pseuds/Empress_Imperia
Summary: In this mad tale inspired by the 1963 classic, eight commuters witness a fatal car crash in Sahara Square. When the ex-con's final words reveal the location of 6.5 million in stolen cash, ZPD duo Hopps and Wilde find themselves in a crazed cross country race to reach the treasure first, while Officer Clawhauser makes an unsettling new friend and Chief Bogo endures a living hell.





	1. In Which Jerry Mousekewitz Sails Out There

**Author's Note:**

> Good day, Zootopian Fans! I'm Empress Imperia, about to embark on my first Zootopia fan fiction with this tribute to the 1963 epic comedy film of a very similar name. For any Kung Fu Panda fans, you may find my previous stories on my page, please read and review, and I sincerely hope that my new endeavour is to your liking! :)

A wise bear once said that even the tiniest object can have the greatest impact. On a hot summer day in the great city of Zootopia, ten commuters would learn that wisdom.

It was a quiet afternoon in Sahara Square. Ninety-five percent of the population was at work, at school or out of town. The roads were quiet and the heat generators were scorching. There were very few cars to block the path of the tiny black car as it tore down the asphalt at eighty miles an hour on a narrow road in the artificial desert that surrounded the famed resort.

The first car it passed was a massive shiny black car that frequented the Tundratown District. A year and a half ago that very car had forcibly transported the duo that would solve the infamous Night Howler Case. The two bulky occupants of the car were too preoccupied with the Jerry Vole classics to notice the smaller black car as it quickly overtook them.

The second car was not a car, but an old van bearing the image of a majestic wolf bearing the lifeless form of his beloved. Inside the van, the bright red juice of a melted Jumbo Pop swirled inside six glass jars. The occupant of the van saw the tiny speeding vehicle nearly hit his own and vowed to smash it with his bat if he ever saw it again.

The third car was a common orange car often seen driven by college students and blue-collar workers. Neither speedy nor shiny, the car nevertheless served its purpose as a source of transportation for the two rowdy occupants inside. The sharp blast of the tiny black car's horn drew their attention, and they watched the tiny car speed ahead for several seconds before going right back to arguing.

The fourth vehicle was a small farmer's truck native to the far-off town of Bunnyburrow. Arriving in Zootopia much earlier in the morning than expected, its three occupants had decided to go sightseeing before they reached the Grand Pangolin Arms where their daughter lived. Awed by the distant Zootopia skyline, they almost didn't notice the tiny black car as it overtook them. However, the driver turned his attention back to the road just in time to see the tiny black car lose control on the bend, speed under the rail and fly off the hill.

Stu Hopps heard the car hit the rocks and roll further down the hill like a metal pebble. His heart nearly stopped as he hit the brakes, stopping the truck and startling his wife and Pop-Pop. Ignoring their complaints, he threw the door open and leapt out, the desert heat hitting him like a blast of wind. As he sprinted to the rail, his long ears caught the sound of three other vehicles screeching to a halt behind his own.

The first two drivers to reach him were a kudu and oryx, dressed respectively in a red and blue shirt. "Hey, what's the big idea blocking the road?!" Snapped Bucky the kudu.

"Didn't you see it?" Stu snapped back.

"See what?" Pronk the oryx demanded.

"Didn't you see that car?! Did you see the way it went sailing out there?! It just- just sailed out there!" Stu pointed down the hill. They saw a trail of little metal bits amongst the rocks and the car itself fifty feet down, and their anger evaporated like a puddle in a desert.

"Oh, holy crap." Bucky muttered.

That was when the driver of the van, Finnick the fennec fox, joined them. He noticed the carnage much sooner than Bucky and Pronk. "Woah. Look at the state of that car!" The deep baritone voice that came out of the tiny fox raised several eyebrows. "Has anyone called an ambulance yet?!"

Stu pulled out his phone just as his wife showed up beside him. "Stu, what happened?"

"Get back in the truck, Bonnie." Stu quickly said as he began to dial. Just then the two polar bears that occupied the large black car came running up, sweltering in their thick white fur and black tracksuits. They looked down the hill, shared a look that suggested that they knew the car, and quickly climbed over the rail.

"Yeah, they're right, let's get down there!" Bucky yelled.

"What're you nuts?" Yelled Pronk.

"There might be survivors so shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"No, you shut up!"

"Both of you shut up and get down there!" Finnick shoved at their calves, forcing them toward the rail. With his tiny stature he merely went under the rail rather than over it, his long ears brushing the heated metal.

Stu ran back to the truck and passed the phone to Bonnie. "Call the rescue services. I'm going down there!"

"Okay, but be careful!" Bonnie said, looking justifiably frightened.

"Hurry it up, I'm cooking in here!" Pop-Pop snapped.

Stu clambered over the rail to find that the others had almost reached the car. Accustomed to the flat fields of Bunnyburrow, Stu found the trek down the rocky hill very tricky. The boulders were uncomfortably rough and hot and the rubble shifted beneath his feet. When he finally reached the others, they were looking around and rubbing their scalps in confusion.

"Where the heck's the driver?" Finnick was peering into the car, which was so badly wrecked that it looked like a crumpled up ball of black and grey paper.

"With a car that size, he's gotta be tiny!" Pronk yelled. "We'll never find him in all this-"

"There he is!" Raymond the polar bear pointed to the left of the ruined car. A barely moving shape with four limbs and a head with big round ears was lying sprawled on a flat rock.

Stu and Finnick reached the mouse first, followed closely by the others. Outwardly the mouse was in astonishingly good condition considering what he had just been through. His dark brown fur was covered in dust and his black suit had suffered only a few minor tears. The only sign that something was wrong was his distant stare and heaving chest.

Finnick leaned over the mouse and spread his arms out protectively, his instincts as a former army medic kicking in. "No-one touch him without my say-so. There's no telling how bad his insides are." He proceeded to shift himself and very carefully put a tiny paw on either side of the mouse's head to keep it from turning. If the neck were broken, one wrong move would lead to paralysis or worse.

"Stu, the ambulance is on its way!" Bonnie called from the top of the cliff.

"Good, Hun. Stay with Pop-Pop!" Stu called back.

Raymond and Kevin shot agitated glances at the people around them. "Kev, called you-know-who. Make sure this guy's who I think it is."

Kevin pulled out his big black phone, the one with the photo of a wolf in Kevin's headlock as his screensaver. He started to dial the number, but then the mouse spoke in a strained, squeaky voice, his ears pressed against his head by Finnick's paws.

"Don't bother with me. I'm a goner."

"Don't talk." Pronk said.

"Try following your own advice!" Bucky snapped.

"You wanna start again?!"

Raymond silenced them with a growl.

"Take it easy, mister. Hang in there." Stu spoke, leaning over the mouse while taking care not to touch him.

The mouse let loose a ragged cough, his chest quivering. At first there was despair in his eyes, but then a grim resolve as he looked upon the six Samaritans. "I'm busted beyond repair. I'm done. And I never even got to spend a dime... but you can." To Finnick's alarm, he pulled away the paws and lifted his head, his ears hanging limply. The little fox tried to stop him from potentially doing lethal damage to himself, but what the mouse said next stopped him dead. "Look, there's this dough, see. There's all this dough... six-point-five million bucks. Do ya hear me? Six-point-five million bucks!" Stu stopped blinking completely. Raymond and Kevin went as stiff as white statues. Bucky and Pronk fell into a rare silence. "You'll find it- every last dollar- in Ripe Carrot Park, in the park, in Bunnyburrow. Along with the- hidden with-" He coughed wetly. Finnick's ears went flat at the sound. "Hidden with the Blue Goliath. The Blue Goliath! You can't miss it! Biggest Blue Goliath you'll ever see! Five years. Five years they've been laying with the big blue G!"

"D'ya think we should call the asylum too?" Bucky muttered.

"Shaddap!" Finnick snapped.  
The mouse kept talking, so desperate to get his last words out before the inevitable happened that he paid no heed to their interruption. "Just drive down and pick it up. Pick them all up! But watch out!" The mouse's gaze was suddenly intense. "Watch out for the fuzz! Blasted nosy fuzz is everywhere! Watch out for the ZPD and their friends on the outside! They're everywhere!" Stu tugged at his collar, feeling very uncomfortable as he remembered his daughter. "Watch out for them, make sure they're not around when you pick up the dough, ya hear me?!"

"Loud and clear." Stu said quickly.

The mouse lost his strength and his head dropped back on the heated rock. The end was near. "Pick it up, and it's yours. Every cent. I'm giving it to you, you hear me? Never let it be known that Jerry Mousekewitz never leaves his friends without a pot to whizz in. Don't let it be known... don't let it..."

He closed his eyes. His chest stopped moving.

Raymond and Kevin shared a troubled look. Finnick sighed, looking away from the body. Bucky and Pronk sniffled and wiped their eyes. Stu started to take off his hat, but hesitated. This whole situation was turning out a lot like that movie he saw a couple years back. Paws gripping his hat, he eyed the mouse cautiously, but he didn't jump up begging for closure from his Aunt Bull. He really was gone.

Stu took off the hat and held it to his chest.

The mouse's foot jerked.

CLANG!

The carrot-themed cap when flying as the rabbit tumbled off the rock, barely avoiding the banged up bucket as it flew past his nose. Bucky and Pronk shrieked and grabbed each other. Finnick's curse word echoed in the desert landscape. Raymond and Kevin leapt back from the mouse. Then they watched as the bucket tumbled the rest of the way down the rocks until they could no longer hear the clatter.

Chuckling nervously from the recent scare, Stu retrieved his hat and put it back on. "Well he certainly went out in style, didn't he?"

Finnick gave him a dead look. "Are you kidding, rabbit?"

"... I guess."

There was an awkward silence. Bonnie called for her husband from the top of the cliff, but Stu only replied with a feeble wave.

"Sooo..." Bucky twiddled his thumb hooves. "What do you guys think about... you know?"

"Raving." Raymond said immediately. "He was obviously raving."

"I don't know." Stu rubbed his head. "Dying aside, he seemed pretty lucid to me."

Finnick prepared to give his own response, when the sound of a siren filled the air.

"The ambulance at last!" Pronk breathed. "Just a teensy bit too late, as usual."

Finnick scowled. "That's no ambulance siren."

They all looked up, arms held up to keep the sun out of their eyes. They saw the flashing blue and red lights of a ZPD car as it came to a halt next to their parked vehicles. Hearts sinking, they watched as one figure leapt out the driver's side and rushed to Stu's truck, while the bigger figure started making his way down the cliff towards them.

"What do we do, what do we do?!" Bucky whispered. "We can't stay for questioning, we've gotta be in the Meadowlands district by twelve!"

"Me neither, I've got... work to do in Tundratown." Finnick muttered.

"So do we." Said Raymond, lowering his voice as the cop neared them. He soon recognised who it was. "We do and say nothing. Got it?"

They all nodded, Stu half-heartedly, as the cop reached them and introduced himself. Stu's nose started twitching like the dickens. The cop was a fox.

"Officer Wilde, from Precinct One." The fox removed his mirrored aviator glasses, his calm smirk fading when he saw the lifeless mouse. "Has anyone touched him?"

"Me." Finnick said bluntly, inwardly pleasantly surprised to see his former partner in crime. Stu had frozen the moment he heard the cop's name. "How's it going, Nick?"

"Sorry, not now. Police business." Nick flashed an apologetic smile before kneeling down before the mouse and checking for a pulse. He sighed silently and stood up.

"Hopps." He spoke into the walkie-talkie, too depressed by the disastrous turn of events to shout up the cliff. "Call Clawhauser and tell him we've got a 10-50. The driver's dead."

Stu glanced sharply up the cliff when he faintly heard his daughter's voice coming from the radio, but he couldn't see her. He'd forgotten that her new partner was a fox.

"Mr. Hopps?" Stu didn't answer right away. "Mr. Hopps!"

Stu blinked and looked at the fox, who had put away his device. Fighting back the ignorant fear that had been a part of him for decades, Stu tipped his hat. "Morning, Officer Wilde. So you're the fox my daughter's always talking about."

On Muzzletime, Judy Hopps had described her fox friend as a persistent snarker with an omnipresent smirk that may or may not always hide sneaky intentions. Today, there was no smirk. There was no place for it at the scene of such a tragic accident. "And you're the wonderful dad Judy's always showing me pictures of. I'm sorry I've had to meet you under these circumstances." He held out a dark brown paw.

Forcibly reminding himself of his promise to look past the stereotypes, Stu shook the paw. "Yeah well, these things happen, don't they? I suppose you're going to have to question me now, right?"

"You're right. We can get to know each other later." Nick stuck the mirrored glasses in his front pocket so he could take out a notebook and pen. "How long ago did this happen?"

"About five minutes ago, give or take." Stu said, taking off the hat to scratch his head.

"And who was first on the scene?" Nick spoke gently but with a hint of sternness, a subtle warning to everyone present that lying would not be tolerated. Raymond and Kevin remained cold as icebergs. As for Stu, he felt even hotter than before as the reality of the situation hit him.

"We all went down at the same time." Bucky spoke up. "But we didn't realise something had happened until the bunny stopped."

"So Mr. Hopps was the only one who actually witnessed the crash?"

"Yep, that's right. It was ghastly. He must have been going nearly ninety." Stu shuddered.

"Okay, we might need a statement from you later. Carrots obviously knows how to reach you, so we'll leave it to her."

"I'd appreciate that very much, Officer." Stu said, only slightly taken aback by the nickname. Judy had already told him about it and promised that it was solely a term of endearment.

"Come on, is this really necessary?" Finnick asked, paws on his hips as his patience wavered. "Some of us actually have places to be, ya know!"

"I know." Nick replied, with a hint of the smirk he was well known for. "But we have to be thorough. Just a couple more questions, I promise. Was the victim already dead when you got down here?"

Stu swallowed and wrung his paws, not giving an answer right away. Finnick remained silent, lowering his gaze to the dead mouse. Raymond and Kevin buttoned their furry black lips. Bucky and Pronk looked like they'd love nothing more than to start another argument, but didn't dare speak.

"Practically." Stu admitted, earning the irate glares of the other commuters.

Nick wrote the latest info on the notepad, his growing smirk betraying his amusement at Stu's choice of word. "So he was alive. Did he say anything?"

"What about?"

"Did he give any hint or reason as to why he was speeding?" Nick specified.

"No, Officer!" Finnick said quickly before Stu could answer. "No hint or nuthin!'"

"That's right, he was just raving!" Stu added. Nick's ears pricked.

"Oh for god's sake!" Raymond snarled under his breath, but there was nothing he could do to silence the thoughtless bunny. While Wilde was preoccupied the polar bear looked at the others. He could practically see the giant dollar signs flashing in their eyes. Things could go south, fast.

"Raving." Nick repeated bluntly.

"Yeah, he must have had too much cat-nip!" Bucky twirled his hoof next to his head.

Nick gave a long, slow blink. "He's a mouse."

"Okay, so he had too much mouse-nip then!" Bucky snapped with a hint of pink in his cheeks.

"Someone has certainly had something." Nick said frankly.

Bucky wiped the sweat from his brow. "For crying out loud, we're baking out here! We saw the guy crash, we stopped to help, he kicked the bucket, end of story! So let us get out of here, okay?"

Stu nodded eagerly, wanting nothing more than to get back in the truck with his wife and father. But then his daughter joined them at the crash site and things got infinitely worse. His stomach churned and he started sweating buckets. He couldn't lie to Judy.

_Please don't ask me anything, please don't ask me anything, please don't ask me anything..._

"Dad, are you okay?" Judy asked, looking very unhappy to see her father here.

"I'm alright, Jude." Stu said quickly as he wiped his forehead. "Horrible, it's just horrible..."

"I know." Judy replied. "I'm just glad you weren't hurt."

"We're all okay, thanks for asking." Finnick said with a roll of his eyes. "Can we get the heck out of here now?"

Judy turned to her partner. "I've gotten all the info I could glean from my mom and Pop-Pop. How're you doing?"

Nick pocketed his notebook. "I think I've gotten everything I need from these guys for now. Thank you, gentlemen, you may now take your leave."

"Thank you. I guess we'll see you later, Officer." Stu said, already thinking hard about how to tell his family what the mouse had told him.

"About freakin' time." Finnick growled as he led the long and difficult climb up the hill.

Judy kneeled beside the dead mouse and waited until they were out of earshot before speaking again. "What do you think, Nick?"

"So far it looks like a simple case of death by reckless driving." Nick said as he knelt down next to her, feeling a twinge of regret at the needless death. It was one of many accidents that could have, should have been prevented. "We saw him speeding through Savanna Central, we tried to pull him over to give him a ticket, he took off into Sahara Square and lost control on a curve. The only thing that's keeping this from being an open and shut case is why he took off in the first place."

"It might have been something in the car. Something he didn't want us to see." Judy said. "I'll check the wreck, you check the surrounding area. Look for anything contraband. Nip, weapons, night howlers, you know the drill."

"Wouldn't mind finding contraband money for once." Nick mumbled. Judy's ear twitched and she narrowed her eyes. "I'm joking!"

"... You'd better not crack a joke like that at the dinner tonight."

"Promise. Scout's honour."

"I mean it. You. Will. Get. Smacked."

"I. Get. The. Picture."

Judy couldn't help but give a smirk of her own as they split up to scour the scene, unaware that the eight commuters who had by then returned to their vehicles and continued on their way were about to turn the simple case of reckless driving upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, the kick-the-bucket gag was the same one that was in the original movie. I originally changed it to a tire bursting and scaring everyone, to keep this story from being too similar to the film, but as I neared the end I decided that the bucket gag was better.
> 
> Being a fan of slapstick comedy, I've loved It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World ever since my dad introduced it to me years ago. It's an absolutely epic movie featuring a motherload of cameos ranging from Phil Silvers to the Three Stooges. When I saw Zootopia and its huge cast of diverse characters, I thought about what kind of story would allow all those minor characters, from Finnick the Fennec to Bucky and Oryx-Antlerson to share the spotlight together without becoming too convoluted. That train of thought led to here.
> 
> Please review and be constructive in your criticism. I'm especially anxious about how I am portraying the characters. Thank you.


	2. In Which Chief Irons gets some Bad News

Not one of the six travellers who had heard Jerry Mousekewitz's dying words had missed the look of deepest temptation in the others' eyes.

The first in the line of vehicles departing the scene of Jerry Mouskewitz's tragic demise was the truck bearing Stu, Bonnie and Pop-Pop Hopps, and the scorching heat of Sahara Square was beginning to get to the eldest rabbit. He hadn't stopped ranting to catch his breath once since seeing Judy's partner for the first time.

"... The ZPD really takes the cake, you know that?!" Five minutes after starting he was still going strong, waving his cane as best as he could manage in the cramped space. "I knew they had a penchant for dangerous predators, but a fox. A FOX? A fox as a cop?! And Trudy's partner to boot?! Over my dead body!"

"Pop-Pop, please!" Bonnie jumped in at the first opportunity. "You don't know him and you can't say things like that!"

"After what happened when she was a kit? After Gideon Grey?"

Bonnie looked affronted. "He's changed for the better, you know that. And I thought we agreed to let that go."

"No, you soft whippersnappers agreed to let that go! I agreed to bust his nose if I ever saw him again!"

Bonnie rubbed her eyes. "Stu, help me out here!"

Stu, who had been deep in thought since starting the car, looked at his wife and father uneasily. "Look, I'm awfully sorry for changing the subject, but there's something I gotta tell ya. It's really important and I need to hear your opinion."

"More important than your daughter being joined with the devil?!"

Stu grimaced, but kept his cool and went on to explain what had been troubling him. He got as far as mentioning the location of the money before Pop-Pop butted in.

"Ripe Carrot Park?!" He yelped, ears shooting up straight as sticks. "Me and that park have been around since before WWII and I never heard of no Blue Goliath!"

"Me neither, but that's what he said." Stu said, nodding.

Pop-Pop reached around Bonnie's shoulders and poked his son in the shoulder. "Listen, Stuart. I want you to tell me everything that rodent told you! Every word, got it?"

"Let it go, Pop-Pop." Bonnie lifted Pop-Pop's arm and put it back on his side of the truck. "We don't know where that money came from, it could have been stolen from a bank or something. We should just ignore what he said and let Judy and her friend handle this."

Stu swallowed and squeezed the steering wheel as the road straightened and they found themselves heading for the great wall separating Sahara Square and Tundratown. The heaters were bright red and blasting full force as usual. "Er, about that, Bun..."

Bonnie's ears went flat. "You did tell them what Mr. Mousekewitz said, didn't you?"

Stu tried to stammer out a response, but Pop-Pop beat him to it. "Are you barmy, Bonnie?! Why would he tell a fox where to find a lost fortune? It would be the last we see of him or the bucks!"

"Stay out of this." Bonnie said icily before turning back to her husband. "Stu, please tell me you didn't withhold information from your own daughter."

Stu gulped. His silence said it all.

Now it was Bonnie's turn to start ranting. While Stu shrank in the driver's seat and endured, Pop-Pop kept glancing through the rear window at the three vehicles lined up behind them.

* * *

"You watch the truck in front, I watch the ones in back, right?" Pronk asked.

"Yep." Bucky replied from the driver's seat, in what might just be the first time in five years that they'd come to an agreement without fifty minutes of hollering.

Pronk leaned back in the passenger's seat, leaning towards the open window as he kept his eyes on the rear view mirror. Sahara Square seemed twice as hot today. "They're not fooling anyone. I bet you six-point-five millions dollars that they're all going for it."

"Pronk, get the map. We need to find where this Bunnyburrow is."

Pronk pulled the map book from the glove box and started scouring the A-Z for their rabbit neighbor's hometown. After a few minutes he looked up. "Do you hear that?"

"What?" Bucky replied, not taking his eyes from the truck in front of them.

"Someone's shouting... and it's not us!" Pronk looked completely flummoxed.

Bucky's ears perked, and he heard what Pronk was hearing. "It's coming from the truck up front. What's going on up there?"

"Maybe they're arguing about what the mouse said." Pronk rubbed his chin. "Hey, d'you think he really meant it?"

"Who meant what?" Bucky asked, no longer really paying attention.

"The mouse. How do you know he wasn't making it up? The more I think about it, the more I think it sounds like a plot from a movie."

Bucky looked up at the heavens. "Is he kidding?" Then he looked at his partner. "Are you kidding? What kind of idiot makes up a movie plot when he's on freakin' death's door?"

Pronk paused to think. "James Cameram?"

"... HE'S NOT EVEN DEAD!"

* * *

With both his windows open, Finnick could hear the couple in the second car quarreling their crazy hearts out. He wondered what they were arguing about this time, whether it was about if the mouse was telling or truth, or if they were going to try for the dough.

Finnick smirked humorlessly. He already knew the answer to that last one. It didn't take a career criminal to know they were all going for it. Hell, he even had Bunnyburrow on his catnav right now. Nick and his bunny pal were going to be royally ticked when they found out he had lied to them, but that was nothing a million bucks each couldn't fix. There were only two major things that he was worried about right now: the other people in the cars and the Blue Goliath.

"Blue Goliath... Blue Goliath..." He muttered to himself as the cries of the arguing pair up front continued to irritate his giant pointy ears. "What the heck's a Blue Goliath?"

There was only one Goliath he knew of, and that was the giant warrior from the Bible. The one who got his butt kicked and his forehead smashed in by a tiny shrimp called David. Talk about a bad day. Keeping a paw on the wheel, he pulled out his phone and zoogled Bunnyburrow Ripe Carrot Park. After five minutes he found nothing on Goliath statues, Goliath trees, Goliath anything. Finnick threw his phone on the passenger's seat. He should have figured it wouldn't be this simple.

Goliath... Goliath means big. Finnick thought about all the big things that go into a park. He'd already thought of trees and statues, so what else was there?  _Benches... ponds... cafes..._  Finnick sighed and leaned back in the weathered seat. It was times like this that he missed his old partner.

Maybe he would get somewhere if he thought about all the things in a park that could be blue.  _Flowers... playground equipment..._  he rubbed his scalp. "Urinal cakes?"

* * *

It was ten minutes into the drive before Kevin got a good enough signal on his phone. He put in on speaker so Raymond could join in the conversation as he drove.

Mr. Big picked up the phone quickly.  _"Yes?"_

"Boss, we've got good news and bad news." Kevin said.

 _"Bad news first, if you please."_  Mr. Big said in his distinctive European accent. No doubt he was at his mansion right now, sitting comfortably in his omnipresent chair as Koslov held an ornate polar bear sized telephone to his face.

"Jerry Mousekewitz is dead."

Several seconds passed.  _"What happened?"_

"He went too fast on a bend in Sahara square and went over a cliff. We saw the whole thing."

When Mr. Big spoke again, there was no missing the annoyance in his voice. He'd wanted the thief alive.  _"Most unfortunate. Now the good news, please."_

"He was still alive when we got to him." Raymond said. It took less than a minute to explain everything.

 _"Bunnyburrow, Ripe Carrot Park."_  Mr. Big said slowly.  _"And what of this Blue Goliath? Do you know what it is?"_

"Not a clue." Raymond said. "All he said was that we couldn't miss it."

 _"Hmmm..."_  Mr. Big's voice rumbled from the phone.  _"It is true what they say about a silver lining. Where are you now?"_

"We're just about to enter Tundratown." Kevin said. "Do you want us to come back to the house?"

_"No. If the others have indeed chosen to go after the money, then there is no time to waste. Go to Bunnyburrow. Find the Blue Goliath before they do. I want what's mine."_

"What about the rabbits?" Raymond asked.

 _"You know what to do with them."_  Mr. Big's voice responded with a hard edge.  _"Nothing. Don't forget who their daughter is."_

"Yes, sir."

With that, Mr. Big ended the call, and they entered the tunnel beneath the wall separating Sahara Square and Tundratown.

Raymond and Kevin looked at each other. Then they looked at the three cars in front of them. Inside them, six competitors including the woman and old man who hadn't joined them at the crash site. First thing to do was to lose them.

* * *

"... And furthermore, the last thing Judy needs right now is to have her own family lying to her!" By now Bonnie had stopped shouting, but she was still burning like a forest fire. Even the ice and snow of Tundratown, the district they had just entered through the great wall, could not cool her down completely. "She wasn't even supposed to be on patrol in the first place with that head cold of hers!"

"Well, a headache never kept me from the fields." Stu defended.

Bonnie wasn't listening. "You should have told them the truth."

"For the last time, we are not revealing the location of millions in cash to a  _fox_!" Pop-Pop growled.

"Never mind the  _fox_!" Bonnie snapped. "Even if what you did wasn't illegal, Stu, if Judy finds out about this the stress could make her worse! The reason we came out here in the first place was because of her illness!"

"You mean her  _mental_  illness!" Pop-Pop butted in. "And that illness should have been cured years ago! You ignored my recommendation to have her tested and this happens! She becomes a cop, leaves her family to live amongst predators bigger than our truck and then she gets hitched to the devil's spawn!"

Stu nearly swallowed his tongue. "HITCHED?!"

"Pop-Pop!" Bonnie cried, completely appalled. "They are not hitched, Officer Wilde is not the devil's spawn and I can assure you that Judy is quite sane!"

"Yes, she was quite sane the day she ran up a tree, surfed on the branches like Tarzan of the Crocs and drop-kicked a carrot rustler!"

Stu nearly lost it completely at that, but then something in the rear view mirror caught his eye. "What are those two in the big black car doing?"

Pop-Pop and Bonnie looked out the back window. The giant car driven by the polar bear pair was speeding up along the other lane and quickly overtaking the other three vehicles.

"Ah-hah! What did I tell you about those preds?" Pop-Pop reached over and jabbed Stu with his cane. "What're you waitin' for, son?! Show those polar brutes what kind of rabbits he's dealing with!"

Stu put on his best game face, turned his hat back to front and stamped on the pedal.

* * *

"Shut up!"

"No, you shut up!

"Shut up and look!" Bucky pointed the moment he saw the polar bears trying to over take the line of cars. "See, I told you they'd go for it!"

"No, I told you!" Pronk retorted.

"Shut up and put that map down! We can't let them give us the slip!" Bucky starting pushing the speed up to fifty even as the farm truck in front started to speed up. It looked like the bunnies didn't like being left in the dust either. He didn't look to see what the mini fox in the minivan was doing, assuming that Mr. Finnick was doing the same thing they were.

By the time they'd reached fifty miles an hour the black car had fully overtaken them and was now right in front of the farm truck. Now that the other vehicles had picked up the pace, the black car seemed to be having trouble getting away from them. It was stuck in front of the truck as if the front bumper was a magnet. Bucky felt his drive start to give way to worry. Tundratown was the polar bears' turf. All they needed was a right turn and they'd have the advantage. There was no guarantee that they wouldn't lose the black car.

Pronk was poking Bucky's shoulder. "Hey, where did the van go?"

Bucky glanced sharply out the back window. The minivan with the mythical imagery had vanished and there was no way to know where it went.

"Aw, great! That's just perfect!" Bucket shouted, slapping the wheel. Burning with anger, he turned his attention back to the big black car, now more determined than ever that it wouldn't get away.

_Now what the heck were they trying to do?!_

First they were speeding off, and now they were slowing down. The farm truck had to slow down itself to avoid getting rear-ended, and Bucky and Pronk were quickly forced to follow suit. In seconds they'd gone from fifty to ten.

It was quite a sight for Chip and Dale, two little chipmunks harvesting nuts in Tundratown Park, when they looked to the road that ran alongside the park and saw four vehicles, each a different type and size, gliding on the tarmac within inches of each other, travelling at a snail's pace like a giant multicolored caterpillar. They would be chittering about the incident to their friends for days to come.

They finally came to a stop on a quiet road three blocks from the park. Bucky and Pronk were the first to get out, and they saw why the polar bears had slowed down.

The minivan had taken their place as front vehicle.

* * *

Raymond and Kevin knew the streets of Tundratown like the back of their paws. So did Finnick.

With a triumphant smirk worthy of Nick Wilde and a baseball bat longer than his entire body, he jumped out the van at the same time the polar bears sheepishly got out of their car. Stu Hopps climbed out his truck and joined the others in surrounding the bears. "Hey there, old buddies." He said snidely. "Mind explaining what that was all about?"

"Yeah, what's your hurry?" Bucky crossed his arms, glaring superciliously at the bears. "What, a family emergency?"

"Yeah, your grandma dying or something?" Pronk added.

"No, we just got a call from our boss..." Kevin started, but then he caught the steely glint in Raymond's eye. "I mean we needed to... okay we were... aw, nuts!"

Stu twisted his hat in his paws. "Look, I think this is all a big mistake."

"What d'you mean?" Finnick demanded, his bat leaning on his shoulder.

"I mean we're making a big mistake driving around like this." Stu spoke a little stronger this time. "We shouldn't be driving against each other, it's just gonna get us in trouble."

"Actually he's got a point." Pronk jerked a thumb hoof at the bunny. "Imagine if a cop had seen us just now. We'd be snookered!"

"There's a parking lot over there." Stu pointed at an empty ice-ridden parking lot that stood in the shadow of a derelict apartment block. "How about we take our cars over there, get together and discuss this like reasonable mammals?"

He looked around hopefully at the other animals. Bucky and Pronk were stiff as boards, trying to hide that their clothes were not meant for Tundratown's climate. Finnick jabbed the end of the bat into the ground like a large thick cane. "You're right. That's a heck of a lot better than drawing attention to ourselves. What do you two weightlifters think?"

Raymond and Kevin merely nodded and snorted vapour from their nostrils, not looking happy about all this in the slightest. Finnick would have to keep a very close eye on them during all this, but things could be worse. For one thing, the fuzz could be on to them.

* * *

Chief Brendan Irons, hippopotamus, four-time watermelon contest victor and Chief of Precinct Two, heard the phone ring.

His thick black leather chair squeaked as he leaned over the large, handcrafted desk and picked it up. "Chief Irons speaking."

 _"Irons, this is Chief Bogo."_  Came the voice from the receiver.

Irons leaned back in the chair with a sigh, gazing as the expensive paintings that surrounded him to hold back exasperation. What did he want this time?

"What do you want this time?" Irons asked as politely as he could.

_"I've received some bad news from two of my officers. Jerry Mousekewitz is dead."_

"He's what?!" Irons turned his wide eyes to the phone.

_"He crashed his car about half an hour ago. He attempted to escape when they tried to pull him over for speeding, but he lost control on a curve."_

"One moment." Irons pushed a button on his second phone. "Captain Bitter, get your sorry buttocks in my office right now!" He returned to the other phone without waiting for a response. "Was he killed outright?"

 _"Not according to the commuters who witnessed the accident."_  Said Bogo. Anticipating Irons' next question he added,  _"They said he didn't say anything of interest."_

"And you believe them?"

_"For now. If they lied, we have no proof."_

"Did they find anything at the scene?"

_"Nothing outside the car, and it's too badly wrecked for that. We will need to send it to forensics."_

"Actually, you'll send it right here." Irons replied, muscles tensing. "This is our case, in case you've forgotten."

_"Didn't forget. Just trying to co-operate. You should try it sometime."_

_Self-righteous bull-headed..._

Captain Maxwell Bitter, a middle aged moose who looked more like a detective in his grey suit, brown trench coat and black satchel, knocked and entered the office. "What happened, sir? Is it Mousekewitz?"

With the patience of a toddler Irons told him what had happened before returning to the receiver. "The captain investigating this case is here. Where did the accident happen?" He gestured for Bitter to go to the map to the right of the desk. With a dark glare at the turn of events, Bitter went to the map, and as Irons repeated what Bogo reported, marked the location of Jerry's accident and the path leading up to it with a red marker pen.

"Chief, do you have the names of the witnesses?" Bitter asked after putting the pen lid back on.

"In a moment." Irons soon had the names of the eight commuters, plus the two officers who'd reported the accident. Of course it had to be the famous Hopps and that trickster fox.

 _"My officers have all their contact details. We can question them again if we have to."_  Bogo said.

"No!" Irons stood up, stretching the coiled phone wire as his nostrils flared. "Send me the details! This is our case and we can solve it ourselves!"

There was a short silence on the other end. _"I'm not trying to steal the credit if that's what you're concerned about."_

"No, you won't." Irons replied coldly. "You're over decorated enough as you are."

 _"Thank you."_  There was a sharp bang before the phone beeped. Bogo had slammed the receiver.

Irons did the same and sat back down, feeling a small satisfaction until he caught the disapproving glint in Bitter's eye. "What?"

Bitter crossed his arms, his satchel dangling from one hoof. "Sir, with all due respect Precinct One is our ally. You keep antagonising them like that and it's going to come back and bite you."

Irons locked on him with tiny grey eyes. "Don't you have an accidental death to investigate?"

Bitter visibly bit back a sigh. "Yes sir. I'll contact Precinct One and get all the information I can."

Irons put his large hands behind his head and relaxed. "See that you do." Bitter uncrossed his arms and walked out, leaving Irons to seethe behind his desk.

Chief Bogo and his elites were not going to win the glory of solving this case. Not this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have planned extensively to make sure that I am not copying everything from It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, and it is here where the story really starts to differ. In this story, there will be more conflict on the police's side, such as the deep-seated rivalry between the two chiefs as seen here. Chief Brendan Irons is basically the Zootopian version of the infamous Chief Brian Irons of Resident Evil 2, right down to the expensive taste. Simply put, he's everything Chief Bogo isn't, except perhaps for stubbornness.
> 
> In other news, we have our first cameo! Chip and Dale are just one of many disney characters that will pop up during the course of this story. See if you can spot them all!


	3. In Which Officer McHorn faces his Worst Fear

Uncharacteristically, Chief Bogo had forgotten to tell Irons that Mayor Terrence Hornbull, Dawn Bellwether's successor, had already granted Precinct One the right to the Jerry Mousekewitz Case in light on his death. In any case he hadn't slammed the receiver into its cradle because of Iron's predictable attitude. He'd slammed the receiver because he was currently undergoing horrific torture.

He hadn't been abducted by gangsters. He hadn't even been pranked by the infamous Wilde. No, it was something much, much worse. It had him feeling sick in the stomach. It had him frozen to his desk chair in complete agony. It had him on the very brink of insanity twenty-four/seven.

As he sat at his desk, fists clenched and itching to trash the phone completely, there was a knock on the door. He saw a very welcome round dark shape through the fogged glass. "Come. In." He said through clenched teeth.

In walked Benjamin Clawhauser, a receptionist and dispatcher averting nearly every cheetah stereotype in the book, smiling sympathetically as he held up a paper grocery bag. "I got some more pure water, sir. I also got some cranberry juice and some aspirin. I'd ask how you're feeling, but well, you know..."

"Officer Clawhauser, you do not want me to answer that." Bogo replied stiffly. "But if you must know, it feels like a psychopathic grandmother is stabbing at me over and over with sharpened knitting needles heated to near melting point."

Clawhauser raised his eyebrows, his mouth as small as a ring hole. "That's... disturbingly specific. My aunt just said she had an alien inside of her. Anyway..." Putting a smile back on, he placed the bag on the desk and pulled out the contents. "How's your peeing going? Still clear or light yellow?"

Bogo groaned and clasped his hooves over his head. "For god's sake, officer!"

Clawhauser took a step back, having already realised he'd said something he shouldn't. "Sorry, sir! Just worried about your health!"

Bogo sighed and carefully put a hoof to his side. "I know."

It had been one week since his torment started, and five days since the doctor had confirmed that the source was indeed the bane of a middle aged mammal's existence. The best and worst way to deal with his ailment was to wait it out and drink enough fluids to prevent dehydration. It was best because in most cases medical treatment was expensive and needless. It was worst because it meant enduring the little cluster of nails and razors within his body for god knows how long. However he wouldn't be Chief Bogo if he couldn't grit his teeth and bear it with a mask of his typical apathy, which was the reason no-one found out about his suffering until the fifth day.

It was Bogo's fault, really. If he hadn't summoned Clawhauser to his office to discuss the training of the new night shift receptionist, the cheetah wouldn't have been present when a sudden stab of horrific pain had caused Bogo's mask to slip for a split second. As it turned out, Clawhauser's older relatives had a long and sordid history with this particular medical condition from hell. As a result, he not only knew the signs, but a variety of natural remedies which he immediately listed out to the exasperated Chief before he practically ordered his subordinate back to his desk.

Bogo supposed he should be thankful that out of all his officers, it had been Clawhauser who found out. This was the same officer who had discovered Bogo's guilty pleasure in Gazelle and kept quiet about it ever since. He couldn't say the same for anyone else, especially the insufferable Wilde. That cheeky fox would have a field day.

"I'm fine, really. I'm drinking more fluid than I can take and working has been helping to take my mind off it." This half-truth would hopefully keep Clawhauser from being too worried to concentrate on his work. "You should get back to your desk."

"Yes, sir. Are you sure you're up for the Bullpen?" He must have noticed that Bogo looked especially pained this morning.

"It has to be done. That criminal who died this morning was wanted by Precinct Two and an investigation is being launched."

"I get it. Priority number one." Clawhauser said, having delivered Bogo the news himself not long ago. It wasn't often that Bogo addressed the Bullpen twice in one day, but Jerry Mouskewitz's case was a special one. "Any priority number ones for me, sir?"

As it turned out, Bogo did. "The mayor is paying a visit later this morning, and it's his first time here since his election. Until he leaves you are to stay as far away from your phone and all Gazelle related media as possible. Is that clear?"

"Crystal." Clawhauser nodded. As the first face a mammal would see upon walking into the ZPD, he knew full well that first impressions were everything.

"Good. Dismissed."

Clawhauser walked out, leaving Bogo with his pain, his suffering, and the batch of natural and synthesised remedies the eager young worker bee had left for him.

Bogo reached for the pure water and filled his glass. He consumed the cool liquid in one go. Maybe it was just the constant pain of a jagged, crystalline kidney stone no bigger than a piece of gravel from the driveway making him soft, but he was seriously considering giving Clawhauser a raise.

Ten minutes later, he heard the receptionist's cheery voice coming from the intercom on the phone.  _"Sir, Hopps and Wilde just called in. The ambulance has just reached the crash site."_

"Good." The chief replied curtly with the press of a button.

_"In related news, Officer McHorn has just got back from that false alarm in the Rainforest District. He's waiting for you in the Bullpen with the other available officers."_

"Right. I'll be there in a few." Bogo was already reaching for the two red files on his desk.

Clawhauser made a noise of doubt on the other end.  _"Sir, Hopps and Wilde aren't back yet. I don't think they'll be happy if you leave them out of this one."_

Bogo tucked the files under his arm and downed some cranberry juice. "Clawhauser, they joined this case the moment they pulled over Mousekewitz. I'll give them their own assignment when they return."

 _"Okay, sir. Oh, and keep your chin up. That stone's gotta come out at some point. You'll se- hello again, McHorn!"_  Bogo heard McHorn's dull tones but couldn't hear what he was saying. _"Sorry, sir, McHorn's just wondering why you haven't shown up yet."_

Bogo snorted. "Tell him I'm on my way."

Clawhauser did just that. This time when McHorn spoke, Bogo could understand him.  _"Right. Thanks."_

 _"See you later, McHorn!"_  Clawhauser had raised his voice a little. The grumpy rhino must have already started walking back to the Bullpen.  _"Tell your wife I said... er, McHorn? McHorn you've got something on your... omigosh! McHorn, wait! Wait, come back! Chief Bogo, we've got an intruder on the ground floor!"_

By then, Bogo had already vacated his office.

* * *

It had been two years since Delgato and Grizzoli had last been assigned to a stakeout, and they'd both forgotten how dull it was: hours upon hours of waiting in their unmarked car, waiting for Meeko the Cracker Thief to show his ugly masked face. Thank god for the public toilet across the street, a fair distance from the bar where the raccoon was supposedly boozing.

Thankful for the Snarlbucks latte Grizzoli had procured to fend off the Tundratown cold, Delgato took a small sip from the steaming beverage. He sighed, ready for another sip, when he saw some unusually busy activity even farther down the street. Four vehicles were pulling into the empty cark park.

Grizzoli saw the vehicles and frowned. "Wait a sec, aren't those the cars that were at the crash site earlier?"

They both eyed the cars, Delgato glancing at the bar every now and then for signs of Meeko, keeping a small photo of the thief in his paw for reference. Through the chain link fence that marked the cark park boundaries, they saw the eight occupants climb out and gather in the middle of the frozen tarmac. The two cops watched for a little longer. The eight commuters remained in their huddle, engaged in a conversation they couldn't hear. Delgato grabbed his radio. "You keep watching for Meeko and I'll call this in. The chief will want to know about this."

* * *

Clawhauser initially thought to call Forensics to borrow a jar, but there was no telling how long that would take. He had to deal with the situation before McHorn's stowaway was discovered and panic ensued. The big rhino wasn't the only one on the force who was scared of spiders.

A second solution sprung up. He quickly stuffed the last few donuts into his mouth and turned the box upside down to empty any lingering crumbs into the trash can inside the ring shaped desk. Box in hand, he planted a BACK IN FIVE MINUTES sign on the desk next to his snow globe and rushed towards the Bullpen.

As he neared the Bullpen he heard the sound of men engaging in indistinct chatter. Chief Bogo hadn't arrived yet, and McHorn was still unaware of what was crawling on his back. Clawhauser stopped running just before he reached the doors. His plan was simple. Go inside, walk up to McHorn, get the giant spider off his back before he noticed, put it in the box and get out. Okay, it  _sounded_  simple.

 _Well, here goes nothing_ , Clawhauser thought as he went inside.

Due to the unique nature of this meeting, only a quarter of the seats were filled. Yet the room was still as lively as it always was with a full house. Clawhauser looked over the handful of bears, lions, hippos and one tiger and spotted the head of McHorn in his usual spot up front, his eyes on the podium as he waited for Bogo to show up with the assignments. Clawhauser swallowed and started his slow approach through the gap that ran through the middle of the chairs and tables.

" _Zugk zugk_ , what brings you here, Bejaminy! You got more news for the Chiefy?" came a raspy squeak from halfway up the gap.

Clawhauser stopped, looked down and saw Officers Jaq and Gus on a table sipping cups of coffee that would have fitted a dollhouse. He knew that Bogo wanted their case file on Jerry Mousekewitz, but he hadn't expected them to come all the way here from Precinct Five in Little Rodentia. "Oh, um..." Clawhauser nervously drummed his fingers on the empty box like it was a bongo drum. "Just need a quick word with McHorn."

He continued up the rows of tables, reaching McHorn just as a thought came to him. It was very odd that no-one in the moderately sized room had seen the plate-sized arachnid on McHorn's back. One good look at the rhino told him why.

_Son of a gun, it's gone!_

McHorn's ear twitched and he looked to see a stunned Clawhauser standing right behind him. "What're you doing here?"

Clawhauser gulped loudly. "Looking for creepy crawlies." With that he dropped down on all fours and started searching under the tables.

McHorn rolled his eyes and turned back to face the front.

With Officer Higgins investigating a break in elsewhere in Savannah Central, there was no-one to announce the arrival of the chief before the side door opened. Underneath an empty table at the back left corner of the room, Clawhauser stifled a groan. The cops started their usual ruckus as Bogo, his posture stiffer than usual, reached the podium.

"Alright, quit it!" He snapped. On command the cops stopped and sat back down. "I've got one item on the docket and no mood for drivel, so I'll cut right to the point. This morning, known criminal Jerry Mouskewitz was killed in a car crash on the outskirts of Sahara Square. For those of you who don't know..."

Clawhauser continued crawling along the underside of the row of tables, no longer listening. He'd already heard of the infamous Triple-Casino-Heist Case. Five years ago, Jerry Mousekewitz had performed the biggest heist in the history of Zootopia: in one night he robbed three Tundratown Casinos blind. Four hundred million dollars had disappeared without a trace, as well as the rodent who had stolen them. Initially the case had been given to Precinct One, but as the years passed and other important cases came up, it had ultimately been left in the hands of Precinct 2, something that had deeply dented Iron's pride until he saw the case as an opportunity. For years they searched for Jerry with no success, to the point that the case almost went cold. Then two weeks ago, Jerry was spotted in Little Rodentia, planning to escape the city under the alias of Dr. Padraic Ratigan. If Clawhauser could hazard a guess, the mouse had been enacting his escape plan when Hopps and Wilde tried to pull him over, triggering the high-speed chase and its fatal conclusion.

Clawhauser was getting anxious. He was crawling down the next row, but there was still no sign of the spider. He looked at the large legs of the cops, all of which were capable of squishing the spider with one step. He cringed at the thought of the little guy getting hurt and kept searching, until-

"Clawhauser!"

 _Thump!_  The table shook as Clawhauser bumped his head. Bogo had spotted Clawhauser right after putting on his glasses to hand out the assignments. "What are you doing down there? Why aren't you at your desk?"

Rubbing his head, a blushing Clawhauser crawled out and stood up. All he could do was tell the truth and hope that he wouldn't be too harshly punished. "Sir, we have a minor situation. Please don't flip out, but-"

The side door opened again and in walked Mayor Hornbull, burly rhino and Mayor of Zootopia. Sporting a stubby horn and a thousand dollar grey suit, Hornbull strode across the room and stopped at the podium beside Bogo.

Clawhauser felt himself go pale. The mayor was a decent enough sort, but his arachnophobia was greater than anyone else's in this room.

Frozen to the spot, his arms nearly crushing the empty donut box, Clawhauser watched as Hornbull put a hand on Bogo's shoulder and exchanged quiet whispers with the buffalo, who looked less than pleased at the unexpected interruption. After a few seconds Bogo grunted and tilted his head down slightly.

Clawhauser's heart skipped a beat. There it was, perched on Bogo's horns.

He was the first to notice, but he was not the last. Some of the cops exchanged perplexed looks and peered at the creature, unsure if it was really a large insect or some abnormal hat. McHorn turned white and shrank back in his seat.

Clawhauser nervously lifted a paw. "Sir."

"Not now." Bogo said with a glance, oblivious to his living horn decoration. The tarantula twitched, startled by the sudden movement.

Clawhauser was terrified, but not of Bogo. A fall from his height would likely kill the spider. "Sir, you've-"

"Not. Now." Bogo cut him off through gritted teeth. With the rhino's hand still on his shoulder, he and Hornbull spoke a little more before he turned back to his men, who were still staring at the creature on his head. "Ladies and gentlemammals, I would like to introduce you to the Mayor of Zootopia, Terrence Hornbull. Some of you may also know him as the founder and owner of the three casinos that the late Mousekewitz robbed five years ago. As you can see he is very anxious for the case to be resolved and the money to be returned safe and sound. I have given him every assurance that despite Mouskewitz's unexpected death, we will..."

As Bogo continued speaking, Clawhauser pulled out his phone and sent a text. He heard a faint buzz come from Bogo's pants. The spider quickly crawled further back behind Bogo's horns until only its abdomen could be seen. Bogo pulled out the phone and saw the text.

[Giant spider on head!]

Bogo blinked and reached up, but the spider had crawled out of sight. He ran his hoof along his horns and rubbed his neck. He glared at Clawhauser. "Is this supposed to be a joke?" He asked dangerously.

Clawhauser sent another text. Bogo looked at the message on his phone, and this time, so did the mayor.

[NO JOKE. SPIDER JUST CRAWLED ON MAYOR'S ARM.]

* * *

Fangmeyer entered the Precinct to be greeted by an empty reception desk and the sound of a woman screaming.

Her fur stood on end as she realised it was coming from the Bullpen, and she pulled out her tranquiliser gun. Sprinting past the befuddled officers that littered the main hall, she almost burst through the Bullpen door when the door opened a crack and the sight of Officers Jaq and Gus stopped her in her tracks.

Fangmeyer looked sharply up at the nearly shut door and the screams that came from it, then back down at the two mice. "What the hell is going on in there?"

"A tarantuly has infiltrated the ZPD." Jaq said, as Gus desperately tried not to laugh.

"A tarantula?!" Fangmeyer would have started laughing herself, but then she heard other raised voices trying to calm the source of the high-pitched screaming. "D'you guys think Bogo can get the lady in there to calm down, or will he need backup?"

"That's the mayor."

"Really?"

"Really."

Fangmeyer was about to ask if she should get involved when a rookie rushed up and reported that Delgato and Grizzoli had spotted a situation in Tundratown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are introduced to an OC that is probably unlike any we have seen in Zootopia Fanfiction, and it's already left quite an impression on the canon characters, LOL. This particular character was created mainly to introduce a subplot unique to the film's storyline, and to give everyone's favourite cheetah a chance to join the others in the spotlight. I bet it would be just like Benjamin to be kind to creepy crawlies, even monsters such as this one!


	4. In Which Kevin declares every Mammal for Himself

Nick Wilde finished the exchange on the radio and put the raspberry pawpsicle back in his parched mouth as Judy drove their custom police car into the heart of Sahara Square.

"So, what happens now?" Judy asked. She hadn't been listening due to the need to put her full attention on the hazardous, winding road that had cost that speeding mouse his life. Her heart ached at the needless death. It was so common it was depressing. Some careless driver chooses to speed off rather than face the fuzz, endangers themselves and everyone on the road, and ultimately someone, the driver, the cops, or the innocent civilians pay the price.

They'd found nothing incriminating in the car wreck or around the scene, leaving the mouse's motive a mystery for the time being. What had been so important that he would put himself and countless others at risk? What could they have done to prevent it?

She wanted to ask Nick, but she already knew his answer; Nothing. They had no way of knowing what the mouse would do. That was why pulling someone over was one of the most hazardous duties a cop could undertake. She and Nick weren't at fault for what happened. As tragic as his death was, the mouse had brought it on himself.

"The big blue cheese wants us back at HQ for briefing, but first there's a domestic disturbance in Savanna Central they want us to check out." Nick said.

"Where?"

"Duke Weasletwit's usual spot. Some yak didn't like being sold a pirated copy of Floatzen."

"And we have to bail him out."

"Yeah. With cuffs."

Judy snorted with laughter at his deadpan response and made the turn on the road that would bring them to City Central. They were passing the Palm Hotel, the crown jewel of Sahara Square, when the radio once again demanded their attention. Nick listened while Judy focused on the road, unwilling to get distracted after what had just happened. She did notice that the voice was Clawhauser's. After a few minutes Nick burst out laughing. "You serious?!"

 _"Dead serious!"_  Clawhauser said breathlessly.  _"The poor mayor peed himself, he was so scared!"_

Nick laughed so hard he dropped the pawpsicle on his thigh. "Hahahahoh my god! I wish I could have been there!"

 _"Hang on, I'll send you a picture."_  Clawhauser said.

"Peed himself?" Judy said, her ears dropping at the gross image that came to mind. "What're you talking about?"

Nick covered his mouth as he continued to chuckle. "You know how McHorn was sent to check out that situation in the Rainforest District? Well, a spider stowed away on his back and found itself on the mayor's arm. He freaked out so bad he elbowed Bogo in the face! They're not pressing charges since it was an accident, but Clawhauser took the spider into custody. They're still figuring out what to do with it." He retrieved the red ice pop just as his phone buzzed. "Nuts, if you ask me. Sure it sent the Bullpen into anarchy for a few minutes but seriously, it's just an itty bitty..." He stopped speaking when he saw the photo. He looked at it for a full ten seconds and dropped his pawpsicle again. "Oh. Wow."

"What? How big is it? A dollar?" Pale as a ghost, Nick turned the screen towards her.

The car came to a screeching halt. "Yowzas!"

* * *

If Bonnie hadn't left her phone back in Bunnyburrow, she would have called Judy and Nick the moment she learned about the money. Instead the only phone the three bunnies had was in Pop-Pop's paws, and he was still adamant that they would not risk revealing the existence of a buried treasure to a fox.

So she stood by and glared daggers at her husband as he found himself taking charge of the ongoing discussion, likely as a result of decades of running a three hundred strong family of rabbits. The group before him was a medley of polar bears, a kudu, an oryx and a mini-fox, but the situation was similar enough that the patriarch had regained a measure of his confidence. He stood tall and firm, holding his ground before the bigger mammals as he spoke.

"... So to recap, this mouse, after crashing and fatally injuring himself, said that there was a large amount of cash in Ripe Carrot Park, which is located in our hometown. This money, if it exists, is supposedly hidden with something called the Blue Goliath, but he started losing his mind before he could tell us exactly what this Blue Goliath is."

"Big and blue would be my best guess." Pronk said.

"Yeah, like the bed which you broke during last night's fight." Bucky muttered, his arms crossed.

Pronk whirled on his partner. "You wanna start again?!"

"No, so shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

One sharp whack each from Pop-Pop's cane and Finnick's baseball bat put an end to the squabble.

"Anyway, considering the circumstances our best bet would be to assume that this mouse, god rest his soul, was telling the truth." Stu went on. "As a lifelong resident of Bunnyburrow, I know for a fact that the town where the park where the money is located is roughly two hundred and eleven miles away. To prevent any further... reckless driving..." He and the others eyed Raymond and Kevin, who merely snorted. "I suggest that we all drive down at a safe speed, keeping each other in sight of each other. Once we reach Ripe Carrot Park, locate the Blue Goliath and dig up this money, we should share it out in a reasonable and sensible manner."

"And I suggest that we tell the police, as we should have done back at the crash site when our daughter and her partner showed up!" Bonnie said harshly.

"So that fox can run off with six-point-five million bucks?" Pop-Pop retorted. "You're as crazy as Trudy."

"Wait a sec!" Finnick spoke up, his brow furrowing. "You saying something against Nick?"

"What's not to say?" Pop-Pop straightened his bent back so he could properly look down on the small fox. "Nothin' but lost valuables with you lot! Lost bags, lost kids and lost cause! Your red fox stays near Trudy much longer and it'll be lost panties, too!"

Finnick's ear twitched. "Maybe your eyes are as crooked as your back, pal, but in case you haven't noticed my bat is bigger than your cane."

"Alright, that's enough!" Raymond shouted. "Mr. Hopps, how do you suggest reasonably and sensibly sharing this money?"

Stu, transfixed by Pop-Pop's outburst, shook his head and remembered what he was saying before the interruption. "Well, it's just a suggestion, but since there were four vehicles at the scene, we could split it four ways."

Raymond and Kevin exchanged glances. Bucky and Pronk's fingers twitched as they started muttering calculations under their breaths.

"Wait just a carrot picking minute!" Pop-Pop tapped his cane on the cold ground to draw attention. "The rest of us have to split quarters but the midget gets a quarter all to himself?!"

Stu blinked. "Just trying to keep it simple, Pop-Pop."

"No, the coot's right." Kevin said. "That's not as fair as you think it is, Mr. Hopps."

"Yeah, six-point-five million divided by four is..." Bucky poked at the air as he finished his mental mathematics. "One million, six hundred and twenty-five dollars! That would all go to the fox, but the rest of us would only get half or a third of that!"

"Six of us were actually there when the mouse died." Pronk said. "We should split it six ways."

The polar bears grimaced.

"That's an idea. Divided by Six that would be..." Bucky poked at the air again. "One million, eighty-three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three hundred..."

"Point thirty-three." Stu added. "Cents."

Bucky looked the rabbit up and down. "You used your phone, didn't you?"

"Nope. Do you have any idea how many allowances I had to sort out for all my kits?"

"Never mind that, I ain't taking no one million, eighty-three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three hundred dollars and thirty-three cents while you four brutes get double!" Pop-Pop squawked. Said four brutes gave the rabbit filthy looks.

Bonnie groaned and turned to look at the beautifully painted graffiti on the brick wall of the building the car park lay at the base at. Greed did funny things to people.

Finnick snapped his fingers, making them all look at him. "Look, I'm freezing my tail off and so's the juice in my van, so I'm gonna stop you all there and say something."

"What?" Stu asked.

"Have you idiots forgotten the missus and the backwards grandpa? There were eight of us there!" He pointed his bat at the two rabbits. Stu smacked his forehead. "Aw crackers, he's right! I'm sorry Bonnie, I didn't mean to leave you out."  
"I didn't want in in the first place." Bonnie replied dryly.

"That would mean eight hundred and twelve thousand bucks each." Bucky said. "I'm okay with that, what about you?" He asked Pronk.

Pronk scratched his horns. "Times two makes million, six hundred and twenty five thousand... That's good enough for me."

Raymond was about to excuse himself to call Mr. Big and ask if he was okay with a quarter of the money for the time being, when Pop-Pop flared up again.

"I agree with you. It's good. Too good to be true!" He eyed Finnick suspiciously, his chin almost touching his cane. "With you on your own, shares for everyone would mean you don't get as much as the rest of us. What're you really up to, fox?"

Finnick bared his teeth. "Old man, I will bite your face off if you don't get your racist crap out of mine!"

Stu rubbed his temple. As much as he didn't like his Pop-Pop being threatened, things could get ugly if he kept up his ranting.

"Shut it, both of you." Kevin must have been thinking something similar. "Eight shares would be the closest we get to being fair."

Pop-Pop's ears went flat. "Don't tell me you're seriously agreeing with the devil's pipsqueak..."

"PIPSQUEAK?!"

POW!

* * *

The lid of the empty donut box had a large plastic window to display its delicious contents to potential consumers. It worked wonders on the donut loving Clawhauser, but today the window was displaying a different kind of spectacle.

The cheetah peered through the window, hoping that he wasn't frightening the massive tarantula that was curled up in one corner of the box. Then again it wasn't rearing its front legs and baring its curved, needle like fangs, as it was known to do when threatened, so it was probably just resting. The spider was like a stuffed toy in a way. It was bulky, with bristly hair and eyes Clawhauser knew it had but couldn't see. The hair was a pretty grey colour, Payne's Gray if the cheetah could hazard a guess. He knew tarantulas like this one were typically brown or black with subtle markings, but not a colour like this. It reminded him of something, but he didn't know what.

A click turned his gaze upward. Chief Bogo had just put his desk phone down. Clawhauser frowned in sympathy as he set eyes on the bruise on the buffalo's cheekbone. Mayor Hornbull had left soon after Clawhauser had managed to pluck the spider off his flailing body and put it safely in his donut box, humiliated by his own phobia. While Clawhauser guarded the box and Bogo sent himself to the nurse, a small investigation led by Fangmeyer quickly revealed the chain of events that led to the incident.

Nearly a month ago, Judy and Nick had almost single handedly busted an exotic insect smuggling ring that had recently raided a small insect zoo and stolen several rare bugs to sell on the black market. All of the stolen creepy crawlies had been recovered, except for one particularly rare and valuable giant tarantula. They'd been too late to stop the thieves from selling the spider to the highest bidder... or so they'd thought. As it turned out, the spider had escaped its tank during the police raid and had been living in the Rainforest District for the last three weeks, until one day it found itself on Officer McHorn's broad back. Unaware of his passenger, the rhino finished his business and returned to the Precinct, resulting in chaos within the Bullpen.

Clawhauser giggled. He'd never imagined how much damage one bug could do.

"What did the keeper say?" He asked.

"The missing tarantula matches this one's description. They want it back as soon as possible." Bogo said through gritted teeth.

Clawhauser's big heart ached with sympathy. Between the kidney stone, Chief Iron's attitude and getting hit in the face by a hysterical mayor, Bogo was having a pretty lousy day. "I'm sorry, sir. I should have told someone. I thought I could catch it before the mayor arrived."

"It's alright." Bogo said with a wave of his hoof. "You were just trying to avoid a panic. I would have kept things under wraps myself had I'd known about this. What's more important now is that I find someone to make the five to six hour trip to the zoo."

"Aren't there any officers available?"

Bogo rubbed his brow. "You saw that handful of officers in the Bullpen, right? They were the last available men and I just assigned all of them to the Mousekewitz Case."

Clawhauser raised his eyebrows. He'd fled the Bullpen as soon as he'd caught the spider, so he hadn't witnessed the handing out of the assignments after things calmed down. "I thought Precinct Two had rejected our involvement."

"That was what the mayor came here for. He pulled a few strings and overruled Chief Irons. The bottom line is that we're investigating the circumstances that led to Mousekewitz's death while Precinct Two focuses on the stolen money."

"I don't think Chief Irons liked that."

Bogo harrumphed. "I'd liked to have seen his face. God knows I can do with a laugh right now. I've got enough on my plate without a bloody spider added to the mix..."

Clawhauser looked through the donut box window, watching as the spider within stretched its eight legs and started slowly making its way along the wall of the box. The chief was doing his best to hide it, but the cheetah knew he was suffering physically and emotionally. All this stress wasn't good for him. If only there was something Clawhauser could do to ease his fellow Gazelle lover's burden. Then there was the cargo itself to think about. A donut box was no place for a giant spider, and Forensics didn't have anything big enough to contain it...

His ears perked. He had an idea. "What about me?"

"What's that?" Bogo had been holding his side.

"What if I took the spider to Bunnyburrow?" Clawhauser asked. Bogo looked at the box, his mouth a thin line. "Lately that lady who's training for the night shift has been asking for a chance to prove herself as a Front Desk Officer. If she took over the rest of my shift, I could take the train and be back by late afternoon. I know I'm not a field officer, but you said yourself that there was no-one else who could do it."

Bogo was now tapping his chin with a pen. "It's a very long trip, Clawhauser. You may end up spending the night."

"Sir, please. I can do this, and you know the little guy can't stay here for very long. Not without an expert who knows how to take care of him."

Bogo sighed. Clawhauser was right and he knew it. He just didn't like the idea of his sweetheart of a Front Desk Officer travelling hundreds of miles with a valuable cargo that a lot of people wouldn't mind slitting a throat or two to possess. On the other hand, he wanted the troublesome arachnid off his hooves as soon as possible.

"Firstly, you are not taking the train." He said after a deep sigh. "A heavy enough crowd could wind up killing the spider. Take an unmarked car instead. Second, you are to first return home and change into civilian clothing so you are less likely to draw attention. I may sound overly cautious, but that spider is of high value and if some scumbag notices..."

Clawhauser nodded, at the same time smiling at his proposition being accepted. "I understand, sir. I'll keep him in the box so it'll be hard for people to see him."

"Good. I'll contact Officer Knightfall about taking over your shift. You get that wretched bug out of my sight before it wreaks more havoc in my precinct."

"Yes, sir! I promise I won't let you down!" The beaming Clawhauser saluted his boss, gently picked up the box and left to begin his journey.

Bogo watched him go before downing another glass of cranberry and picking up the phone to contact the trainee. Then perhaps he could catch a few minutes of rest before he received an update on the situation in Tundratown.

Maybe it was nothing. Maybe those eight people were discussing something other than Mousekewitz's death. Anything was conjecture at this point. All Bogo could do was wait. Wait and hope that with Clawhauser taking charge of the spider situation, the day would start to get easier.

* * *

One of the perks of tiny paws was that it took Finnick less than three seconds to form a snowball and toss it in Pop-Pop's face. The aged and angry rabbit still had little bits of snow that stood out like dandruff on his grey fur.

Stu scribbled on a little notebook, gears churning in his skull, painfully aware of the steadily rising tension within the group. Since getting snowballed Pop-Pop's mood had grown darker than ever, and in the thirty or forty-five minutes since then he'd made three more anti-fox remarks, shut down five ways of figuring the shares, mistook Bucky for Gazelle's deformed and disowned cousin who didn't exist, asked for the Taser to use on the polar bears if they so much as bared their teeth, and dropped his false teeth on Kevin's foot. If this latest method didn't work, there wouldn't be much Stu could do to prevent tempers from exploding.

"Okay this time, we're doing shares for everyone and for everything." He said, trying to keep from sounding too desperate. "First there were eight of us at the scene, so that makes eight shares. Then there were four vehicles, so that makes eight shares, adding to eight to make twelve. Then six of us went down to the wreck, so that adds to twelve to make eighteen shares. Then, we add shares for the number of people for each car. That means three for us, one for Mr. Finnick, two for the Oryx-Antlersons and two for the bears. That gives us a total of twenty-six shares. We divide six million, five hundred thousand by twenty-six to make one share equal to two hundred and fifty thousand dollars!" He pointed the pen to Finnick. "First off, Mr. Finnick, you will get one share for being at the scene, one share for your van, one share for going down to the wreck, and one share for being someone in the van!" He redid his sums on the notepad to make sure they were correct. "That gives you four shares and a grand total of one million bucks!"

"Yeah, yeah, I just wanna get out of this frozen slum." Finnick said. His ears had been flat since Pop-Pop's quip about his size.

"If it were up to me, you'd be out of this affair period!" Pop-Pop had indeed suggested several figuring methods that involved cutting Finnick out completely. Even Bonnie had stepped in to shut them down before going back to smoldering in silence and wishing there was a payphone nearby.

"Pop-Pop, why the crackers are you still complaining?" Stu moaned. "The rest of us are getting a lot more than he is! Them over there, the bears are getting one million, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars, and them, the Oryx-Antlersons are getting the same. As for we, us, we're getting-"

"Yes, yes, I can do my own multiplying." Pop-Pop retorted. "Three shares for three of us at the scene, one share for our truck, one share for going to the wreck and three shares for being three mammals in the truck!" His scowl deepened at that last one. "That makes two million dollars, which Trudy's 'partner' is sure to nick the first chance he gets! I'm not going to agree to this until you call her right now and make her give that punk the boot!"

"Pop-Pop, you know why we can't do that!" Bonnie snapped.

"Come on, old man, I'm always up for a good spat but this is going too far!" Pronk said.

"Give him the boot, and send this small fry chomper packin' too! Those are my terms!"

"One more crack from you, old fart-" Finnick growled.

"With all due respect, he has as much right to a share as the rest of us." Stu said, trying to be civil. "It's not right to cut him out. That's not what a Hopps would do."

"I knew it. The devil got to you."

"Pop-Pop-"

"ENOUGH!" Raymond roared, startling them all. "We've been here an hour and we're getting nowhere! If we don't figure something out in the next thirty seconds, we're gone!"

"For freakin' god's sake, there were eight of us there so that simply means eight shares!" Finnick exclaimed. "One for me, three for you..."

"You're not fooling me, fox! For the last time, be quiet and respect your elders!"

"You need to respect people period!"

"Your kind aren't people! I'd better respect those ugly white brutes than you foxes any day!"

"Right, that's it!" Kevin finally shouted. "Come on, Raymond, let's go!"

Stu's heart and ears sank like stones. "Mr., please don't make a scene-"

Kevin silenced him with deadly glare. "Look! We have figured this twenty-three different ways, and every time we figured it, it was no good, because no matter how we figured it, someone didn't like the way we figured it!" He turned his glare to Pop-Pop. "So now, there is only way to figure it, and that is every mammal... including the old fart... for himself!"

"So good luck and may the best mammal win!" Raymond spat. "Except for you, old man... you can just drop dead!"

"Finally, something we can agree on!' Bucky cried.

"Wait, wait, wait, please!" Stu stammered, stepping into the middle of the group. "Please be reasonable. If we all just calm own I'm sure we'll think of something. There's enough money for all of us, isn't there?" Even as he spoke he could see they were barely listening. At that moment every one of them were predators, tensed and poised to take off for the same quarry that resided over two hundred miles away on the edge of Bunnyburrow. The truce they had formed in the parking lot had shattered. "There's enough for us... and enough for you... and for you two... and for... for..." He trailed off. They were all inching towards their vehicles. "For... for... Oh, applesauce!"

And then they were off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it begins...
> 
> It actually took me a while to figure out how much the stolen money should be. Three hundred and fifty thousand bucks isn't considered much in this modern age, but at the same time the amount of money that could be discreetly transported and buried had to be realistic. I eventually decided on 6,500,000, using an even number to make dividing the shares without loads of '.33333's easier.


	5. In Which Nick Wilde has an Accident

The eight commuters scattered, rushing to their vehicles as fast as their furry legs could carry them. Finnick slipped on the frozen ground and slid all the way to his van, reaching his vehicle first but losing precious time as he picked himself up and spouted a dozen curses. Stu, Pop-Pop and Bonnie reached their truck second despite Bonnie dropping her purse and bending to pick it up before taking off. Bucky and Pronk were third, and started the engine before they'd even shut the doors. Raymond and Kevin got to their car last, and paid for it by being last out the parking lot.

Even in their eagerness, none of them dared to go any higher than the speed limit, for it would all be over if the cops pulled them over. Still they swerved side to side on the mostly deserted road, trying to overtake each over while at the same time trying to block each other as well. Raymond and Kevin were doing entirely the latter, their big car fighting to get past the surprisingly agile car carrying the two loudmouths. Bucky looked for an opening past the mini fox's van as Pronk tried to catch the passenger side door, which hadn't been closed before they took off and was now swinging wildly like a giant metal wing. Finnick swerved his van left to right, keeping one eye on the rear view mirror and the other on the truck up front. Pop-Pop had reached the driver's side first, and was now fervently maintaining their lead while Stu dug in the glovebox for the map and Bonnie held on for dear life.

There was only one road out of Zootopia, and that was the Water Gate Bridge, so named because it had been built on top of the river that fed the water hole where the city was founded. After that it was straight on to Bunnyburrow.

It would have been plain sailing if it weren't for each other.

* * *

Max Bitter set the file on the Triple-Casino-Heist on the desk, his butt on the chair and his glasses on his nose. It was just like Jerry Mousekewitz to screw everything up just when they were one step closer to solving one of the biggest cases to ever cross their books. One minute they were closing in on his hideout in Little Rodentia, the next minute he had killed himself in a car accident in Sahara Square. Unless they, Precinct One or Precinct Five conjured up a new lead, the stolen cash was beyond their reach now.

And now Precinct One had gotten involved. Personally Bitter had the deepest respect for its chief and saw no problem with co-operating with them, but Irons was another story. Bitter foresaw more aggravation from the envious hippo in the near future.

He rubbed his eyes. Even in the early morning they were sore and tired. But he had a job to do, and he would see it through if it took him another five years.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, they got better. While he went through the file in a fruitless search of any clues they may have missed and waited for Precinct One to sent all the information they had gathered so far, a dispatch officer in Precinct Three received a report of several erratically moving cars in the west of Tundratown.

In one minute Bitter had figured out what was going on after the four vehicles had been identified as those that had been at the crash site. In two minutes Chief Irons had been informed, and the drivers' suspected route out the city had been deduced. In three minutes, word was sent out to Precinct Three and Four that the four cars were not to be pulled over.

This might just be the lead they were looking for.

* * *

"Gotcha!" Pronk finally caught the handle as the passenger door swung towards him and pulled it closed. Now for the driver's side.

"How's it looking back there?!" Bucky shouted as he tried to get past the van to no avail. Dang, that fox was good.

Pronk glanced through the back window at the black car. "Keep at it, Buck! They're straggling!"

The wind howled as it passed by their car, assaulting their ears, raising goosebumps on their skin and making their clothes flap. Pronk had to get to driver's door shut.  
"Whoa! What the heck are you doing?!" Bucky yelled, shirking away from Pronk as he tried to reach past him for the swinging door.

"Eyes on the road!" Pronk yelled back. He gripped Bucky's backrest with one hoof as he stretched across his partner's spindly thighs and stuck his arm out the car to grab the door.

"Get off me, you idiot!" Bucky hollered, slapping Pronk's back and holding the steering wheel at the same time.

"Eyes on the road!"

"Get off me!"

"I said eyes on the road!"

"And I said get off me!"

"I SAID EYES ON THE ROAD!"

"AND I SAID GET OFF ME!"

"THE CANAL DOCKS! WE CAN GET A BOAT!"

"AND I SAID- great idea!"

That was when the door finally swung shut on Pronk's fingers.

* * *

Duke Weasleton heard a piercing shriek right after giving Flopsy and Loxy the split.

Sure they'd been a great help placating that unsatisfied customer, but they would have slapped the pint-sized cuffs on him the moment they were done. After all, bootlegging family films was more illegal than assault and battery.

He'd been hiding out in a bush with big fat leaves near the tunnel mouth that led under the mountain that separated the Rainforest District and Tundratown, grimacing at the cold sensation of artificial rainwater soaking his fur and clothes when he'd heard the scream. It was coming from the tunnel mouth. It echoed as it faded into silence, and then he heard it again. It was louder. Whoever was screaming was about to emerge. Duke lifted a leaf, accidentally sending numerous dewdrops pouring onto his scrawny head and looked to the tunnel mouth.

He'd expected some woman to come running out with a missing purse or at least some missing jewelry. Instead a quaking rust bucket of a truck came speeding out. Right behind it was Finnick the Fennec's stylish van. Then a run of the mill car emerged, immediately after revealing itself as the source of the screams. Did someone just get murdered in there? Duke cursed and ducked back beneath the dripping big leaf when he recognised the shiny black car that came out last. All four vehicles raced past Duke's hiding place at the maximum legal speed and disappeared around a bend.

Duke crept out from beneath the bush, scratching his damp skull. "What was that all about?" He wondered aloud. A second later he shrugged and fled deeper into the rainforest. Flopsy and Loxy would never find him in there, and he'd heard rumours of a very rare and valuable bug crawling about...

* * *

" _They're_  the ones with the rustbucket and they're running  _first_?!" Kevin shouted to no-one in particular as he caught another glimpse of the aged vehicle constantly blocking the others.

"It's no good!" Raymond growled, his claws making deep gouges in the plastic of the steering wheel. "There're three cars in front of us and the road's not wide enough." He tried to speed up, only to get blocked by the Oryx-Antlersons again. "We'll never overtake them before we reach the bridge! Did you find that phone yet?"

Kevin had searched his pockets, the glovebox, the car floor and under his butt. "No, not yet!"

Raymond chewed his lip as he maintained max speed limit. "If we were packing heat we could have scared them off and avoided all this."

"Oh yeah, threaten the family of the godmother! That's sure to keep us out of the pen!"  
"I meant if they weren't there!"

"Shut up and drive! Found it!" He pulled the phone out from between his legs and quickly dialed Mr. Big's number for the first time that morning. "Pick up... come on, pick up, Boss..." Kevin muttered, and a second later Raymond swerved violently in another failed attempt to overtake, sending Kevin's head smacking loudly into the window. "THIS ISN'T NASCAR, YOU IDIOT!"

 _"I beg your pardon?"_  A voice asked dangerously on the phone.

Kevin's skin turned whiter than his fur. "N-not you, sir! Sorry, sir! I was talking to my partner. We're kind of in the middle of a car chase."

_"Mugh... Now what's happened?"_

"We tried negotiating with the Hoppses and the others, but things went to pot. Now it's every mammal for himself and we're on our way out the city!"

Raymond leaned over.  _"We thought you'd outta know."_

"We're heading through the rainforest and we're on our way to the bridge out of town. Don't worry, sir. We're going to do everything we can to get the dough."

 _"Forget the bridge."_  Mr. Big said.  _"I have a better idea. In the Canal Docks is a boat I recently purchased for business and pleasure. You will take the river to Bunnyburrow."_

Kevin and Raymond grinned. "Great idea, Boss. We're on our way."

_"When you get there, talk to a stoat named Melvin. Tell him Mr. Big sent you."_

"Will do."

_"And boys? Don't get pinched."_

Kevin put the phone safely in the glovebox as he and Raymond traded glances.

Their objective was simple. Get to the Canal District. Take the boat to Bunnyburrow. Find the Blue Goliath before the others did. As luck would have it, they were just about to pass a maintenance tunnel that would take them straight to the neighbouring district. When they reached the turn, the black car separated from the rest and sped off into the forest, unaware that the Oryx-Antlersons had had a similar idea.

* * *

Clawhauser went for a plain white shirt and red pants for his civilian 'disguise'. As for the stowaway tarantula, which he had christened 'Bogo' after finally realising why its hair colour looked so familiar, there was no better place to hide it than his donut box.

Clutching the donut box like it was holding the Hippo Diamond, Clawhauser left his studio apartment on the edge of Savanna Central and returned to the bright red car he'd commissioned from the ZPD for his special mission. It was one of those sport cars that had only one row of seats, typically used for undercover officers posing as spoiled adrenaline junkies. It had been in the force since before Clawhauser became a cop and he'd always wanted to drive it.

Putting the spider box on the passenger seat, Clawhauser went round to the driver's side with a second box of donuts full of its intended contents and got in. He didn't set off right away, opting to have a few of the delicious rings to keep him going until his first pee-break. After his third donut he looked through the plastic window of the other box at the spider. When was the last time it had eaten? Clawhauser remembered a little shop in the Rainforest District that sold raw bugs, owned by a tiger named Raja, and decided to make one last stop before leaving the city.

He started the engine. The wheels were just starting to push the fancy car into the middle of the road before two vehicles cut him off. Clawhauser hit the brakes, but luckily he hadn't been moving fast enough to send the spider box flying off the seat. Heart thumping from the shock, he took a mental note of the two offending vehicles. A small van bearing mythical imagery and a farm truck bearing Judy's surname. Clawhauser reached for the radio to call it in, and that was when Judy and Nick's custom cop car showed up in his side mirror. The cheetah wasted no time opening his window and waving them down. The black and white car stopped right next to his own, and Nick popped his head out. He raised his eyebrows as he took in Clawhauser's ride. "Hey, Benjie. Is that a Ferrari?"

"Oh, is that what it's called?" Clawhauser looked down at the shiny red paint.

Nick gave his biggest smug smile. "When were you going to tell us you won the lottery?"

"I didn't. I'm on a top-secret mission. Shhhhh!" He put a furry finger to his lips.

"What's the trouble, Ben?" Judy whispered from the driver's seat.

"I don't know if you saw, but two suspicious cars cut me off just now." Clawhauser said quickly, pointing down the road. "They went that way. You can still catch them if you speed up."

Nick sighed. "They never learn."

"Okay, we're on it. Thanks, Ben!" Judy put on her game face, and they were off before Clawhauser could say 'I think one of them was your parents' truck!'

Inside the box, Spider Bogo lifted its front legs slightly, almost as if it was giving off a shrug.

* * *

Finnick only realised that the mafia bears and the loudmouths had vanished when he and the Hopps family were almost to the bridge. He didn't put much thought into where they had gone, intent on getting past the truck in front.

He'd tried to compromise. Out of respect for Nick's bunny buddy, he'd offered to share equally with her parents and grandfather, even if it meant he didn't get as much as anybody else. But the old rabbit wouldn't go for it. Even if it meant getting three times as much as Finnick would, he simply would not share with a shifty, untrustworthy, flesh eating fox no bigger than a cushion.

"I tried to offer equal shares." He growled at the truck that cut him off again and again. "Eight shares. One for each of us. Just this once I was being an honest fox. But no, there was no way you'd trust a fox. Well now you're going to find out just what kind of fox you're dealing with!"

They were less than ten seconds from the bridge. If he could get past them before they left the city, it would be a victory.

Step one: Start to shift to the left.

Step two: The grandpa at the wheel falls for it and swerves all the way to the other side of the road.

Step three: Swerve right and punch the gas.

By the time they were both on the bridge, Finnick was laughing like a maniac while Pop-Pop yelled incoherently from behind. Finnick popped his head out the window, his large ears flapping in the wind. "IT'S CALLED A HUSTLE, WRINKLES!"

Heart swelling with immense satisfaction, Finnick returned to a legal speed and activated his catnav.

* * *

While Nick called in a potential 502, which in ZPD tongue meant 'drunk driving', and listened to Officer Knightfall's dull reply, Judy kept an eye out for the two vehicles Clawhauser had warned them about. She tuned out the exchange occurring next to her to focus on the road, still refusing to take any chances after Mousekewitz's death. She hoped that her family was still sightseeing in Sahara Square, taking a hundred pictures of the Palm Hotel, which could almost pass for a giant carrot.

"Carrots, an off duty cop spotted them, and they definitely think they're on NASCAR. They just reached the Water Gate Bridge, but we can still catch them before they get too far out the city."

Judy wasted no time turning right on the first roundabout they reached, speeding through southern Savanna Central. "Descriptions?" She asked, spotting the top of the bridge through the gaps in the apartment blocks.

"Two vehicles. You'll know them when you see them."

"Nick." Judy said sharply, not liking the look on his face.

"Seriously, just look at the way they're driving." Nick said, giving his Snarlbucks cup a short shake to mix up the coffee. "Life's not fair, is it?"

"I know what happened to Mousekewitz is awful, but I need to know what the vehicles look like so we can stop them from having another accident like-"

"I'm talking about Ben. How come that whenever we go undercover we always get lemons, but the one time he goes undercover he gets a Ferrari?" He threw his arms in the air and fell back against his seat. "What is this world coming to?!"

Judy had enough of Nick's cheeky grins in her life to know when he was faking one. "Nick!" She snapped. "The descriptions! And take it easy with that coffee!"

Sure enough the grin vanished. Nick took a quick sip of his lukewarm coffee, which amazingly hadn't spilled with his dramatics. "One van. Finnick's. One truck. Your parents'."

Judy nearly hit a fire hydrant before she overcame her shock. "Nick. I made it quite clear-"

"I swear to god it's not a joke." Nick took another sip, even though the caffeine would surely make him more anxious. "The descriptions match their vehicles."

"It's a mistake." Judy said, a massive fake smile plastering itself on her own face. Their car reached the bridge and started to cross. "It's probably just a similar looking truck. Maybe someone stole it. It might not even be my dad who's driving."

* * *

Pop-Pop cursed like a medieval sailor, but no matter which way he swerved, he could not get the truck to pass the fox's hideous van. They had crossed the bridge and left Zootopia, and were now on the highway that cut through the dense forest that surrounded the city.

Stu was holding onto the passenger door for dear life. "Pop-Pop, if you don't slow down we're going to join that mouse!"

"Hush up, we're going to beat that fox!" Pop-Pop shouted.

Squished between the two rabbits, all Bonnie had to hold onto was Pop-Pop's cane, and she was seriously considering using it on its owner. "Pop-Pop, why couldn't you have agreed to the eight shares?"

"Because it was too good to be true, that's why! It's the key to a successful hustle!"

"Do you realise that if Judy catches us, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're dangerously driving?" Stu cried, his hat falling off at another violent swerve.

"For one thing, she'll find out that her own father withheld information from her and the police!" Bonnie shot her husband a withering glare that made him press himself even more against the door. "We should call her right now and tell her the truth before we get arrested! Where's the phone?"

"I've got it, honey." Stu twitched the side of his hip, indicating the little phone in his pocket, unwilling to let go of the door until the truck had completely stopped. "Would you mind?"

"Oh for the love of mashed potatoes..." Bonnie dug into the pocket and pulled out the phone. Pop-Pop opened his mouth to protest. "No buts! I'm calling Judy right now and telling her what's going on! Then the police can handle this and the fox won't get the money. Is that acceptable?"

"More or less." Pop-Pop said grudgingly.

First there was a bang and then a long, faint hiss as a tire up front popped. Starting up another storm of curses, Pop-Pop brought the truck to a sharp stop on the first bend they had reached since leaving Zootopia. "What're you waiting for, son? Get the spare tire!"

"But Pop-Pop, do you really think it's wise to stop on a turn?" Stu asked. "Someone could come round and hit us!"

When Nick and Judy came round the turn right at that moment, that was exactly what happened.

They felt the impact before they heard it, sending their bodies pressing into their seatbelts and the truck itself forward a few centimeters. Pop-Pop recovered first, retrieving his glasses from the dashboard and leaping out the truck. "What in tarnations was that?! When I get my hands on you, whippersnapper..." He trailed off when he saw a stunned Judy climbing out the cop car. "Trudy?!"

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?!" Judy was shouting over and over as she rushed over to her grandfather. "Sweet cheese and crackers, you know it's dangerous to stop on a turn! Nick, get out here!"

Nick Wilde very slowly climbed out the car and waddled over to them as Stu and Bonnie got out and joined them. Stu looked white all over. "Oh crackers, are you two alright? You're not hurt, are you?"

He and Bonnie stopped dead when they saw the fox. The red fur of his face had taken a pinkish tint. In his paw was a cup of coffee with the lid missing. A strong smelling dark stain covered the crotch of his pants.

The parents looked to their mortified daughter. She gave a short, nervous giggle. "I told him to take it easy with the coffee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you've noticed, but the different POVs get shorter during an action scene, just like more quick shots are used during a fight scene or car chase in a movie. It's a writing technique I'm experimenting with and I hope it's working for you.


	6. In Which Finnick gets a New Ride

"... Are you sure?"

Bruce Wood listened to the speaker on the other end of the call as he chewed loudly on some wood flavored gum. "Four vehicles..." He started to write down the information on the speaker's recommendation. "Two headed to the Canal District... the other two crossed the bridge... a van with two canines on it... driven by a fennec fox wearing a black and red t-shirt... and a Hopps farm truck, driven by three rabbits, two old, one really old... you're sure they're all heading for the same place?" The speaker raised their voice. "Hey, watch it! Remember who's in charge here! So if they're all heading for where you think the money is hidden, then the two cars going by road would have to pass through the skinny end of Deerbrooke County."

The wide woodchuck tapped a red highlighter on the map before him. On the map, Deerbrooke looked like a fallen bottle, with the narrow neck end located right between Bunnyburrow and the county where Zootopia lay. Bruce had already drawn a red line down the quickest road from A to B.

"Don't worry, if they show up we'll take care of it." Bruce said. "I'll keep you posted... Bye." He hung up.

The longer he stared at the map, his eyes focusing on the black mark that was Bunnyburrow, the wider his grin grew. This might just be the break the Zootopia Freedom Party needed to get off the ground. If they managed to get the money's exact location from the chomper or the bunnies, then they wouldn't have to operate from a rickety abandoned farmhouse in Podunk anymore. They could move their headquarters to a nicer place closer to Zootopia, or more preferably in it. They could attract more followers and finally make a difference in that city.

He went to the bathroom of the motel room that should have been fumigated decades ago, and dialed the number for the other two members of the group, who should still be in the supposed dining room of their headquarters playing canasta. According to the map, the town he was currently in, Tall Oaks, would be the second town the two vehicles would pass through if they wished to get to Bunnyburrow in the fastest time. With a little help from his friend in the city, Bruce might just be able to pull this off.

Right now, the best the Zootopia Freedom Party could do was to accumulate leaflets and scout for potential, likeminded recruits. With six million and five hundred thousand dollars and possibly more, there was no limit to what they were capable of.

* * *

"Mr. Big sent us. We need to use his boat." Raymond said the second they found Melvin the Stoat at the end of the dock where the boat was being kept. It was short and to the point, for time was of the essence.

Melvin, a burly little mammal in a baggy sweater and stained cap, eyed the two polar bears. "Names?"

"I'm Raymond and this is Kevin."

Melvin relaxed. "Koslov called and told me to expect you. Wait here while I get the boat ready for boarding." He started to walk quickly down the dock, but stopped and turned. "You do know how to drive this boat, don't you?"

"My family's been into boats for five generations, and I've transported goods for the boss before." Kevin said.

Melvin looked at the boat, then back at the bears. "Good enough. Did they tell you what sort of boat this is?"

The bears looked at the boat. It was your typical three deck luxury yacht, with a pure white hull and glossy black windows. Bigger than most yachts in the canals, but also small enough to build up a fair amount of speed in open water. It's name was the  _Marlon Brando_ , and it was their best chance of getting to Bunnyburrow first.

"Just your run of the mill luxury yacht, right?" Kevin asked.

"If you can spare a few minutes, I'll explain..." Melvin trailed off at the sound of screeching tires. Raymond and Kevin spun round, and grimaced equally when they saw the Oryx-Antlersons' car come to a halt on the road that stretched parallel to the docks. Bucky and Pronk leapt out, and without shutting the doors sprinted over.

"Hey! Do you work here? Is there a boat for hire?!" Bucky spouted off the round of questions breathlessly, while Pronk realised they'd left their car vulnerable and rushed back to lock it.

"Yes and no." Melvin said, expertly putting on the facade of an honest sailor. "Not in this part of the docks, anyway. You'll have to talk to Boris. He's a boar down at the other end. He might have something you could use."

Bucky pointed at the yacht. "What about that? D'you know who owns that ferry?"

"Yacht, sir. It's called a yacht." Melvin said evenly. "And it belongs to the employer of these two gentlemen. They've just been given permission to use it for the day."

Pronk had returned at that moment. "Is that true? Are they using that big fancy thing?"

"Yep, and like I said, it's called a  _yacht_. Now if you'll excuse me I need to make sure the  _yacht_  is at full fuel."

As Melvin left, Raymond folded his arms with a smirk. "That's right. We're using the big fancy  _speedy_  thing. So run off and go find a dinghy to paddle with."

Bucky glared. "Know this, beefcake. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings!"

"Then you'd better keep your pointy little ears open." Kevin said. "Now push off and shut up."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Pronk's roar of outrage could be heard across the docks.

"You heard me." Kevin replied smugly. "Shut. U-"

"NO-ONE TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP EXCEPT FOR ME SO SHUT UP!"

"YEAH, VICE VERSA SO SHUT UP!" Bucky hollered at equal volume.

Raymond stepped forward. "Watch it, bread sti-"

"SHUT UP!"

"YEAH, SHUT UP!"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!"

"SHUT UP YOU BIG PALOOKA!"

"You..."

"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPAHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP..." The tremendous duet of the two ballistic belters was too much for the two polar bears. Ears ringing and hearts pounding, they retreated under the pretense of asking Melvin if the boat was ready for sailing. By the time they reached the stoat, the screaming had stopped and the Oryx-Antlersons were returning to their car, high fiving each other once they reached it.

Raymond wondered if he should call Mr. Big about possibly recruiting them once this was over. Any rivals they needed to intimidate in future wouldn't last two minutes.

* * *

Judy took a long, hard look at the interior of the police car engine before sighing and leaping to grab the hood, allowing her weight to pull it shut. "Un-cotton picking-believable."

"What's wrong? Your car will still run, and don't cars get wrecked in collisions all the time?" Bonnie said, deliberately leaving out that it was their farm truck that caused said collision in the first place.

Judy's mouth was very small, and her ears were pointing straight down. "In case you haven't noticed, mother, this is a police car. It is specially designed to withstand more damage than a normal car." Judy strode over to the Hopps truck, where Pop-Pop was still sitting in the driver's seat and shooting dirty looks at the pine tree that Nick was hiding behind. He was utilising a water bottle to clean out the awkwardly placed coffee stain as best as he could. Judy popped open the hood of the truck, unleashing a cloud of white smoke. "So, mother dearest... do you have any idea how lucky you are that the truck was the only thing that was totaled?!"

Bonnie cringed at the look of sheer outrage and disbelief on her daughter's face. She lifted her leg up a little and rolled her ankle. "Lucky rabbit's feet, I suppose."

"Har, har, mom."

Bonnie put a paw on Judy's vested shoulder. "Honestly, we are so sorry about this, sweetheart."

Judy sighed again. "At least you guys aren't hurt."

Bonnie glanced at Nick's pine tree, where the only part of him sticking out was his bushy red and brown tail. "Speaking of guys... that coffee hadn't been hot when he spilled it on his little boy parts was it?"

"Mom!" Judy gasped, glancing at the tree herself to see if Nick had heard. The bushy red and brown tail had gone very still. "Oh crackers, he heard."

Bonnie cleared her throat. "I suppose you'll be wanting an explanation for your family's behavior."

Judy crossed her arms. "As officers of the law, we'll have to charge you with reckless driving, regardless of relation. I hope you have a darned good reason for this."  
"As a matter of fact, I do." Bonnie proceeded to jerk her thumb at her approaching husband. He'd just finished spending a penny behind a bush on the other side of the road "But I'm going to let him explain. Stu?"

Stu stopped in the middle of pulling up his overall straps. He looked nervously to his daughter. "Do I have to, dear?"

Bonnie and Judy sported equally steely gazes. "Yes, dear. Unless you want your own daughter to book you for withholding information."

By the time Stu had finished telling Judy everything the late Jerry Mousekewitz had told him, Nick had run out of bottled water and joined them.

"Nick, why are your pants completely soaked?" Judy asked bluntly.

Nick scowled. "So I won't have to constantly explain that I did not pee my pants because I didn't, to quote you, my dear Carrots, 'take it easy with the coffee.'"

Speaking of coffee, the pants still smelled of it.

"Never mind that!" Judy snapped, her ears turning pink at the tips. "Did you hear what my father just told me?!"

Bonnie and Stu's shoulders slumped. They knew Judy wouldn't take it well. Pop-Pop kept sulking in the truck.

"I did, one hundred percent." Nick said. "Ninety-five percent, actually. What was that about my buddy attacking your Pop-Pop with a snowball?"

"Nick! That! Is not! Important!" Judy was rigid as a board on fire. "How could you lie to me about this, dad? Me?!"

Stu looked absolutely mortified.

"Bogo needs to know about this. Nick, call him right now while I have a few more words with my lovely parents." By this point, Judy had become sinisterly calm.

Nick did not like the look on her face. "Shall... I'll just call him over there, shall I?"

"Fine, just make sure you tell him everything!"

Nick started walking down the road, and didn't stop until he was a red and blue speck on the concrete and their rabbits ears couldn't hear the ensuing phone call, especially once Judy exploded.

* * *

Finnick was fifteen miles from Zootopia when his luck ran out.

Being one of the smallest mammals in the city that was too big to live in Little Rodentia, his view of the road tended to be partially obscured by the dashboard, so he didn't see the fallen tree until it was too late.

One minute he was gunning it at fifty miles an hour, the next he hit the thick trunk head on. His entire body jerked forward, the seatbelt keeping him from completely leaving the seat. Leafy branches slapped the windshield as the trunk rolled slightly, and white smoke began pouring out from beneath the hood.

Finnick quickly got over the shock and proceeded to explode into a myriad of French curses inspired by the rap music he'd been listening to before the crash. The curses faded as he heard the sound of shattering glass coming from the back of the van. It was a cluster of wet crashes, like someone was dropping an armful of full wine bottles one by one.  _The melted jumbo pop jars_ , Finnick realised with a sinking feeling, squeezing the steering wheel and wincing with each shatter.

When all was quiet, Finnick undid his seatbelt and climbed out of his car. He felt no pain when he leapt to the hard ground, confirming that he'd escaped without injury. His relief was short lived as he rushed to the back of the van and saw red liquid dripping from beneath the doors like fake blood in a horror movie. Letting out one last French curse, he opened one of the doors.

Just as he expected, the big glass jars had not been so lucky. Glass shards poured out the van along with their entire red liquid contents. It was the Great Flood of Noah all over again, this time in the form of strawberry flavoured melted ice. Finnick watched silently as two hundred bucks worth of juice emptied out onto the road along with sixty bucks worth of glass.

Finnick did the only thing he could do in this situation.

He raised his fists, tilted his face to the sky, and said the M word.

Very, very, very loudly.

Then he looked inside the smoking engine and saw there was nothing he could do. Calling for help would take too long. It could even lead to his arrest if the mess of glass and juice aroused their suspicion. There was no way he was losing the money to that crotchety old jerk.

So that left one option.

Internally screaming all the way, Finnick climbed into the dripping, soaking, sticky van. He came out holding something he hadn't used since the Savanna Park hustles.

It was covered in juice. It was coloured pink and had rainbow tassels dangling from the handles. But the plastic tricycle was all he had. At least until he got to the next town and acquired another vehicle.

Hoping to all the gods in the animal kingdom that no-one he knew saw him, he wiped the tricycle with his gym towel and started trundling down the road.

He felt silly. He felt really silly. Please, God, don't let anyone see him.

* * *

Nick only stopped walking when he couldn't hear Judy's Armageddon-level ranting. He felt very sorry for the rabbit's parents, even if they did bring it on themselves for lying to her.

He dialed Bogo's number and waited. The phone rang four times before Buffalo Butt picked up, and he sounded either ticked beyond all reason or undergoing immense suffering. Maybe both.

 _"What?"_  The Chief asked sharply.

"Sir, you're either going to love or hate this.' Nick paused. "Maybe both."

_"What the hell are you talking about?"_

"You know how that mouse, the aptly named Jerry Mousekewitz, kicked the bucket earlier this morning?"

_"Get to the point or shut your mouth!"_

Nick got to the point. His nose wrinkled as it detected the strong scent of coffee still emanating from his pants.

"... we didn't find out about the race until we bumped into Clawhauser, who saw two of them pass him. We've driven a little out the city in the hopes of catching one of them before they got too far, and that was when we found the Hopps truck on the side of the road with a busted tire. Seems they trying to get at least one or two license plates before going to us." The lie, as usual, came easily. It wasn't entirely a lie, but the least he could do for Judy's family was to twist the truth just enough to get her parents a lighter sentence. There was nothing he could do about the inevitable reckless driving charges, but he could still save them from charges of withholding information. "Sir, I can tell you're about to flip your horns but this isn't bad news. We know where the heist money is, and we might still have a chance to get it back. If you let us go right now, we can still find the Blue Goliath before the others do."

He could almost hear the chief grinding his teeth.

_"This is insane. I don't mean sending you two out the city. This was supposed to be a simple investigation into a casino heist, not a race across two states! It's like the animal world has gone mad!"_

"No, just you." Nick quipped.

_"Wilde, I am not in the mood for... what's that screeching?"_

Nick's ears went flat. Judy's shouting had increased in volume while he was explaining what Stu Hopps had just told them. "... Duck."

 _"Duck?"_  Bogo stopped sounding angry for a few seconds.

"Yes. A duck."

_"There are no birds in Zootopia."_

"Immigration, am I right?"

_"Never mind the duck, or whatever that really was. I don't like the idea of you two taking your police car out of the city, but the loot of three casinos is on the line here and we have to get it back. So fine. You have my authorization to join the chase, but the Blue Goliath is your top priority. Do not engage the others unless you have to. We will deal with them once we have the money back in safe hands."_

"Hooves or paws?"

_"WILDE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"_

Nick jerked his head from the phone. "Wow, that actually hurt! Is everything okay on your end, chief?"

_"... Nothing I can't handle. Don't bother coming back here for more resources, there's no time for that."_

Nick put a smirk back on his face. "Speaking of resources, what's the big idea lending Clawhauser a Ferrari in the first place while me and Judy get lemons? We're the best in the force!"

 _"Yes, but he's the cutest in the force."_  Bogo retorted.

Nick's smirk widened. "The cutest, huh? I knew it."

_"... Goodbye, fox."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm... first Benjamin names his eight legged buddy after Bogo and now Bogo is authorising his use of a fabulous, expensive car for his journey. Very interesting...
> 
> Also, we've just been introduced to the third party in this whole affair, keeping up the theme of prejudice that is so prevalent in the film. How will it all play out?
> 
> I know I'm not making it clear whether or not Ben and Bogo have feelings for each other, but that's mainly because I'm still torn between shipping them romantically or platonically. Nick and Judy, however, are a different story...


	7. In Which Bonnie Hopps has a Great Idea

Raymond and Kevin did not set off in the boat right away. There was one last thing they needed to do before they set off, and that was wait for Melvin's buddy to come out from the small room at the back of the bridge. They leaned against the controls, drumming their fingers on their crossed forearms.

"So what's so special about this boat?" Raymond finally asked Melvin, who was currently burrowing through the interior of the control board for some last minute maintenance.

"This boat is state of the art, and I mean state of the art. They call it a Smart Boat." Melvin could barely be heard. "You know how most boats use switches and buttons to control its facilities? Well for this one, all you have to do is use your voice."

"You are not serious." Kevin said bluntly.

"No, it's true. I'll show you once my buddy gets the key." Melvin pulled out what looked like a fox-sized microphone. "You carry this with you, and speak into the receiver if you want something done inside the boat, like turning off a light or setting the boat to auto-pilot. The only thing is you have to give simple commands, and coordinates still have to be manually inputted to the control board."

Raymond shrugged. It sounded simple enough.

It was at that point that Philippe the French-horse came out, holding a wooden puzzle box.

"What the heck?" Kevin asked in disbelief.

"In this box is the key for the boat." The horse said. "The boss's added security, and by security I mean that the boat will detonate if any attempt is made to force the box open."

Raymond was steaming. "We don't have time for this, you idiot!"

Philippe remained patient. " _Oui_ , and that's why I have made the majority of the moves for you. Just move the flower panel all the way left and the key is yours. Just try not to take any wrong turns. You might run into something unpleasant."

Raymond took the box and made the final move. Something in the box clicked. The detonator must have been deactivated. Now we're getting someplace, Raymond thought irritably as he pulled off the lid.

There was an explosion, but not one of fire and destruction. Several streaks of colour flew in front of Raymond and Kevin's faces, shooting up from the box and in all directions. The next thing Raymond knew, there was a pink spring snake draped over his snout. Kevin had one on each shoulder, one white, one red, like a warped interpretation of the shoulder angel and shoulder devil. Both polar bears shot the same look of bewilderment at Philippe. "Another one of Mr. Big's ideas for added security, I assume?" Raymond asked.

" _Non_. Fru Fru's."

* * *

Max Bitter knocked on the door and waited.

"Enter!" Called Chief Irons. The hippo was not at his desk, which had one drawer open. Instead he was busying himself adjusting the paintings that filled his office, wearing a pair of latex gloves to protect the expensive artworks.

Bitter entered and got right to the point. "I've contacted the police departments of all the towns the vehicles may pass through. They won't interfere so long as they don't do anything to endanger civilians."

"Have you deduced what path they'll take?" Irons asked.

Bitter walked to the map and pulled out a purple marker. "By now most of them will have left Zootopia. The polar bears and the Oryx-Antlersons will most likely take the river south to get to Bunnyburrow. As for the others, the quickest path will take them right down Deerbrooke County."

"Which towns?" Irons was not looking at his subordinate, but the painting of Pegasus that he was currently handling.

Bitter drew a small dot in each town he pointed out. "The first town, which we know the Hoppses are currently in, is Pride City. If they continue south, they'll next go to Tall Oaks. From there they'll cut right through Crabapple Valley. Then they can either go straight through this forest here or the small town of Podunk. Then it's straight on to Bunnyburrow."

"And the heist money." Irons said. "What about the polar bears? Have you confirmed that they are associated with Mr. Big?"

"My people are still working on that." Bitter put the lid back on the marker. "If his people are involved, this could be the proof we need that Mr. Big was involved with the Triple-Casino-Heist."

Irons flicked some dust off the picture frame and returned to his desk. His eyes narrowed and he propped his elbows on his desk. "He may even know what the Blue Goliath is. We need to make the arrest of these bears our first priority once the money is recovered."

"I'll contact Hopps and Wilde. They can help the Bunnyburrow authorities carry out the arrest."

"No, you won't." Irons snapped. "I can't trust them, captain. They work for Bogo."

Bitter grimaced. "Sir..."

"Bitter. Max. If you capture these two bears yourself and it helps take down Mr. Big, then you're looking at promotion and a raise, at least."

Bitter felt a rare small smile start to form. "I understand. Very good sir. I'll set out when they get close to Bunnyburrow."

* * *

"You mean that?" Pronk gaped at the craft before them. "THAT? ON THAT?!"

"Yes." Said the boatlynx, pointing to the plain white jet ski that was the only watercraft on the dock. "I'm sorry, but that is the only available craft. I trust you know how to drive one?"

Pronk rubbed his temple. "No-"

"Yes!" Bucky pulled out a roll of bills and shoved it into the lynx's paw. "Give us the keys!"

The lynx raised his eyebrows. "What's the rush?"

"No rush, we just want to get there in a hurry! Keys!"

The lynx handed him the keys and went to untie the jet ski. Bucky grabbed Pronk by the wrist and dragged him until they were right next to the small craft.

"Bucky, are you freaking nuts?" Pronk hissed.  
"Yes, but this is our only chance of getting to the money first!" Bucky hissed back. "Besides, how hard can it be?"

The lynx untied the jet ski and after one last exchange left them to it. Tentatively the Oryx-Antlersons clambered onto the small craft. In seconds it lurched and dumped them into the cold water.

Once back on the dry dock, the dripping wet, luckless amateurs glared at the jet ski. Bucky then glared at Pronk. "You. Get us some life jackets."

Pronk glared back. "You. Figure out how to work this thing."

They split up, with Pronk heading to find the lynx to hire a pair of lifejackets as well. He made ten steps before he heard a loud hum and a splash. Bucky was back in the water, and the jet ski was now zooming down the dock without a rider.

Pronk continued walking. "We're both gonna die."

That was the one thing clear to him in all this madness.

* * *

Pride City. Directly south of Zootopia and a mere fraction of Zootopia's size. Named after the lion family who founded the city after emigrating from Africa. The family from which former Mayor Leodore Lionheart himself was a descendant. It was a city of naturally hewn stone and rainbow flowers, and currently in the midst in a heated political battle for the right of interspecies marriage.

In was in the northern area of this colourful city that the police car carrying four rabbits and one fox stopped at a humble gas station to refuel. When Judy Hopps climbed out the driver's side of the car and saw the front window, she couldn't stop herself from beaming. That was a giant rainbow poster that practically screamed pro-marriage. She spotted a coffee shop next door and turned to her partner. "Nick, could you fill her up? I'm going into that shop to get some more coffee." She shot a dark look at the male members of her family. "I have a feeling we're going to need it."

"Hey, do you three want anything?" Nick asked, turning around in his seat to look at the bunnies in the back.

"Just a herbal tea, please. Doesn't matter what kind." Bonnie replied sweetly.

"I'll have a decaf coffee, please." Stu said, looking at his knees rather than at the fox.

"Tea with a teabag. Shaken, not stirred." Pop-Pop said coldly.

Nick ignored the sarcasm and turned back to Judy. "What they said."

"Okay, be right back." Judy was soon on her way to the nearest crossing.

Nick got out the car, grabbed a nozzle from the gas pump they'd stationed the car at, and started the unpleasant task of refueling their monochromatic vehicle. If there was one thing he hated nearly as much as muzzles it was the smell of gasoline. It burned his sensitive nose and tormented his sharp tongue. Could there be any stink worse than this?

"Excuse me... achoo!"

Nick turned around.  _There's your answer, Nick._

It was a lady skunk in a yellow strapless sundress, and while she didn't smell at the moment she had a very distressed look on her face. "I'm sorry to bother you, but-" She shoved a tissue to her nose and sneezed. "I have a- achoo! - problem with my son! Achoo!"

 _What's the matter? Is your son pollinating?_  Nick would have asked her if he wasn't a cop. Instead he asked her what the problem was.

"He won't come out – achoo! - of the flowerbed. We would get him ourselves, but – achoo! - with our awful hay fever we can – achoo! - hardly see!" Indeed, her eyes were very red and barely open.

"And you want me to go get him for you. Lucky for you, I'm pollen proof." Nick said. He put the nozzle back once he was done, stuck his arm through the rear car window and handed Stu a dollar bill. "That should cover the gas. I'll be right back once I've helped this woman."

"Just a moment!" Pop-Pop leapt out the car, pointing his cane at Nick like a sword. "You're not going anywhere on your own, so I'm coming with you!"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Keep him out of trouble, alright dear?"

"Count on it, Bonnie!"

"I was talking to Nick."

"Count on it, Mrs Hopps."

The flowerbed was in Northern Pride Park, right behind the gas station and like all the other flowers in the city was a variety of different colours, white and red being the most prominent. The distressed woman's husband was at the edge of the flowerbed, which with a sinking heart Nick found to be a flower  _field_. He spotted the stubborn little skunk in the middle of the flowers, pulling the petals off a pink flower one by one.

"Is that your son?" Nick thought it was obvious, but felt obligated to ask. After all they couldn't be the only skunk family in the entire city.

"Yes sir- achoo!" Replied the father. "His name is Flower. Thanks for helping us."

"No problem. Can you think of any certain reason why he doesn't want to leave this flowerbed?"

"Maybe he's hiding from someone." Pop-Pop muttered behind Nick's back.

Nick ignored him. "I don't have much time so I'll go ahead and try and talk him out."

He went right to the edge of the flowerbed and knelt down. It was then that he realised exactly how tall the flowers were. The kid must be sitting on a rock or something because if Pop-Pop were to step into this flowerbed only the tops of his ears would be seen. As he started speaking to get the kid's attention, he sent a short text to Judy. "Hey, Flower. How're you doing?"

"I'm counting how many petals are in this batch." The little skunk said. For a kid in between six and seven years old, he spoke quite fluently. "I've counted seven so far."

"Kid, you see that sign over there?" Nick pointed to a small wooden sign on the other side of the flowers. "You're not supposed to be walking in these flowers." The phone buzzed as Judy replied.  _Kinda busy with an attempted robbery right now. Get the Park Keeper._  "You could get yourself in a lot of trouble if the Park Keeper sees you." Nick went on.

"I saw him go for lunch five minutes ago."

_Rats._

Nick decided to take the no-nonsense stance. If they took too long to get the money, Bogo would use his tail as a tie and Judy's tail as a cotton bud. "Kid, you have to come out of there right now."

The skunk kid looked up from the half-stripped flower, frowning. "But I haven't finished counting."

Nick made his annoyance very visible on his face. "Flower, don't make me come in there."

An evil grin suddenly appeared on the kid's face. "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."

With that he dived beneath the flowers and vanished.

Nick rolled up his sleeves. "Oh, it's on now!"

He ventured into the flowerbed, moving quickly but carefully to avoid damaging the flowers. When he was near the spot the child disappeared, he parted the flowers. He saw only stems and soil. "Flower, come here!"

Five feet away, a tiny striped head popped up from a bunch of white flowers. "Missed me!" He went under again. Nick went after him, but it was like wading through a pool of thick paint that smelled like cheap perfume. Just as he reached the second spot where the kid went under- "Missed me twice!" Came the child's voice from right behind him. Nick whirled round, but only caught the stirring of the flowers as Flower went under again.

"Oh for the love of blueberry sprinkles..." Nick groaned. He started forward again, pausing once when he realised that he just did a Judy.

"Missed me fourice!" Flower cried from Nick's left side.

Nick turned quickly to the sound, but the little skunk had vanished again. "That is not a word, and get back here right this-"

"Missed me fivice!" Came the voice from behind him again.

Nick threw his arms up in the air and spun round to try and grab him. He missed and the child went under once more.

"Okay, that's it!" Nick pulled off his tie, threw it out the flowerbed, and dived into the flowers.

All the while, the skunk parents watched and wondered if their itchy, streaming eyes were playing tricks on them. Standing next to them, Pop-Pop pulled out the phone, aimed it at the swishing foxtail that was all that could be seen above the flowers, and started recording.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I am so glad I let the kids teach me how to use this thing." He chuckled as he watched the spectacle unfold through the tiny screen in his paw.

* * *

Finnick heard the Ferrari before he saw it.

He'd just passed a road sign that claimed he was two miles from Pride City, when he'd heard the panther-like purr of the car as it approached his little tricycle and turned to look. It was gorgeous. The crimson paint shone like a gemstone. The tires were black as night. The driver was an angel from heaven as they slowed the car before Finnick could get his thumb out.

The lovely Ferrari came to a halt right beside the tricycle, and the translucent black window rolled down to reveal the face of a pudgy cheetah. Pudgy. Cheetah. Not two words you would usually put in the same sentence.

"Are you alright, kid?" The cheetah looked very concerned. "What are you doing out here all by yourself?"

It took every fiber of Finnick's being to not unleash an explosion of profanities upon the driver. He needed a lift if he had any hope of getting another car in time to catch up with the others. Besides, he was riding a frickin' plastic tricycle.  _Finnick_  would have mistaken Finnick for a kid.

"I'm no kid." He spoke, his baritone voice earning him a stunned look from the cheetah. "And don't ask about the trike. Just don't."

"O-okay? I'm really sorry, I thought you were..."

"Don't sweat it, kid. Look, I need to get to the next town to hire a car. Can you give me a lift?"

The smile on the cheetah's face was unexpectedly adorable. "Sure. Hop in!"

Putting all of God's blessing on the cheetah and his beauty of a Ferrari, Finnick threw the tricycle in the trunk, just in case he may need it for another hustle, and threw himself in the passenger's seat. He almost face-planted himself into the side of the giant donut box that was strapped in place by the seatbelt. That explained the pudginess.

"Oh, hang on." The cheetah was strangely gentle with the box as he set it down on the car floor beneath the glovebox. The kid must really love donuts. Finnick fastened the seatbelt around himself in the box's place. "I know a car rental store in Pride City. I'll take you there. Oh, and by the way..." His smile flickered as he glanced at the box below Finnick's tiny feet. "Don't look down."

* * *

It was quite an eventful start to the race.

First, Judy had single handedly taken down two horses that had attempted to rob the Snarlbucks store. She'd waited beside the handcuffed thugs until the local police arrived to take them in before leaving with several free drinks, courtesy of the grateful manager.

Second, Nick had gotten in the most adorable police pursuit of his life with a tiny skunk named Flower, chasing the child beneath the wide flower bed for several minutes before the Park Keeper finally arrived to help out. Pop-Pop had gotten the whole thing on the phone.

Third, they'd barely gotten on the road out of the south end of Pride City before Pop-Pop suddenly heard the call of nature.

So now they were sitting in the police car on the side of the road, staring at the evergreen bush where Pop-Pop had gone to spend his penny, but there was no sign of the old rabbit.

Nick drummed his fingers on the dashboard, slowly beginning to see the funny side of his ordeal in the flowerbed. Judy fiddled with the air conditioning and prayed that they would soon gain an advantage in this mad race for the stolen cash. Stu fidgeted in the back seat, twiddling his thumbs and trying to find the courage to say the words he wanted to say to the fox up front and worrying how his daughter would take it.

And Bonnie? Bonnie had a great idea.

Everyone nearly leapt out of their skin as Bonnie shouted out her idea at the top of her lungs.  
"GIDEON GREY!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we've gotten Benjie mixed up in this whole affair. I swear, this fluffy cheetie needs more love, and a little more action in his life.
> 
> It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World is a very long but very fast paced movie that is constantly switching from one character to the next. For most of the film, every character's scene gets no more than five minutes, sometimes less than a minute, before switching to the next scene. I've done my best to apply this to my writing.


	8. In Which Benjamin Clawhauser goes Undercover

Hearts pounding, every strand of fur standing up on end, Nick, Judy and Stu turned their heads to stare at Bonnie. "Holy carrots, mom! Are you trying to scare us to death?!"

"What on earth are we doing?!" Bonnie was bouncing up and down in her seat, a look of sheer disbelief on her face. "Here we are, skirting the maximum speed limit, when why didn't we think about Gideon Grey?!"

"Sweet cheese and crackers, I never even thought of that!" Judy slapped the steering wheel.

"That's right, he's lived near the park his whole life!" Stu smacked himself on the forehead.

"Wait just a second, who's Gideon Grey!" Nick asked. He still had a paw over his racing heart.

Judy's ears fell as she turned to glare at him. "Were you not paying attention at the flower shop the other day?"

"Which flower shop? There're a lot of flower shops."

"The Ottertons' flower shop."

"... Oh,  _that_  Gideon Grey."

Judy rolled her eyes. "Gideon lives only two miles from Ripe Carrot Park. If we call him, he can find the money before anyone else, so it would no longer matter who gets there first."

Nick slowly relaxed in his seat. "Well, that's convenient."

"Mom, are you sure he's still in Bunnyburrow?" Judy asked.

"Quite sure, honey. It's been a busy week."

"Guys..." Nick started.

"And if we tell him it's police business, he'll certainly take the time to help us." Stu added.

"Guys..."

"That settles it." Judy said. "We'll try his business number first, then the house if he doesn't pick up..."

"Guys, am I the only one who sees the flaw in this plan?" Nick asked loudly.

Judy sighed. "Nick, Gideon is just as trustworthy as you are."

"And I'm trusting your judgment on that, but you're all forgetting one big thing..." He pointed out the car at Pop-Pop, who was zipping his pants back up as he made his way back to them. "Racist grandpa over there has the only working phone."

"Oh sweet cheese and crackers."

* * *

"Start engine." Raymond spoke directly into the little black device, just as Philippe had instructed he and Kevin to do, and then they were finally on their way. With Kevin at the wheel, the Smart Boat pulled out of the docks and within half an hour was outside the city limits. With luck, the others hadn't gotten too far ahead of them. Mr. Big's faith in them was at stake.

The buildings on either side of the river had been completely replaced by trees. Kevin looked to his partner. "Which way, captain?"

"Only one way, according to this map." Raymond was holding the large map in front of him. "We keep going up this river until we reach a lake. That's where Bunnyburrow is."

"Huh. Guess it really is just plain sailing." Kevin chuckled at his own joke.

"Just focus on driving." Raymond said sharply. "If this boat gets so much as scratched, Mr. Big will have us both enforcing toilet hygiene. Without gloves."

Kevin turned his attention back to the river up ahead, keeping both paws on the wheel. "You made the engine start with that stick, right? What else can that thing do?"

"Almost anything, I guess." Raymond lifted the device to his mouth. "Lights off."

The lights turned off. Kevin looked up. "Try the door."

"Door open."

The door opened. Raymond was six feet from it. Kevin stared at the door. "Try those speakers in the ceiling."

"Music on."

One second later, the bridge was filled with the sound of  _The Godfather Waltz_.

Kevin whistled. "I might have to get one of these boats myself."

"It's experimental technology." Raymond stuck the device safely in his pocket. "You'll probably have to wait a while."

For a full minute they listened to the clarinets within the music. Raymond went to Kevin's side and watched their progress through the front window. Then Kevin spoke again. "Something about this Smart Boat is familiar."

"You've been in one before?" Raymond asked.

"Nah. There was a Smart House." Kevin said. "Not a real one. I saw it in a movie once."

"There's a lot of new technology that was inspired by science fiction." Raymond said. "Come to think of it, I read an article last week claiming that they were one step closer to perfecting cloning technology."

"You mean that thing where they create another you?" Kevin shuddered and crossed himself. "Not me. Not on your life. The only cloning I want done is for my old sheep dolly."

"You have a sheep dolly?"

Kevin tensed. "... No, I don't."

Raymond smirked. "... You just said you have one."

Kevin had gone bright red. "... No, I didn't."

Raymond sniggered. "I distinctly heard you say that you have a sheep doll."

Kevin yelled at the top of his lungs. "For gods sake, just let it go!"

The next thing they knew, Floatzen's iconic song was pouring out from the bridge's speakers. Raymond pulled out the device, and found that he hadn't switched it off.

"Really?" He asked dryly.

Kevin let go of the wheel and grabbed Raymond by the shoulders. "Listen to Queen Otsa, Raymond! Forget everything I ever said! Let it go!"

* * *

Pronk was still trying to understand how Bucket had managed to figure out how to drive the Jet Ski as they sped at top speed down the river through the southern forest. He still wasn't a pro, but somehow they'd managed to travel at top speed for a full hour without tipping the watercraft. Even so it was precarious. With any luck, the next dock they came across would have a proper boat that they could use.

"How much farther to Gravity Foals?" Pronk had to shout over the Jet Ski's engine as he held on to Bucky's waist for dear life.

"No idea!" Bucky shouted back. "Maybe those guys up there know!"

He slowed the Jet Ski to a halt and pointed up at the hill that overlooked the river to their left. Two rams were hiking along a rocky path patched with grass, twenty feet above the river. The bulky ram was dressed in red, his skinnier companion dressed in green, and both had giant orange bag packs.

The Jet Ski lurched, and so did Pronk's stomach. "Let me talk to them. You just focus on not getting us wet!" He looked up to the hikers. "HEY, YOU!"

 _HEY, YOU!_  Pronk's cry echoed as the two rams stopped looked down.

"WHAT?" Yelled the bulky ram.

 _WHAT?_  Yelled the echo.

The bulky ram blinked and searched for the speaker as the skinny ram spoke. "Just a minute, buddy..." He glared in the general direction of the echo. "HEY! SHUT UP!"

_HEY! SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"SHUT UP, YOU!" Yelled the bulky ram at the top of his lungs.

_SHUT UP, YOU!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

They were now taking it in turns. Bucky and Pronk traded glances.

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"WILL! YOU! SHUT! UP!" The skinny ram lifted off the ground with the sheer effort of outperforming his opponent.

_WILL! YOU! SHUT! UP!_

"JUST SHUT UP!"

_JUST SHUT UP!_

"SHUT UP!"

_SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

_NO, YOU SHUT UP!_

Without a word, Bucky started up the Jet Ski and he and Pronk continued on down the river.

When they could no longer hear the rams' hopeless verbal battle, he stopped the Jet Ski again and turned his head to look at Pronk with a very serious expression. "When all this is over, here's what we're going to do. We're going to tell Judy what happened, and then we're going to tell her that if we ever get as bad as those two boneheads she has our permission to shoot us."

Pronk nodded solemnly. "She can use bullets, but tranquilizer darts would be preferable. Let's not forget to tell her that."

* * *

Finnick was out the car and inside the car rental store before Clawhauser had fully stopped.

The cheetah wasn't in a big hurry, so he decided to stick around for a few minutes in case the little fox couldn't get a car. So far as he knew, there was no harm in ferrying Finnick to the next town in the hopes of getting a car there.

Clawhauser stuffed a pink donut down his gullet and decided to check on Spider Bogo. He set the box on his lap and looked through the window. The tarantula was in the darkest corner of the box, as still as a rock. No matter how hard he looked, Clawhauser couldn't see his eyes. Was Spider Bogo sleeping? Was he daydreaming about crickets? Or perhaps he was doing the exact same thing Clawhauser was doing, staring up at the large cat and wondering what was going on inside his head?

"I guess I can sort of understand why most people are scared of you." Clawhauser spoke softly. "It's natural to be afraid of creatures that can poison you, even if your venom isn't as deadly as they might think. It is kinda creepy the way you can show up anywhere and scare the dickens out of people. And no-one likes getting bitten."

He glanced out the window, but saw no sign of Finnick.

Spider Bogo didn't show any sign that he was listening. Clawhauser continued voicing his thoughts. "We're not really that different, are we? Sure you've got more legs than me, but you're a predator too, aren't you? I may be a mammal and you may be an arachnid, but we're still animals. We've both been stereotyped. People feared and hated us. Some people still do."

 _"They thought it would be better... if a predator such as myself wasn't the first face that you see... when you walk into the ZPD."_  His own voice echoed in his head. He could still see the look on Judy's face when he'd told her.

"But you..." He stroked the side of the box. "You don't care, do you? You don't know the meaning of prejudice. You just want to eat and find a girlfriend and have loads of spider babies. All you care about is living." On a shop window on the other side of the road was a  _No Foxes Allowed_  sign. Clawhauser looked away from the disappointing sight. "If everyone thought the way you do, maybe the world would be a better place."

His phone rang and he picked up. It was Chief Bogo. "Hey, Chief. How're you feeling?"

_"Like I swallowed a handful of caustic soda. I just rang to check on you, Clawhauser. Where are you right now?"_

"I'm in Pride City right now, sir. I picked up a hitchhiker but he shouldn't slow me down too much."

_"And how is our eight-legged crap-stirrer?"_

"Don't be mean! He didn't mean to scare anyone, sir." Bogo snorted at that. "How're things on your end, sir?"

_"That's also what I wanted to talk to you about, Clawhauser. Things have escalated since you left the station..."_

As Bogo was explaining the situation with the Jerry Mousekewitz case, Finnick emerged from the store with a very sour expression, strode up to the Ferrari and knocked sharply on the door. "Pardon me just a moment, sir..." Clawhauser rolled down the window and poked his head out. "So? Did you get a car?"

"Not even a lemon." Finnick growled. "Look, I need your help."

Bogo was still speaking on the phone.  _"... and the fourth vehicle is a van being driven by a Mr. Finnick, a fennec fox in a black and red shirt. You got that, Clawhauser?"_

The air conditioning in Clawhauser's car seemed to get chillier.

"Where did you say you were going?" Finnick asked.

"Whu-why do you ask, Mr. Finnick?" Clawhauser said, with the phone still at his ear.

There was silence on the phone.

"I need to get to Bunnyburrow, and I can't afford to waste time trying to find another rental store. Do you think you can take me there?"

 _"Clawhauser."_  Bogo finally spoke. _"Is one of the suspects with you right now?"_

"Yes, auntie." Clawhauser said. There was another long silence.  _Bogo's gonna throw my keister back in Records for this._  "It's my aunt, Mr. Finnick. She's very protective. I'll talk to you later, auntie. Bye!" He pretended to hang up and put the phone on his lap out of Finnick's sight, so Bogo could still hear. "Sorry about that. Why do you need to get to Bunnyburrow so quickly?"

Finnick was clenching his tiny fists and glaring up at the cheetah. "Look, there's something I have to tell you. You're not gonna believe this, but if I have any chance to getting to Bunnyburrow first, I need you and your sports car to drive me down there, and if I don't tell you the truth you probably won't drive me down there."

"Why do you need to get to Bunnyburrow first?" Clawhauser asked. "Why don't come back in the car and tell me."

He quickly slipped the spider box back beneath the glove box before Finnick climbed back into the passenger seat. With visible reluctance, the little fox proceeded to tell him everything he had already learned from Chief Bogo mere minutes ago.

When Finnick was in the middle of telling Clawhauser about the mysterious Blue Goliath, the phone buzzed. Clawhauser quickly picked it up. Bogo had hung up the phone at some point and sent him a text. "It's my aunt." Clawhauser explained quickly before reading.

[As of this moment you are working undercover. Don't let him suspect a thing. Get him down there and find the BG ASAP. Keep me updated. Stay safe.]

Clawhauser gulped and put the phone away. "That's a heck of a lot of money."

"It sure is, and half of it is yours if you get us there first." Finnick said earnestly. "What do you say?"

Clawhauser put on what he hoped to be a convincing greedy smile. "Alright. You've got yourself a deal."

* * *

Nick groaned into his paw. Judy was too honest for her own good. She should have known better than to straight out tell her Pop-Pop that they were planning to call the same fox who had assaulted her years ago and tell him about the heist money, but she did anyway. The inevitable result was the old rabbit keeping a ten-foot gap between himself and the car, the only working phone held tight in his iron grip.

"Gideon Grey?!" He blew his top the moment Judy had finished explaining. "You'd entrust millions in stolen casino money to that mangy, vicious, bloodthirsty, pudgy, no-good fox?! I don't think so!"

"See what you've done, Carrots?" Nick asked snidely.

Stu looked nervously between his father and his daughter. "Perhaps we don't need to get Gideon Grey involved in this. This is a pretty fast car."

"Dad, not you too! He may be our only hope of getting that money back!" Judy said.

"We don't have time for this!" Bonnie snapped. "Pop-Pop, give Judy the phone!"

"Not a chance!"

"Will you at least get back in the car so we can continue?" Nick asked.

"You keep out of this, fox!"

"Pop-Pop, listen to him!" Judy snapped.

"Trudy, this is going too far!" her grandfather waved his cane at her. "That fox can't be trusted! None of them can! I'm not stepping back in that car until you promise me that we will be keeping Gideon Grey out of this!"

"Pop-Pop, our radios were broken in the crash, and we have to remain in constant contact with the station. We need that phone."

"Not 'til I get that promise!" Pop-Pop stepped back a few more feet. Nick and Judy got out the car, followed closely by Stu, the hot summer air doing nothing to cool their smoldering tempers.

"Pop-Pop, please get in the car!" Stu implored. "We can't go on without you!"

Pop-Pop held the phone behind his back. "Promise me we're keeping that fox out of this."

Nick put his paws on his hips and glowered. "Why don't we just arrest him and be through with it?"  
"Nick! Not helping!" Judy snapped. "Pop-Pop, for the last time, give me the phone!"

"Stu!" Pop-Pop looked furiously to his son. "He hurt your daughter! He scarred her for life! Don't tell me you're seriously considering going along with this!"

Stu glanced at Nick. Nick saw that rabbit's eyes harden, and braced himself.  _Never let them see that they get to you._

"Yes! Yes, we are!"

Pop-Pop's jaw dropped. Nick's almost did the same.

"And I'll tell you why we are! Because just like Mr. Wilde here, Gideon Grey is a changed mammal! Gideon is an honest, hard working, trustworthy fox, and if he isn't a criminal, it's because he doesn't have the dishonesty, selfishness and shiftiness even to become a criminal!"

Judy looked both proud and relieved. "You tell him, dad!"

Nick said nothing at all.

Stu glared at his now fuming father. "Now it's fair enough if you no longer want to come with us, but my daughter needs that phone and if you don't give it to her, then we will have no choice but to take it from you!"

Nick came to his senses and crossed his arms. "Last chance, pal."

Without a word, Pop-Pop dropped the phone down the front of his pants. He then crossed his arms and glowered defiantly.

Nick's stomach lurched and he looked at Judy. She looked as shocked as her father. In the car, Bonnie was slowly shaking her head with a paw over her eyes.

Nick gently pushed Judy back. "Sorry, Carrots, but he's your Pop-Pop and you're a lady."

Judy was too stunned to protest as he and Stu slowly advanced on Pop-Pop.

"Give us that phone." Stu said sternly.

Pop-Pop frowned and started to back away. "Don't even think about it, young man."

"Give us that phone." Stu repeated. "Don't make me do something I'll regret."

Pop-Pop raised his cane. "I'm warning you... don't come any closer!"

Nick slowly reached for his cuffs. "I don't suppose you have any gloves, do you?"

Stu shook his head. "Bonnie has baby wipes in her purse."

"That'll do." Nick said. "So what'll it be, President Trumpet?"

"Keep your filthy paws off me, fox!" Pop-Pop started running.

"Get him!" As a rabbit's natural predator, Nick quickly caught up to the aged rabbit. Stu reached them not long after, turning his hat back to front as he ran.

"Oh my word!" Bonnie cried.

Judy sprinted to her mother. "Don't look!" The sound of Nick's disgusted groans, Stu's child-friendly cursing and Pop-Pop's anguished screams filled her ears as she and Bonnie dug through the purse and eventually found the baby wipes. They heard more sounds. Scuffling in the dirt. Pop-Pop's cane striking furry flesh. A zipper being pulled down. The elder's shrieking increased in pitch. There was a roar as a Ferrari sped past their vehicle. Judy tried to block it all out as she took the pack of wipes and turned round, just in time for Nick to run over and start frantically cleaning every surface of the phone, looking utterly traumatized at what he'd just done. Stu came running over, grabbed a wipe and started furiously rubbing his own paws.

Then Pop-Pop came waddling over, his pants around his ankles, looking like he'd gotten hit with a night howler pellet and turned savage. With a war cry he smacked Stu right between the ears with his cane and then started beating every inch of Nick he could reach.

"YOU-VILE-DISGUSTING-BEAST-OF-SATAN!"

Judy pulled her grandfather away and helped him get his pants back up.

"We had to do it!" Stu cried, staring pleadingly at his wife and daughter. "You said so yourself, we needed that phone! We had to do it!"

"I'm so sorry, Judy!" Nick said as he rubbed his limbs. "But he brought it on himself and you know it!"

"Come on, Pop-Pop." Stu took a step towards his father. "Get back in the car and I'll find a way to make this up to you-"

"YOU'RE A TRAITOR TO YOUR RACE! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"Pop-Pop, settle down!" Bonnie said. "You'll give yourself a stroke!"

"We had no choice, sir. I'm sorry, but you gave us no choice." Nick said.

"I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU, FOX! YOU'LL BE ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT! THEY'LL LOCK YOU UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY!"

"We  _are_  the cops, Pop-Pop!" Judy moaned. "Also, it's assault and battery."

"Also, it was completely justified." Nick added.

"Shut up, Nick! Pop-Pop, are you coming back in the car or not?"

"NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!"

"Carrots, we're wasting time." Nick handed Judy the sanitized phone. "What do you want to do?"

With a deep grimace, Judy passed the phone back. "I have to stay with him. I'm not leaving him out here by himself."

Bonnie clambered out the car with her purse in tow. "I'm staying, too. I'm carrying his spare false teeth."

Nick looked at the keys Judy was handing out to him. "Buffalo Butt's not going to be happy. Are you sure you don't want to carry on with us?"

Judy smiled with encouragement. "We'll find our own way. You just focus on finding the Blue Goliath."

Nick pouted. "But Carrots... how can I possibly carry on without you at my side?"

Judy laughed and punched him in the arm. "Shut up and get in the car. And make sure my dad doesn't rack up any more charges."

* * *

Bruce Wood checked out the crappy motel, pulled out the parking lot, and drove out of Tall Oaks onto the highway that connected Pride City to Tall Oaks. Half a mile out of Tall Oaks, he drove off the road and stopped his car behind a cluster of dry bushes where it wouldn't be seen. He then unzipped his brown coat to make the heat more bearable and walked back to the highway. He stopped at the edge waited.

The ZPD should be arriving any moment now. When they did, he would have to make it up as he goes along. It was far too hot. The tarmac nearly scorched his feet. But in the end, it would all be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much to say here except that the Hopps Fellowship has been broken, and now Nick and Judy's overprotective father are alone together. Surely they'll get along, right? Right?
> 
> Also, putting Clawhauser and Finnick together is referencing how they were friends in the original script, except back then they never would have been able to get their paws on a Ferrari.


	9. In Which Bucky Oryx-Antlerson flies off the Handle

Nick hadn't taken the wheel of the ZPD car in months, and despite the circumstances he couldn't help but enjoy himself as he tore down the highway at fifty miles an hour. He didn't need a map or a catnav to know that he was heading straight for Tall Oaks, the next stage of their mad journey. He hadn't been to that place since he'd made a delivery for Mr. Big, but he doubted that it had changed much since his last visit. The town derived its name from the unusually tall and thick oak trees that could be seen in every populated street. Said trees were very popular with the kids, especially the ones naturally built for climbing.

In the passenger seat usually occupied by Nick, Stu Hopps stared out the window in silence. The middle-aged rabbit was probably still reeling from the unfortunate incident that had led to their small group splitting apart. Pop-Pop Hopps had given them no choice, Nick reminded himself. He let his bigotry overcome common sense and paid the price. Nick didn't know how to say that Pop-Pop deserved it without making Stu pull out his fox deterrent.

"They'll be fine." Nick finally said, getting the rabbit's attention. "Judy'll take care of them. I bet they've already found another car and are following us right now."

"I can't believe we did that." Stu stared at the road ahead, his ears drooping beneath his cap. "I can't believe... my own father..."

"I know, but think about what's at stake." Nick said. "The theft of those millions cost hundreds of people their jobs and nearly destroyed someone's business. We owe it to them to get that money back." he wasn't used to being this serious, but he knew what was like to suffer the consequences of someone else's actions. It was so unfair, so frustrating, so... "In fact, your father should count himself lucky we didn't decide to arrest him on the spot!" right after he snapped, he immediately regretted his words. "I'm sorry, I..."

"No, you're right." Stu sighed. "I'm going to have a long talk with him about priorities when this is over." With that he turned back to the window and was silent once again.

Nick realized after that that Stu had averted his eyes for the entirety of their brief conversation. Something else was troubling the bunny, and Nick was quite sure that it was a certain fox. It couldn't be the usual reason, Nick thought with a strange flutter in his heart, as Stu had already made it quite clear that he wasn't like his crazy father. Before he could figure out what was up, Nick spotted something up ahead. Someone was standing at the side of the road, trying to wave them down.

As a police officer, Nick couldn't refuse. All the same, he advised Stu to watch out for anything suspicious as he brought the car to a halt. The hitchhiker was a woodchuck with a brown jacket and brown eyes, and he looked very relieved to see them.

"Thanks for stopping, officer!" He gasped, as if standing on the side of a road for who knows how long had totally sapped him of strength.

"What's the trouble?" Nick asked.

"My car broke down and I need to get to Bunnyburrow. Can you give me a lift?"

"Well what do ya know, that's where we're going!" Stu said with an unexpected cheerfulness. "I don't see any harm, what do you think, Officer Wilde?"

Nick supposed he should be lucky that their guest wouldn't delay them too much. "Hop in the back."

"Thanks a whole bunch! The name's Woody!" The woodchuck said eagerly as he jumped in the back seat and clamped in a seatbelt.

_Of course it is_ , Nick thought as they set off again. He handed the phone to Stu. "Mr. Hopps, now's as good a time as any to call Gideon Grey."

* * *

The discovery of the peeling wallpaper behind the cupcake display the day before had been the last straw for Gideon Grey. First thing this morning he put a sign on his shop door explaining that his bakery was closed for redecorating and set to work. Granted he'd never decorated anything that wasn't edible, but how hard could it be?

The removal of the old blue wallpaper went easily enough. Once the paste was mixed up, Gideon unrolled the first roll of wallpaper. He'd chosen different wallpaper from the former, having been advised by little Cotton Hopps that the chocolate chip cookie pattern would be perfect for his business. Sure this wallpaper had been intended for a child's bedroom, but Gideon had been planning to make his shop look more inviting for the kids.

Gideon was about to climb the short stepladder with his new wallpaper when he saw that he'd missed a spot: that very same bit of peeling blue wallpaper behind the cupcake display that had prompted him to undertake this endeavor. "Tarnations." He climbed down, retrieved his scraper tool thingy from the cake counter and went to finish the job. He pulled off half the paper before it tore off, leaving a bunny-sized ragged patch still clinging to the wall. Gideon planted his free paw on the wall to keep himself from losing balance as he set to working scraping.

The big red phone on the back counter rang, startling him. The scraper thing slipped, opening a little cut on his index finger. "Ouch!" He stuck the wounded digit in his mouth as he started making his way over to the persistent phone, before making the big mistake of pulling out and giving himself a full view of the blood.

His eyes rolled up in his head and he keeled over. When Cotton came in the shop to visit seconds later, she found him sprawled over the stepladder like a sleeping bag on a clotheshorse.

As she ran over to wake him up, the phone gave up and went to voicemail. Five seconds later it started up again.

* * *

Disappointed, Bonnie put the payphone back on the cradle, left the booth and returned to Pop-Pop's side.

It was a stroke of luck that the three rabbits were able to hitch a ride with a travelling watchmaker, a rabbit of pure white fur, even if his route didn't take him to Tall Oaks. Instead he would be dropping them off at a car rental store in the neighboring town called Windaland, directly east of Tall Oaks. The town was world famous for its amusement park and gargantuan golf course, both founded by an aristocratic family of hedgehogs known as the Quinoharts. The rabbits were halfway there, stopped at a gas station so the white rabbit could refuel, Judy could go to the little girl's room and Bonnie could try to contact Gideon Grey.

"Well? Is the fox going for it?" Pop-Pop asked bitterly.

"He didn't pick up. He probably went out for something." Bonnie said. "We'll try again when we get to Windaland."

"I still don't like this." Pop-Pop muttered.

"You don't have to." Bonnie replied bluntly. "But Gideon's a good boy. He'll get that money and he'll wait for us."

"If Trudy's 'partner' doesn't get to it first." Pop-Pop said, his glare deepening. "Stu still has that fox taser, right?"

"He swapped it for a general taser after the Nighthowler Incident, you know that."

"Hmph. That'll have to do."

Now Bonnie was glaring back at him. "Pop-Pop, we need to have a talk about boundaries. One of these days you're going to go too far and say something that will get us in a lot of trouble." She didn't bother mentioning that it had already happened. Why else would they be standing in the middle of nowhere, separated from Stu and Nick? Why else would they be in this mess in the first place?

Judy came out the outdoors toilet and rushed over to them, just as the white rabbit finished refueling. Bonnie glanced at the price on the meter and handed the rabbit the money from her purse as thanks for the lift. The rabbit thanked her in return and went into the store to pay for the gas as his hitchhikers climbed back into the car. With Pop-Pop sulking in the front, Judy and Bonnie buckled in and rolled down the windows to let out some of the heat.

"Judy, darling?" Bonnie spoke after a couple minutes waiting for the White Rabbit to return. "You've been quiet since Nick and your father left. How're you doing?"

"I'm fine." Judy said, even thought her ears were droopy.

"No, you're not. You're upset about being separated from your friend, aren't you?"

Judy sighed and tugged on her black vest. "It wasn't supposed to go this way. We're partners. And I'm worried about him being alone with my dad. I can tell he's still not fully comfortable about foxes."

"It's just like love in  _Black Beauty and the Beast_ , sweetheart. These things take time. Anyway, you heard what he said earlier. He's surely accepted your friend by now."

Judy smiled a little at that. "I've got nothing to worry about, have I?"

Bonnie smiled back. "Besides, he's completely fine around Gideon Grey. It's just Nick that gets him nervous for some reason."

Judy's ears perked up. "And why is that?"

Bonnie shrugged. "I wish I knew. Anyway, I'm mad at you, Judy Hopps."

"What? Why?" Judy asked, confused.

Bonnie put on her miffed mom face. "You misled me about Nicholas."

"How did I mislead you?"

"When I met him earlier this morning, he turned out to be far more mature than you made him out to be."

"What?"

"Judy, you talked about him like he behaved like an utter juvenile while working with you."

"Oh come on, what on earth could I have said to make you think he was like that?"

Bonnie raised her voice a couple of octaves to mimic her daughter. "Gosh, I just wanna strangle him sometimes! Did you know he once glued my mouse to my desk? I swear, Chief Bogo is just one crack away from snapping that fox like a raw carrot!"

Judy turned pink and burst out laughing. "Oh sweet cheese and crackers, was I really that bad?!"

"There were a couple of times where you actually cursed."

"Mom, I was exaggerating!" Judy exclaimed before laughing some more, and. "I can't believe you believed all that!"

Bonnie laughed with her. "There we go! Now that we've got a smile back on your pretty face, why don't we focus on solving the case?"

Judy wiped her eyes, her cheeks still slightly coloured. "Okay mom."

Bonnie pulled a striped notebook out her purse. "Until we can try to call Gideon again, why don't you get your carrot pen out and we'll work on figuring out what this Blue Goliath is."

* * *

"Anchor, up." Raymond spoke into the little black device.

Nothing happened.

"Anchor, rise."

Nothing happened.

"Anchor, in!"

Nothing happened.

"Anchor, reel in!"

Nothing happened.

"Anchor, come up or die!"

Nothing happened.

Raymond looked sharply at the dripping wet Kevin. "Any ideas?"

Kevin shrugged. "You already said everything I'd have thought of."

Raymond restrained himself from tossing the device at the wall. Instead he set it down on the controls and took deep breaths. "This is your fault." He snarled. "If you hadn't fallen overboard, I wouldn't have had to lower that stupid thing!"

"If you hadn't made that sharp turn I wouldn't have fallen!" Kevin snapped indignantly. "You're probably not using the right phrase. Doesn't that microphone come with a manual?"

Raymond waved his arms around. "D'you see a manual around here?"

"Settle down, it might be below decks. Let's go check."

* * *

Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson crawled onto the muddy riverbank. The now useless Jet Ski went on without them, the current carrying it away.

Pronk wiped the water from his face and glared at Bucky. "And just exactly how did the handlebars come off?"

"I dunno, it was all a blur." Bucky mumbled. He got up and pulled Pronk up with him. "Let's just walk. The next dock can't be too far."

"Any idea how much we're going to have to pay to replace that thing?"

"Once we get that money, that won't be a problem."

" _If_  we get that money. We should have stuck with the eight shares."

Bucky didn't answer that. Too cold and miserable to start another fight, they walked along the riverbank in silence until they went round a bend and saw what looked to be salvation. In the middle of the river was the very yacht their polar bear opponents had commandeered.

Bucky and Pronk looked at each other and grinned, both coming up with the same idea at the same time. They wouldn't walk to the next dock. Raymond and Kevin would take them right to Bunnyburrow and not even know it.

They quickly spied their way onboard, the thick grey chain of the anchor, and quietly went back into the water.

* * *

With the phone to his ear, Chief Bogo stared at the computer screen in front of him. "Looking at what I've got here, most of these people have no record at all. But now we're ready to book them for withholding information, obstructing the course of justice, assault and battery, assaulting a police officer, reckless driving, reckless endangerment, causing accidents, failing to report accidents..."

_"Just goes to show what greed can do to a mammal."_  Bitter spoke from the phone.  _"From what the other authorities have told us, Mr. Finnick and your Front Desk Officer are currently taking the lead in this race. They're about fifteen minutes from Crabapple Valley. Depending on traffic it could take them between forty five minutes to an hour to get through that town and then it's a full hour's drive to Bunnyburrow."_

"Have the Bunnyburrow authorities been informed of the supposed location of the money?"

There was a pause on the other end.  _"Chief Irons felt it would be safer if fewer people knew of the Blue Goliath."_

Bogo tapped his fingers on his desk. "The sheriff is not going to appreciate being kept in the dark like this."

_"He's been told of the situation itself. It's the blue goliath we left out."_

"Oh. I still don't like it."

_"I'm sorry but that's something you'll have to discuss with Chief Irons."_

The kidney stone sent another wave of pain through the cape buffalo's body. "Of course." He growled, his fingers digging into the wood of his desk.

Bitter sighed deeply.  _"You two are never going to get along, are you?"_

"Never. But I don't work with him on a daily basis, so I can't complain." Bogo spoke with sympathy towards the moose.

_"Yes, lucky you. I've got to go, I need to get an update from the Crabapple Valley PD and... gah!"_

Bogo straightened, provoking his kidney stone into inflicting more pain. "Bitter? What happened?"

_"Oh crap!"_  Bitter cried with unexpected energy. Bogo heard traffic in the background.  _"Not again, drat!"_

Bogo smirked. "You did it again didn't you?"

_"I've got to stop opening that window all the way, crap!"_  Bitter was running. Bogo heard a door open.

"You threw your coat and missed the stand, didn't you?"

_"I'll call you later, sir!"_  With that, Bitter hung up.

Bogo rubbed his tired eyes. This was turning out to be an absolutely crazy day. A dead casino robber. Road raging rabbits. A giant spider almost killing the mayor through sheer terror. Three officers going on an unexpected road trip. And now defenestrated coats.

_Ain't life in Zootopia grand?_

A slightly distorted rendition of Try Everything reached the weary chief's ears. His mobile phone was demanding his attention. Bogo put the phone to his ear. _"Afternoon, auntie!"_  It was Clawhauser.

Bogo glanced at his watch. It was indeed past noon. "What's the news, Clawhauser?"

_"We're almost to Crabapple Valley, auntie. We've just stopped for a pee break."_

"Is Finnick still with you?" It was the only reason Clawhauser would continue to risk his own safety with this 'auntie' business.

_"Yes, auntie."_

"Clawhauser, if you must use an alias would you kindly use a male one?"

_"Yes, auntie... hello, uncle! Sorry, I panicked when I said that!"_

"That's much better. Have you figured out the Blue Goliath, yet?"

_"Not yet, uncle. Maybe we'll figure it out once we get there."_

"Where is Finnick right now?"

_"He's just bringing Lucille in from the trunk."_

"Lucille?"

_"His bat. Just in case I try anything stupid."_

"Ugh, a Prowling Dead fan, is he?"

_"And proud of it."_

"Just play it safe and don't give him any reason to go all Neighan on your butt."

_"Yes, uncle. Oh, and by the way Spider Bogo's doing fine."_

"... You named that multi-legged trouble maker after me?"

_"Well, he's big, strong, and a total badass. Like you! Also, he's the exact the same color as you."_  Clawhauser replied blithely.  _"Oh, was that wrong?"_  
"Call him whatever you want, I don't care." Bogo said coolly, even if he did appreciate the positive comparison just a little.

_"That your auntie again?"_  Came a snide deep voice in the background. It must be Finnick.

_"Oh, it's my uncle actually!"_  Clawhauser said.

_"Great. Who's Bogo?"_

_Hell on earth._  "Clawhauser, play it cool." Bogo said quietly. "Say he's an old friend."

_"He's an old friend."_  Clawhauser repeated. Bogo heard the car door open.  _"Hey, don't step on the box!"_

_"Okay, jeez!"_  The car door was slammed shut.  _"It's just donuts, chill out!"_

_"It's not donuts. Please just be careful around that box."_

_"If it's not donuts then what is it?"_

_"No, don't look down!"_   
_"If you're GAAAAHHH!"_

_"I told you not to look!"_

_"What the hell is that thing?!"_

_"It's a tarantula, and I'm taking him to Bunnyburrow! There's an insect zoo there! Please don't yell, you'll frighten him!"_

_"What the frick are you doing keeping that thing in the front?!"_

_"Because he wouldn't be safe in the trunk, that's why!"_

_"Get it away from me!"_

_"Please calm down, he can't hurt you inside that box! Be careful with that bat!" He heard a wooden thud, as if Finnick had kicked it in his attempts to widen the distance between himself and the spider. "Be careful, you'll make it fall on- BOOOGOOOOO! BOGO, NOOOOOOOO! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"_

_"It was an accident, I didn't mean to-"_

_"NO, PLEASE DON'T BE SQUISHED!"_

"Clawhauser, what happened?" Bogo yelled into the phone, only to be ignored.

_"I'm sorry, I'll buy a new one, just stop-"_

_"Bogo! You're alive!"_

_"SON OF A VIXEN IT'S OUT!"_

_"Bogo! No, don't go under the seat!"_

_"RUN! SEAL OFF THE STATION!"_

_"Stop shouting, you're scaring him! Finnick! Finnick, put Lucille down!"_

_"YOU'RE NOT SINKING YOUR TEETH IN ME, BUG!"_

_"NO! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"_

_"HOLY CRAP IT'S COMING UP THE SEAAAAAAAAA-"_

The line went dead.

Bogo sat frozen in his chair, his mouth agape as he waited for Clawhauser to call him back. He didn't.

The chief slowly put the phone down beside his desk phone and reached for his carton of cranberry juice.

He didn't know how much more of this he could take.


	10. In Which Melvin remembers the Flaw in the Ship

A dejected Judy emerged from the rental shop to find her Pop-Pop and mother sitting on a bench. Pop-Pop was still silently fuming after the incident outside Pride City, while Bonnie was busying herself taking pictures of everything in sight with her vintage camera. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"Taking pictures, dear." Bonnie replied, smirking at her daughter asking her about the blatantly obvious. "I heard that Windaland was a popular tourist destination for artists, but I never expected this place to be so... strange looking." Indeed, the city of Windaland was Zootopia's diverse architecture turned up to eleven. No two buildings were the same size or shape, and Judy was sure that if she pulled out an IKEA color booklet, she would find five pages worth of shades in this street alone. Even the graffiti on the side of the store was pretty to look at.

A dejected Judy emerged from the rental shop to find her Pop-Pop and mother sitting on a bench. Pop-Pop was still silently fuming after the incident outside Pride City, while Bonnie was busying herself taking pictures of everything in sight with her vintage camera. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"Taking pictures, dear." Bonnie replied, smirking at her daughter asking her about the blatantly obvious. "I heard that Windaland was a popular tourist destination for artists, but I never expected this place to be so... strange looking." Indeed, the city of Windaland was Zootopia's diverse architecture turned up to eleven. No two buildings were the same size or shape, and Judy was sure that if she pulled out an IKEA color booklet, she would find five pages worth of shades in this street alone. Even the graffiti on the side of the store was pretty to look at.

"You should see the golf course." Judy replied. "It looks like we're officially screwed, mom."

Bonnie lowered her camera. "What do you mean?"

"They're all out." Judy said. "There's a big festival south of this city, so the tourists rented every car in the store. The manager said that if we want to continue south, we'll have to take a bus to the next city."

"We've got money. That shouldn't be a problem."

"I'm pretty sure the world is out to stop us from getting that money at this point, because there's a catch." Judy sat between her mother and grandfather and rubbed the back of her neck. "The bus stops that have buses that go to Crabapple Valley are all located on the other side of the golf course."

Bonnie's face fell. The golf course took up fifty percent of the city's land area. "I see."

"We'll have to take a bus to go all the way around the course, and that could take half an hour at least." Judy said. She hung her head. "At this rate, we're never going to make it to Bunnyburrow in time."

Bonnie gave her daughter's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Why not just go through the course itself?"

Judy's ears pricked. "The course?"

Bonnie handed her a brightly colored leaflet. "I found this while you were in the shop. According to this leaflet, the golf course has several side business and facilities. The original croquet grounds, an outdoors gym, a swimming pool..."

"Get to the point, woman!" Pop-Pop said irritably.

"You see, Judy, the golf course itself is full of sculptures, exotic trees and other minor tourist attractions. If you don't want to golf, you can still hire a golf cart and take yourself on a tour of the grounds. The only rules are that you stick to the path and you don't disturb the golfers. We could just buy tickets for a one way trip and drive to the center on the other side. There should also be a payphone there so we can try to call Gideon."

Judy brightened at this news. "Mom, you're a genius."

* * *

The cheetah kid hadn't spoken to Finnick since the incident. He just stared straight ahead as he drove, a semi-permanent scowl on his face.

When Finnick by his own admittance freaked the hell out at Spider Bogo escaping, Benjamin had managed to wrest Lucille from the fox's grip before safely retrieving the spider from the backrest of the seat. With the donut box crushed beyond use, Spider Bogo was now being stored in the glove box, with the door very slightly open and held in place with duct tape so he'd have air. This was Finnick's punishment for his carelessness. He had to stay in his seat with the glove box right in front of him, watching the spider occasionally poke a leg or two out the crack, in constant fear that the duct tape would come away and release the eight-legged terror once more. Lucille had been confiscated. It was locked in the trunk and only Ben had the keys. As a final penalty, Finnick would pay for the new container they would have to get once they reached Crabapple Valley.

Finnick wasn't bothered about the twenty bucks he would have to give up. He had bigger problems to worry about, more specifically how he was going to give Ben the slip.

He'd known something about the car was off when he saw the radio, and his suspicions had grown when he'd heard Ben mention a 'Bogo'. Bogo, as in Chief Bogo of Precinct One, Nick's new boss. It wasn't until he'd caught a glimpse of a badge in the glove box when they were putting the tarantula inside that Finnick's suspicions were confirmed; this kid was a cop.

Luckily for Finnick, he was just as sly as his old partner in crime. And Finnick had a plan.

In Crabapple Valley was a bug shop that would have the kind of container they needed for such a big spider, and that shop was right across the street from a bar frequented by some old friends of Finnick's. He'd already sent them a text when Ben wasn't looking. When he and Ben reached the shop, his buddies would make a scene in the street. As a cop, Ben would be obliged to intervene. During the domestic disturbance, Finnick would slip away and find another means of getting to Bunnyburrow. If the Ferrari weren't so big, he'd have also planned to pickpocket the keys.

Finnick felt his phone vibrate, and read the text. The buddy who sent it, Old Greg, had agreed in exchange for ten percent of the money if Finnick reached it first. Finnick texted back his acceptance of the deal, sat back in his massive seat, and waited for the plan to come together.

A grey hairy leg protruded from the glove box and poked at the duct tape.

* * *

Raymond and Kevin searched the three bedrooms. They searched the kitchen, the bathroom and the storage room, but unbelievably they didn't find the manual for the yacht's unique system. In the end, the last place they could look were the two holds in the stern, the normal one and the secret one for not-so-legal cargo. Fortunately Philippe had told them where the entrance was before they set off and they quickly found it, disguised as a bland metal panel at the back of the normal hold.

"Okay, where's that microphone?" Raymond started to dig around in his pockets.

"There's a microphone hidden in the door." Kevin said. "Philippe said."

Raymond stepped up to the panel. "Door, open."

Nothing happened.

"Open, door."

Still nothing. Raymond growled.

"Panel, open!"

This was getting old.

"Open, you useless, frickin'..."

"Open Sesame." Kevin said. There was a beep and the panel opened. Raymond stared at his companion. "I finally remembered the film.  _Burrow Alone 4_. That and  _3_  were C movies compared to the first two."

"... I'll go in and look for the manual. You look out here. Also,  _3_  was just as good as  _1_  and  _2_."

Kevin bristled, just like he did when they argued over which adaptation,  _Black Beauty and the Beast_ and _Beauty_   _and the Wilderbeast_ , was the best one. "Uh, no.  _3_  was the pits!"

"The pits in  _3_  were genius. All the traps were!"

" _3_  is the foundation on which all badness is measured!"

"The hell it is, hairball!"

"Oh really? What makes you so sure?"

"I'll say four words for you:  _Fifty. Shades. Of. Prey_!"

"... Okay, you're right about that, but you're wrong about  _Burrow Alone_!"

"We'll discuss this later! Now get moving!"

As Raymond climbed through the secret entrance, he finally remembered. He'd left the little black device in the bridge.

* * *

Melvin the stoat leaned on the battered old bench, watching and waiting for his battered coffee machine to finish preparing the precious brew. As the dark liquid slowly filled the glass jug, it occurred to him that there was a teensy bit of information that he and Philippe had not told the two polar bears; the special black devices could not be used inside the hold. The door could still be locked on command, but if the user were inside when they did so then they would be trapped.

Melvin pulled out the jug and filled his cracked, handmade mug, thinking nothing more of it. Raymond and Kevin had no reason to go into the hold, unless for some reason they needed the spare manual kept in a small safe in the secret hold, and certainly no reason to lock to door from the inside. So what were the odds of that happening?

* * *

Bucky and Pronk saw that the bridge was empty once they were onboard the yacht. That meant either the tracksuit bears weren't on board or they had gone below deck. Both Oryx-Antlersons guessed the latter.

This put a minor dint in their plan. If Bucky and Pronk went down to find a place to stow away, there was a high chance they would run into the bears. Unless they had a distraction.

Bucky and Pronk ducked behind a couch in the lounge area behind the bridge and quietly bickered over their next course of action until Bucky got an idea. "There must be hundreds of switches in the bridge. Maybe we could set off an alarm or something."

"Won't the bears think something's up?" Pronk asked.

Bucky rubbed his chin. "Do you have any cigs?"

"Neither of us smoke, you moron."

"A big ship like this must have a fire alarm. The bear with the plaster on his big nose looks like he smokes. Maybe we can trick them into thinking they set off the alarm by accident."

"And if we don't?" Pronk didn't want to risk adding that this was a stupid idea without provoking a massive, attention drawing fight.

"Then we'll just have to find the best hiding spot on the boat, won't we? Come on, let's go."

They snuck through the open door and entered the bridge. They saw the many different buttons and displays around the steering wheel. At least it  _seemed_  like dozens. Neither of them were experts on yachts, so they had no idea what did what. Surely one of them set off an alarm.

While Bucky approached the steering wheel, Pronk noticed a strange black stick on the control board. Thinking it to be some kind of switch, Pronk pulled it to see what it would do and found it to be a separate small object. It looked like a pencil-shaped microphone. Near the speaker bit was a tiny switch set to 'on'.

Bucky drummed his fingers on the control board, drawing Pronk's attention with the annoying sound. "Would it kill them to put signs on these switches?"

Pronk rolled the strange device in his hooves. "Maybe not enough space. Maybe there's a manual underneath?"

There was a small shelf compartment beneath the control board. Bucky soon found the manual. It was as thick as a fat sardine. Bucky opened it at a random page. His eyebrows knitted together. "What the heck is this?" Pronk asked what he was talking about. "There's this weird list of commands. Listen to this: Weigh, anchor."

They heard a steady clinking sound coming from the direction of the anchor they had just climbed. When it stopped, they turned back to the book.

"That list's in alphabetical order. Go find the start and see what it's for." Pronk said.

Bucky flipped back a few pages until he reached the 'A's. "They're commands to give to the key, whatever the heck that is."

"What other commands are there?" Pronk asked, his eyes turning down to the device in his eyes.

Bucky took a few seconds to pick one out. "Bridge lights, on." All the lights in the bridge turned on, barely visible in the daylight.

Pronk grinned. "Cool."

Bucky picked out more commands, just as intrigued. "Air conditioning, on." In seconds there was a gentle draught. "All doors, lock."

* * *

_Click._

Kevin's heart dropped to his stomach and he whirled towards the hold's door, just as Raymond shouted and rushed out the secret hold.

"Kevin, I found it!" He had the manual in his large paws. "We were saying it wrong after all! The right command is 'Weigh, anchor!'"

Kevin pointed to the door. "Ra-Raymond..."

"What?"

Before Kevin could stammer out what had just happened, they heard the hum of the engine being restarted. Before it could fully sink in that their yacht had been hijacked, the entire vessel started forward with a jolt and sent them face-planting into a crate of fish.

* * *

The phone rang with Chief Bogo's name displayed on the luminous screen. With Nick driving, it was left to Stu to answer. "Hello?"

"Put it on speaker." Nick said, and Stu obliged.

"Hey, Chief. How's it hanging?" Nick answered cheerfully, even though he was about to tell the angry bovine that he and Judy had been separated.

_"Wilde, first off, where are you?"_  Bogo asked bitingly.

"We're making our way through Tall Oaks, sir." Nick said.

There was a nasty silence.  _"Tall Oaks. Are you serious, Wilde?"_

"Sir, I can explain..."

_"Officer Clawhauser left the city after you and he's mere minutes from Crabapple Valley! You and Hopps better have a good reason for lagging, Wilde!"_

"We do, sir. A tire blew. It took half an hour to get the spare on."

Stu blinked.

"A tire?" the rabbit asked.

Nick nodded noiselessly. "Also, Hopps' mother got seriously car sick, so Hopps had to stay behind with her in Pride City. It's just me and her father now."

_"For crying out loud, what next?!"_  There was a thud. Bogo must have punched the desk.  _"Alright, if Mrs Hopps became too sick to continue that's fair enough. But if you don't get that money back then you and your partner will be on parking duty for the rest of the year. Do I make myself clear?!"_

"Yessir. Out of curiosity, what exactly is Clawhauser doing?"

_"He's travelling to Bunnyburrow, just like you. He's taking that tarantula back to where it belongs, and he picked up another of the suspects along the way."_

"What? Who?"

_"The fennec fox. Apparently his van had an accident and he's hitchhiked with Clawhauser, not knowing that he's an officer."_

"You're kidding."

_"I don't kid."_

"Says the guy who tricked me on my first day on the force."

_"Shut it, Wilde. The bottom line is that Clawhauser is now involved with the case."_

"I didn't think the big guy would ever leave his desk."

_"Contact him as soon as possible, and make damn sure you aren't the last ones there!"_  With that, Bogo hung up.

Nick and Stu traded glances. At this rate, the case would have more twists and turns than Little Rodentia's walkway system.

In the back seat, Bruce wiped the sweat from the back of his neck with a handkerchief and sent a text explaining everything he'd just heard. One minute later, he received a reply.

[Bring them in.]

Bruce smirked and started typing another text for his two friends in Podunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some fun coming up with the different towns our characters pass through during the course of this story. My favourite is probably Windaland, which I intentionally wrote to be more like an old amusement park than an actual town.


	11. In Which Bruce Wood hatches his Dastardly Plan

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

BAM! Raymond slammed the fresh dead tuna into the sealed door again and again, the sound echoing in the hold. BAM!

"Da-" BAM!

"You son of a-" BAM!

"You piece of-" BAM!

"You dirty ba-" BAM!

Keeping a safe distance, Kevin tried and failed to get a signal on his phone. BAM!

"You slimy-" BAM!

"You moist barrel of-" BAM!

"Flrrnargle-" BAM!

"Rasputinrrlll-" BAM!

"Fushicubitwabolcra-" BAM!

* * *

After another failed attempt to call Gideon Grey, Stu was in dire need of a pee break. Nick stopped the police car on Bark Street, a wide street full of restaurants, in the heart of Tall Oaks at the woodchuck's recommendation.

Stu squirmed in his seat. "Mr. Woody, please tell me the toilet isn't too far from here."

Woody's smile widened. "There's a public one right down there." He pointed to a small brick building on the corner of the street, four restaurants down. "'Scuse me, I wanna get a snack. Be right back!" He climbed out the car and ran off in the other direction, disappearing into a pizza takeaway called Domimouse.

"Thank heavens for that!" Stu practically leapt out the car, followed closely by the bemused Nick. The restaurant they'd stopped outside, Trunky's and Beary's, appeared to be undergoing renovations. The old glass panel of the large front window had been removed and its replacement was leaning against the wall, waiting to be set in place.

Nick locked up the car and pulled out a snack of his own, a blueberry pawpsicle, to suck on. As they set off down the street, Nick kept glancing at the elder Hopps. For a rabbit on the verge of peeing his pants, Stu was moving rather slowly. His ears were droopy and he was refusing to look at the fox walking next to him. "Okay, what's up?" He asked, two restaurants from the public restroom.

Stu's ears twitched and he walked a little faster. "Nothing, everything's fine and dandy! I mean, aside from the fact that I'm going to jail and my father's probably never going to forgive me for taking his pants off."

"True, but on the other hand Carrots probably would never have forgiven you for not standing up to him." Nick said calmly. "Do you like pawpsicles?"

"Never tried one."

"I've got a strawberry one, a lime one and a vanilla one in a mini cooler in the trunk if you're interested."

"Should you really be keeping something like that in a police car?"

"It doesn't take up much space and your daughter uses it for her carrot juice cans. It's okay, Mr. Hopps."

They reached the public restroom and took a stall each. Nick finished first, washed his hands and waited outside for Judy's father. He looked up the street at the police car but saw no sign of Woody. There must be a line in Domimouse, and Nick hoped it was a short one. They didn't have much time to get to Bunnyburrow first, but they still couldn't leave a stranded citizen behind. Stu emerged from the restroom but didn't look at Nick. "Come on." He said simply. Something was up and it wasn't fear of jail or Pop-Pop's cane, but Nick chose not to press the issue as they strode back up the street towards the car. This was shaping up to be similar to the first time he met Judy, when she stood up for him inside an ice cream shop wearing a clown vest and a tiny can of fox repellent.  _Never let them see that they get to you._  He told himself.  _But more importantly, don't jump to conclusions._  Last time he did that, at the press conference after Mayor Lionfart's arrest and Assistant Mayor Smellwether's rise to power, he and Judy had been torn apart for three months.

A van had pulled up behind the police car, bearing  _Hundred Acre Renovator_  in large black letters. The people working on Trunky's and Beary's, a tiger, a yellow bear, a small pig and a donkey, were all inside and the large pane of glass was still leaning against the wall. Still there was no sign of Woody, but there was nothing they could do but sit in the car and wait. Stu stopped on the pavement next to the car to wait for Nick. Nick stopped beside the emotionally distant rabbit and raised his key to unlock the doors.

His ear twitched. He'd just heard the faint thud of something hitting glass. He turned round to see the large pane of glass leaning  _towards_  them.

"Hopps!" He grabbed Stu by the strap of his overalls and yanked the rabbit to the left. They reached the front of the car right as they heard a deafening crash. Nick thrust the stunned bunny in front of him and felt pieces of glass bounce off his body, two particularly razor sharp pieces sending hot pain through the skin of his right arm and thigh. He skidded to a stop five feet from the car, Stu dangling from his paw, and turned towards the carnage. The pavement next to the car was covered in hundreds of tiny shards of glass, right where Nick and Stu had been standing. The workers were rushing outside to investigate and groaning at the costly damage.

Nick smirked in relief, at the same time feeling a cold chill rise up his spine. If he hadn't heard that thud and got himself and Stu out of there...

"Holy guacamole." Stu muttered. Nick put him down and looked him up and down. Luckily none of the glass shards had harmed the bunny. Nick checked his own wounds and found two shallow cuts, one on his forearm and a slightly longer one on the side of his thigh. "Good heavens, you're hurt!" Stu cried upon noticing. "You're bleeding!"

"It's not as bad as it looks." Nick assured. "We've got a first aid kit in the back."

Stu was trembling. "Oh my... If you hadn't pulled me out the way... you saved my life..."

"What the heck happened?!" Yelled Woody, running around the mess of broken glass to reach them.

"Left my lucky clover at home." Nick replied. "Are you okay, Mr. Hopps?"

"I'm fine. You..."

"Come on, let's get out of here before something else happens." Nick said. He wasn't looking forward to explaining this in the report.

"I could do with a pee break myself." Woody said, looking very upset at the incident. "Be right back." He quickly strode off towards the public restroom.

After a short discussion with the workers over the dangers of leaving a large pane of glass unattended, Nick unlocked the car and retrieved the first aid kit from the trunk. He climbed into the driver's seat, wincing from his cuts, before the box was snatched from him.

"Here, let me take care of this." Stu said, propping himself on the side of the seat. His eyes did not share the same vivid purple as his daughter's but his gaze had the exact same intensity.

"Mr. Hopps..."

"I've done this before. When you have nearly three hundred children you become a part time doctor." He wordlessly chose to treat the forearm first and started applying antiseptic. "Thank you, Nicholas. If you hadn't pulled me out the way, I would have lost a limb or worse."

"That's what we do here at the ZPD." Nick cringed as the antiseptic stung. "You're a part time doctor. Do you think they'll scar?"

"I doubt it." Stu replied, sounding relieved by his own words. "They're not as deep as they could have been." He started disinfecting the thigh cut.

Nick cringed some more. "Drat. If they scarred, I'd have a cool story to tell my fellow boys in blue. 'Oh, these old scars? I just got these saving my partner's old man from being carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey.'" Stu snorted with laughter, and it reminded Nick of Judy. "Of course I'd tell them the truth after a few minutes of silent awe."

Stu put away the antiseptic, pulled the door closed and pulled out a roll of bandages. "You'll want to take off your pants for this."

"Both of them?"

Stu chuckled again and shook his head. "The blue ones."

"They're both blue."

"You know how my daughter rants about you a lot?"

"I do."

"I get it."

By then, Nick's outer pants, not his underpants, were down, and Stu started applying the bandage. "After this palaver is done, you should go to a hospital just to be safe."

"I will, Mr. Hopps. Thanks for this, by the way."

"You're welcome." Stu replied. "It's still not enough, though. Is there any other way I can repay you?"

Nick rubbed his chin dramatically. "Hmmmm... You can tell me what's  _really_  bothering you."

Stu sighed deeply. "Waltzed right into that, didn't I?"

"Well?"

Stu finished with the thigh and started wrapping up the cut on Nick's arm. "Ever since I met you, I haven't been able to stop thinking about that press conference. You know, the one where..."

"I know. What about it?"

The buck chewed his lip with his buckteeth. "You know when Judy took to the stage... and she said all that stuff about..."

"I know."

"Please let me finish."

"Sorry."

"I keep thinking about all that stuff she said. 'Clearly there's a biological component'. 'Predators may be reverting back to their primitive savage ways'." Stu looked down at his knees. "Foxes are the worst'."

Nick frowned at that last statement. "She never said that at the conference."

"She might as well have. The point is, all that nonsense she said on live television was stuff we'd been putting into her head since she was a kit." With that, Nick understood. "You know what happened after that. First Zootopia started turning against thousands of innocent predators, then Judy quit her job at the ZPD. She hadn't looked so depressed since her first boyfriend dumped her for not being a normal doe."

"A 'normal doe', huh?" Nick repeated, thinking what he'd do if he ever met this first boyfriend.

"It was after that when I had a realization." Stu went on as he finished treating Nick's arm. "If our beliefs towards predators hurt people who never hurt us, then our beliefs are wrong. It was after that that I took a leap of faith and became partners with Gideon Grey. The point is, I can't help but feel responsible for nearly ruining my daughter's life, and so many others'."

Nick patted Stu's shoulder. "Sometimes you have to learn the hard way."

"Well, never again." Stu said. "I admit I'm still not fully comfortable around you, but I'm working on it. If you'll give old fools like me and my wife a second chance..." He looked at Nick hopefully.

Nick smiled, not smirked, and pulled out an orange pawpsicle. "I forgot I had a carrot flavored one, too."

Stu smiled back and gave a suck. "It's good."

Nick tested the bandage. The rabbit was a pro. "You know, once upon a time I actually fit the stereotype. When I met Judy I was a pawpsicle hustler."

Stu stopped in the middle of packing up the first aid kit. "Really?"

"Yes, and that wasn't the only thing I did. I sold a skunk butt rug to a crime lord."

"Sweet cheese and crackers!"

"Tell me about it. You should know that I wasn't doing this from birth."

"I wasn't thinking that. So what made you become a hustler?"

"The fact that a lot of people didn't want to employ a shifty fox." Nick replied. Stu's eyelids lowered in his shame. "That and one other thing."

With no judgment in his eyes, Stu waited for him to continue. "What?"

Nick couldn't believe he was doing this again, but he did it regardless. "Well, I was eight or maybe nine, and all I wanted to do was join the Junior Ranger Scouts..."

* * *

When the papering was complete, the next stage in Operation Bakery Renovation was varnishing the wooden floor. Gideon Grey was almost done, kneeling within the front door as he gently applied the dark vanish with a wide paintbrush. The varnish would take three hours to dry according to the side of the tin. Cotton was sitting at one of the small circular tables outside, helping herself to a pie.

Right as he applied the last stroke, he heard the phone ring, all the way on the counter at the other side of the room.

"Oh cheese, not again!" Gideon muttered. He decided to ignore it for now. If it was important they would phone back later, hopefully when he was back at home with his other phone. Eventually the phone stopped. Ten seconds later it started again. Gideon scowled and put the lid back on the tin, trying to block out the ringing. The phone stopped. Five seconds later it started again. "Confound it, I'm coming!"

Gideon rose to his feet so fast he tripped over the tin and stumbled forward... right onto the wet, sticky varnish.

He'd worn old paint boots to avoid getting stains on the fur of his feet, and they stuck to the varnish like magnets. One foot slipped right out his left boot as he struggled to avoid falling, losing the other with another step. The ringing went on. "For the love of raspberries and cream!" The socks he wore to avoid blisters from the old stiff boots came next, flopping lifelessly onto the floor. Then Gideon lost the battle to avoid falling and fell onto his paws and knees. The phone kept ringing. "Quiet down, you! I'm moving as fast as I can!" When he lifted his legs, the pants legs remained fixed to the floor.  _Sweet cheese and crackers._  The phone kept ringing. Gideon had no choice but to slip right out of his overalls and force his way across the rest of the floor in nothing but his shirt, apron and pie-patterned underpants. "Cripes! Crackers! Cheese on a cake! There're my overalls away, next!"

Half naked, his feet sticky with varnish, his clothing leaving a long trail across the inside of the bakery, Gideon reached the phone a millisecond too late. It didn't ring again. To add insult to injury, Cotton started squealing with laughter behind him.

* * *

Befuddled, Bonnie Hopps stepped out the phone booth and returned to her Pop-Pop and daughter's place in the queue to get tickets for the golf course tour. "He must still be out somewhere. We'll try again on the other side."

"Take it easy, mom. If we don't get a hold of him, dad and Nick will." Judy said. They reached the ticket stand; Judy bought three one-way tickets and was given directions to the carts they would ride to the other side of Windaland's famous golf course.

"Yes, they will." Pop-Pop spoke, trailing behind them as they made their way over to the building that housed the special golf carts used exclusively for tours. "And then they will tell that fat fox the location of millions in stolen cash and then we'll never see him or the money from that day to this."

Judy almost crushed the tickets in her fist. "I have never spoken to you like this before, Pop-Pop, and god forgive me for saying this... but if you don't shut your mouth I will happily shut it for you!"

Bonnie gasped but did nothing to defend her father in law.

They picked an Easter egg blue cart for their journey. With Judy at the wheel and Bonnie and Pop-Pop in the back, they were on their way. They drove through a white picket gate decorated with white and red roses and entered the golf course.

It was every bit as massive and majestic as the leaflet claimed. The green stretched as far as the eye could see. All around the course stood hills, faux flowers as tall as giraffes, and a myriad of sculptures. The path the tour carts were confined to was a road of yellow brick. Everywhere they looked there was a work of art. Right as they went through the gate they passed a red statue of a cowering lion. Farther ahead along the road was a set of large wooden sculptures depicting a mouse, a hare and a cat in a top hat in the midst of a very messy tea party. All the way on the other side of the green where three golfers were playing at the first hole was a giant silver watch swinging like a pendulum from the branch of a redwood tree. Right away Bonnie had her camera out and was taking pictures.

"This place is amazing! It almost makes me glad that we've gone on this crazy trip." The older doe breathed as she photographed a giant sunflower with big eyes and red lips. "Isn't this place amazing, Pop-Pop?"

Pop-Pop was leaning on his cane in surly silence. "I've seen crazier."

Bonnie swallowed, her face falling, and looked to her daughter in the front. "Judy, aren't you glad I suggested this?"

"Uh-huh." Judy said quietly.

Bonnie nervously stroked the camera with her finger. "I heard there's a prize if you spot the Chesire Cat, the Wicked Witch of the Nest and the Wizard of Ox and take pictures of them."

Neither of them answered. The cart continued on from hole one to hole two to hole three. Bonnie looked out her side of the cart and- "Look! It's the Wizard of Ox!" Above the line of trees dangling from a wire was a metal hot air balloon, an ox in a nice green suit leaning out of the basket. Bonnie took a picture, beaming. "One down! I'm enjoying this already, aren't you?"

Judy and Pop-Pop were too busy refusing to speak to or look at each other to reply. Bonnie fell silent, not liking the tension at all.

The cart carried them past hole four, hole five, a sculpture of a bear queen playing croquet with a flamingo club and hedgehog balls, hole six, hole seven, hole eight, a pair of giant ruby slippers, none of them speaking until they reached hole sixteen with its neighboring field of authentic poppies and Bonnie let out a shout of delight.

"Oh my gosh, the Wicked Witch!" She took a picture of the green gazelle in a witch's costume glaring down at them from her broomstick, barely visible over the line of large poppies. "Two down, one more to go!"

"Way to go, mom." Judy finally spoke, managing a small smile. "Just the Cheshire Cat left, right?"

"Right! Keep an eye out, you two!"

Pop-Pop tapped his cane on the floor of the cart. "Shouldn't we be keeping an eye out for the Fiddlin' Fox instead?"

Judy stiffened in the front seat. "Pop-Pop, shut up."

Bonnie lightly smacked both their shoulders. "Judy, don't talk to your grandfather that way! Pop-Pop, enough with that already! Both of you, stop this quarreling at once!"

The cart carried them up the long slope towards hole seventeen. At the top stood a giant teacup, a teapot and a plate of tarts.

"Mom, I'm sorry but I've just about had it with him." Judy said coldly. "He's caused nothing but trouble since this all started and I'm sick of him insulting my friend. Nick's already had enough of that in his life."

"Why are you siding with him against me?!" Pop-Pop demanded. "Can't you see we're on the same team, Trudy? Us little guys need to stick together! Preds are biologically predisposed to be savages!"  
The cart screeched to a halt at the top of the slope beside the tarts.

With an expression that could have been carved from stone, Judy got out the car and stormed up next to her grandfather. "Get out."

Bonnie gasped. "Judy Laverne Hopps, what do you think you're doing?"

"Getting rid of an obstruction to our investigation. Pop-Pop, get out of this cart before I throw you out of this cart."

"Judy, you can't abandon your own grandfather!"

"I can, I am!" Judy snapped, raising her voice. "You're only two holes from the exit, now get out!"

"Turn out your own flesh and blood, would you?!" Pop-Pop snorted and clambered out to face Judy. "Trudy, what in tarnations happened to you? Your obsession with the law enforcement aside, you always put family first!"

"I still do, Pop-Pop!" Judy fired back.

"Judy!" Bonnie cried.

"Then why are you siding with that Wilde?!" Pop-Pop questioned.

"Judy Hopps!" Bonnie cried, her voice growing more distant and frantic.

"Nick is just as much family as you, mom and dad are!" Judy spoke furiously.

"JUDY, YOU FORGOT THE BRAKE!"

Judy and Pop-Pop suddenly realized that the cart was no longer next to them. With Bonnie still inside it was rolling back down the long slope and rapidly picking up speed.


	12. In Which Harold and Stripes commit a Kidnapping

_"Chief Bogo, there's another visitor here to see you."_  Officer Knightfall spoke from the intercom on Bogo's phone.

Bogo clenched his teeth and his fists. "Let me guess, another parking ticket complaint?"

_"That's twenty complaints in less than six hours. Either today's heat wave is making people more unwilling to pay double-digit fines or this meter maid is even more zealous than Officer Hopps. I didn't even know that was possible."_

"Tell them to take it up with traffic court. Don't bother me with this again."

_"Sir, this one is very persis-"_

"Don't. Bother. Me." Bogo growled the last word and Knightfall fell silent.

Bogo consumed another glass of one of Clawhauser's natural remedies and tried to focus on going through the reports, but that was easier said than done with how tenacious his kidney stone was in tormenting him. His over-the-phone discussion with Chief Irons had gone south yet again. Finally, Clawhauser had not contacted him since the Ferarri descended into chaos and the buffalo was growing concerned. The two texts he'd sent hadn't been returned and none of his calls had been answered. There would be hell to pay if the fennec fox was behind this.

* * *

Raymond gave up when the tuna's head flew off and into Kevin's mouth, knocking the bear on his butt.

As Kevin chewed on the unexpected treat, Raymond kicked the door and strode past the walk-in freezer where he'd procured the tuna and tossed the headless fish back inside. He slammed the door shut and yanked Kevin to his feet. "Come on, we hafta find a way out of here!"

"What're we going to do about the guys who hijacked us?" Kevin asked once he'd swallowed the fish head.

"What're we going to do?! I'll have them sleeping with the fishes when I get my paws on them!" Raymond growled.

"Let's look around the crates. One of them must have something we can use!" They split up, Raymond going left and Kevin going right towards the freezer. As Raymond read the text on the sides of the many crates, looking for something of use, he wondered who had hijacked their yacht. Was it a rival gang? A random thief? Those two loudmouths? Raymond shook his head at that last one. No way. He and Kevin would have heard them coming a mile off.

"Kevin! Look for anything we can use as weapons while you're at it!" He yelled.

The boat swerved suddenly. Raymond yelped as the floor tilted and his balance tilted with it. He staggered down the lopsided floor, rapidly gaining momentum until he hit a crate with a crash and went right through the wood.

The floor righted itself and Kevin sprinted out the freezer when he heard the sound, carrying a large fish in each paw, stopping with a gasp when he saw the polar bear shaped hole. "Raymond! Ray, are you alright?!"

Raymond fell back out, bringing half a ton of cardboard boxes with him that scattered across the floor. "I'm gonna murder them." He said with a face like thunder. "I'm gonna turn their heads back to front."

"If it makes you feel better, I found something we could to fight with."

"What?"

Kevin held up the two large fish he was holding and smirked. "I found a swordfish and a hammerhead shark in the freezer. D'you think these could be of any use?"

Raymond looked at him. His look turned into a scowl. His scowl turned into a glare of pure boiling, bubbling venom.

Kevin gulped and dropped the fish. "Tell you what, I'll see if there's anything in this manual that can help us."

Kevin sat down on a small crate and started reading as Raymond checked the damage to the crate. The boxes turned out to be full of fireworks, more specifically traditional rockets. Maybe once they got out and caught the hijackers, these rockets would be an exquisite alternative to a firing squad.

Kevin closed the manual and looked up. "Raymond, I know you don't smoke but do you still have that lighter?"

* * *

It took much pleading and arguing before Bucky let Pronk have a go at the strange black device that appeared to control the entire yacht. Bucky manned the steering wheel while Pronk pored through the manual for commands to try out.

"Coffee machine, on." Pronk ran below decks. Not long after he returned with a mug of steaming hot coffee and a huge grin. "I love this thing."

"Just be careful what you say to it." Bucky said. "And unless you're secretly an ex-sailor you be careful with that thing."

"I don't know how to sail a yacht!"

"Neither do I, so be careful!"

Pronk glanced at the door he'd just come through. "I wonder where those two bears are? Shouldn't we have seen them by now?"

"Who cares? According to the GPS on my phone, we're fifty miles from Bunnyburrow. With this baby, we'll get there in no time!" Bucky chuckled darkly. "All that stands in our way now is the Blue Goliath!"

"Heh, you're right." Pronk spoke, his grin widening. He held the device to his face. "Forty knots."

The boat, previously moving at thirty-five knots, quickly picked up speed. "Now you're talking!" Bucky laughed.

"Wanna go faster?"

Bucky nodded. "Do it."

"Forty-five knots."

The boat got faster. It wasn't enough. Not for them.

"Fifty knots."

That was when the sky screamed and opened up on them. More accurately the fire alarm started blaring and the sprinklers activated.

"What the heck?!" Pronk yelled over the alarm.

"It's the fire alarm!" Bucky yelled back as their fur grew more drenched by the second.

"I know it's the fire alarm!"

"What did you do this time?!"

"I didn't do anything, shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shuuloook oooouuut!"

Bucky almost didn't see the bend in time and spun the wheel. As the boat swerved violently they both slipped on the soaked floor. The device flew from Pronk's hoof.

Bucky used the wheel to pull himself up and managed to right the boat. "Phew, that was too close!" He had to keep yelling for the alarm was still blaring.

Pronk got up, a hoof over his pounding heart, the other keeping the sprinkler water off his face. "You're telling me! How about we don't do any more fighting 'til we get off this boat. All this noise is making me real-" He looked around for the device and saw it in the corner by the door, broken in- "ANXIOUS!"

* * *

Crabapple Valley was a sleepy town at the bottom of Deerbrooke Country, famed for its infamously sour crabapple orchard tended to by the equally sour Crabapple family.

As the Ferrari purred to a stop in front of Tony's Big Bug Store in the southern edge of Crabapple Valley, Finnick sent a secretive text to Old Greg while Benjamin Clawhauser wasn't looking. Old Greg replied with a text that both informed him that he and the others were ready and reminded him of their deal.

Ben turned off the engine, pocketed the keys and turned to Finnick. "Will you be coming with me?' he asked.

"Nah, I need your speed." Finnick replied, keeping his expression neutral.

"Ok. Keep an eye on Bogo. If he starts to break out, add more tape. I'll be a few minutes, and when I get back-"

"I give you the money for the container, got it." Finnick put on a scowl. "When do I get Lucille back?"

"When Bogo is safe at home in Bunnyburrow. I don't want you trying to squish him again. Be right back." As Ben clambered out the car, Finnick nonchalantly pickpocketed his keys. The cheetah shut the door and disappeared into the bug shop.

Finnick wasn't stupid. There was no way a puny little fox like him could drive a car meant for the big boys. He just didn't want to split without his trusty bat. He got out his side and quickly ran round to the trunk. He pressed a button and the trunk popped open. Finnick leapt inside and came out with Lucille, just in time to see Old Greg the grey wolf and his fellow black wolves emerge from J's Bar on the other side of the street. He gestured for them to wait for his signal and hid Lucille under the car. He would get it back once Ben was distracted with the coming fake fight. He got back in the car and waited. The tricycle stayed in the trunk, where it could rot for all he cared.

Ben came out with a container fit for a tarantula and a pair of tongs to safely pick it up with. "Get out the car while I get him in here." Finnick got back out and Ben went into the passenger side in his place. Finnick gave his friends the thumbs up. By the time Ben was back out the car with the spider safely in its new box, Old Greg and his friends were shouting and pretending to trade blows.

"Holy crap, look at those twerps!" Finnick said loudly. Ben saw the scene. He looked nervously from the fight to the spider, then to the fight again. "Cripes, they're gonna kill each other! Someone has to do something!"

Ben put the box on the passenger seat. "Stay here." He crossed the empty street towards the brawling wolves.

_Sucker._

Finnick crawled under the Ferrari and retrieved Lucille, climbing out from the other side. He spied the alley beside the shop, his escape route, and ran to it, the bat trailing behind him. Right before he entered the alley he threw the keys into the nearby trashcan. He couldn't risk Ben reaching the Blue Goliath in his speedy Ferrari before Finnick found another car.

If something was to go wrong, the last thing he expected was for the alley to be blocked by two large mammals and a van.

Both of them were prey, a zebra in black pants and a green hoodie and a hippo in a red baseball shirt and shorts. Behind them was a plain white van with blacked out windows. What really got Finnick's alarm bells ringing was the fact that they were both staring right at him. If he didn't know any better he'd think they'd been expecting him.

"I ain't looking for trouble." He said, keeping his bat lowered. "I'm just looking to pass through."

The zebra looked at the hippo and jerked his head towards the fox. The hippo stepped forward and pulled a damp rag from his back pocket. That was all Finnick needed to know that these punks were up to no good. He raised his bat and bared his sharp little teeth. "Back off or I'll bite your faces off!"

The hippo hesitated. From behind the dumpster next to them, the zebra pulled out an iron pipe and gestured for the hippo to go ahead. The hippo's expression hardened and he advanced upon Finnick.

"This is your last chance! Back off!" Finnick gave a warning swing. The hippo lunged, trying to grab the fox. Finnick leapt back. "Oh, that tears it!" And swung the bat onto the hippo's skull. The hippo staggered back, clutching his head and dropping the rag.

"Idiot!" The zebra pulled out a rag of his own and charged, pipe raised. He and Finnick swung at the same time, their long weapons colliding with a loud thud.

"Finnick? Is that you?" Ben called.

Finnick clenched his bared teeth. If the kid got involved it would be a colossal clusterfudge.

He pushed himself away from the zebra. "What the hell is your problem? Do I look like I'm worth mugging?!"

The zebra began to resume his assault. "You're worth more than you look, bub."

Finnick was so stunned he almost didn't dodge the pipe. Were these punks after the money, too? And how did they know that he knew where it was? After dodging the pipe he pointed a finger at the zebra. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"I think you do." The zebra replied. "Get him, Harold!"

Finnick realized that he had forgotten about the hippo, but by then it was too late. Harold grabbed him by one large ear, lifted him off his feet and pressed the rag to his snout.

Finnick knew enough about chloroform that he was screwed if he inhaled. The only plan he could think of before the rag covered his mouth was to hold his breath. Pulling together every chloroform scene he'd seen in movies, he pulled the same performance of every victim. He struggled. He pried at the rag. He pretended to fall asleep. He played dead, hanging limp from Harold's hand.

The numbskulls fell for it. Harold moved the rag away and Finnick stayed limp, waiting for the proper moment to strike. "Get him in the van and let's get out of here."

When he heard the opening of a door Finnick swung his body up and kicked Harold's wrist. The hippo dropped him and Finnick made a break for it. Picking up Lucille on the way, he sprinted out the alley and nearly ran right into Ben's belly.

"Whoa!" Ben cried, nearly dropping the plastic container holding the spider in fright. He'd been on his way to investigate the alley when Finnick nearly collided with him. "What's going on, Mr. Finnick?"

Without a word Finnick ran right past him, back across the street and into J's Bar. Rock music and second hand smoke filled the air. Old Greg and his friends were at the bar where they'd retired to after Ben had broken up their fake fight.

"Hey, mate." Old Greg said, grinning with yellow teeth. "Did you get away okay?"

"No!" Finnick retorted breathing hard. "Two punks just tried to kidnap me! You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Old Greg and his friend looked at each other. Their alarm looked genuine and Finnick relaxed slightly. "I swear to god we had nothing to do with that. What happened to that cop kid you were trying to escape from?"

Finnick froze mid-curse. The cop kid. The cop kid who also knew about the Blue Goliath and its six-figure secret. The fox looked back through the glass in the door, hoping that the kid was on his way across the street to confront the escapee.

Instead he saw Ben being cornered against the car by the two punks and remembered discarding the keys. He was still carrying the spider and the punks weren't giving him a chance to put it down. He couldn't fight back without endangering the little monster.

Finnick barely knew the kid. The kid was an undercover cop after the same fortune Finnick had lost his van and Jumbo Pop juice seeking. Yet the fox was back out the bar and speeding back across the empty street, shouting and waving his bat. Harold and the zebra had grabbed Ben and were dragging him into the alley. By the time Finnick reached the alley the van was already speeding off, escaping into the street at the other end of the alley and disappearing around the corner.

Without a word, the numb Finnick strolled to the dumpster and started banging his head against the metal side.


	13. In Which Foalty Towers is Quoted

He'd made all the preparations, but there was one last thing Bitter needed to do before going to the roof where the helicopter was waiting; picking up his desk phone and dialing Chief Bogo's number. He'd agreed to give the buffalo updates on any major development, at least the updates Chief Irons permitted to be given, and a helicopter trip to Bunnyburrow to aid in the inevitable arrest of the many individuals involved in the case counted as a major development.

Bogo picked up after a minute and a half. "You took your time, sir." Bitter asked as he put the phone on speaker. "Is everything alright?"

_"Everything. Is. Fine."_

Bitter frowned at Bogo's tone. "You seem a bit highly strung, sir."

_"If one more thing goes wrong, I will be."_

Bitter raised an eyebrow at that. "Really? Threats to kill yourself? What the hell is going on over there?"

_"Murphy's law. The first person to break that law is going to get a pardon."_

"... Are you saying we're in danger of losing the money?"

_"Not yet."_

"Good to hear. Anyway, I called to let you know that I'm about to take a chopper to Bunnyburrow. I'm going to assist in the arrest of the suspects once the money is secure, and Chief Irons is coming with me to oversee the operation."

_"And I trust you will give Hopps, Wilde and Clawhauser your full cooperation in the process?"_  Bogo asked, sounding like he had no trust in them whatsoever.

"Yes. I still can't believe your receptionist of all people has gotten mixed up in this."

_"Neither do I. Maybe it's a dream."_  Bitter leapt back from the phone when he heard three loud bangs in rapid succession. _"Nope, it's not a dream, we're stuck in it!"_

Bitter stared at the phone like it was a block of C4. "Did you just quote Foalty Towers?"

_"... Yes. I just spilled juice all over the desk so you need to choose your next words very carefully."_

"Sir, maybe you need a time out."

_"I don't need a time out. I need this case closed without any more mishaps!"_

"And it will be. We both have surveillance on most parties not travelling with a police officer. It's only a matter of time before we..." He trailed off when Chief Irons strode into the office. "I'll be back in a minute, sir." He stood up. "I'm just informing Chief Bogo on what's happening, sir."

Irons was scowling. "Step aside. I want to talk to him."

Bitter stepped away from the desk, allowing Irons to sit down. "Bogo, it's Irons. What do you think you're playing at bringing your secretary into this?"

_"There's an out of control yacht careening down the river and you're complaining about an officer assisting an investigation?! We ought to get you on Animerica's Got Talent, shouldn't we? First audition, Chief Brendan Irons from Zootopia, Performance Type: Skewed Priorities?"_

Irons's scowl became a look of befuddlement. "Are you feeling alright?"

_"I feel smashing."_

Irons didn't look convinced. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you're not coping with the situation very well. Not nearly as well as I would have."

_"Well you hadn't developed a kidney stone, had a tarantula crawling on your head, gotten hit in the face by the mayor, received nearly a hundred petty complaints before three or found two dead bees in your overpriced Snarlbucks coffee, but if you had, I'm positive you would have coped just fine."_

Bitter bit his lower lip to keep from smirking.

Irons drummed his fingers on the desk. "I know I would at least have the sense to not assign a pencil pusher to this case."

_"I did not... assign him."_  Bogo snarled. _"I'll be with you in a moment, Higgins."_  He added, meaning that Officer Higgins must have entered the office at that moment.

"Then what is he doing in Crabapple Valley with the driver of the van?"

_"Driving."_

_"Sir."_  Came Higgins' voice.

_"He took a car, didn't he? Wouldn't you say he's driving, I'd say he's bloody driving!"_  Bogo snapped.  _"Anyway, Irons, he was out on an errand when he picked up Finnick."_

If Irons wasn't so flabbergasted by Bogo's apparent sanity slippage, he likely would have laughed. "You mean to tell me that feline came upon the case by accident?!"

Incensed by Irons' condescension, Bogo started shouting.  _"Well what do you think?! Receptionists don't usually venture far from the desk unless they're running an errand! He was just delivering a spider! If Benjamin isn't calling me on the intercom singing 'Try Everything' am I supposed to immediately think 'oh, there's another one abandoning their post to bring a petty thief back in a plastic donut!' This is a police station, not Las Vegan! I mean, it does actually say 'Police' outside, or should we be more specific; 'Police with officers who have a sixty to seventy-five percent chance of doing as they're told!'"_

By then, Irons' mouth had fallen open, as had Bitters'. "Bogo, have you lost your mind?!"

"Almost! Now shut up and let me do my job!"

With that, the line went dead.

* * *

When Officer Higgins returned to the break room, Officers Wolford and McHorn looked up expectedly.

"Well?" McHorn asked. "What's the matter with him?"

Higgins scratched between his ears. "He just seems a lot more stressed than usual. I did notice something strange in his office, though."

"What?" Wolford asked nervously.

"A huge red stain on the floor and the desk."

"Blood?!" Both officers jumped up from the aged couch.

Higgins moved his scratching fingers to behind his left ear. "I asked him about it. He looked me right in the eye and said there's been a mass murder on a farm. Cause of death was blunt force trauma."

McHorn and Wolford paled. "Oh god. How many dead?" Wolford asked.

Higgins shrugged. "He didn't know for sure. A hundred, maybe a hundred and fifty cranberries..."

Wolford gave him a look. "Do you think we should call someone?"

"I don't think so. He just gets more sarcastic the angrier he gets, and he's having a pretty bad day from the sounds of it. He's starting to channel Basil Foalty by the sounds of it."

McHorn slowly sat back down, ears flat and shoulders slumped. "I'm never becoming chief."

* * *

Mini tsunamis crashed against the riverbanks as the  _Marlon Brando sped_  past.

"Let go!" Bucky screamed as he pulled at the left side of the wheel.

"No, you let go!" Pronk screamed back as he pulled at the right.

"GET THE RADIO!"

"YOU GET THE RADIO!"

"STOP ARGUING AND WOOOOOAAAAATCHTHEROCK!"

Bucky gave an almighty yank on the steering wheel, sending Pronk flying back and the speeding yacht careening to the left, barely missing the pointy rock jutting out the middle of the river. It continued on at nigh-cheetah speed, roughly half an hour from Bunnyburrow but with no way to stop once it got there.

"Okay! I'll get the radio!" Pronk crawled to the control panel, pulled himself up and grabbed the radio. "Hello! Daymay! Mayday! We've got a situation, all hands on deck! We're out of control and Houston has a problem!" He thrust the radio into Bucky's face as he hugged the wheel in pure terror, stretching the wire to near-breaking point. "Bucky! Stealing the boat was your idea, say something!"  
"HELP!" Bucky howled as he spun the wheel to avoid an oncoming barge. "HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!"

* * *

One game of rock, paper, scissors later, Stu got to decide which road would be the quickest to Bunnyburrow. At the fork were two roads. One led straight through Crabapple Valley, the other on the highway that went alongside the town and branched out into the neighboring town of Podunk. It was currently Rush Hour, the time when most work shifts ended, meaning there would be a horrific amount of traffic within the town. So this time instead of driving through a town they would go around it. With that they turned left and continued their journey down the mercifully quiet highway.

Just as Stu was about to attempt to call Gideon Grey again, the phone rang. Nick gave him the go ahead to answer it. "Hello..." Stu listened to the unfamiliar voice on the other end. "Nick, it's someone called Officer Higgins. Do you know him?"

"Yeah. Put it on speaker." Nick replied.

Stu pressed the button on the screen and Higgins' distorted voice filled the interior of the car.  _"God, Wilde! We thought we'd never get a hold of you!"_

"It's good to hear your voice, too, buddy. What's the situation?"

_"Wilde, you have to forget about the Blue Goliath for now! We've got a 10-57 on our hands!"_

Nick's smirk shrank. Stu looked at him, not understanding. "10-57 is a missing person." Nick explained. "Where did they disappear?"

_"Round about where you are. Finnick called us fifteen minutes ago and reported that the undercover officer he'd been travelling with was abducted."_

"What?! Ben's been kidnapped?!" Nick was so shocked he had to stop the car at the side of the road.

_"They stopped to get something from an insect store in Crabapple Valley, and two strangers ambushed them. Finnick got away, but Clawhauser wasn't so lucky. We've contacted the Sheriff and he's got every unit in the area looking for them."_

"Has Hopps been notified?"

_"Without a radio or a mobile phone on her end we haven't been able to contact her."_

"Crap." Nick growled. "Okay, you do everything you can on your end and I'll call you back in a few."

_"Wait, you need descriptions!"_

"I have Finnick's number. I'm gonna talk to him myself." With that Nick grabbed the phone, hung up and dialed Finnick's number. The smaller fox picked up almost immediately.

_"Who's this?"_

"Finnick, it's Nick. What the  _hell_  happened to Officer Clawhauser?"

There was silence for a moment.  _"I screwed up, Nick. I'm sorry. I swear to every god on the planet that I didn't set this up!"_

"What... happened?" Nick growled.

_"I figured out the kid was a cop and tried to give him the slip outside J's Bar in Crabapple Valley. A zebra and a hippo attacked me in an alley next to the bug shop but I got away. So they took the kid instead. From what they said, they're after the same thing we are."_

Nick liked this less and less. "I want descriptions and I want them now."

_"The zebra's wearing black pants and a hoodie and the hippo's wearing a really tacky red baseball outfit. They took your buddy in a plain white van with blacked out windows that makes mine look like a masterpiece."_

"Tell me where you are and I'll come get you."

_"No, I'm fine. You just worry about your boy in blue."_

"Wait, I-" Nick cut himself off, for Finnick had already hung up. "I'm going to sell you to Toys R Us."

Stu twisted his cap in his paws, looking distraught. "This is our fault, isn't it?"

"Not you specifically..." Nick sighed. "But yeah."

"What now? Do we go look for this Ben person?"

"Heck, yeah." Nick turned in his seat to address Woody. "I'm sorry, but you can't come with us. We can drop you off in town and get a cab for you, is that okay?"

"Yes, thank you." Bruce said sullenly.

Nick turned back to Stu. "I've been to J's Bar before. We'll start there and look for clues.

* * *

No matter how fast Judy ran, the cart and her mother were moving farther and farther away. "Judy Laverne Hopps, if you don't stop this cart I will ground you for a month!" Bonnie screamed. The cart hit a bump and she fell across the seat. Her flailing legs could be seen sticking out the cart as it continued to roll down the hill.

"Mom!" Judy screamed back as she sprinted after the cart. "Mom!"

"Bonnie, get your furry keister back here at once!" Pop-Pop chased after them both, waving his cane over his head even as he rapidly fell behind.

Judy was growing frantic. At the bottom of the hill was the bright and dark striped green where the golfers played, and in the middle were a pair of parked golf carts. If Bonnie's car kept going straight, it would crash right into them.

"Mom! Can you get to the front seat?!" Judy cried.

"Yes... I think!" She heard her mother shout. The legs pulled back inside the speeding cart.

"Makeway!" Pop-Pop shouted to everyone in earshot. "Cart out of control... huff... rabbit's gone wild...  _wheeze_... all paws on deck...  _ugh_..." He finally stopped and sat down on the grass. "Oh, my ticker..."

Judy's pounding heart leapt when she saw her mother fall into the front seat and grab the wheel. "Judy, how do you brake this thing?!"

"Wide pedal,  _wide pedal_! SWEET POTATOES, DON'T SLAM!"

A high-pitched sound sliced through the air. Bonnie must have hit the horn by accident. "Nothing's happening!"

The cart was getting closer to the carts at the bottom. "KEY!" Judy screamed.

"OH! RIGHT!"

Judy finally lost her balance and fell spectacularly. Her arms flailed before she hit the freshly cutgrass face first and slid twenty five feet to a halt. When she lifted her head, she saw that the cart had swerved, missing the other carts by several meters. It was now heading for the striped silver flag that signaled the location of the hole. Standing beside the pole was a statue of a giant sponge cake.

"No!" Judy cried. The cart didn't look like it would slow down fast enough. "Noooo..." She scrambled to her feet and watched in horror as the cart continued on towards what must be at least two hundred dollars in damages. She flung her paws out, desperately gesturing for the cart to stop. "Slow... slow..." The cart was twenty meters from the sponge cake and still slowing... fifteen... ten... "NnnngggghhhSTOP!"

The cart hit the cake and bounced off slightly, finally stopping half a meter away.

Judy tilted her head. It looked like the sponge cake really was a sponge. Sort of.

She mentally slapped herself and sprinted down to the cart. Inside, her mother was safe and sound. She was staring wide eyed into space, her paws held tight around the steering wheel.

"Mom?" Judy put a paw on her mother's shoulder. "Mom, are you okay?"

For ten full seconds, Bonnie remained in silent shock. Then her wide eyes caught something through the front window. "Oh my! The Cheshire Cat!" Quick as lightning she pulled out her camera, jumped out the cart, and took a picture of the Cheshire Cat as it grinned down from a shadow willow tree on the edge of the green.

Judy sighed in relief. If her mother could shrug off an incident like that, then she was okay. She proceeded to check the cart for signs of damage. There was no obvious damage and the engine still ran smoothly. All they had to do was retrieve Pop-Pop and get the cart back to the yellow brick road. She was still furious at her grandfather's words earlier, but they couldn't afford to suffer any more-

"Hey, lady!"

Judy pulled her head out the cart and turned round. A middle-aged rabbit in traditional red golfer's grab was striding towards them, a driver club in his paw.

"What do you think you are doing, you stupid woman?! Your vehicle messed up my shot!"

The look in his eyes and the faint smell of whiskey were cause for alarm. If Judy didn't handle the situation calmly and swiftly, things could quickly get ugly. She held her arms out in a pacifying gesture. "Sir, there was an accident. Please settle down and we will be out of your hair in a few-"

"That would have been my seventh hole in one! It would have been a world record! You people are all the same!"

"Settle down, it's just a game!" Bonnie scolded. Judy held out an arm, motioning for her mother to stay back.

She flashed her badge, but the golfer didn't back down. Maybe the wealth that had bought his expensive clothing and whiskey had given him an inflated sense of superiority. Judy mentally prepared herself for an altercation. "Sir, put down the golf club and step back!"

"You step back! This is my hole!" With that, the drunken, entitled ferret swung at her.

Judy crossed her arms over her face, meaning to block the blow before taking down her attacker, but she never felt the heavy club strike her. Instead she heard a loud clacking sound and lowered her arms slightly. Pop-Pop had intercepted the blow with his cane. For a scrawny old rabbit, it was alarming how much he looked like General Woundwort at that moment.

"ASSAULT AND BATTERY MY GRANDDAUGHTER, WOULD YOU?!" He shouted at the top of his lungs before shoving the drunkard away from Judy and continuing the attack.

* * *

After dropping Woody off outside J's Bar, Stu and Nick crossed the street to the alley Finnick had told them about, leaving the woodchuck to make the phone call himself. Clawhauser's Ferrari was there, but nobody was in it. Inside the alley they found evidence of what had occurred. Beside the dumpster was a damp rag which Nick carefully collected in a plastic bag, and there were tire tracks going all the way from the middle of the alley to the far end. There were no local units on the scene; they were all either dealing with other incidents or searching for the white van, and that left Nick to secure the crime scene alone.  _Amateurs._

At the mouth of the alley, Stu kept switching glances from Nick to the general direction of J's bar. "It's a mess." He said softly.

Nick leaned against the dumpster, his expression downcast. "Clawhauser was the first friend Carrots made aside from me. She's going to flip when she finds out."

"Don't worry, Nick. We'll find him." Stu said, smiling. His smile faded a second after.

"Are you okay, Mr. H?"

"Look, I have to say something." Stu twiddled his thumbs. "I noticed something while Mr. Woody was in the car with us. He had a red Ranger Scouts hankie just like yours. You told me in Tall Oaks that the leader of those miscreants who muzzled you was a..."

"No!" Nick snapped, a fire flaring inside him as the memory flashed before his eyes. He took a deep breath and spoke again, tensely, but calmly. "No. There's no way. Got that? Forget about Woody and focus on Clawhauser."

"Oh. Okay." Stu swallowed and stepped out the alley.

Nick pinched his nose. "Sorry, I shouldn't have bitten your head off like that. And sorry for the poor choice of words."

Stu was looking towards J's Bar. "And I'm sorry in advance for my choice of words, but Mr. Woody is acting very shifty right now."

Frowning, Nick joined Stu outside the alley and looked. Woody was indeed looking very shifty as he made his way down the street, and there was no cab in sight.

Stu tapped his foot on the concrete. "I'm telling you, something's not right about that fellow."

Nick's eyes narrowed and creases formed above his muzzle. "I've been wondering how the kidnappers knew about Finnick and Clawhauser."

"You get the car ready. I'm going to tail him." Stu pulled his cap low over his eyes.

Nick grabbed his shoulder. "It's too dangerous for a civilian."

Stu pushed the paw off. "Me and those other dunderheads got your friend into this mess and I'm going to help you get him out."

Before Nick could protest further he was already across the street.  _You bunnies... you're so fast._

* * *

If it meant they took back the yacht and succeeded in getting to the money first, Raymond was sure that Mr. Big would forgive him if he pulled one of the pipes out the wall, crushed one end flat and tried to use it as a crowbar, especially since he had already done it.

Raymond wriggled at the pipe to get the flat end in the tiny gap between the door and the frame and started prying. After a full minute the door hadn't budged an inch and he stormed off, leaving Kevin to take over. Right as he grabbed the pipe the yacht swerved, nearly making Kevin slip on the soaked floor. After five minutes of no success he stopped to wonder what Raymond was doing, and turned round.

"What're you doing?!" He yelled when he saw the polar bear on top of a particularly large crate. Raymond was kneeling three feet below the ceiling, right below the fire detector they'd triggered earlier. "You're wasting your time with the sprinklers, get down from there!" The sprinklers had run out a while ago, and water was still swishing slightly on the floor in a two-inch deep flood.

"I'm not trying to set off the sprinkler again!" Raymond retorted. He was reaching up and tugging at the fire detector. With two sharp tugs it broke off. "I'm trying to make it easier for the hijackers to hear us!"

"Why?" Kevin asked. The yacht swerved again. The pipe was still stuck in the door and it was the only thing that kept Kevin from falling. The crate Raymond kneeled on tilted but thankfully fell back into place.

"The phones don't work down here, right?" Raymond said as he tossed the detector away.

"Right?"

"Unless those punks are just ignoring us, then chances are they couldn't hear all the noise we've been making. According to the manual we're right beneath the kitchen, which isn't that far from the bridge. If I can break through the ceiling, I can try and talk with them."

"What, to negotiate?"

Raymond tapped his nose. "The phones don't have a signal in here, but it's likely the hijackers don't know that. If we play our cards right, we could trick them into opening the door."

Kevin snorted. "Like that's going to be plain sailing. Pardon the pun. What if you shock yourself?"

"It's practically an empty hole up here!" Raymond put a paw in the hole and nothing happened. "A few good punches should do the trick."

BAM! "... Ouch..." Raymond slowly pulled his fist out the hole with a severe grimace and held it to his stomach. After a few seconds he took a deep breath and- BAM! A high-pitched wine escaped his muzzle and his paw was trembling when he took it out.

Kevin stepped onto a shorter crate to get out of the flood. "Raymond..."

BAM! "Mother Russia!" Raymond squeaked before kissing his bruised fist, tears beading in his eyes.

"Raymond!" Kevin spoke louder, catching Raymond's attention before he could damage his paw further.

"What?!" Raymond snapped down at him through clenched teeth.

"Even if you do manage to establish contact with the hijackers and get them to let us out..." Kevin paused, glancing at the pipe still stuck between the door and the frame. "How are you going to explain to Mr. Big about the damage?"

Raymond's eye twitched. "It's not our fault. It's those idiots who locked us in! One more ought to do it!"

Sure enough, one more sudden swerve of the boat was enough to tilt the crate to the point of no return. Raymond hollered as he and the crate came down with a splash in the shallow water, but the calamity didn't end there. With the boat still in the middle of its tight turn, Raymond slid head first down the slanted, slippery floor, screaming all the way through the open entrance to the secret second hold.

When the boat finally righted itself, Kevin picked himself up off the floor and rushed into the hold. Raymond was right at the back, deeply embedded in his second crate of the day. His normally clear-white fur was covered in red. Kevin's stomach lurched as he ran to his companion. As he got closer, his nose caught the altered smell of tomatoes. As Raymond groaned, the red substance pouring down his face, Kevin took note of its bright red color and thickness. He reached out, wiped the red substance from the tip of Raymond's nose, and tasted his finger. "Huh. Ketchup."

_Come to think of it, isn't ketchup illegal in France?_

Raymond regained his senses and climbed out. In his wake, shattered bottles and ketchup poured out with him. The polar bear took in his gory appearance and put a red sticky paw on Kevin's shoulder. "Let's just focus on the door, shall we?"

* * *

Unaware of his long eared stalker, the woodchuck calling himself Woody went around the corner of the street. Recalling what he could about the cop shows Judy loved so much, Stu rushed to the corner and pressed himself against the wall, risking a peek around the orange brick. Woody was standing beside a plain khaki green car, speaking on his phone. Stu swiveled his ears, blocking out every other sound until he could fully understand what Woody was saying.

"... What about the fox?... Damn... Well, you got the other one and that's something... No, I've got a hired car right here. I'll use that... Never mind that, you just get him to Podunk... Not yet. I want to be there when you use it... Nah, they don't suspect a thing... They don't know about the window either. It's a pity the fox didn't get cut to ribbons, but you take what you get, I suppose..."

_You two-faced son of an overripe strawberry!_ Stu didn't have Judy's carrot pen, but if she were here she would say that this was all they needed to bring him in for questioning. Fuming like a furnace, Stu waved for Nick to come over. Nick slowly drove the car until it was almost at the corner and climbed out. "I was right. That little dirtbag tipped them off!" Stu whispered.

His eyes hardening, Nick motioned for him to stay quiet. Then he flapped his paws like a butterfly. Punched his paw with his fist. Wriggled his fingers in a walking motion. Pointed at Stu's face. Drew a circle in the air. Made a pair of fists. Pointed at the phone.

Completely thrown for a loop, Stu stared at Nick, inwardly asking himself if the fox had lost his mind.

Nick rolled his eyes, pointed at Stu, and then pointed behind himself. He mouthed, "You, behind me!"

Stu quickly moved behind Nick, who pulled out a Taser gun before rounding the corner. Woody had just opened the green car door when Nick shouted. "Stop right there!"

"Stop in the name of the law, you reprobate!" Stu added, shaking his fist at the woodchuck.

With a look that screamed 'oh crap', Woody cursed and leapt into the car. Nick fired the Taser too late, and the barbs bounced off the car window as Woody threw it shut. The engine roared to life.

"Back to the car, now!" Nick yelled. In his rush to catch the perp who kidnapped his friend and almost killed them both, he lifted Stu off his feet and carried him all the way back to the police car. They threw themselves back inside and took off before they'd even put their seatbelts back on. The siren filled the air as they sped after the green car.

With Nick completely focused on the chase, Stu reached over and put on the fox's seatbelt before putting on his own. Then he pulled out his own little Taser and briefly pressed the button to make sure it was working. Glowing blue arcs twitching sinisterly between the spikes.

_Payback time_ , he thought.


	14. In Which Stu Hopps proves that a Bunny can go Savage

Higgins, Wolford and McHorn took thirty seconds debating who would knock on the door to Chief Bogo's office, until it was Higgins who finally stepped up. He rapped on the glass three times.

"What?" Bogo snapped from the other side.

Just like that, Higgins lost his nerve and shoved Wolford in front of him. The wolf shot him a look darker than his fur and took point.

All three of them entered the office to find a very ominous scene. There was a fruit-scented red stain on the carpet. Red liquid dripped from the edge of the desk. Resting his arms on said desk was Chief Bogo, his face concealed by his hooves as he rested them on his forehead.

Wolford kept his distance, his feet mere centimeters from the red carpet stain. "Sir?"

Bogo looked up slowly. He looked like someone who'd been through both world wars and come out bearing a hundred psychological disorders. "Yes, Wolford?"

"We have a situation." McHorn spoke, keeping himself at the back of the group.

"Of course we do." Bogo spoke wearily. "Before you say anything else, I have something to confess."

"Confess, sir?" Wolford asked.

"There is a simple reason for my... standoffishness." Bogo said, lowering his hooves so his arms were fully crossed on the desk. "I have a kidney stone that I have been enduring for some time now. Normally I would square my shoulders and bear it, but as you may have guessed today has been a very stressful day."

"Don't sweat it, sir. Everyone knows that kidney stones suck." Wolford said quickly.

"And so I hope you will forgive me if I react poorly to whatever you have to tell me." Bogo pulled a cloth from a desk drawer, wiped up the worst of the red spillage on his desk, and then leaned further over the desk. "Well?"

Wolford put himself between Higgins and McHorn, ready to run for the door if he had to.

* * *

Raymond found the drill after breaking into crate number seven. It was a handheld electric machine with a red base and a thick drill bit as long as Raymond himself. The swerve blade that curled all the way up the pole looked razor sharp. The machine was just the right size for a polar bear. It was powerful. It was just the right thing for busting through a troublesome locked door. It was disassembled and neither polar bear was a drill expert.

Kevin picked up the drill bit. "Maybe we could use this like a screwdriver."

Raymond snatched the useless object and threw it back in the crate. "Maybe we could look for something we can actually use! Let's split up!"

The boat swerved again, sending them tumbling forward into the open crate. The crate toppled over, spilling pieces of industrial machinery into the shallow water. Soaked once again, Raymond pulled himself up first, growling. "I've just about had enough of this."

Kevin started to get up too, but then he saw something that hadn't fallen out the crate. "Is that a chainsaw?"

"Chainsaw?" Raymond repeated as Kevin reached into the crate and pulled out the machine. Like the drill it was disassembled; one by one, Kevin placed the base, the saw, and the black chain on the side of the overturned crate. "For crying out loud, we need a whole machine!"

"And we will. I know how to operate this!" Kevin retorted.

Raymond blinked. "You can assemble a chainsaw?"

"How do you think my old man sculpted those ice statues for Mr. Big's parties?" Kevin replied with a raised eyebrow. "And we found gas in one of the other crates we went through. We could use this to get through the lock and get out!"

"Brilliant!" Raymond slapped Kevin on the back. "Come on, the sooner we get this thing together, the sooner we're out of here!"

"Wait, this isn't like sawing through wood and ice!" Kevin said. "We'll need something to protect ourselves in case the saw kicks back."

Raymond looked around the hold. "Leave that to me!" He sprinted off in his excitement, making loud splashes with each footstep.

Eager to get out himself, Kevin set to work. After he looped the chain around the blade and fixed both components into the base, he heard a loud tearing sound coming from the direction of the second hold. When the chainsaw was fully fuelled and ready to go, Raymond rushed back with the secret panel in his paws. Kevin gaped, the chainsaw hanging limply from one paw. Raymond shrugged. "Couldn't find body armor."

Kevin shook his head. They were so getting iced if Mr. Big found out about this.

* * *

Finnick had learned a lot of lessons living on the streets, and one was that you take what you can, when you can. He'd also learned that such a lesson should only be applied in desperate circumstances, and being stranded in a rustic little town counted.

Only the desire to not get arrested by his own buddy kept Finnick from calling Nick back and taking him up on his offer, so Finnick had climbed back into the Ferrari for some quiet time, leaving both doors open. He placed Lucille in the passenger seat, put himself in the front and started thinking. His buddies at J's bar didn't have a vehicle a mammal of his size could drive. Even if he could drive the Ferrari, he himself had tossed the keys down the gutter. But he still had his wallet and his phone, Finnick realized. Even if he couldn't hire a car, he could hire a cab if it came to it. He wasn't that far from Bunnyburrow, now.

Finnick silently wished Nick and Flopsy luck in finding their buddy and turned back to the passenger seat to retrieve Lucille.

There was a fool born every day. He'd left the doors open and now Lucille was gone.

* * *

"Sir... Officer Clawhauser was abducted less than half an hour ago."

Bogo stiffened in his chair.

"Finnick called the police from Crabapple Valley." Higgins said. "Two assailants tried to kidnap them when they stopped at an insect store and succeeded in taking Clawhauser. The local PD has half its units searching for their vehicle."

"It's likely that the kidnappers are also after the stolen money and intend to force its location of out him." McHorn now looked livid, and his coworkers could feel their own fear and anger growing. Benjamin Clawhauser was the kid brother of the Precinct, and one of the nicest guys they'd ever had the honor of working with. Right now getting him back mattered more than millions in stolen cash.

Blank shock was plastered over Bogo's face. Higgins stepped forward. "Sir, how do you advise we deal with this?"

Bogo's hooves slowly curled into fists. His eyes stared daggers at nothing in particular. "We're going to sell them to a vivisectionist."

He reached for his desk phone and dialed for Chief Irons.

* * *

If there was one thing Nick learned in the Police Academy, one of the worst outcomes of a police car pursuit was a car crash. On the highway approaching the turn to Podunk, that was exactly what happened.

In most cases, it was usually the fault of the criminal. In their blind desperation to escape punishment, one mistake was all it took for disaster to strike. Twice during the pursuit, the woodchuck calling himself Woody drove straight into oncoming traffic, the first time right after the start of the chase, and the second right before they entered the highway. Both times their luck held out and no innocent commuters were struck.

Sometimes it was the fault of the pursuing officer. No matter how accurately they followed protocol, things still could go wrong. Right after they left town, Nick attempted a pit maneuver on the khaki car, only for it to fail when Woody managed to regain control of the car after it went into a full spin and he continued speeding down the road.

Sometimes it was the fault of a civilian. A civilian may not get out of the way fast enough, or try to play the hero and stop the criminal themselves. With the majority of traffic being within the town, there were few cars for Woody to endanger, and Stu wisely stayed in his seat and kept his seatbelt on.

In this particular case, the blame for the crash could be placed on the criminal, but not in a way they taught in the academy. Woody did not hit oncoming traffic or turn too fast on a bend. Instead he'd made the mistake of renting a cheap car from a salesman more devious than Woody could ever be. Right as he was about to make the turn towards Podunk, the inevitable happened. The front left wheel popped off and rolled away like a broken yoyo and the car swerved uncontrollably towards the edge of the road. Nick spun his wheel too late and hit the side of the khaki car. Stu screamed like a girl as both cars went into the dry ditch and hit the bottom in an explosion of dirt.

There was a crackling sound as the dry, crumbling dirt fell back onto the ground and the cars. Silence followed. Then Nick kicked opened the driver's side door and climbed out. He spat out dirt then reached in to help Stu out. They climbed out the ditch to put some distance between themselves and the car, just in case there was a gas leak they hadn't seen. "Are you okay?" Nick asked fearfully.

Stu winced and rubbed his rear. "I think I sprained my tail."

Nick gave a genuine smile of relief. "Nothing a mound of plaster won't fix. D'you mind if I sign the cast?"

"Not at all. What about that woodchump?"

Right on cue, the khaki door opened, and out came a disheveled, dirty Woody. He scrambled slowly up the ditch, and paled when he saw Nick and Stu. Nick advanced on the woodchuck.

"Come here." The woodchuck gulped and stepped back. "Come here!"

* * *

"En Garde!" Pop-Pop went into a stance he hadn't used since he was a college student.

"Pop-Pop, what do you think you're doing?! You're seventy-one!" Bonnie cried. "Judy, do something!"

Before Judy could intervene, Pop-Pop and the drunkard who tried to assault her clashed clubs. "I'll be alright, Trudy! I've been fencing before your pops was old enough to fill his own potty!" With that, the duel began.

"Stop this right now!" Judy couldn't get close enough without getting hit with a heavy swinging club. "Don't make me pull out my spray!"

Neither of them was listening, far too busy blocking each other's swings. As it turned out, the drunkard was an experienced fencer himself, but his own intoxication made him an equal match for the even more experienced and aged opponent. The drunkard swung for Pop-Pop's leg. Pop-Pop lifted it just in time. He jabbed the drunkard in the chest, pushing him further away from his daughter and granddaughter. Rushed forward to continue the duel. The unrelenting clashing of club on club had them slowly ascending the hill.

Judy and Bonnie rushed after them.

* * *

Bitter made sure all the drawers in his desk were locked and his subordinates knew exactly what their tasks were before making his way to the helicopter. The rooftop wasn't far, only two corridors and a set of plain metal steps, and before he knew it Bitter was opening a squeaky door and stepping into the fresh air above the precinct.

The helicopter was waiting for them in the middle of the giant painted Z, its long blades waiting to be brought to life. Beside the aircraft was Chief Irons, his broad back to Bitter as he talked loudly on his phone.

As Bitter approached, a prominent cynical part of him asked if the coming promotion was too good to be true. It was true that resolving such an important case would merit a significant reward for the officers responsible, especially if resolved with a happy ending such as successfully retrieving most if not all the stolen millions. But Bitter had known Irons long enough to know that the hippo would do anything to upstage Bogo, ever since the buffalo had stolen the honor of valedictorian at the academy. Bitter scowled at himself. 'Stolen' was not the appropriate word for Bogo's accomplishment.

Bitter pushed his cynicism to one side as he got closer to his boss. Irons may be a jackass, but the majority of his jackassery was focused on Bogo and anyone who displeased him. He wouldn't stoop so low as to steal the credit from his own subordinates.

"Yes, Mayor, the Triple Casino Heist Case is solved!" Irons spoke into his phone. "I'm on my way, now... No, Chief Bogo's officers are still making their way there... You're going to have to have a word... Captain Bitter? Oh, he's going to assist me in the arrest... I agree, he's a good officer... Mind you, I think he may be due for retirement... Why? Well, he's not as efficient as he once was. I think it's his age finally catching up with him... I'll think about it... Don't worry, I'll have the money back before you know it. It's time to close this case once and for all... Thank you. Goodbye."

* * *

Finnick found Lucille in a parking lot at the very edge of town, in the clutches of a group of about five wolf kids in the midst of a kiddie style baseball game. Behind the back of the parking lot, a narrow, smoothly flowing river separated the edge of town to the forest beyond. The only thing separating the parking lot and the river was a row of grey stones.

With a face like thunder, Finnick stalked towards the kid holding a bat, a white cub in a yellow t-shirt. The other four kids watched him approach. "Hand over the bat." He said icily. The cub looked down at the bat he was holding. Finnick held out his paw. "You stole that bat and you know it."

A very Nick-like smirk formed on the cub's face. "You want it? Come and get it!"

He tossed the bat towards the grey cub in blue. On instinct Finnick rushed towards his prized weapon. The grey cub sniggered and tossed the bat over Finnick's head and a black cub behind him caught it. "Give it back, you little rat-finks!" The black club giggled and threw the bat back towards the white cub when Finnick tried to grab it. When the white cub threw the bat over Finnick's head to a second white cub, the fox did not change direction.

The cub kept smirking and pointed. "I don't have it! You blind, fox?"

Finnick stopped in front of him. He looked back to see which cub was currently holding his bat, then looked back to the instigator. "Look. You're a little boy, right?" The cub nodded, not sure if the calm smile on the fox's face was genuine. "You want to be a big boy?" Finnick's smile contorted, and he grabbed the boy's shirt and pulled him close. " _Give me back my baby!_ "

* * *

Bucky, Pronk and their out of control yacht were one minute from the Bunnyburrow border, but the only thing on their minds was the full realization of the complete, all-consuming, absolute, undeniable, unbelievable, colossal, universal stupidity of their plan to steal their rivals' yacht.

They both clung to the steering wheel for dear life as they professed their love, apologized for their mistakes in life, renewed their wedding vows, sobbed like babies and prayed for divine intervention.

* * *

Woody whirled and ran. Nick raced after him with Stu not too far behind. Nick caught him quickly and dragged him to the ground. Woody lashed out, catching Nick's jaw and knocking him out. "Get off me, fox!" Then he scrambled back up and tried to run again, only for Stu to take a flying leap and wrap his arms around the woodchuck's legs, sending them both crashing back to the ground. Woody turned over and tried to push the arms off to no avail. Stu tightened his grip like a boa constrictor tightened its coils. While Nick slowly came to, Woody cursed and wriggled free, leaving his pants behind in Stu's clutches. Something fell out of one of the large pockets and clinked on the ground beside Stu's face. Stu picked it up, and Nick saw it through his double vision.

"A muzzle." Nick murmured, shooting a look of venomous recognition at Bruce Wood.

"So it is." Stu released the muzzle and pants and pulled out his Taser.

Half naked and terrified, Bruce yelped and tried to run.

* * *

Before Clawhauser knew it, he was in the back of an empty van barely skimming the speed limit. A zebra was at the wheel, and in the back a hippo was tying black cord around the cheetah's paws, threatening to break his fangs if he struggled. Clawhauser wisely complied. When the hippo was finished and he sat back on the other side of the van, Clawhauser looped his arms around Spider Bogo's box and held the tarantula close.

He breathed deeply to control his fear, his ears flat and his arms shaking. So much for easing Chief Bogo's burden.

* * *

The polar bears went to the door, Kevin holding the chainsaw and Raymond holding the panel. They both eyed their target, the gap between the door and the frame. If they could break the lock enough, they would be home free. "Ready?" Raymond asked. Kevin nodded. "Go." With a roar, the chainsaw came to life, the edges of the blade becoming a lethal blur. Raymond thought with a chill of the Texas Chainsaw Mousicre. He held the panel above the chainsaw's base, putting a shield between the blade and their bodies. "On the count of three, start sawing."

They inched forward until the blade was inches from the door. Raymond braced himself for sparks. "One... two..."

Right then the floor tilted violently. Raymond fell over once again with a splash. The panel fell on top of him. Kevin made his partner yell as he fell on top, sandwiching the panel between them.

And the chainsaw? It flew from Kevin's paw and sank itself into the side of the hull.

* * *

The worst-case scenario for this case was one of the suspects succeeding in making off with the stolen money, or so Bogo had thought.

He'd never in his wildest imagination expected that his own receptionist would get caught up in this mess, let alone end up going undercover. And now the worst had happened.

With his kidney stone sending more agony through his body, Bogo dialed Chief Irons' number and waited for him to pick up. If he informed him and Bitter of the situation, they'd surely put Clawhauser's safety first and change their destination to Crabapple Valley. The law enforcement there didn't possess a helicopter, and air surveillance would greatly increase their chances of locating the white van.

Chief Irons picked up, and sounded very unhappy at the call.  _"We're about to board the chopper, Bogo. This had better be good."_

"Good is stretching it!" Bogo growled. "Officer Clawhauser's life may be in danger!"

_"Who's in danger?"_  Irons asked.

"My receptionist, you idiot!"

_"Your receptionist?"_  Bogo heard Bitter's voice. Irons must have his phone of speaker. _"What happened?"_

"Two strangers kidnapped him in Crabapple Valley! We think they're after the money, too, but we don't know how they know about it!"

Irons snorted.  _"I won't say I told you so."_

Bogo's fist trembled on his desk. "I admit it, you're right. I should have ordered Clawhauser to stay out of this. He was my responsibility. But now he's in danger and we need your helicopter to search for him!"

_"Bogo, this is very inconvenient. We're on our way to arrest whoever finds the money first."_

"I know that!"

Bitter spoke again. _"Sir, we can't just..."_

_"Quiet! What about your officers? The fox and the rabbit? If they could find fifteen missing mammals in two days, they can surely find one cheetah."_

"They've got their own problems! They were separated at Pride City!"

_"What do you mean separated?"_

"Mrs. Hopps took ill, so Officer Hopps stayed behind to take care of her. Now can we please get back to the issue of a missing person?!"

_"If Hopps is in Pride City, where is Wilde?"_

"Forget about Wilde! Will you just shut up and listen to me?!"

_"Where is he?"_

"Near Crabapple Valley according to his last report! He chose to go on without his partner!"

_"So he could find Clawhauser himself?"_

"Perhaps. We informed him of Clawhauser's abduction, but we haven't been able to contact him since then."

There was a short pause.  _"So you don't know where he is."_  Irons said.

"What has that got to do with... No. You'd better not be thinking what I think you're..." Bogo growled.

_"He's friends with Finnick, a career criminal who was the last person with Clawhauser before his disappearance. What do you expect me to think?"_

"That has nothing to do with Clawhauser! Now will you shut up so I can tell you what happened?!" Bogo heard his voice rising with every word.

_"Alright, we'll stop by Crabapple if you insist."_  Irons said.  _"I think we need to have a word with Wilde."_

"Will you shut up and listen?!"

_"No need to! We'll have Wilde explain it himself!"_

"Brendan!"

_"Don't worry, we won't arrest him right away. We just want to be sure."_

"Irons, it's not what you thi-"

Bogo cut himself off. Irons had already hung up.

* * *

Raymond and Kevin watched in horror as water began to spurt out around the chainsaw embedded deep in the wall. It had almost certainly punched right through the hull. Worse, it was still sawing, slicing through more of the wall, leaving a pouring gouge in its wake. "Stop that saw!" Raymond hollered. Kevin leapt for the saw, braving the torrent pouring in his face to turn it off. But it was too late. A three gash was pouring water into the hold like a burst water main.

"Bad, bad, badbadbad!" Kevin yanked the chainsaw out and threw it away. Raymond rushed to his side and immediately felt the water spilling on him, nearly blinding him in its relentlessness. He pressed his paws against the hole, but it was futile. "Find something! ANYTHING!"

* * *

The white wolf cub got the message Finnick was sending him. With a gulp, he looked to the cub holding Lucille. "Howie, give it back."

Howie tossed the bat. In his panic he tossed it too hard, and once again it soared over Finnick's head. Lucille bounced off a rock. "NO!" And spun into the river with a loud splash.

Finnick had owned Lucille since high school, so there was no stopping him from jumping into the river after her.

* * *

Bruce didn't get very far when he tripped on a rock and fell right back into the ditch. Nick rubbed the spot where Bruce had punched him and watched as Stu plunged into the ditch after the woodchuck. Two seconds later he heard the buzzing sound of a fully powered Taser, and the shrill sound of Bruce screaming.

"Mr. H, we need him alive!" Nick yelled.

"Not in one piece!" Stu yelled back from inside the ditch.

"HEEEEEEEEELLLLLP!" Bruce shrieked. Nick thought again of muzzles and vicious, lying scouts, and turned away. "OFFICEEEEEEER, HEEEEEEELLLP MEEEEEEEEE!"

"Even though I'm a fox?" Nick muttered as he started looking round for the missing phone.

* * *

With the speed and agility of a rabbit three times younger, Pop-Pop kicked the drunkard in the chest. The second the drunkard's back hit the green, Pop-Pop was upon him and pointing a golf club at his throat.

"Now... apologize to my granddaughter."

Judy covered her eyes, mortified beyond measure.

* * *

The Tailuca Bridge was a bridge that could be found in any country bunny's storybook pictures. Carved into the thick, light brown wood that arched over the bridge were a hundred painted apples. Any river vessel that sailed beneath that bridge would immediately find themselves in Tailuca Lake, a two mile long expanse of fresh water that rested right next to Bunnyburrow.

None of that mattered to Bucky and Pronk, except for the fact that their yacht was speeding right for it. With other option that didn't involve hitting the riverbank they threw their arms around each other and screamed in each other's ears.

* * *

Bogo put the phone back in its cradle and stared at Wolford, Higgins and McHorn.

It was McHorn who risked speaking. "Well?"

Bogo very slowly stood up from his desk. "This... is... classic..." He spoke softly. McHorn silently started pushing his coworkers back towards the door. "Absolutely classic..." His reddish brown eyes had turned a full bloody red as he moved himself in front of his desk, glaring at everything and nothing. "This constant... BULL!" His subordinates leapt back from him. "THAT I HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH FROM THESE PEOPLE! EXACTLY LIKE ME, BELLWETHER AND LIONFART BEFORE HER! STUPID, NARROW MINDED, HYPOCRITICAL IDIOTS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO MAKE THINGS WORSE!" He stormed past his frozen subordinates and yanked his blue coat from the rack. "EVERY TIME WE HAVE A HIGH PRIORITY CASE, THIS HAPPENS! A BUNCH OF SELF-CENTERED, SELF RIGHTEOUS LAYABOUTS WHO WOULD SOONER LET A GOOD OFFICER DIE THAN LET A MILLION BUCKS SLIP THROUGH THEIR SLIMY FINGERS! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THIS CITY IS BROKEN!" McHorn and his coworkers backed away from the door as Bogo pulled his coat on and returned to his desk. From his desk he pulled his emergency dart gun. "I HAVE SPENT TEN YEARS SITTING ON MY ARSE AND WATCHING YOU PUT YOUR OWN LIVES ON THE LINE FOR OUR CRAP, AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'VE HAD IT! I'M GOING TO CRABAPPLE VALLEY AND I'M GOING TO FIND BENJAMIN MYSELF!"

He thrust the gun into his belt, stormed out past his officers, and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

"Pop-Pop, enough!" Bonnie stormed over to her father-in-law, grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. The drunkard chose that moment to push himself up and swing his club at Pop-Pop's body. Big mistake. Not only did he miss, Bonnie swiftly repaid him with a heavy purse to his marinated melon.

* * *

Raymond cursed loud enough to send echoes through the hull and turned to Kevin. "WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING TO HELP ME?!" Kevin looked Raymond up and down and shoved him against the puncture. As it turned out, his butt was a perfect seal.

* * *

Finnick swam over to Lucille and held onto the floating bat as the river carried it onward. The bemused wolf cubs waved him goodbye as he went. Finnick responded with a finger.

* * *

Bruce's singed paw crawled over the edge of the ditch and dug into the dirt. His face came up, then contorted with a scream as Stu dragged him right back down again.

* * *

Spider Bogo's spider senses tingled as she curled up in the large spotted feline's protective embrace, wondering if her protector was the only intelligent life form on this planet.

* * *

While its loudmouthed passengers were dying of fright,  _Marlon Brando_  felt no fear at all as it smashed right through the Tailuca Bridge and entered the final stage of its voyage.

* * *

Wolford, Higgins and McHorn looked at each other in complete silence, trying to process what had just happened. Then they leapt back again when the door was thrust open again and Bogo poked his head in. "If anyone's bored, there's a visitor at the desk reporting that some marbles have been lost!" He slammed the door again.

McHorn wiped the sweat off his small brow and turned to his coworkers. "He has  _no_  idea."


	15. INTERVAL

As the scene faded to black over McHorn, Higgins and Wolford, Nick clicked pause and got up from Benjamin Clawhauser's three-seat couch. "Alright, pee break."

He went to the bathroom, followed by Clawhauser, Stu, Pop-Pop and Finnick. With so many guests having come to watch the Skye Premiere of  _It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Animal World_  and only one bathroom in Clawhauser's apartment, they'd had to carefully plan out their break. They'd eventually decided to split it into three groups. The first group consisted of Nick and the other men who'd just left for the bathroom. The second group consisted of Judy, Bonnie, Fru Fru and Gideon Grey. Chief Bogo, Bucky, Pronk and Clawhauser would go last.

Bogo glared at the black screen. "I did  _not_  flip out like that."

"You can't have comedy without exaggeration. Everyone knows that." Clawhauser said after downing his soda in one gulp. "Besides, I think Idris Elbuffalo makes a great Chief Bogo!"

Bogo swished the beer in his bottle. "I suppose. Clawhauser, I'm curious... would you ever physically handle the biggest spider in the world again, even if you didn't have to?"

"Of course I would!"

Bogo snorted. "Of course you would."

On a red soft chair beside the couch, Judy and Bonnie shared the cushion with Fru Fru on a tinier leather seat on the arm. Fru Fru was taking the opportunity to feed Judy Junior, humming a happy tune to herself and her baby. "If Raymond and Kevin really went through all that, I can see why they wouldn't want to talk about it. When daddy asked, they just said the yacht hit an iceberg."

"I'm just glad they managed to plug up that puncture before the boat sank." Bonnie said. "That poor polar bear didn't get stuck in there for the rest of it, did he?"

Judy giggled, both from her mother's question and the cider that was starting to improve her mood. "You'll have to wait and see, mom."

"Sweet cheese and crackers, I had no idea that so much had happened since we got split up from Nicholas and your father." Bonnie said.

"Once we got everyone's statements, Chief Bogo forbid anyone from revealing that information to the public." Clawhauser said. "Of course we couldn't cover up everything and the media found out eventually, but it's not like people believed most of the stuff that happened."

"Thank gosh for that." Gideon muttered. There were still faint footprints on the varnished floor from his little accidents.

Nick and the first group returned, and Judy's group took their place at the bathroom. Judy Jr. was left in Stu's experienced paws, and she slept peacefully as the boys around her resumed their conversation from the bathroom.

"So, how high was the voltage on that Taser?" Finnick asked.

Stu shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. It made him hurt and that's all that matters."

"Where did you stick it?"

Stu smiled coyly.

"You animal." Finnick held out his beer, and the street fox and country bunny clinked bottles. Nick watched the scene with a widening grin.

"Nothing justifies what that punk did. Nothing." Stu took a swig.

"I completely agree." Pop-Pop tapped his cane on the floor.

Stu put down his beer, deciding to wait until Judy Jr. was taken off his paws before having any more, and tugged carefully on the swaddling cloth so it better covered the tiny child's chest. The shrew was a lot like the numerous babies he'd handled when he was younger, but at the same time she wasn't. Her snout was longer and she was so  _tiny_  that he only needed one paw to hold her. She was so cute and so peaceful that Stu almost didn't want this to end.

However...

"Hey, don't hog the popcorn! There's no more in the apartment!" Bucky snapped as he snatched at Pronk's bag.

"Keep your voice down! The baby's sleeping!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT-"

Neither of them had noticed Bogo getting up and moving behind them on the love seat on the other side of the couch until he was grasping their heads with his hooves. Both screamers fell silent and stiffened as Bogo lowered his head between theirs. "You. Shut.  _Up._ "

He released them and returned to his spot. They wouldn't speak again until the end of the film.

Stu anxiously looked down at the baby, but thankfully the brief shouting match hadn't disturbed her. The sight of the child reminded him of Judy when she was a baby, and that memory triggered a thought. "Chief Bogo, I have a question. If my daughter was kidnapped in another county, would you drop everything to go find her?"

"I never abandon one of my officers, Mr. Hopps." Bogo replied simply.

"He did lead a squad of cars when Judy reported that savage jaguar, and when Bellwether made that phony phone call about an officer down." Clawhauser said before standing up. "I'm gonna get some more snacks. Do you guys want anything?"

Nick asked for some blueberry flavored ice cream to share with Judy, while Pop-Pop wanted a donut. Clawhauser disappeared into the kitchen.

"Chief, I have a question, too." Nick said, with a smugness that the buffalo instantly disliked. "Why did you let Ben use a Ferrari for his journey?"

"He's a good driver. I trusted him." Bogo replied with a grimace. "Unlike a certain fox who totaled that truck during the Missing Marzipan Case."

Nick's smirk widened. "That was a lemon and you know it."

"What does it matter, Wilde?"

"It matters because I called you right after we collided with the Hopps truck and asked you about the Ferrari, and you said it was because, and I quote, 'He's the cutest in the force'."

Bogo rolled his eyes. "I was being sarcastic."

"So he's not the cutest in the force?" Nick asked.

"How dare you, he's adorable!" Stu cried. "I don't know why I spoke!"

Bogo pointed a hoof at Nick. "Remember how you're going to be spending the next fortnight working in records while Officer Binns recovers from his surgery?"

"Yeah?"

"Keep in mind that the door to records only locks from the outside."

"So?"

"So, no-one else works down below and you don't get a signal. Also, the air conditioning is on the blink right now. Think about that before you continue this discussion."

Nick looked at Finnick. The smaller fox shook his head. "It ain't worth taking the risk, Nick."

Nick nodded, knowing all too well that you could only go so far with the Chief of Precinct One.

Clawhauser came back with snacks just as Judy's group returned from the bathroom, and Clawhauser's group left to spend their pennies.

"Mom, is it alright if I sit with Nick for the rest of the movie?" Judy asked.

"Of course it isn't, sweetheart." Bonnie chuckled. "I'm only joking, go on."

Judy happily sat down next to Nick on the couch. Visibly happy about the new seating arrangement, Nick stretched his arms and nonchalantly lowered his left to curl around Judy's shoulders.

_Smack!_

A sharp whack from Pop-Pop's cane sent Nick's sore paw shooting back to its owner. Nick glared at the senior before nonchalantly curling his bushy tail over Judy's lap. "You looked cold." He explained to her while his eyes gleamed at the fuming older rabbit.

"Thanks, Nick." Judy gently patted the makeshift blanket.

"Ugh... kids." Pop-Pop muttered.

Nick shrugged. What was a fox to do?

Clawhauser's group returned, refilled everyone's drinks and sat down with the rest. As Nick raised the remote to start the film again, Clawhauser spoke. "When exactly does Gazelle get her cameo?"

Bogo sipped his bottle. "The producers altered some of the events of the case for the script. So who knows?"

"Well, only one way to find out." Nick said as he pressed play.


	16. In Which the Reader is given an Update

Mexizoo.

The name rang in Bitter's ears like a bell of Notre Dame, and had been doing so not long after he learned the truth. He had thought that Irons had some honor. He had thought that Irons wouldn't go that far. He was wrong.

Mexizoo.

That warm country directly south of theirs, where it would be all too easy to disappear if you wanted to. Bitter wanted to. After the kick in the face he'd just had, Precinct Two could burn to the ground for all he cared.

In the cramped helicopter gliding through the afternoon sky towards Crabapple Valley, Bitter analyzed and built up his plan as his hated boss sat beside him with that infuriating grin on his massive face.

They reached Crabapple Valley and touched down in a flat clearing near the police station, as directed by the local cops. Only two officers were there to greet them, with most of the others still searching for Bogo's missing receptionist. Concern cut through Bitter's anger, and he made a wish that they would find the young cheetah and bring him home safe. As the name of that warm southern country continued to echo in his scheming mind, Bitter heard his phone ring. He picked it up and answered as they strode across the clearing towards the station. "What's the situation, O'Reilly?"

His subordinate cut to the chase.  _"Just an hourly update on the race, sir."_

Bitter relayed the info to Irons. "Put it on speaker." The Chief said.

"Go ahead. The Chief's listening." Bitter said after pressing the button on the phone.

_"I'll start with the crazy. The Oryx-Antlersons made it to Bunnyburrow first, but on the downside they destroyed the Tailuca Bridge in the process and are currently spinning out of control in the middle of the lake. The local enforcement is currently working on a plan to get them to shore without them killing themselves."_

* * *

_You spin me right round baby, right round..._  The classic song came blasting from the speakers without provocation, as if the  _Marlon Brando_  thought it as the perfect song to play as it spun right round baby, right round Tailuca Lake. Bucky and Pronk clung to the steering wheel, turning greener with every tight circle the boat made. After the thirty-third circle and a near miss with a mole and water rat's rowboat, they both let it go all over the control board.

* * *

_"We haven't seen any sign of the two polar bears since the Oryx-Antlersons hijacked the yacht, but we're assuming that they're still somewhere inside. At this rate we may be adding kidnapping to the charges against the Oryx-Antlersons."_

* * *

Polaro Fernet Bearca. The sweetest nectar known to the polar bear mafia. Raymond and Kevin had discovered a crate full of the stuff after fifteen painstaking minutes of replacing Raymond's butt with pieces of all the crates they had broken so far. The puncture was now full of pieces of wood wedged together to make one big plug of jagged, splintered death. Raymond was the first to take a bottle of the liqueur from the crate and pry off the cork with his claws. "To failure." He said drily before downing half the bottle. Kevin nodded grimly and took a second bottle.

* * *

"What about the confox?" Irons asked.

_"There was an incident with some kids in Crabapple Valley that led to Mr. Finnick falling into a river. He was carried for a quarter of a mile towards Windaland before getting out and he is currently making his way back to the road on foot."_

* * *

Finnick hated old rabbits... He stubbed his foot on a pebble the size of his head. Finnick hated plastic tricycles... He felt the mud squelch between his toes. Finnick hated careless rodent drivers... He forced with way through a dead thorny bush and stepped onto the burning hot road. Finnick hated dumb kids who got kidnapped because a stupid confox ran off to save himself... He saw the vintage car shop across the road and his ears pricked.

On the other hand, Finnick loved what he was seeing through the chain link fence, and the two figure price tag dangling from the handlebar...

* * *

"So he hasn't met up with Officer Wilde?" Bitter asked.

_"No, sir. According to his latest report, he and Mr. Hopps identified their hitchhiker as the one who tipped off the kidnappers about Officer Clawhauser and Finnick. They managed to capture him despite the loss of their police vehicle and are currently trying to acquire another car in the eastern side of this town."_

* * *

Bruce Wood sulked beneath his two hundred and seventy five singe marks and tested the cuffs on his paws as he sat beside the fox cop who had turned out to be none other than Nick Wilde. Of all the filthy foxes who had managed to con their way into the academy... him! Him of all people! That fox who Bruce had muzzled so long ago! Why did it have to be him?! Bruce fumed so hard the other people in the diner thought they could see steam coming out his ears. He was also angry at himself for letting slip that he was supposed to be meeting his friends in Podunk, and now that would be Hopps and Wilde's first stop once they acquired their new car, which Mr. Hopps was off doing right now.

A deer waitress passing by their table stopped dead when she saw the cuffs. Nick flashed his shiny badge. "Don't worry. I'm a cop. He's a scumbag."

Bruce fumed as the waitress looked out the window. "Where's the police car?"

Nick jerked his thumb at Bruce. "Ask him."

* * *

_"As for his partner, Officer Hopps had been cutting through the Windaland Golf Course with her family when her grandfather got into an altercation with another golfer. She's dealt with security and the three of them are taking a bus to Crabapple Valley."_

* * *

It had taken all of Judy's influence as a fellow police officer and the hero of Zootopia to convince the local enforcement to not arrest her Pop-Pop. Instead they arrested the drunkard for starting the incident by attempting to attack a police officer, leaving Judy free to drive her family the rest of the way across the golf course to the bus stop and Bonnie to collect her prize: a Wicked Witch of the Nest doll one and a half times her size. "Cotton will love this." She said, beaming.

Judy took one look at the witch's green warty face and blanched as they climbed on.

* * *

"I know it's a pointless question, but anything about Clawhauser?" Bitter next asked.

_"Nothing. We haven't been able to contact him through his phone or his radio. We tried to use the GPS, but we wound up finding both devices in a ditch outside the town."_

"Has Officer Hopps been informed?"

_"With her radio and phone damaged, we have no way of contacting her. We tried to catch up to her in Windaland, but by the time we tracked her down she'd already boarded the bus."_

"We can try and pick her up when she gets here." Irons said. "I'm assuming that Chief Bogo at least has been informed."

_"Er... about that..."_

* * *

Eight people. Eight people had decided to undertake this crazy treasure hunt. And not a  _single_  one of them had thought to take the  _train_?!

Bogo's brain nearly short circuited as he tried to comprehend their idiocy, while he purchased his ticket and boarded the express train to Crabapple Valley. Once seated he checked his gear. Stun gun, check. Handcuffs, check. Radio, check. Kidney stone, double check. Hatred of Irons, triple check.

He should reach the town in about an hour, and he would travel straight to the local police department from there. He stared out the dirty window, watching the trees go by. Only a few hours ago Clawhauser had been driving through that very forest, doing his best to help his stressed out boss through one of the worst days of his life.

_Hang in there, Clawhauser. I got you into this, and I'm getting you out._

* * *

"HE DID  _WHAT_?!" Irons roared.

"So he's on his way here?" Bitter asked with a significantly lower level of volume.

 _"Officer Higgins reported what happened."_  O'Reilly went on.  _"From the sounds of it, Chief Bogo and Chief Irons had an argument about something concerning Officer Wilde and Clawhauser after which Chief Bogo decided to personally assist in the search for Clawhauser. You must have said something to really tick him off, sir."_

 _Bogo's not the only one_ , Bitter thought bitterly.

Mexizoo echoed in his ears once more, like a song in a cathedral.

"Anything else?" Bitter asked.

_"The Bunnyburrow law enforcement has so far been unable to locate the stolen heist money themselves. That's about it."_

"Alright. Keep an eye on the suspects and report back in one hour."

 _"Yes, sir."_  O'Reilly hung up.

"Damn him." Irons growled, looking at the phone in Bitter's hoof like it was a bug he wanted to squish. "Damn him and his precious donut loving secretary!"

Though he hid it better with a tired scowl, Bitter was just as stunned. He knew that Chief Bogo cared for his officers in his own iron-fisted, hardheaded way, but dropping everything and travelling to another state to save a single receptionist? Bitter never thought he'd go that far.

God knows Irons wouldn't.

Bitter put his phone back in his trench coat pocket and thought again of Mexizoo. They reached the station to find a large stern elk waiting for them in front of the entrance, who promptly introduced himself as Officer Klekle. "I'm here to escort you to the office. Can I get you anything while you're here?"

"Iced tea with extra ice." Irons said.

"And you, Captain Bitter?"

Bitter thought for a moment about the question. Then he thought about the plan. Then he smiled serenely. "You know what I'd like? I'd like..." He thought again of Mexizoo. "A Waldorf Salad with juicy red tomatoes... all washed down with lashings of hot screwdriver."

Officer's Klekle's stern expression evaporated as bewilderment set in. Irons stared at his subordinate and rubbed his temple. "Good god, not you too."

* * *

With bound paws still wrapped protectively around Spider Bogo's box, Clawhauser blinked and winced as the van doors opened, spilling daylight into the dark interior. The hippo wordlessly dragged him out by the arm, more than once nearly making him drop the box.

Ben noticed three things upon exiting the van.

They were in the middle of a wide grassy field with the forest visible in the distance.

The van was parked right next to what looked like a derelict farmhouse.

The first two things looked to be in the middle of nowhere, and Clawhauser recognized none of it.

The zebra got out the driver's seat and pushed open the front door. "Get that filthy pred in here!"

That was the fourth thing Clawhauser noticed. His kidnappers were apparently prey supremacists.

As the hippo pulled him inside the decrepit building, Clawhauser trembled with fear at the thought that he might never come out.


	17. In Which Travis Drags Gideon out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

The stripy blue and white bus seats dwarfed the three rabbits to the point that one cushion could accommodate the lot of them. Fortunately the window was low enough for them to look through without the need to stand up, which Judy took advantage of as she kept an eye out for the 'Welcome to Crabapple Valley' sign. Bonnie sat right next to her, both arms squeezing the Wicked Witch of the Nest. Opposite Bonnie sat an unusually quiet Pop-Pop.

"I've made a right fudgeup of this, haven't I?"

Judy looked away from the view outside the bus. "What?"

Pop-Pop's ears were droopy. "If I hadn't made such a big fuss about foxes being involved, you probably would have found the money by now. And you wouldn't have tried to throw me out the cart."

Judy sighed. "That wasn't about Nick and Gideon. Okay, well it is partly. But it was mostly about what you said." Her buck teeth bit her lip as the memories came back to her. "All that talk about savages, and little guys sticking together... that was more or less what Bellwether said when she tried to kill me."

"Oh, carrotcake..." Bonnie said softly, setting the witch down to gently hold her daughter.

"When I heard all that again, I just flipped." Judy said regretfully. "But it wasn't a good excuse for trying to abandon you. I'm sorry."

Pop-Pop lightly tapped his cane on the bus floor. "I suppose we both took it too far this afternoon. I'm sorry, too."

Judy crossed her legs on the wide seat. "I'm not asking you to like Nick, I'm asking you to treat him fairly. It's okay if you're not ready to accept him fully just yet. Just don't be so horrible."

Pop-Pop grumbled to himself for half a minute before his ears raised. "I'm still not okay with you being partners with a fox, and I probably never will be." He took a deep breath. "But so long as he doesn't do anything to hurt you, I'll keep my lips buttoned."

Judy smiled and turned back to the window. For now, this would be enough. "Thanks, Pop-Pop."

She felt Pop-Pop's cane lightly tap her between the ears. "I still expect full compensation for the pantsing at Pride City, Trudy!"

Judy snorted with laughter. Bonnie, for her part, merely smirked and rummaged through her purse to make sure she had enough cents for the pay phone in Crabapple Valley

* * *

Gideon Gray was wiping the accumulated marks and dust off his counter when he heard a ringing. His heart plummeted. It had taken hours to get all the varnish out of his fur, and his clothes were still in the washer. This time, as he was happy to discover, it wasn't the phone. A familiar ferret had just entered the bakery, disturbing the bell that hung above the door.

"Travis!" Gideon grinned. "Haven't seen you in a couple' months. What'll it be?"

Travis had a excited glint in his eyes. "I ain't here for cookies! Something's going down at Tailuca Lake!"

"What happened?"

"This big fancy boat smashed through the bridge and now it's spinning around in circles!"

"What?"

"Come on, we gotta check it out!"

Gideon rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Cotton, who was sitting on a chair and happily nibbling at a scone. "I guess... I'd hafta drop Cotton off at Mr. H's first."

"No way, I wanna go!" Cotton jumped up and stamped her foot. "I wanna see the boat crash!"

"No, you don't."

"Pleeeaaaaseeee!" Cotton clasped her tiny paws and stared up at him. It reminded Gideon so much of little Judy that he cringed.

"Alright." He groaned. "But we're having one little look before I take you home. It's not somethin' to be having fun at!"

"Travis wants to have fun!" Cotton protested.

"Travis is different." Gideon replied as he grabbed the keys to his truck off the hook on the wall. "He never matturd."

Travis blinked, even as Gideon realized his little error. "I think it's pronounced matured."

"Don't tell me what I know, Travis!" Gideon grumbled as the three of them left the shop for their vehicles.

Two seconds later the phone rang.

* * *

Raymond ended up being the one to finish the last dregs within the second bottle. "How about another?"

"'Right." Kevin mumbled as he pulled another one of the Italian liquors out the crate and pulled the cork out. "My turn." He took a long swig. Both of them were feeling a lot better after the morning they'd had.

Raymond tossed the bottle away. "None of this would have happened if that little rat hadn't done a runner!"

Kevin passed the bottle over. "What exactly happened between Mr. Big and Mr. Mousekewitz?"

"You really don't know?"

"I wasn't in the family at the time. All I was told was that Mousekewitz stole a helluva lotta cash from the boss."

Raymond gulped down a fifth of the bottle. "It all started after Mr. Big's bootlegging operation in Tundratown got busted by the coppers. We managed to keep it from being traced back to us and Mr. Big, thank god, but Mr. Big lost a lot of money and he wanted it back. Meanwhile, Mousekewitz was planning the mother of all heists in Zootopia, but was missing a little something called funding."

"You mean tha' Triple-Casino-Heist?" Kevin took his turn of the bottle, spilling a little into the floodwater. "And he went to Mr. Big?"

"Mr. Big gave him a loan in exchange for sixty percent of however much money he managed to pilfer."

"It succeeded, didn't it?"

A shadow crossed Raymond's face "The plan succeeded all right, but Mousekewitz double-crossed him. He took the dough and ran. Mr. Big's been after him and the money ever since."

"Six-point-five million dollars?" Kevin asked. "No wonder Mr. Big's ticked."

Raymond drained the half of what was left of the bottle within five seconds and grinned stupidly. "Rumor has it that it was a helluva lot more than that."

Kevin quickly consumed the other half. "How much more?"

"A lot. That's all I know." Raymond said.

"I'm surprised Mr. Big didn't blow up the city looking for him." Kevin was speaking a little slower now that he had two bottles' worth of liqueur in his blood. He frowned and tilted his head. "Blow..."

"Kevin?" Raymond asked, swaying slightly as he stood up to get another bottle.

"Blow... up..." Kevin's attention was now on the opened crate of fireworks sitting near the puncture stuffed with giant splinters.

Despite the alcohol, Raymond caught on.

* * *

It was on page three hundred and ninety four of the manual that Bucky and Pronk figured out how to manually work the radio. Now they were blubbering in a mixture of terror and relief as a mouse on the other end introduced himself as Bernard of the Rescue Aid Society.

For the next few minutes in which they continued to speed uncontrollably from one side of the lake to the other, Bernard explained how his partner, Bianca, was currently retrieving someone who had the knowledge to dock a yacht, and the ability to talk Bucky and Pronk through the steps. "And if that doesn't work out, there's still the option of waiting for the yacht to run out of fuel and slow down on its own." He said assuredly. "Either way you get out of this alive, but you have to stay calm and follow our instructions precisely. Do you understand?"

Bucky and Pronk sobbed and nodded.

"I said do you understand?"

"Yes!" They cried.

"Alright. First thing's first, make sure only one mammal is controlling the steering wheel."

Bucky and Pronk looked at their hooves then at each other.

"Let go!" Bucky snapped.

"There's nothing else to hold onto! You let go!" Pronk snapped back.

"You heard the guy! Only one mammal!"

"I heard him, so shut up!"

"DON'T START THAT AGAIN!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU STARTED THIS, YOU'LL FINISH IT!" Pronk let go and immediately fell to the floor as the boat swerved again. That part of this ordeal was more tiresome than terrifying.

"Okay, I've got the wheel!" Bucky yelled into the radio.

"Good. Are you handling the radio, too?"

Bucky gaped. "First I have to take the wheel, now I have to take the radio... what's Pronk going to do, serve Bloody Mary's?!"

Bernard's voice sounded distorted coming from the radio. "Sir, you have to stay calm. Panicking will increase your chances of this ending badly."

Bucky and Pronk both took deep breaths. The mouse was right. They took another deep breath and relaxed their grips on the steering wheel.

Then an opaque plastic bag slapped itself onto the front window and sent them right back into hysterics.

* * *

The car Stu rented was an aged four seater with a shiny blueberry colored coating, and was currently stuck in the worst traffic jam Nick had seen in weeks. Despite the local enforcement's suggestion that Nick and Stu immediately go to the station, the fox insisted on going straight to Podunk to try and pick up Clawhauser's trail, at least until he learned that Judy would be arriving shortly.

Upon contacting the station, Nick finally learned what had been happening since he and Judy split up outside Pride City. Somehow the Overly-loud-Antlersons had reached Bunnyburrow first, only to lose control of a yacht they had stolen from Kevin and Raymond. Finnick fell into a river and got swept out of town, soon after acquiring a vehicle that was straight out of the twentieth century. Judy and her mother and grandfather had just taken a bus out of Windaland and were on their way to Crabapple Valley. Benjamin Clawhauser was still missing, but a van matching Finnick's description had been spotted heading in the direction of Podunk. Chief Iron-butt was at the station and demanding to speak with Nick. The most jaw-dropping news of all was Chief Buffalo-butt himself making his way to Crabapple Valley to personally assist in finding Clawhauser.

Still, the knowledge that he would soon be reunited with his favorite bunny rabbit was all they needed to convince Nick to stop by the station. Without a radio or a phone, Judy had no way of knowing the current situation, but arrangements had been made to intercept her once she disembarked from the bus.

Nick could only hope that Pop-Pop had cooled off since the incident that split up the group.

The cars in front began to shift. Only two remained before Nick and Stu would be free from the jam. "We're almost there, Mr. H. You sure you don't want someone to check you out?"

"Quite sure, Nick." Stu replied cheerfully. "If I got hurt in that crash, I would be feeling it by now. I'm more worried about those cuts you got from that brute's attempt to kill us."

Nick personally felt that Stu had exaggerated just a little, but he still shot a look of pure venom at Bruce. The memory of that horrible night flashed before his eyes again, but was a little less painful now that electrified justice had been served. "Don't worry about it. Even if I didn't want to, your daughter is going to drag me straight to a hospital once all this is over."

The car at the front turned away from the jam and took off down a side street. Stu twiddled his thumbs and fiddled with the glove box. "You know, Nick... I've been thinking... the kits have been asking to meet you ever since Judy told us about her new partner, and you know, since we're already going to Bunnyburrow... why don't you stick around a while after this business with the stolen money is sorted? We've got plenty of spare rooms and you can tell the kits all about the cases you've cracked."

Nick felt like something within his chest had exploded. "You're inviting me to stay at your place?"

"Of course!" Stu beamed. "It's the least I can do after all. I mean, if you're willing."

Nick half-smiled. "I'd love to, Mr. H... but there's one little problem."

"What?" Stu asked.

Nick bit the corner of his mouth. "Me and Judy still have to take you in for reckless driving." Stu's ears flattened as he was reminded that he had broken the law. "Since you assisted us, the judge might go easy on you. At best you'll get fined." A smile returned to Nick's face. "But once that's out the way, I might try and get some vacation time. What do you say?"

Stu's eyes had widened a little. He must have forgotten that Nick had managed to convince the police to not press charges of withholding information. Then he smiled nervously. "I-I guess it's date then. There's one thing I just want to run by you while we're on the subject."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"  
"You do anything inappropriate with my daughter and I'll roast you like a two-faced woodchuck."

With a massive blush on his face, Nick felt like he was roasting already.

In the backseat, Bruce rolled his eyes as he picked at his cuffs with a concealed furpin.

* * *

"No! Don't hurt him!" Clawhauser cried helplessly as Spider Bogo's box was wrenched from him by the zebra. The hippo then dragged him to the middle of the living room, lifted Clawhauser's arms high above his head, and hooked his bound paws to a rope dangling from a beam.

The zebra gazed curiously at the imprisoned arachnid, which reared its legs and bared its fangs at him. "What the hell is this supposed to be?"

"A- a tarantula?" Clawhauser said.

The hippo grimaced and kept his distance. "Gugh, just squish him. I hate bugs."

"No!" Clawhauser yelled and struggled, but he couldn't get his paws high enough to come free of the hook. "Don't squish him, please!"

"Why not, pred?" The zebra gave the box a little shake, agitating Spider Bogo further. "What's so special about this bug?"

Clawhauser's lip trembled. He had no choice. If they thought the tarantula was useless, they'd kill it. "He's... he's a protected species. He's worth a lot on the black market."

The zebra frowned. He put the box down on a dusty coffee table, pulled out his phone and started typing. A couple of minutes passed as he surfed the Internet. Then he grinned and put the phone away. "Well, well, well. We just got ourselves a small fortune and we didn't even have to question him."

The hippo crossed his thick arms. "Fine, but there's no way you're getting me near that thing!"

The zebra stepped close to Clawhauser and grabbed him by the collar. "But we still gotta know what the Blue Goliath is... and you're gonna tell us."

Clawhauser let out a tiny whimper. He was so screwed.

* * *

Judy watched the white smoke rising from the exposed engine as the bus driver examined the damage. She was one of two dozen mammals who had just had their plans thrown out the window, and like her fellow passengers was not a happy bunny.

Eventually the bus driver lifted his elephantine head and sighed. "I'm 'fraid you folks are gonna hafta walk from here unless you want to catch the next bus."

It was maddening. They were only two and a half miles from Crabapple Valley, but with an elderly grandfather, walking was not an option. So Judy sat down on a rock with Bonnie and Pop-Pop as the other passengers reluctantly began their journey down the road while the driver retreated into his useless vehicle to wait for assistance. "We're never going to get the money at this rate." She lamented.

Bonnie gently stroked Judy's ear. "Now, now. None of this is your fault, dear. Besides, Nick and Stu are still on the case, aren't they? There's still hope. Perhaps we could ask the driver for his phone again? Gideon must be home by now."

Pop-Pop harrumphed, but kept his promise to Judy and made no complaint. "Why don't we try catching a ride? We're only a couple of miles from the next town."

Judy looked at her grandfather. "I don't know. There's three of us."

"And we'd still take up less space than a pig." Pop-Pop said. "It's better than sitting around on our fannies waiting for a miracle!"

"Listen!" Bonnie yelped, her ears pricking. "I think a car's coming right now!"

The three rabbits stood up and looked up the road. A small red and cream vehicle was quickly making its way toward them, and it was not a car. As the object came closer, Pop-Pop's jaw dropped. "Sweet cheese and crackers, that's a beaut."

It was a sleek vintage motorcycle and sidecar with jet black wheels and a big round headlight set right between the silver and black handlebars. Judy had only seen such a vehicle twice before, once at a vintage car show her Pop-Pop had taken her to and once on  _Indiana Bones and the Sloth Crusade_. For Judy, it was her first time seeing a real one in action. For Bonnie, it was a trip down memory lane. For Pop-Pop, it was love at first sight.

Judy and Bonnie quickly rushed to the edge of the road and waved their arms as the motorbike approached. It was only when the bike swerved to the side and stopped that they saw who was driving...

"YOU?!" Pop-Pop and Finnick yelled.

The little fox yanked his blank sunglasses off his head to properly glare at the elder rabbit. "You gotta lotta nerve waving me down, punk!"

"Finnick, wait!" Judy quickly stepped between them.

Finnick put his sunglasses back on. "Hopps? What're you doing here?"

"It's a long, unpleasant story. What happened to your van?"

"That's a longer, unpleasant story."

"Finnick, we need your help. We have to get to Bunnyburrow." Judy said, taking in the unique vehicle. The sidecar was empty, and big enough to fit at least two rabbits. "Could you at least take us to the next town?"

Finnick frowned. "Bunnyburrow? What about your buddy?"

"Nick's going to Bunnyburrow too. Could you please take us?" Judy pleaded.

Finnick looked at the three rabbits. "You haven't heard what happened?"

Judy felt a stab of worry. "What are you talking about? Has something happened to Nick?"

Finnick squeezed the handlebars, looking unusually anxious. "Maybe you should hitchhike someone else..."

Judy's paw shot out and grabbed his wrist. "Finnick, please! If something happened, I have to know!"

Finnick chewed on his lip. "Okay, but you're not gonna like this..."

* * *

Bogo stepped off the train and made a beeline for the line of taxies outside the station. His phone rang and he answered.

_"Sir, it's Officer McHorn."_

"I'm not coming back without Clawhauser." Bogo said immediately.

_"I wouldn't either, sir. I'm letting you know that Officer Wilde is on his way to reunite with Hopps at the Crabapple station. A unit has been dispatched to collect her from the bus stop."_

"Good. If anyone can find Clawhauser, it's those two."

_"By the way, Chief Irons is royally ticked off with you, sir."_

"Well, you can tell him that I want a word with him myself first thing when I get to the station. Bye."

* * *

Judy lifted her grandfather clear off the ground and put him in the sidecar. "Get in, mom!" She yelled. When she saw the raging purple fire in Judy's eyes Bonnie climbed in with no complaint. "Finnick, if you don't take us straight to the station I swear to gosh I will cuff you to a tree and leave you here!" Finnick gulped and silently tapped the bike seat behind him. Judy climbed on and wrapped her arms around his small body.

"What's the plan, Hopps?" Finnick asked as he revved the engine.

"First we find Nick!" Judy yelled. "Then we find Ben!"

"What about the kidnappers?" Bonnie asked.

"We'll take their innards and churn them into banana soup!" Pop-Pop yelled. "Now, mush!"

"Banana soup...?" Bonnie muttered.


	18. In Which Judy Hopps runs absolutely Amok

Raymond watched warily as Kevin dissected another firework and emptied the black powder into a plastic bottle that originally held ketchup. "I'm starting to have doubts about this, Kevin."

Kevin carefully added the empty shell to the pile and held out the lid. "We've tried everything else, buddy. This is our last shot, unless you want to try breaking the door down with a fish again. Could you poke a hole in the lid so I can get the fuse in?"

"You sure this will be able to blow the door open?" Raymond asked as he skewered the plastic lid with a claw and passed it back to Kevin.

"Probably not." Kevin stuck a fu

Raymond watched warily as Kevin dissected another firework and emptied the black powder into a plastic bottle that originally held ketchup. "I'm starting to have doubts about this, Kevin."

Kevin carefully added the empty shell to the pile and held out the lid. "We've tried everything else, buddy. This is our last shot, unless you want to try breaking the door down with a fish again. Could you poke a hole in the lid so I can get the fuse in?"

"You sure this will be able to blow the door open?" Raymond asked as he skewered the plastic lid with a claw and passed it back to Kevin.

"Probably not." Kevin stuck a fuse salvaged from a firework rocket and stuck it into the hole in the lid. "We've got loads of bottles. Even if it doesn't work, the noise might get the hijackers down here so they'll open the door for us." He screwed the lid back on and examined his handiwork. "I know this is stupid, but the boss will never forgive us if we lose that money."

Raymond nodded. "Okay. Let's get this done."

* * *

Bernard watched the aged elephant sit before the radio with skepticism. Colonel Hahti was a pompous fellow in a stereotypical purple turban and a grey suit one shade darker than his skin, and apparently didn't go anywhere without his bamboo riding crop which he never used for riding. Unfortunately he was the only yacht owner Bianca could find on such short notice, and time was of the essence. It could be hours until the yacht ran out of fuel, but it was becoming more and more unlikely that the Oryx-Antlersons would be able to hold off their panic until then.

"Are you sure about this, darling?" He whispered into Bianca's ear. "He looks like one of those seniors who always make up stories about the war."

"I know, honey. But what choice do we have?" Bianca asked.

"I know too, but I'm not so sure this is a good idea." Bernard replied.

"Just give him a chance."

"But..."

"Alright, why are you really against this?"

"Erm... there're thirteen medals on his jacket."

Bianca chuckled, prompting Colonel Hahti to scowl at her.

"Wipe that smile off your face, woman! This is a crisis!" He turned back to the radio and pressed a switch.

Pronk Oryx-Antlerson's tinny voice came out of the radio.  _"Bucky... I don't wanna worry you... but we're gonna get killed."_

Colonel Hahti harrumphed. "Boys, this is Colonel Hahti speaking. The Rescue Aid Society has asked me to take charge of this situation and I have agreed to... er... take charge of it!" Bernard heard a sob come from the radio. "Now Miss Bianca here has told me that neither of you has any experience in sailing a yacht, let alone docking it! I just want to take this moment to congratulate you on doing so well, so far."

_"_ _Th-thank you."_  Bucky whimpered.

"But you're not out of the woods yet, boys! If you want to get back on dry land before sundown you'll have to dock the boat. Now first of all, I am going to tell you how to prepare the boat to dock, and then you will need to, uh, prepare the boat to dock."

_"_ _I don't think he's gonna help us, Bucky."_

_"_ _He'll help us! Don't give up! Don't give in!"_

"Now the first thing you need to do is, uh, is to make sure the fenders are hung over the sides at a height that gives maximum protection to the hull."

_"_ _What fenders? How does that help us slow down?!"_

"We're getting to that, now don't interrupt me! First of all, make sure you, er, are holding the steering wheel." The elephant frowned. "You are holding the steering wheel, aren't you?"

_"_ _YES, WE'RE HOLDING IT!"_

Bianca nervously fidgeted with her scarf. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

Bernard eyed the unlucky cluster of medals. "You think?"

* * *

In Chief Peartree's green-painted office on the top floor of the Crabapple precinct, Bitter felt a sense of encroaching doom when he looked out the window and saw a cab pull up in front of the entrance. When Chief Bogo emerged from the back seat, the butterflies in Bitter's stomach went crazy.

_It was nice knowing you, Irons_ , he thought as he inched away from the hippo, who was sitting before Peartree's desk discussing the Clawhauser situation with the burly deer. Bitter watched Irons explain his decision to interrogate Officer Wilde with distate. It was bad enough for Peartree that he suffered from rhotacism without shallow people like Irons making their irritation so obvious.

"... And so I intend to question Officer Wilde and Mr. Hopps as soon as they arrive." Irons said.

Peartree did not look very sure. "Just  _question_  him, wight, Chief Iwons? Thewe's no evidence that he's invowved in Officer Cwawhauser's kidnapping."

"I never said he's invow- involved!" Irons replied and sipped some sparkly water. Bitter slapped a hoof over his eyes.  _Moron._ "I just want to make sure he's not hiding anything concerning the Fennec."

"It's not because he's a fowcs, is it?" Peartree asked skeptically.

_No, it's because he works for Precinct One._  Bitter rolled his eyes and glanced at the office door.  _Irons just wants to make Chief Bogo look bad._

"No, it's because I'm curious as to how these kidnappers knew about Clawhauser and Finnick and where they were going." Irons said. "If Wilde and Hopps are hiding something, I intend to find out."

Bitter heard a faint shout come from outside the office. He smirked and backed into the wall, making sure that Bogo had a clear path to Irons. The door shook as the raging buffalo knocked three times.

A woman's voice came from Peartree's intercom. "Sir, Chief Bogo of the ZPD is here to see you."

Peartree sighed. "Come in."

Irons stood up, his eyes betraying his nerves as Bogo yanked open the door and entered the office, a look of deceptive calm on his dark features.

"I'm sorry to interrupt this meeting, Chief Peartree..." Bogo spoke through clenched teeth. He almost looked like he was in pain. "I just want a word with Chief Irons."

Iron's face turned scarlet. "You're not supposed to be here, Bogo."

Bogo took another step towards Irons, reddish brown eyes blazing. "You gave me no choice! Why didn't you listen to me while I was trying to explain what had happened?!"

"You already explained!" Irons stood his ground, something Bitter had to give him credit for. "Clawhauser was abducted by two unidentified mammals and Finnick was the last person with him when it happened! How do you know that he didn't arrange the kidnapping?"

"He reported the kidnapping himself! He even gave a description of the vehicle that was confirmed by other witnesses at the scene!" Bogo snapped. "And if he really is working with the kidnappers, then what was he doing floating in a bloody river instead of inside the van that took Clawhauser? Answer me that, you blundering butterball!"

"Butterball?!" Irons' face turned even redder.

"Gentewmen, pwease." Peartree said.

"Besides, we've already identified who tipped them off!" Bogo shut the door behind him when he noticed that the secretary outside was staring. "The hitchhiker they picked up, 'Woody', was actually Bruce Wood. You may remember him as the founder of the Zootopia Freedom Party."

"That hate gwoup that lost suppowt after the Night Howwer Case was sowved?" Peartree asked.

"We believe that this gwou- group plans to use the stolen heist money to fund their activities." Bogo said.  _Oh good god_ , Bitter thought. "Officer Wilde and Mr. Hopps managed to apprehend him and are delivering him here as we speak." He turned his glare back to the dumbstruck Irons. "Now back the hell off of my officer!"

"You caught Bruce Wood?" Irons spoke slowly, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Has he said where they took Clawhauser?" Bitter asked, a little awed himself. He'd honestly thought that they'd never get their hands on the little extremist after he skipped town.

"He's keeping his mouth shut, but he did let slip that the kidnappers went to Podunk." Bogo said. "Once I've spoken with my officers, I'm heading there straight away." He turned back to the door and opened it.

"By yowsewf?" Peartree frowned.

"Yes, unless Hopps and Wilde decide to come with me."

"Wait, what about the stolen money?" Irons asked sharply.

"I'm leaving that to you." Bogo said. "You're the one with the helicopter, you little gloryhound!" He poked his head through the doorway to address the secretary. "No offense."

"None taken." The lady wolf replied.

"If you wish, you may wait in the wobby untiw your officews awive." Peartree said.

"Thank you." Bogo replied. "And thank you for your assistance in this matter."

When he left, he was far gentler closing the door than he was opening it.

Bitter cleared his throat. "May I use the restroom, Chief Peartree?"

"The neawest won is in the wobby." Peartree said.

Bitter thanked the chief and left, quickly finding Chief Bogo on a bench in the lobby.

"Chief Bogo." He said, catching the buffalo's attention. "I just wanted to apologize for my superior. He had no right to single out Wilde just because he works for you."

Bogo, whose frown was ever deeper than usual these last few days, peered curiously at the moose. "I thought it was because Wilde is a fox."

"The  _first_  fox." Bitter sat down beside him. "Don't you realize that out of all the precincts in Zootopia, yours gets the most attention?"

"We're often saddled with the most high profile cases. What about it?" Bogo asked. Bitter noticed one of Bogo's hoofs tenderly touching his side.

"You call it a burden, but Irons wants that attention for himself." Bitter said. "Did you know that he never got over you outdoing him in the academy?"

"That was decades ago."

"It's not just you being valedictorian. Every time you solve a big case, it makes the headlines of every paper in the city. You got the first rabbit officer, who turned out to be one of the best cops the ZPD's ever had. Then you got the first fox officer. And now because of your receptionist, you could end up overshadowing Irons again by not only solving the Triple-Casino-Heist, but taking down the Zootopia Freedom Party and apprehending one of Zootopia's Most Wanted."

Bogo snorted angrily. "Clawhauser didn't get kidnapped on purpose!"

"I never said that." Bitter said. "The point is that if Irons can get the glory this time around, he might stop obsessing over your own accomplishments."

"Do I look like I give a damn about his petty jealousy?"

"You will if it makes cooperation between our precincts difficult." Bitter said. "Your fox and rabbit have solved every case that crossed their books, and Irons is worried that they'll succeed in finding the stolen money before we do. All I'm asking is that you and your officers take no further part in the search for the stolen money once you've retrieved Clawhauser."

Bogo raised an eyebrow. "You want us to back out?"

"Focus on saving Clawhauser and apprehending Bruce Wood's organization and leave the Blue Goliath to us. We can handle it."

Bogo turned his gaze to the floor. Bitter watched the buffalo contemplate his proposal. Then Bogo's phone started singing 'Try Everything.' Bogo answered the call. After a few seconds he shouted, "He did what?!"

"What happened?" Bitter asked, alarmed.

Bogo listened to the speaker on the other end for another minute before hanging up and glaring at Bitter. "That was Wilde! Wood somehow escaped his restraints and hijacked another car!"

"Oh for the love of Canadian geese!" Bitter threw his arms in the air.

"Wilde's pursuing him to Podu-" Bogo's phone rang again and he picked it up again. "Hopps?" His eyes widened. "You, too? Alright, I'll met you there." Eventually he hung up again, his expression blank with disbelief. "That was Hopps. Finnick told her about Clawhauser and now they're both on their way to Podunk. We've arranged a place to meet up."

Bitter shook his head. "It's like a Night Howler Case reunion."

Bogo stood up and fastened his coat. Now he looked more like a private detective than the Chief of Police. "You just worry about the stolen money."

"Don't worry. That money is my top priority."

* * *

"What's the Blue Goliath?" Stripes the zebra growled, his face inches from Clawhauser's.

The captive cheetah tried to keep himself from shaking. The black cord was starting to chafe. "I don't know."

"Is it a statue?"

"I don't know!"

"Is it a giant plant, like a tree or a fancy bush?"

"I don't know what it is!"

"Uh huh, sure." Stripes sat down on a torn up couch, wringing his hooves in frustration.

"So do we start punching him now or what?" Harold the hippo asked.

Clawhauser gulped and braced himself.

"No."

"Why the heck not?"

"You hit too hard and we need him conscious. Maybe when Bruce gets back."

As the kidnappers continued to bicker, Clawhauser turned his fear-filled gaze to Spider Bogo, imprisoned in the clear plastic container on the coffee table. The grey tarantula looked as helpless as Clawhauser felt, now that he was doomed to the illegal bug smuggling ring yet again.

"So what do we do 'til then? Keep asking him questions and hope he cracks from boredom?" Harold asked with a roll of his eyes.

Stripes smirked. "I've gotta better idea." He stepped to Clawhauser, took a bit of belly fat between his hooves, and pinched. Hard.

Clawhauser failed to stop a high-pitched cry from escaping him.

Harold grinned. "You're right. That is better."

"And if that doesn't work after a bit, we've got something even better we can use when Bruce finally gets here."

He fished something from his pocket that made Clawhauser's blood freeze. It was a fully functional, shiny black, completely illegal shock collar.

* * *

Bruce pushed the stolen grey Catillac to over seventy as he raced down the highway towards Podunk, with the fox and the bunny in hot pursuit a hundred and fifty meters behind. If he didn't shake them off, he'd lead them right to the hideout.

Sweat trickled through his brown fur as he swerved around the last bend before he would reach the fork in the road. He saw salvation in the form of a massive semi truck carrying Koka Koala and sped towards it. Once he was right beside the large vehicle he swerved towards it. The startled driver yanked on the steering wheel, and the entire semi truck spun on the road, its gigantic wheels kicking up dirt and dust, until it was almost completely horizontal on the road. By the time the truck had stopped, Bruce had slowed the car to a stop on the side of the truck that was out of Wilde's view.

Bruce froze in his seat as he heard the sound of Wilde's approach.  _Come on... go on ahead... miss me, you stupid predator..._

Wilde's blue car sped right past the semi truck and continued on towards the fork.

Bruce whooped and waited until Wilde's car was out of sight before staring his own car up again. If Wilde took the left hand path up the raised part of the land, it would take him miles from Bruce. If he took the right, there was another intersection half a mile ahead where they would very likely take different paths. Either way, Bruce was home free.

* * *

"Bruce Wood?" Judy asked as the motorbike and sidecar approached the intersection that would either take them deeper into Podunk, towards Crabapple Valley or towards Bunnyburrow. There was no doubt in Judy's mind which path she would take.

"Yeah. Nick gave me a call right before I found you." Finnick was shouting over the wind that rushed past them as they sped at the maximum speed limit, Judy's arms wrapped around his tiny torso. Bonnie and Pop-Pop were nestled perfectly in the sidecar, Finnick's cherished Lucille propped up between them. "He's the one who told the kidnappers to go after me and your buddy. You sound like you know him."

"He's the bigoted jerk who formed the Zootopia Freedom Party." Judy growled. "And as it turns out, the one who muzzled Nick." A hole burned through her stomach just from thinking about the vile woodchuck.

"Yeah." Finnick nodded, his own disgust obvious. "When I find that punk, Lucille is gonna give him a great big kiss."

"You and Lucille will have to get in line if he or his boys so much as scratch Ben." Judy replied. "The Podunk Police Station is in the heart of Podunk. We're meeting Chief Bogo there once Nick retrieves Bruce."

"We go left once we reach the intersection, right?" Bonnie asked.

"Right." Finnick said, just as they reached said intersection. The light turned red, bringing them to a halt. Seconds passed. No cars crossed the intersecting road in front of them. Judy's nose twitched and her foot thumped on the edge of the sidecar, drawing odd looks from her mother and grandfather.

Then a grey car sped across the intersecting road, and Judy caught a glimpse of a brown furred face she'd only seen in newspapers.

"Wood!" She screamed in Finnick's ear, making the smaller fox wince. "Bruce Wood!"

"You sure?!" Bonnie cried.

"Yes! After him!" Judy yelled.

"Wait! Pop-Pop, get out while the light's still red!" Bonnie clambered out with the Wicked Witch of the Nest in tow, dragging a protesting Pop-Pop with him.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Judy yelled.

"We'll just slow you down!" Bonnie cried as she ushered Pop-Pop to the side of the road. "Come back once you've caught that criminal!"

Judy gave a quick smile. "Thanks mom. We'll be back, I promise!"

Right on cue the light turned green. Finnick wasted no time putting his foot down.

* * *

On a lengthy raised area of land overlooking another road, Nick kept his eyes on the road ahead while Stu watched the lower road in case they had taken the wrong turn.

"Don't worry, son! We'll catch that cheesestring!" Stu yelled.

"We have to." Nick growled as he squeezed the steering wheel. "He's our only chance of finding Ben."

Stu patted the pocket holding the Taser. "I drained this thing's battery the first time. It'll hafta be good ol' fisticuffs this time aro- there he is!"

He pointed to the lower road. Nick had to crane his neck to see the car they were hunting for.

"Good job, Mr. H! I'm going to take us down the hill, hang on!"

"The hill?!" Stu yelped.

"It's smooth and not that steep, it's fine!" Nick said. "Just make sure you've got your seatbelt on!"

"JUDY!" Stu bounced in his seat, suddenly in near-hysterics. "LOOK! IT'S JUDY AND YOUR FINNICK FRIEND!"

"WHAT?!" Nick craned his neck again. Stu wasn't seeing things. Judy and Finnick really were chasing Bruce Wood on a shiny red motorbike and sidecar. "Holy crap, we've gotta catch them! Hold on!"

He took the car off the road and down the grassy slope, reaching the road when he was roughly forty meters behind Judy.

* * *

Bruce beamed when he saw the third intersection. One more turn and he'd be on the road to the hideout. If his luck held out, Harold and Stripes may have gotten answers out of the fat cheetah by the time he got there.

Bruce's grin faded when a persistent loud honking sound hit his ears from behind. He thought of Wilde, but it wasn't a sound that usually came from a car. He looked up into the rear view mirror and saw an old-fashioned motorbike with glistening red paint and a cream coloured fennec fox at the handlebars. It was Finnick, Bruce realised with a jolt before his grin returned. The stupid fox must be back for revenge for the attempted kidnapping. Well, let the midget follow him. He would get a nasty surprise once they reached the hideout. Him and his cute widdle rabbit officer-

"What?!" Bruce twisted his head to look out the back window.

His jaw dropped. It really was Officer Judy Hopps riding behind that tiny fox.

* * *

"Stop the car!" Judy hollered at the top of her lungs, wishing she had a megaphone right about now. "Pull over now!"

In response, Bruce sped up, reaching eighty miles an hour.

"Oh no, you don't!" Finnick pumped the dial up to eighty-five, and they quickly caught up to the car.

"Pull over!" Judy screamed at Bruce as they neared the intersection. "You're under arrest for the kidnapping of Officer Clawhauser! Pull over now!"

"Do what the rabbit says, punk!" Finnick roared. "I've got a lady friend who wants to give you a nice big kiss!"

They reached the intersection and Bruce turned right, passing through a red light. Finnick plowed after him, taking the chase through yet another forest.

Bruce swerved the car, trying to hit the bike, but Judy and Finnick kept out of his reach. "Pull over and stop!" Judy kept yelling. They passed an oncoming pizza delivery truck. "Stop the car, Wood! Finnick, move it!"

Finnick swore as Judy lifted him clear of the handlebars and dropped him into the sidecar next to Lucille. "Whaddya doin' rabbit?!"  
"I've trained for this!" Judy grabbed the handlebars in his place. "You haven't!"

"You can't pit maneuver with a bike, woman!" Finnick shouted. "Watch it!"

Judy ignored him as she closed in on Bruce. Bruce tried to hit them but missed and grazed a tree, scraping off a massive patch of paint. He swerved at them again, but Judy drove clear of the road, bouncing through a rough stretch of grass before returning to the tarmac. She brought the bike in close enough for Finnick to strike Bruce's side window with Lucille.

"Are you crazy?!" They barely heard Bruce shout.

"When I get my hands on you, Bruce Wood!" Judy shouted back.

"Damn, you're a good driver!" Finnick shouted as she took the bike away from the car before Bruce could retaliate.

They crossed a modern steel bridge overlooking a slow-moving stream and entered a poppy field much like the one in Windaland. Judy's rage dulled the pain growing in her rear as she brought the bike right up to the side of Bruce's car again. Finnick slammed his bat against the window again, yelling for Bruce to stop..  
"Get away from me!" Bruce screamed.

"I SAID STOP THE CAR!" Judy screamed, right before Lucille punched right through the window and covered Bruce in tiny shards of glass. Bruce yelped and violently swerved away from the bike, going off the road and into a row of wild bushes. Leaves flew everywhere like the broken glass covering the inside of the car and branches broke and twisted like limbs. When Bruce's car came out it was a filthy, scraped up mess. A branch fell out the front bumper as the car returned to the road and sped off in the direction they'd just come. Judy spun the bike a full one-eighty and continued the pursuit.

"Are you crazy?!" With the window gone, they could hear Bruce clearly.

"YOU TOOK MY FRIEND AND MUZZLED MY FOX! NOW YOU PAY!" Judy shouted.

Bruce paled. "HE LIED! FOXES LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING!"

"STOP THE CAR AND I'LL BELIEVE YOU!"

Bruce's answer was a long, drawn out scream when he looked ahead. Judy saw the oncoming bridge and started to slow the bike, but both drivers had seen it too late. They missed the bridge completely and dove nose first into the stream.

The stream was a mere six inches deep, leaving Bruce, Judy and Finnick mostly dry as they clambered out their now useless vehicles. Judy glanced at Finnick, making sure he was okay aside from being knee deep in water, before turning her fierce gaze to Bruce.

"Come here, you!" She snarled as she followed the terrified woodchuck up the hill and onto the bridge. "Get back here, you piece of dung! What did you do with Ben?!" She caught him as he tried to run to the other side of the bridge and pinned him against the rail. "I know you tipped off those goons about Ben and Finnick! Where is he?!"

"Did the fox tell you that?!" Bruce yelled. It was absolutely the worst thing he could have started with. "You aren't seriously dumb enough to believe him, are you?"

Judy hissed, actually hissed, and flung him over the rail. He hit the water with a splash, soaking Finnick as he was retrieving Lucille from the sidecar, and clambered onto the rail to jump in after him.

"Judy!"

Judy stopped dead when she heard Nick use her real name. She spun round to see another car screech to a halt in the middle of the bridge and Nick staring out the driver's side window with the same awed grin he had when Judy started a Howl at the Cliffside Asylum. He and Judy's dad raced over to Judy, with Stu getting there first and hugging his daughter in sheer relief.

"Nick, thank gosh you're okay!" Judy broke away from her father to hug her partner. "Cheese and crackers, you're hurt!"

"It's just a few cuts, I'm okay." Nick assured her. "What were you thinking by driving that beautiful bike into a ditch, you dumb bunny?"

"HAVE A CARE!" Bruce screamed from beneath the bridge. "THAT BUNNY'S RUN ABSOLUTELY AMOK!"


	19. In Which Raymond Kills the Tailuca Docks

 

Bogo heard the phone ring, and had no choice but to pull the unmarked police car he'd borrowed from the Crabapple Valley station to the side of the road to answer it. "Wilde? What's the situation?"

_"Good news and really good news, sir."_  Wilde replied cheerfully.

"Good news first." Bogo growled as pain shot through his body again.

_"The fox has grasped his grapes."_

"You did not just say that."

_"I found Officer Hopps. We're partners again... I probably should have used a different phrase."_

"... No, it was adequate. Especially the part with the tiny fruit. What's the really good news?"

_"I found her just as she recaptured Bruce Wood. We got him, sir."_

Bogo exhaled and leaned back in his seat. Of course it was Hopps who caught the perp. "I want you to take him to the Podunk station straight away."

_"Actually, Hopps had to drop off her mom and Pop-Pop so they wouldn't get hurt during the pursuit. Once we've got the bike and sidecar out the stream, we'll have to backtrack and get them. That might take thirty minutes at least."_

"Ugh, just don't let that woodchuck escape again!" Bogo snapped. "Look, I took an alternate route into Podunk to avoid the rush hour, so I should reach the station in about forty minutes. You had better get there before me. Clawhauser's safety may depend on you getting Bruce into interrogation quickly."

_"I know."_  Nick's voice lost its cheeriness.  _"So you know, Finnick picked up Judy and helped her catch Bruce."_

"I see... perhaps that might earn him a lighter sentence once this is over. I'll see you and Hopps at the station, Wilde."

_"See you there. For the record, that comment on the tiny fruit was hurtful. Just because you've got nice big watermelons yourself..."_

"Finish that sentence and I will squish your grapes into jelly."

_"You have no idea how gross that is."_

"Keep up the sass and I'll find out."

Bogo hung up and set off in the car again.

He eventually reached the edge of the forest, entering a massive field. It was a remarkable coincidence, he thought, that out of all the people who caught Bruce Wood, it was Wilde's wayward partner, Hopps, and Wilde's old criminal friend, Finnick. It wasn't just a coincidence. It was a bloody miracle. It was like something out of a film.

It was also like a lightning strike. Just like lightning never hit the same spot twice, miraculous coincidences didn't happen twice in one day.

Bogo's train of thought was cut off when he glanced across the field and spotted a dilapidated house and a white van with black windows in the distance.

_You have to be kidding._

* * *

Benjamin Clawhauser was doing his very best not to cry, even though he must surely have little bruises all over his stomach by now.

Harold the hippo slumped on the old couch. "It's no use. He either doesn't know anything or he's not gonna talk."

Stripes pulled out the shock collar, making Clawhauser want to throw up. "He's a cop from Precinct One. He has to know something we don't. Well, if anything can make him talk, it's this." He waved the collar in front of Clawhauser's face. "You have until Wood gets back to reconsider."

Harold was tapping the plastic container holding Spider Bogo when his tiny ears twitched. "Is that a car?"

Stripes frowned and ran to a boarded up window. "Who the hell would take their car down here?" He peered through a crack. His eyes widened and he pulled a tranquilizer gun from his pocket. "Some buffalo in a big coat just pulled up. Must be some private detective."

Clawhauser's heart leapt.  _No way! There're loads of buffalos in big coats in Animerica._

Harold must have seen something change in Clawhauser's expression, for he frowned at that moment and stepped up to the captive cheetah. "Keep looking at him. Do ya see a badge or something?"

Stripes looked. "Don't see it. His coat's buttoned up."

Harold gulped. "Maybe it's the big cheese. You know, that Bogo guy. I can't remember his face."

"Me neither. What would the Chief be doing out here when he could be sitting cosy behind his big fancy desk?"

Clawhauser bit back a retort. Chief Bogo may have a nice office, but he was no Lionheart.

Stripes leaned his head closer to the crack in the window. "He's not getting out the car. He's just watching the house."

"Do you think he knows we're in here?"

"Dunno. He does look familiar. Big horns... big arms... looks like he stepped on a bit of gum with a tack in it..."

Harold shrugged. "Nope. Doesn't jog anything."

Clawhauser stayed silent.  _It could be anyone._

Stripes chewed the corner of his mouth. "He looks like a sexy Mark Buffalo."

_CHIEF!_

Harold clamped a hand over Clawhauser's mouth right as his jaw dropped.

Stripes checked his weapon. "Okay, I'm going out the back. We gotta get this guy before he calls for backup for something."

Clawhauser kicked at Harold and shouted Bogo's name behind the hippo's hand, but Harold held him tight as Stripes headed quietly for the kitchen where the back door was located. He stopped dead. "Actually, I've got a better idea. Harold, put a gag on that chomper, pretend to be the owner of the house and distract that guy."

Harold tightened his grip on the frantic Clawhauser. "What're we gonna do with him?"

"We certainly not letting him go. He could ruin everything!" Stripes replied. "Who knows, he might know something the kid doesn't."

* * *

When Roquefort came back with Bernard and Bianca's coffees, he found that the radio's wire had somehow wrapped itself five or six times around a very flustered Colonel Hahti. He had no idea it was even that long.

"Okay, now your docking lines should both be handy... I mean both fore and aft..." Hahti spun on the spot as he tried to find where the wire ended. "Before you make your approach you'll need to... get off... I mean you need to make sure the direction and strength of the wind and current should be... how do I get this... you need to estimate it to determine which is likely to have the greater... the best situation is if the current and wind is onshore... that means it's blowing towards the shore but if it isn't you'll need to... what the devil is with this wire, here?!"

Roquefort wondered if he should mention that Hahti was technically holding the end of the wire.

* * *

Fifteen bottles filled to the brim with black firework power now sat in a tiny crate in front of the door, a long line of small fuses tied together connecting it to the barricade of crates that Raymond and Kevin had built in front of the entrance to the second hold. A line of dry crates propped the long fuse up, keeping it from touching the floodwater. Crouched behind the barricade with his partner, Kevin turned on the lighter. He locked eyes with Raymond. "This is it. No turning back. Any last words?"

Even now, Raymond still smelled of ketchup and fish. "I hope I live long enough to ice the punks who trapped us in here."

Kevin smirked. "You and me both, pal. Would you like to do the honours?"

* * *

Pronk's legs were curled around the base of the steering wheel as he tried to fit the two pieces of the device back together. Above him, Bucky was staring straight through the window as he manned the wheel, listening to the elephant's bumbling voice on the radio.

_"_ _Now listen, we're almost to the end, men! Just five more minutes and it'll all be over!"_

"I know!" Pronk squeaked before giving up on the device and throwing the pieces away.

_"_ _I mean it'll soon be over. Stay calm, men! Have courage, and don't do anything rash! Be calm, and everything will go smoothly! We're all here for you! Me and Bianca and Renard and Rockfort are all here and rooting for you, so stay strong and be calm! We're all doing everything we can for you, so stay calm... calm, men!"_

"He's senile!" Pronk yelled. "I knew he wasn't gonna help us!"

"Let's just try and do what he says, okay?!" Bucky yelled.

"Nothing he's said makes any sense!"

"Stay calm, Pronk!"

"Oh shut up!"

"Don't start that again!"

"I mean shut up and calm down!"

Bucky took a deep breath, sighed and slumped against the wheel.

"NOT THAT CALM, YOU IDIOT!" Pronk leapt up and yanked the wheel, throwing Bucky to the floor... "WAAAAAAAHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..." ... but successfully steering the  _Marlon Brando_  away from the bank.

* * *

Gideon Grey found the car lot beside the lake to be completely packed, so he parked his van on a patch of grass beside Travis's taxi and climbed out with Cotton in tow. "Just a quick look, alright, Cotton?" He reminded Judy's little niece.

Cotton pouted but nodded wordlessly. Travis got out his taxi and strode up to them. "Look at that." He muttered and pointed at the huge crowd gathered on the bank. Some had phones and video cameras out, and Gideon couldn't really fault them for that. It wasn't often that Tailuca Lake bore witness to a freak accident such as this. "We might get a better look from the docks."

"Travis. Cotton doesn't know how to swim, yet." Gideon said. "What if she falls in?"

"Then carry her so she won't fall in! The docks are a few minutes from here, come on!" Travis quickly set off in his excitement.

Gideon sighed, feeling a strange sense of foreboding as he took Cotton's paw and followed his buddy.

* * *

Roquefort saw the two R.A.S. agents sitting at the mouse-sized desk and brought their drinks over. "How's it going?" He asked, realizing the stupidity of his question the second he made it.

Bianca sipped her coffee nervously. "Making progress."

Bernard was slumped against the desk, watching the walking disaster blabber and struggle. "Where's an albatross when you need one?"

"Hey, where's the colonel going?" Roquefort asked.

Colonel Hahti had unraveled himself from the wire, which trailed along the floor as he strode to the exit. "Where're you going?" Bernard leapt up from his seat and demanded.

"I need to determine the strength and direction of the wind and, er, current!" Hahti said furiously. "And I can only do that outside!"

"Sir, you cannot take the radio with you!" Bianca cried, but the large pachyderm was already out the door. She groaned and rubbed her temple. "Those people on the boat are going to die."

Bernard slowly handed his coffee back to Roquefort, having suddenly decided that he didn't want caffeine anymore.

* * *

Raymond sent a small prayer to the Lord and lit the fuse.

Like a tiny fuse on a firework rocket, a ball of sparks erupted instantaneously and began crawling its way down the long fuse, leaving a line of charred fibers in its wake. Raymond and Kevin crouched lower behind the barricade of crates and listened carefully for the telltale sizzling. If the fuse went out, that would be worse than the makeshift bomb potentially failing to blow the door open, especially if it went out upon reaching the bottles.

Raymond grunted and covered his ears. "What's wrong?" Kevin asked.  
"Just remembered that I hate explosions." Raymond muttered.

Kevin growled. "We are not backing out of this. This is our last chance!"

"I'm not backing out... just wishing I brought my noise cancelling headphones."

The sizzling grew fainter as the crackling ball of sparks gradually narrowed the distance between itself and the black powder.

* * *

"No!" Pronk yelled.

"Yes!" Bucky yelled.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"I don't wanna!" The boat swerved away from the sunken tree at the last moment.  
"He says we gotta make sure the docking lines are handy!" Bucky shouted.

"I don't even know what that means!" Pronk sobbed.

"Neither do I, just make sure we got them!"

"What the heck is fore and aft, anyway?!"

"Take the manual if you're not sure!"

"To heck with the manual! I don't wanna be on the boat anymore! I say we abandon ship!"

"We're going too fast! We'll kill ourselves!" Bucky yelled, but Pronk was already throwing the door open. "Pronk, no!" Bucky let go of the steering wheel and raced after him.

"I've had enough! I don't want to die!" Pronk wailed as he raced out the bridge and made a beeline for the bow of the boat. "I just want this to end!"

"No! Don't jump!" Bucky grabbed Pronk's waist just as he was climbing over the rail. "Don't jump! Don't jump, buddy!"

_"_ _Why can't they just end it all and torpedo us already?!_ "

* * *

Travis shoved his way through the crowd, Gideon following close behind with an excited Cotton in his arms. Along the way, the grass beneath their feet turned to hard wood, and when they finally broke free they found themselves on the long dock that stretched out fifty feet into the water, with six smaller docks branching out on both sides. "We made it!" Travis breathed, more than a little exhausted from the effort it took to get here.

Gideon looked around. There were at least two-dozen people on the dock with them, but they had a clear view of the yacht that was spinning in circles in the middle of the lake. "Just a few minutes." He reminded Cotton. "Then we can go to Ripe Carrot Park for an ice cream or somethin'. We can find out what happens later on the news."

Cotton nodded sullenly, before her eyes widened and she pointed at the yacht. "What're those two guys doin' on the boat?"

Gideon and Travis looked. "What  _are_  they doing?" the ferret asked.

Gideon scratched his chin with his free paw. "Looks like those two from  _Titanicow_."

Travis stared at him. "You mean that 'king of the world' scene?"

Gideon shook his head. "Nah. The 'flying' scene."

Travis peered through a cheap pair of binoculars he used to spy on the creepy old bull who lived across his street. "But they're guys." He caught Gideon's glare. "Uh... not that I'm against that sort of thing!"

"Good." Cotton replied sternly. "'Cause my auntie's next door neighbors are a couple, too, so she'd kick your butt if you say anything mean about them. What's that big ellyfart doin' by that house over there?"

* * *

Bernard, Biance and Roquefort raced out the building when they heard loud banging sounds coming from the roof. "Colonel Hahti, what in the world are you doing?!" Bianca cried.

With the radio wire stretching all the way from the door, Colonel Hahti was now standing on the roof. "This rotten radio is of no help! Maybe hand signals will get that blasted boat in line!"

"Get down from there! That roof can't possibly take your weight!" Bernard yelled, but Hahti wasn't looking at them anymore. He started shouting and waving his arms at the yacht at it began to pass by them again. "Slow down! Come about! Drift in! Left! No, my left-"

The boat raced by, sending a ton of water crashing into him and the building. Sputtering, the elephant slipped on the now sodden roof and tumbled over the edge. With an Indian curse he plunged into lake.

It was like a bomb had detonated in the middle of the lake. One moment Bernard, Bianca and Roquefort were watching their rescue plan come crashing down, the next a tidal wave was hurdling at them from the lakeside.

"Mon dieu." Roquefort whispered before the water hit them.

* * *

Through a tiny gap in the barricade of crates, Raymond and Kevin watched the fuse approach the explosive box of bottles. Only fifteen more meters before detonation.

"Too close." Kevin muttered, heart pounding faster with every second. "Too late to chicken out, now."

Raymond put his fingers in his ears and started praying in Italian.

Eleven meters. Kevin plugged his own ears, mentally counting down.

Ten meters.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

* * *

_Boom!_

Bucky and Pronk fell from the railing as the speeding yacht was suddenly rocked. Pronk fell on top of his husband, his heel just missing Bucky's little special place.

"What the heck?!" Bucky hollered.

"Holy crap, they actually did it!" Pronk hollered back. "They actually torpedoed us!"

"If they did, we are so suing their- Pronk! Steering! Who's steering?!"

"Not me!"

They looked to where the boat was heading, but it was far too late to return to the bridge. The  _Marlon Brando_  was speeding right for the Tailuca Docks.

"SHUT UP AND HOLD ON TO SOMETHING!" Bucky shrieked. "AAAAARRRGGGHHH!"

* * *

Gideon's vivid orange fur turned as pale as an old carrot. "Oh nuts... RUN!"

With Cotton still in his paws, the fox grabbed his buddy by the back of his jacket, spun round and sprinted all the way back down the dock towards land. All around him people screamed and ran for their lives. Travis was swearing like a sailor. Gideon heard a sound like redwood trees snapping. The boat had reached the docks.

They leapt from the docks, reaching dry land, and raced back to the car lot. They didn't stop and look until the sounds stopped and they reached their vehicles.

The great white yacht was now half way up the bank, hundreds of pieces of wood floating in the water behind it, a crowd of firemen, policemen, paramedics and Rescue Aid Society workers racing toward it.

"Woah." Travis spoke softly. "I'm taking a closer look!"

Gideon groaned in exasperation as the ferret ran off to join the crowd.

"Do we still have to watch the news?" Cotton asked meekly. All Gideon could do to respond to that was chuckle.

* * *

Bucky and Pronk had no time to believe their luck. They had a Blue Goliath and six-point-five millions dollars to find.

"Come on!" Bucky was the first to leap from the railing, followed closely by Pronk. They hit the water, swam the last eight meters to shore and sprinted to the parking lot, unnoticed by the chaotic mess of rescue workers.

There was one mammal at the lot, a fox, standing beside a baker's van and a cab parked on the grass beside the concrete. Bucky and Pronk recognized the fox from a photo on Judy's phone and ran to him.

"Gideon Grey?!" Bucky panted as he dripped lake water onto the ground. He noticed a little bunny girl being held in the fox's broad arm, a child he'd seen before in one of Judy's many, many family photos. "I'm Bucky and this is Pronk! We're friends of Judy's!"

Gideon blinked at them. "Uh, howdy."

Pronk thrust a wad of wet bills at the befuddled baker. "We need to get to Ripe Carrot Park! Can you give us a lift?!"

"Sure we can!" The bunny girl cried happily.

"Fan-tabby-tastic!" Pronk shoved the cash into Gideon's pocket. "Is there room in the back?"

Gideon's van, which typically carried his products, was currently empty. "Yeah, I..."

"Great! Love ya! Sorry I thought foxes were sly!" Bucky practically threw Pronk into the back of the van.

Gideon blinked, shook his head and took himself and Cotton into the front.

* * *

Further along the bank, Raymond and Kevin crawled onto dry land just in time to see the Oryx-Antlersons running up to a fox on the car lot. The cold water dripped and swirled around them as they stared, frozen, twigging on to who was responsible for their misery.

"Them..." Raymond whispered, his paws stinking of fish.

"Those shanghaiing sons of vixens..." Kevin snarled, the soot that hadn't been washed off staining his fur and clothes.

"They're dead..." Raymond barked, his clothes tainted red with ketchup.

"They are so frickin'  _dead_!" Kevin roared, his paws full of splinters.

They sprang to their feet, but it was already too late to catch them. Bucky and Pronk had climbed into the back of the baker's van and were already on their way to Ripe Carrot Park. And Mr. Big's stolen money.

A ferret had broken away from the crowd and was making his way to a cab in the parking lot. Raymond and Kevin rushed to him, their only chance of catching up to Bucky and Pronk before they found the Blue Goliath. "Hoi!" Raymond shouted, stopping the ferret just as he reached the cab, and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill. "You can keep the change if you take us to Ripe Carrot Park a.s.a.p!"

The ferret stared in bewilderment for a few seconds before grinning and taking the cash. "Name's Travis. It would be my pleasure."

Raymond and Kevin thanked Travis greatly and threw themselves into the rather tight back seats. They kept their eyes on the rapidly shrinking baker's van as the cab purred to life and returned to the road, wishing that they were back in Mr. Big's office with the ice hole beneath the rug.

_Just you wait, Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlersuckstobeyou... Just... you... wait..._


	20. In Which Chief Bogo Lets It Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on my favourite part of the movie. I've been looking forward to this one :)

Judy couldn't stop beaming as Nick explained everything that had happened to him and her dad since they left her, her mom and her Pop-Pop behind in Pride City. "Let me get this straight... not only did you capture a wanted domestic terrorist who turned out to be the bully who muzzled you when you were a kid, you saved my dad's life and earned his blessing in the unexpected event that we decide to date?"

Nick nodded. "Yep."

"Wow.  _Wow_. Have you left anything out?"

"Well, there was the time when we almost let Bruce escape and you came rushing in to save the day." Her dad piped up from the back seat.

Judy blushed and rubbed the back of her head. "Finnick helped too."

"Yeah. I know." Nick looked out the side window, shooting Finnick a look of appreciation before turning his eyes back to the road.

They'd been unable to extricate the car Bruce had stolen from the stream beneath the bridge, but they'd managed to salvage the beautiful crimson motorbike and sidecar. It was an act of absolute trust that Nick and Judy had allowed Finnick to drive it alongside them with Bruce Wood miserably wedged in the backseat, his paws cuffed to the handrail. It was partly out of necessity as there wouldn't be any room for them in Nick and Stu's car once they retrieved Bonnie and Pop-Pop.

As they drove alongside the hill Judy told Nick about everything that had happened on her end. Nick had been happy to learn that Judy had convinced Pop-Pop to bury the hatchet. He'd laughed when Judy told him about Pop-Pop's sword fight with a drunken dumb bunny. He'd proclaimed his love for  _The Wizard of Ox_  when she told him about her mother winning a large Wicked Witch of the Nest doll.

"Did you ever get a hold of Gideon Grey?" Judy finally asked him.

Nick shook his head. "No. You?"

Judy sighed. "Mom tried him in every town we passed through. I don't understand it."

"Hey, don't worry about it." Nick said. "Besides, the money is Precinct Two's problem now."

"You're right. We've gotta get Ben back." Judy stretched herself slightly so she could glare at Bruce through Nick's window. The woodchuck looked like he was feeling suicidal.  _Good._  The phone, given back to her by Nick, buzzed and she picked it up.

"Once we pick up the rest of your family, we're going straight to the Podunk station." Nick said. "Where did you say you dropped them off again... Carrots?"

Judy was gazing down at her phone, which was currently bearing the red phone symbol. "Chief Bogo just tried to call me, but he cut off before I could answer."

"Maybe he's in a bad area. Call him back." Stu said.

Judy did what Nick suggested and watched the screen as it rang rhythmically. After thirty seconds it went to voicemail.

Nick had seen the look on her face. "I'm sure he's okay. I know this is weird, but he's been acting weird since he got that kidney stone."

Judy's ears twitched. "He has a kidney stone?"

"Why else would he threaten to shoot my tail off if I bumped into his pelvis again?"

Judy gave a little snort of fake laughter and tried to call Bogo again.

_... Voicemail again... I've got a bad feeling about this..._

* * *

Half an hour after the helicopter touched down in Bunnyburrow, Bitter and Chief Irons sat at a plain square table before Sheriff Maximus the stallion and his Deputy Sven the moose. "You sure about going in alone?" Maximus asked, his gaze so intense that Bitter was as stiff as a board.

"Yes. They may have seen Chief Irons' face on television during a press conference and you two need to make sure that no civilians enter the park until the money is retrieved. The last thing we need is a crowd for the suspects to disappear into." Bitter said.

"Do you really think it's wise to confront these crooks alone?" Sven asked.

"Once they find out that the police had been on to them all along, they'll have no choice but to hand over the money and turn themselves in." Chief Irons said. "Besides, there's only four of them after the Blue Goliath now."

"Four? You said there were ten at the start of this, including Officer Hopps and Wilde." Maximus said.

"Stu, Bonnie, their grandfather and Mr. Finnick are out." Irons said. "They're now assisting Hopps, Wilde and Chief Bogo in the search for Officer Clawhauser. It's just the Oryx-Antlersons and the two polar bears left."

"Speaking of which, we just got off the phone with the Rescue Aid Society." Sven said. "They've caused millions in damages, but they managed to run the yacht aground and acquire transportation to Bunnyburrow."

"What are they driving?" Bitter asked.

"The Oryx-Antlersons got a ride from Gideon Grey, a local baker in Bunnyburrow, and the bears got into a taxi owned by one Travis Ferretter." Sven showed them a pair of photographs depicting the two smaller mammals. "As you know, we can't charge them with anything unless it's proven that they are aware of the existence of the money."

"We don't know if they plan to stick around after dropping off their passengers, but for now we should assume we're dealing with four people." Maximus said. "Are you certain you want to go alone, Captain Bitter?"

Bitter nodded. "Chief Irons will watch the park entrance from the car."

Sven scratched his antler. "It's very unusual for a Police Chief to involve themselves in an operation such as this."

"It's also unusual for a Police Chief to travel alone to another state to rescue his secretary." Irons replied. "We're just making sure the job gets done."

_And no-one can deny your full credit in the cracking of this case_ , Bitter thought.  _I wonder if Chief Bogo and his officers have tracked down Clawhauser yet..._

* * *

As it turned out the buffalo was no fool, and it almost cost the Zootopia Freedom Party everything.

The plan was simple. Harold would come out through the front and distract him. Stripes would sneak around through the back and put a dart in him while Harold was keeping him busy. But the buffalo had a plan of his own. When Harold approached the car, the buffalo, staying in his car, introduced himself as Detective Bovine and produced a photograph of the cheetah they had kidnapped. "The vehicle that took him was reported to have been heading in the direction of Podunk. Have you seen him?" He asked. Harold had breathed a sigh of relief and denied seeing him. He hadn't realized at the time that his change in expression and the donut sprinkles on his clothing had already confirmed the cheetah's presence.

After the whole thing was over, Stripes would vilify Harold for what he did next. Harold had allowed 'Detective Bovine' to go on his merry way. If Stripes hadn't texted their buddy about the situation, and their buddy hadn't warned them of who their visitor really was, they would have been in cuffs by now. An unlocked passenger door and a tranq dart prevented the consequences of Harold's idiocy.

Officer Benjamin Clawhauser and Spider Bogo watched as the hippo and zebra put Bogo in a chair positioned in front of a wooden column and started applying the black tape. Harold eyed Bogo's thick arms warily as they wound the tape round and round. "Are you sure this will hold him?"

"It's tape. It'll hold anything." Stripes muttered.

"S'not the tape I'm worried about."

"Just keep going. That tranq's not gonna last for long."

The first piece of tape they had ripped from the roll was covering Clawhauser's mouth. He tugged at the rope holding him to the ceiling, but he couldn't get the hook low enough to lift his paws free. This was a disaster. A clusterfudge of bovine-sized proportions. What was Chief Bogo even doing here in the first place? At least Spider Bogo was doing okay in his box.

"Use the whole roll if you have to." Stripes spoke as they were going overkill on the tape going around Bogo's body and the column. "Make sure he doesn't get loose."

Bogo lifted his head at that moment, looking both dazed and irritable. "You had to leave the doors unlocked, didn't you?" He muttered to himself. Clawhauser made a noise behind his gag. Bogo blinked and looked up at the two thugs currently trying to smother his torso in tape. "So you're the dirtbags who took my officer."

"Shut up." Stripes said coldly, even though he looked a little worried that Bogo had recovered from the sedative so quickly.

"You're wasting your time. I don't know what the Blue Goliath is." Bogo's tone was even colder. "If you know what's good for you, you'll let me and Clawhauser go and turn yourselves in."

Stripes had just run out of tape. "If you really don't know, we'll find out once our boss gets back here." He smirked and held up the shock collar that was destined for Clawhauser's neck. "You're getting a front row seat for the light show."

Bogo's expression turned very dark. "You mean Bruce Wood? If you want to see him again you'll have to let me arrest you. He's been apprehended by our one and only fox."

Stripes' smirk evaporated, as did Harold's. "You're bluffing."

"Call him and find out."

Not entirely surprised by Wilde's success, Clawhauser watched the zebra pull out his phone and call Bruce Wood's number. When the call inevitably told him that Bruce couldn't be reached, Stripes paled and tried again. While he and Harold stared at the phone with growing trepidation, Bogo was inching himself up the column until he was standing.  _What're you going to do, Chief?_  Clawhauser wondered.

Bogo looked him in the eye and jerked his head towards the kidnappers.  _Distract them_ , was what he appeared to be saying.

Clawhauser's heart was threatening to burst, but he nodded. Pretending to panic seemed like a good idea, so he started shouting behind his gag and struggling with all his might.

"What hell's the matter with you, chomper?!" Stripes stormed over to Clawhauser and ripped off the tape.

"Get me out of this! GEMMIOUTTAZIS!" Clawhauser screamed at the top of his lungs, both to keep up the act and from the burning pain.

"Shut him up!" Stripes shouted to Harold.

"Shut him-"

"Knock the fatso out!" Stripes yelled.

Harold ran into the kitchen and came back out with a wrench. Clawhauser felt a rush of new terror but kept up the diversion. Bogo was heaving against the column, trying to pull himself free.

"Shut up!" Harold advanced on the cheetah, holding the thick wrench in one hand. "Shut the hell up! I'm warning you!"

Clawhauser responded with another cry as Stripes grabbed him by his raised arms, trying to stop his struggles. Harold swung the wrench down right as Clawhauser was trying to pull away.

"ARGH!" Stripes howled as the full weight of the wrench came down on his forearm. "IDIOT! MY ARM, YOU BROKE MY ARM!"

"OMIGOD I'M SORRY!" Harold howled back as Stripes staggered away from them, clutching his bruised limb.

It happened with a crunch of wood and an almighty crash. One moment Bogo was making an gigantic heave against the column. Then the entire column snapped like a twig, opening up a gash in the ceiling that spilled a moldy looking bathtub to the floor. A black, blue and grey blur raced past Clawhauser and the kidnappers and went straight through a wall, disappearing in a cloud of dust and splinters.

Clawhauser completely stopped struggling, stunned into silence. Harold and Stripes traded horrified glances and crept towards the hole in the wall. They stopped at either side of it, clearly afraid of what would come out.

In the small downstairs bathroom, Bogo picked himself up from what was once the toilet and returned to the hole. Looking only slightly less dazed than before, he blinked and glared at Stripes. "If you punks keep crapping about, there's going to be trouble, I'm warning you-"

Stripes punched him in the gut.

Clawhauser squealed in horror.  _The kidney stone!_

Bogo's body seized up, his eyes going completely wide, and then Harold punched him in the back.

Clawhauser squealed again, fully expecting Bogo to collapse.

Bogo slowly unfroze and exhaled. His hooves curled and uncurled. His reddish-brown eyes seemed to turn fully red.

"Alright..." He breathed.

Stripes and Harold shrieked and ran to the other side of the living room.

"... That's the way you want it... that's the way you're going to get it!"

All hell broke loose. Harold threw a piece of rubble and it bounced off of Bogo's horn. Bogo charged like a bull and slammed Stripes into a hardwood shelf, sending all twelve china plates crashing to the floor. He lunged at Harold, swatted the wrench aside, and threw him over his shoulder onto the fallen bathtub, cracking it in two. Clawhauser cried for him to be careful of Spider Bogo. Stripes threw a painted golden tap and it flew over Bogo's head and bounced off of Spider Bogo's box, startling the arachnid. Bogo shoved Harold against the boarded up window, cracking the boards and glass. Stripes tried to hit him with a vase, only for Bogo to haul the zebra over his shoulder. Harold stood up to throw a three-legged stool right as Bogo and Stripes lost balance and fell into him. Their combined weight sent them crashing through the window, wall and all. This released one end of the beam Clawhauser was tied to, and it lowered just enough for him to lift his paws free of the hook. With his paws still held together with black cord, he rushed over to Spider Bogo. When he was sure that the little guy was okay, he rushed over to the hole in the wall.

Harold and Stripes trailed a faint cloud of dust behind them as they raced to their white van and dived into the front. Bogo reached them just as they slammed and locked the doors shut. "Get out of here!" Harold wailed as Stripes fumbled with the keys. "Are you crazy?! Why don't you leave us alone?!"

Both mammals screamed as Bogo punched through the window, showering them with glass, and then shouldered the entire van onto its side. Clawhauser gaped and wondered what the Chief was doing in his home gym.

Bogo growled as he lifted himself onto the side of the van and pulled at the driver's side door. The rear end doors of the van opened, and Harold and Stripes spilled out. "Aha! There you are!" He jumped down and chased the two hapless thugs around the house, shoving over an entire shed in his rush to catch up to them.

Clawhauser ducked back inside and raced into the kitchen. He could hear their screams coming from outside. He pulled out drawer after drawer, looking for something to cut himself out of the cord.

The back door swung open and Harold and Stripes raced inside. Stripes shut the door and locked it while Harold grabbed a rolling pin from the bench. "Call someone!" Stripes howled. "The National Guard! The ZBI! The Matador! Anybody!"

A hole opened up in the door as Bogo punched his way through it, knocking over the fridge and a shelf full of jars and tins in the process. Stripes back away in pure terror. Harold grabbed Clawhauser and tried to use him as a shield, holding the shaking rolling pin to his throat. Clawhauser wasn't holding Spider Bogo this time, so he had no problem with pulling himself out of the hippo's clutches and shoving him towards Bogo. Bogo threw the round hippo through the window into the back garden. Harold rolled across the square garden table, broke through a thin column and brought down the back garden canopy with a sound like crashing bowling pins. The canopy took part of the wall and floor of the upper floor with it, causing a brobdingnagian amoire from the smallest bedroom to fall onto the luckless brute.

"Sir! Please calm down!" Clawhauser cried, but he wisely stepped aside as Bogo raced towards Stripes as he tried to escape up the stairs in the adjoining dining room. He managed to grab a beam as Bogo lifted him from the stairs, but wound up bring down part of the master bedroom floor when he was wrenched free. They hit the floor, obliterating two chairs and a waist-high vase. Bogo got up first, lifted Stripes like a wrestling opponent and slammed him hard on the end of the table. "Mess with my cheetah and this is what you get!" He gave an almighty shove.

"HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLP!" Stripes screamed all the way across the table and through a window's wall, taking out a whole line of dead saplings and a garden bench covered in moss. Part of the roof caved in, coming to rest on the upper floor as it spilled blackened tiles all over the ground surrounding the building.

"Chief!" Clawhauser ran to Bogo and grabbed his arm before he could follow the zebra outside. When Bogo looked at him, the cheetah held out his paws. Bogo ripped the cord off with one yank and threw it at Stripes as he staggered to his feet. "Chief, maybe it's time to give them a chance to surrender." Clawhauser said softly as he rubbed his wrists. Bogo scowled but nodded.

Harold staggered round the outside of the building to his friend's aid, bringing with him a thick beam from what was once the living room ceiling. "Stripes! Stripes, are you alright?!" He cried as they both grabbed the beam.

Bogo stood in the middle of the hole, shoulders back and fists clenched. Ben quickly clambered through the hole past him and put himself between his boss and the kidnappers.  
"This has gone far enough!" He yelled. "Put down that beam and come quietly! Don't get yourselves hurt more than you already are!"

"I suggest you listen to him." Bogo growled.

Harold looked to Stripes. "Stripes... we're going to have to kill him."

They nodded in agreement and held the beam up like a battering ram aimed right at Clawhauser and Bogo, with Stripes holding the front end. "Ready?"

"Ready!"

"Set?"

"Set!"

"CHAAARRRGE!"

Clawhauser yelped and ran back into the house as he suddenly found himself being chased. He sped into the kitchen past Bogo, who stepped aside and grabbed the middle of the beam, shoving all three of them through the wall separating the dining room from the living room. With the loss of that wall, the rest of the master bedroom floor came crashing down. A large purple bed came down and demolished the table. A wardrobe destroyed two chairs and fell flat on its face. A dressing table broke apart upon hitting the lower floor, scattering brushes, curlers and bottles of perfume all over the place. Clawhauser stood in the kitchen doorway, digging his claws into his skull as he gaped at the carnage. "O... M... Goodness."

By this point, Harold and Stripes were covered from head to hoof in dirt and dust. They screamed about crazy cops and mad bulls as they scrambled back into the dining room and started throwing all the contents of the destroyed dressing table at the advancing buffalo. He shrugged off the brushes and bottles, which smashed after bouncing off and filled the room with the powerful scent of a dozen different flowers. Clawhauser coughed out dust and kept his distance as Bogo picked up the wardrobe, spilling bloomers and dungarees when the doors fell open, and rushed at them with it. They shrieked and ducked as the wardrobe soared over them, obliterating the wall next to Clawhauser. Harold and Stripes ran back outside praying for God's forgiveness, and Bogo went after them. Clawhauser followed them, coming round the corner of the building just in time to see Bogo disappear under a closing rusty garage door.

Clawhauser rushed over to the garage that stood next to a tiny wooden outhouse and tried to lift the door to no avail. He pressed his ear to the damp wood.

To his right, a screaming Harold crashed through the door, leaving a ragged hole in his wake. Clawhauser heard Stripes scream from the other side of the door and leapt aside in the nick of time as Stripes came crashing through on his left. Neither of them got up.

Bogo poked his head through the second hole, looking down at his defeated opponents. Then he looked at Clawhauser, his expression stern. The cheetah stepped away from the door so Bogo could lift it. Bogo shoved the door off its frame and walked out. He stopped when he saw the outhouse with the tiny crescent moon shaped hole in the door. He shrugged, went inside, and shut the door behind him. Clawhauser heard the lock click in place.

Clawhauser stood there staring at the silent outdoor toilet for a full minute, and then set to work. He found another roll of tape in the ruined kitchen and tied up Harold and Stripes. When he was done, he left them beside Bogo's car and checked on Spider Bogo. He put the tarantula safely in the front passenger seat of the car, just as the phone in the driver's seat rang. He picked up the call. "Hello?"

_"Ben?!"_  Came Judy's astonished voice.  _"Ben, is that you?!"_

"Yeah, it's me!" Ben beamed, happy to hear his friend's voice.

_"Are you okay? Where are you?"_

"I'm fine! Chief Bogo found me and took out Harold and Stripes!"

_"Harold and Stripes?"_  He heard Nick speak. Judy must have the phone on speaker. _"It's like a Junior Ranger Scouts reunion!"_

_"Thank gosh you're okay!"_  Judy said.  _"Tell us where you are and we'll come meet you!"_  
"No, we're fine." Clawhauser said quickly. "Besides, you still have three casinos' worth of stolen cash to save! We'll meet you in Ripe Carrot Park once we've finished here, okay?"

_"Okay. See you there, buddy!"_  Nick said.

Clawhauser hung up and called the Podunk Police Department to collect the kidnappers before returning to the outhouse with a smile on his face. Things were finally looking up. He reached the outhouse and knocked quietly on the door. "Sir?" Bogo didn't answer. "Sir, I've tied them up and Spider Bogo's waiting in the car. We're gonna meet Hopps and Wilde in Ripe Carrot Park. Is that okay?" The outhouse remained silent. "... Sir?"

_Plink._

Clawhauser pressed his paws to his face and smiled even bigger, utterly delighted for his boss.

The door slowly opened. Bogo zipped up his pants, used some hand gel on his hooves and stepped out. He had the most serene expression Clawhauser had ever seen.

Clawhauser looked at him with pride. "Told you it would come out eventually."

"Are you alright?" Bogo asked.

Clawhauser decided for the kidnappers' sake to not mention the bruises on his stomach. "Yes, sir."

Bogo looked past Clawhauser at the car. "How is our eight-legged friend?"

"Doing fine. But we still need to get him home."

"The zoo is in Ripe Carrot Park, right?" Bogo asked. Clawhauser nodded. "Would you like a police escort?"

Clawhauser giggled and nodded. "Thank you, sir. And not just for the escort."

Clawhauser climbed into the passenger seat and placed Spider Bogo's box on his lap. The creature was tense, but he should calm down before they reached their destination. Bogo got behind the wheel, got the car running, and backed it into the ruined farmhouse.

The wall was the first thing to go. Then the ceiling and the upstairs furniture. Then the rest of the roof. Then the other three walls. The chimney toppled and cleaved the garage in two. Both halves collapsed in on themselves. When Clawhauser looked through the rear view mirror as the car sped off, all he saw standing was the little old outhouse.

He whispered to himself, awed by Bogo's handiwork. "Oh poop."

Bogo actually chuckled. "Pun intended?"

Clawhauser giggled. "Nope. Happy accident."


	21. In Which Pronk Oryx-Antlerson gets there First

The stage was set for the final act.

Ripe Carrot Park was renowned for being one of the most beautiful urban parks in Animerica, with an ironically small area given the sheer size of Bunnyburrow's population. It was three times smaller than Central Park and housed much of the same flora, including many species of maple, birch and oak. Vintage stone benches dotted the wide winding paths every fifteen meters. Lush flowery shrubs the size of trees bordered the emerald grass fields that stretched for nearly hundreds of meters. Six bridges in total crossed the river that fed water to the Founder's Lake all the way from Tailuca Lake. Two other smaller ponds, Pumpkin Pond and Lake Gladys, lay in the north and south of the park.

Somewhere in this vast land of nature and beauty lay a fortune waiting to be found, five years after being stolen and buried by the late Jerry Mousekewitz.

Thanks to Maximus and Sven's efforts and the country festival currently occurring nearby the abandoned amusement park, the famous Ripe Carrot Park was completely deserted. The only living souls within a fraction of a mile of the park were six members of the Bunnyburrow law enforcement, and their friends from the Zootopia Police Department.

In a parking lot neighboring the park, Bitter and Irons stood waiting on either side of their unmarked black police car for the first suspects to arrive. The others were positioned in various locations surrounding the park, ready to leap into action should any of the suspects try to make a run for it. The moose and hippo had perfect views of the two way street leading to the main entrance of the park. While Bitter brushed stray specks of dust from the lens of his binoculars, Irons picked up the radio when it called for their attention.

Sven quickly reported that thirty minutes ago, the Oryx-Antlersons had stopped Gideon Grey's van at a hardware store to purchase picks and shovels, and the polar bears had broken off their pursuit of them to acquire their own tools at a different store. They would be arriving at the same time at any second. Bitter raised the binoculars to his eyes and looked.

He looked to his left and saw the baker's van carrying Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson approaching at the maximum speed limit. He looked to his right and saw the taxi carrying Mr. Big's henchman Raymond and Kevin coming down from the other direction.

Bitter shook his head, smirking humorlessly. If only they knew what was waiting for them in that park...

"Get in before they see us." Irons barked. He and Bitter climbed inside the car and kept their heads low, but not so low that they couldn't see Gideon Grey's van reach the turnoff first and speed past their parking lot up the sloping road towards the park. Seconds later, Travis Ferretter's cab did the same.

Once the two vehicles were out of sight, Bitter turned the key in the ignition. They would wait one more minute to give the suspects a chance to enter the park where they wouldn't see the black car arrive, and then Bitter was going in.

And then once Bitter got in, he was going to get the hell out, past the border of Mexizoo to a life luxury without his lying, double-crossing scumbag of a chief.

"Let's go." Chief Irons said after their sixty seconds was up. Bitter pulled the car out the lot and onto the road.

* * *

Gideon Grey made the final turn into the one-way street and parked the van right next to the large totoro shaped archway that led into Ripe Carrot Park. The moment he stopped, he heard the rear van doors fly open as Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson leapt out. "Thanks for the lift!" Pronk cried as he raced past the window with a brand new pick on his shoulder, with Bucky sprinting right behind him with a shiny shovel.

"Yooooouuuuu're welcome!" Cotton called, waving from the passenger seat.

Gideon was about to get out the van when he heard a car pull up behind them. Two doors opened and slammed shut. Two furious polar bears wearing tracksuits sprinted past Gideon's van. The one behind was carrying a pick and a shovel. "Get back here!" The one in front shouted at the Oryx-Antlersons. "Get back here so I can ice you! Come on, Kevin!"

Pronk Oryx-Antlerson reached the gates first and went through them, followed by Bucky. The two polar bears chased them inside. His suspicion growing stronger by the second, Gideon got out the van, telling Cotton to stay inside. His buddy Travis got out the taxi and scurried to Gideon's side. "What in tarnations was that all about?" The ferret was asking.

Gideon folded his arms. "Those big guys are up to something funny. I'm sure of it."

"Yeah!" Travis was nodding constantly in agreement, just he always did when they were kids. "What was with the picks and shovels? They've all got them! And did you see how that big guy was covered in ketchup? They were both covered in soot too!"

"I've got a sense that those Oryx-Antlerson guys were the ones behind the wheel of that yacht." Gideon said. "Do ya think we should call the police?"

"Hang on, hang on!" Travis waved his arms. "Let's figure out what they're up to first! I say we go in and find out!"

Gideon rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno. I shouldn't be leaving Cotton by herself."

"Then take me with you!"

Gideon jumped away, his fur sticking up on end. He hadn't heard Cotton get out the van and run up next to him. "Sweet sugar, Cotton, you scared me!"

"Sorry!" Cotton pouted. "Let me come with you. I promise I won't cause trouble and you promised me an ice cream!"

That's right. He did. But still...

"I can't, sweetie. It could be dangerous. It's better if you stay in the van."

"Really?" Cotton crossed her arms to mimic her favorite aunt. "You're just gonna leave poor little me alone in a locked car on a hot summer day?"

Gideon and Travis looked at each other. "Curses."

* * *

Bucky and Pronk heard curses and threats coming from behind them as they raced through the gates and stopped dead. New terror chilled their veins when they saw Raymond and Kevin racing after them, bearing digging tools and murderous looks. The two polar bears came to a halt in front of them, seething and smelling of fish and ketchup. "You..." Raymond snarled. "You hijacked our boat... you wrecked Mr. Big's yacht!"

"Mr. Big?" Bucky squeaked. "Um... who is Mr. Big?"

"You'll find out on your way to the funeral!" Kevin growled. "It'll take about five hundred thousand bucks to repair the damage!"

"Five hundred..." Pronk gulped. "Let's talk this over!"

"There's nothing to talk about!" The bears advanced.

"Hang on!" Pronk shouted, stopping them. "You think we're the first ones here?" The four of them looked around. The park was very quiet, and not another soul was in sight. They'd seen no other vehicles in the road outside the entrance. Pronk rubbed his hooves together. "We're sorry! We didn't know you were still onboard! Give us a chance to make it up to you!"

Raymond and Kevin just glared.

Bucky took a nervous step forward. "This place is huge, even for you guys, and the money could be anywhere! Let's work together! We'll look for the money together, and when we find it, we'll split it forty-sixty! That'll get you enough to repair the yacht with a little extra as compensation!"

The bears looked at each other. Their expressions softened. Slightly.

Raymond was the first to look back at the Oryx-Antlersons. "Mr. Big's very good at finding people who try to screw him over. Don't even think about double crossing us."

* * *

Bitter received the call that Officer Clawhauser had been found just as he stopped the black car behind the van and the taxi. His face remained stoic even as his heart leapt. He wouldn't have been able to escape to Mexizoo without a clear conscience. Irons merely expressed congratulations to Precinct One for the successful rescue of their fellow officer and the apprehension of two more members of the Zootopia Freedom Party. It was confirmed that their motive had indeed been to learn the identity of the Blue Goliath so they could acquire the stolen money to expand their organization.

That was one case closed. The other lay somewhere beyond the totoro gate, waiting to be concluded after five long years.

Irons put a large hand on Bitter's shoulder. "From the moment you step out of this car, you are an ordinary tourist. Do not draw attention to yourself. Don't give them any reason to be suspicious should they spot you. If you find the Blue Goliath, don't try to take the money. Leave it to the people holding the picks and shovels. You will radio me once the money is dug up, is that clear?"

"Crystal." Bitter replied stiffly. "See you around, Chief."  _Or maybe not_ , he thought as he got out the car. He plucked the badge off his vest and put it in his pocket. After striding through the gates he stopped, pulled it back out again and looked at it for a long time. It may be the last time he ever wore it. He read the engraved golden words.  _Bravery. Integrity. Trust._  In a matter of hours he would be going against at least two of those words. What choice did he have? If he didn't leave, Chief Irons would cast him out like a used napkin. He wasn't ready to retire. He didn't want to. But at least this way, he'd retire a rich mammal and humiliate the blubber off that lying hippo.

A faint smile on his face, he began to stroll down the path towards a nearby park map.

* * *

It was as hot here as it was in Zootopia. Raymond and Kevin removed their tracksuit jackets and tied them around their waists, leaving their thin black t-shirts. Feeling better than they'd had all day, they passed beneath an archway leading from the central area to the southern side of the park. They spotted a wooden map on a post, identical to the one near the park entrance, and ran to it.

The park had been split into five sections; north, south, east, west and central, each with its own attractions marked on the map. In the north lay the Lagomore Castle, Little John Memorial Fountain, and Victorian Glades. In the south lay the Ripe Carrot Park Insect Zoo, Wolfman Rink and famous  _Angelfish of the Waters_  sculpture. In the east lay the Dogacorte Theatre, Diana Wood Playground and Maid Marionette Theatre. In the west lay the Cleopedigree Needle and other assorted sculptures that had been erected over the last few decades. In the center lay more sculptures such as the Balto statue, the Founder's lake and the Carousel.

To their frustration, not one of the sculptures indicated on the map was called Blue Goliath, and they had yet to see anything big and blue since entering the park. It looked like they'd made the right choice in teaming up with the two loudmouths.

Speaking of which, they soon heard Bucky and Pronk shouting for them. The two bears followed the sounds of their voices and met up with them in the middle of the insect zoo, which wasn't so much a zoo as an outdoors museum that you could walk into without paying. In glass cabinets placed on pedestals and sheltered from the hot sun by canopies and tents, a wide variety of insects and arachnids would be placed on display on any other day. Today, they had all been placed in a secure location to prevent robberies in the staff's absence, leaving every single cabinet empty.

They stopped beside the first line of cabinets when they finally spotted Bucky and Pronk, and let the Oryx-Antlersons come to them. "Any luck?" Bucky asked, panting, his pick swaying from his hoof.

"No, and we've been through the east and south. What about you, did you see anything?" Kevin asked.

Pronk shook his head. "We've been all over the west and north area and we've haven't seen anything looking like a Blue Goliath."

"Is there anything we've forgotten?" Bucky asked. "Do you remember if that guy said anything else?"

"He just said that it was hidden with the Blue Goliath and we'd see it." Raymond said. "Let's switch round in case we missed something! You guys check here and the east and we'll check the north and west! We'll meet up in central after!"

"Okay, good idea!" Pronk said. "Let's go!"

They split up in opposite directions, dragging their picks behind them. As Bucky followed his excited husband, the tip of his pick briefly snagged the dark grey fabric of a tent sheltering the empty cabinet they'd met up in front of. The cabinet it sheltered was the biggest in the zoo, and housed a thick branch, water, and a large burrow. Beneath the base of the glass was a large silver sign.

**BLUE GOLIATH BIRDEATER**

**Belonging to the tarantula family _Theraphosidae_ , the Goliath Birdeater is the largest spider in the world. Native to the rainforest regions of northern South Animerica, the Goliath Birdeater is nocturnal and lives in deep burrows. Despite its name, birds are not a part of the Birdeater's normal diet. Colors commonly range from dark to light brown with faint markings on the legs, but in very rare cases such as this female, the Birdeater is born with a unique bluish grey coloring. This unique variant of the Birdeater is named  _Blue Goliath_ , and its unique and beautiful color makes it highly sought after in the black market, leading to its designation as a protected species.**

Gideon and Travis crept out from behind a nearby shrub, with Cotton holding onto Gideon's paw. They inched towards the cabinets, moving slowly in case the bears and Oryx-Antlersons were still nearby. Once they were sure they were gone, they spoke in hushed whispers. "You hear that?" Gideon asked. "That bear said something about something being hidden with a Blue Goliath. You hear it, Cotton?"

"Yep!" Cotton said.

"I heard it too, but what the heck's a Blue Goliath?" Travis muttered.

The three of them scratched their heads, their faces turned away from the tent and its sign.

* * *

Irons ducked down when he heard the sound of more vehicles. He saw a car screech to a halt near the others and spill out Officers Nicholas Wilde and Judy Hopps from the front. From the back came Stu and Bonnie Hopps along with their elderly father. Stu, Wilde and Hopps were carrying very recently purchased shovels. For some reason, Wilde and Hopps had decided to stop looking like police. Wilde was wearing a form fitting purple woman's coat and a wide purple hat with a big feather. Hopps was dressed much like Gideon Grey, only she wasn't wearing an apron and had a backwards baseball cap on her head.

They stopped dead when they saw the three other vehicles, including Irons'. "We're not the first ones here." Hopps sounded worried. "What is Gideon doing here?"

"We'll find out once we ask him." Wilde said. "If they're still here, it may mean they haven't found the money yet. There's still time, come on!"

"Finnick, stay here with Bruce!" Hopps said.

"The hell with that! It ain't like he's going anywhere!" Finnick boomed.

"Will you all shut up and come on so we can find that money before those whippersnappers do?!" Pop-Pop yelled.

Irons heard a multitude of footsteps fading away as the newcomers raced through the entrance into the park. He cursed and punched the dashboard. They were supposed to stay out of this once they'd found their receptionist and make this whole thing easier. What the hell were they doing, interfering with his operation? Heads were going to roll if they screwed this up.

Irons carefully lifted his head to look through the window. Beside the car was a red and gold motorbike and sidecar he hadn't seen earlier. Jammed inside the sidecar, securely handcuffed to the sturdy rail, was Zootopia Freedom Party founder Bruce Wood.


	22. In Which Spider Bogo becomes Bogoga

Nick had to lift the big purple hat above his eyes so he could see himself following Judy, Stu, Bonnie, Pop-Pop and Finnick, through the main entrance that looked like a satanic bunny, into the infamous Ripe Carrot Park.

"Remind me again why we're swapping genders?" He muttered once they had stopped beside the map of the park. According to said map, they were currently in the eastern area of the park.

Judy pulled a slipped dungaree strap back onto her shoulder. "There are four people somewhere in this park and all of them know us. If they realize the police are on to them, they may panic and do something stupid. They'll be less likely to recognize us this way. Remember we want them to think we're just random strangers who are also after the money."

"Yeah, whatever, you still look like a girl, fluff. Try these on." Finnick growled and tossed his black sunglasses at her. Looking a little taken aback, Judy put them on. They were a little tight around the sides, but they fit. Hefting a shovel on his tiny shoulder, Finnick nodded in approval. "That's more like it."

"You're sure we're not too late?" Stu asked.

"The taxi's still here so that means they haven't found it yet!" Pop-Pop cried. "Even if they did, they won't get far! Isn't that right, Trudy?"

"Maximus has the entire park surrounded." Judy said. "But the only way we can make absolutely sure the money gets retrieved is if we find it first."

"Then don't just stand there looking like a hood!" Pop-Pop shouted. "Are you a bunny cop or not?!"

Judy shot a light-hearted glare at her grandfather. "Okay. Nick, it'll be better if the two of us aren't seen together. You check out the north. I'll check the west. Mom, dad, Pop-Pop, you take the south. Finnick will stay here and check out the east."

"And don't try anything foxy!" Pop-Pop pointed his cane at Finnick threateningly. "The park is surrounded! Don't forget that!"

"Find the money, dig it up, don't try to make off with it. Got it." Finnick grumbled.

"Remember, sweetheart, the money is hidden with something called the Blue Goliath!" Stu said to his daughter. "Good luck and be careful!"

* * *

Bitter was too apathetic to the fact to admit it: he was having as much luck at finding the Blue Goliath as the unsuspecting fools scrambling all over the place. With his hooves in his pockets, he hummed a velvety Jerry Vole classic as he strolled along the Founder's lake in the center of Ripe Carrot Park. This was one of the most beautiful parks he had ever been in, and he wanted to enjoy it while he still could.

He was going to miss Zootopia. Precinct Two could go to hell for all he cared, but he had grown up in that city. A part of Bitter was still trying to persuade him to change his mind, to call the plan off, to stay true to his unspoken oath to serve and protect. Another part of Bitter was urging him to stay the course, reminding him that if Irons had his way, there would be nothing left for him in Zootopia.

The third part of Bitter ordered him to focus on his mission, to bide his time until someone found the money. Then he would reveal himself as a cop and persuade them to surrender. If they were smart, they'd listen.

He heard footsteps coming toward him from the front. Bucky and Pronk came tearing around a corner and rushed right past Bitter. Bitter kept his pace, not looking back even when he heard the Oryx-Antlersons stop.

"Who is that?" Bucky asked.

"Dunno, but he doesn't have a shovel!" Pronk replied.

That simple observation must have been enough to satisfy them, for they were immediately on their way again.

Bitter took one last look round the central area. Neither east nor central had anything that could even remotely be the Blue Goliath.  _Two down, three to go_ , he thought as he continued down the path in the direction of the west area.

* * *

Raymond and Kevin collapsed on a bench in the western part of the central area, sweating even without their tracksuit jackets. "Nothing..." Raymond moaned. "Not a single... clue... nothing..."

"I bet that Mousekewitz... hid it so well..." Kevin said, his tongue dangling from his jaw. "... That he... couldn't even find it himself."

"He said we'd see it... we're missing something..."

They were surprised by Bucky and Pronk at that moment. "Hide, quick!" Bucky hissed as he and Pronk shoved the polar bears from the bench and behind a big bush. Seconds later, they heard the crazy old rabbit coot's shouting.

"Quit griping! I told you, they haven't found it!"

They peeked through the leaves and watched as Pop-Pop, Stu and Bonnie Hopps came striding down the path that circled the lake. Stu was the only one carrying a shovel. Pop-Pop had his cane and Bonnie was carrying a wicked witch bigger than herself.

"You sure a Blue Goliath was all he said?" Pop-Pop asked, looking at Bonnie.

"How would I know? I wasn't there when the mouse died either!" Bonnie snapped, looking like she was regretting bringing such a massive stuffed animal along.

"Settle down, you two! He said it was a Blue Goliath and we'd see it! We've been here a hundred times, so let's just get our heads together and think about it!"

"Never mind thinking! Ain't nothing here looks big and blue! It's a riddle, I'm sure of it!" Pop-Pop said.

"Riddles usually have more words, don't they?" Bonnie asked.

"Will you all just shut up and follow me?!" Pop-Pop swung his cane like a baton, leading the way as they strode past the bush where the bears and Oryx-Antlersons were hiding and eventually disappeared from sight.

"They're heading for the south!" Raymond whispered.

"Forget it, we've looked twice already!" Bucky said.

"We've looked everywhere twice!" Pronk added.

"Come on, let's look around here for a bit." Kevin said.

"Good idea, maybe this lake is the Blue-"

The fifth voice cut itself off as the others turned and looked. Behind them, partially concealed by a smaller bush, stood a disheveled, slightly scorched woodchuck carrying a trowel. They stared at the stranger, who gulped, turned tail, and disappeared into the foliage.

"Who the frag was that?" Bucky asked.

"I dunno." Raymond said with a shrug.

"But he had a trowel." Pronk's eyes narrowed.

"Never mind him. He could be a gardener for all we know." Kevin said. "Come on, we've gotta find that money before the rabbits do!"

* * *

The final car came to a stop beside Gideon Grey's van. Clawhauser sighed in relief before getting out alongside Chief Bogo, with Spider Bogo's box safe in his untied arms.

"Finally..." He whispered to himself and looked down at the tarantula. "You looking forward to getting back in your nice quiet tank?"

Spider Bogo didn't answer.

Chief Bogo was counting the other vehicles. "From the looks of it, the whole gang might be here. That one car matches Hopps' description of the vehicle she and Wilde are using."

"That means they're here!" Clawhauser grinned. "Come on, Chief! We've got a case to close!"

Chief Bogo didn't set off right away, having noticed the totoro above the gates. His scowl had returned with a vengeance. "That has to be the tackiest park entrance I have ever walked through."

Clawhauser pouted. "I think it's cute." He said before quickly looking round in case there were any bunnies around that had heard him. He didn't see any bunnies, but he did notice something very wrong with the blueberry car and Gideon Grey's van. "Sir, look! The tires on the car and that van have been slashed!"

Bogo strode over to the blue car and knelt down to examine the damage. "Whoever did this has just added vandalism to their list of charges. Let's go."

They entered the park and found a map of the park. Chief Bogo quickly located the Insect Zoo in the south. "I've got to go track down Hopps and Wilde. Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?"

Clawhauser giggled. "I'll be fine, sir. I'll come join you as soon as I've gotten Spider Bogo back where he belongs."

Bogo shook his head. "Just wait at the zoo. I'll find you."

"Yes, sir. Good luck!" As Bogo set off to reunite with his officers, Clawhauser lifted the box up to eye level and smiled warmly at the bluish- grey spider inside. "Alright, little guy. Let's get you home."

* * *

Finnick searched all the blue flower bushes, but none of them were big enough to count as a 'goliath'. The Marionette Theatre had its roof and columns painted indigo, but he had searched every square inch and didn't find a dime. Three times he'd had to duck behind a tree or under a shrub to avoid being spotted by either the Oryx-Antlersons, Mr. Big's goons or that sour-looking moose tourist. After evading discovery by the moose, Finnick decided to try climbing the tree he was hiding behind. Maybe if he saw the park from a higher angle, he might finally get someplace.

Leaving Lucille and his shovel at the base of the tree, the little fox climbed all the way up to the tiny branches at the top. He could see Nick circling the fountain in the north, looking like a conservative floozy in his feathered hat. In the west, Judy was looking the Cleopedigree Needle up and down, and the moose guy was strolling down a path at the edge of the park. Bucky and Pronk were screaming at each other beside the carousel in the center. Raymond and Kevin were running over to stop their argument. In the south, the three rabbits were crossing the Insect Zoo in the direction of the Ice Rink. Finnick could hear the old coot shouting indistinguishably at his peers all the way from his tree. He watched as Pop-Pop, distracted by his own yelling, failed to notice the big silver tent and walked right into the side. He sank into the waterproof fabric and bounced back onto the grass, unleashing a loud guffaw from Finnick. Stu and Bonnie rushed over and helped Pop-Pop to his feet. Pop-Pop dusted himself off, smacked the tent with his cane and led them on through the zoo.

Finnick was still chortling to himself as he started to climb back down.

* * *

Somewhere in between the south and center, Gideon, Travis and Cotton heard footsteps. Gideon and Cotton ducked behind a bench, while Travis ran behind a rustic drinking fountain standing next to it. They had a clear view of the expanse of grass between them and the Insect Zoo, a five-sided lawn with a circular purple flowerbed in the middle.

A tiny cream-colored fox with big ears ran across the grass towards the west and disappeared.

"Who's that?" Cotton asked.

"I don't know." Gideon whispered.

A woodchuck holding a trowel crept out from between two empty insect displays, tripped over the flowerbed and ran towards the Founder's Lake.

"Who's that?" Cotton asked.

"I don't know!" Gideon whispered.

A moose wandered along the edge and onto the main path leading to the east, his hooves in his pockets.

"Who's that?" Cotton asked.

" _I don't know!_ " Gideon whispered, his ears completely flat by now.

A cape buffalo came in from the center and left in the direction the fox had just gone.

"Who's  _that_?" Cotton asked.

"Kid, let's just assume that Gideon doesn't know everybody!" Travis hissed.

A rotund cheetah carrying a large clear plastic box came by, humming cheerfully as he strolled towards the Insect Center, where the staff resided.

"A fat cheetah?!" Cotton was awed. "Yowzas, this is just like Comicon!"

* * *

Chief Bogo finally found Officer Hopps in the west as she was checking out the underside of a giant purple marble propped on black metal spikes. "Hopps!"

Judy jumped, hitting her head with a dull thud on the bottom of the marble. "Yow! Sir?!"

"What are you doing out of uniform?" Bogo demanded, watching with a grimace as his officer crawled out in a pair of dungarees, a baseball cap and a pair of big black sunglasses.

"I thought a disguise would be beneficial, sir." Judy said, wincing as she rubbed her skull. "If the suspects find out the police are on to them, they might panic."

"I'm assuming Nick is the purple vixen wandering around the north." Bogo said bluntly.

"Yep."

"Hmph. He'd make an excellent tramp. Clawhauser is on his way to deliver the tarantula, and I'm about to go meet up with him. Where is Bruce Wood?"

Judy smirked triumphantly. "In the sidecar. If you'd came in through the east entrance, you would have seen him."

Bogo's frown deepened. "I  _did_  come in through the east entrance. I saw a sidecar but nobody was in it."

Judy's smirk vanished and her ears dropped. "There must have been. He was handcuffed to the vehicle! There was no way he could have escaped!"

Bogo snorted furiously and pulled out his phone to warn Chief Irons and Sheriff Maximus. "If he gets away, you and Wilde will be writing parking tickets for the rest of your miserable lives.  _Without your three-wheeled jokemobile._ "

* * *

Clawhauser dialed the number on the signboard beside the entrance to the Insect Center. "Hello?" Asked a tinny voice on the other end.

"Hello, this is Officer Clawhauser. I've brought your missing tarantula." Clawhauser said. "I'm at the Insect Center but no-one seems to be home."

"Oh." The speaker said, caught off guard. "I- we're all out of town right now. I'm sorry, but we weren't expecting you until tomorrow."

"Oh dear." Clawhauser looked down at Spider Bogo, disappointed. He'd been hoping to resolve this today before anything else went awry. "Uh, I guess I could stay the night at a motel or something. Is there anything I should get for Bogo?"

"Bogo?" The speaker asked.

"That's what I decided to call him." Clawhauser said. "I hope you don't mind."

There was an amused snort on the other end. "Officer, you know the tarantula is female, right?"

Clawhauser felt his cheeks grow warm. "No, I did not know that."

"Anyway, tarantulas can go a long time without food, so you're okay on that front." The speaker said. 'I'd advise giving her a shallow dish of water for the night, very shallow. We should be back at the Center by ten am tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll see you then. Bye." Clawhauser hung up, relieved that he'd thought to get a water bowl at that store in Crabapple Valley. "Okay, Bogoga. Let's get you some nice tasty water." He found a drinking fountain beside a bench that gave whoever sat on it a clear view of the empty insect displays. One press of the button confirmed it was functional and spewing clear water, and Clawhauser filled the bowl halfway. He opened the plastic container lid just enough to place the bowl in the corner farthest from Bogoga. The large spider didn't go for it, choosing instead to relax in another corner.

Clawhauser set the box on the bench and sat down beside it to wait for Chief Bogo. The buffalo would likely not be pleased that his receptionist would be staying in Bunnyburrow for the night after all, but from what he'd heard Officer Knightfall was doing a decent job filling in for him. Once the money was found, there would be nothing left to worry about. Clawhauser leaned back in his seat and ate a donut, soaking in the vitamin D that the hot sun was dishing out in the boatloads, and looked around for Bogoga's home. One of the tents closest to him, the silver one that towered over the others, seemed like a good bet. It looked just right for the biggest spider in the world. Through the opening in the tent, he saw the glint of the display case and the silver sign bearing the name of the occupant in large black letters:

**BLUE GOLIATH BIRDEATER**

Clawhauser's heart seemed to stop mid-beat. His jaw dropped. He switched his gaze to Bogoga, taking a long hard look at her bluish-grey hair.

"Oh. My. Gosh."

"Afternoon, Clawhauser." Captain Max Bitter's polite greeting startled him.

 


	23. In Which Gideon Grey gets his Moment of Glory

Benjamin Clawhauser blinked when he turned his head and saw Captain Maxwell Bitter looking down at him with a friendly face.

The moose sat down beside Clawhauser. "Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you."

"No- I-" Clawhauser stuttered, still reeling from his discovery. "I j- just wasn't expecting to see you here."

Bitter crossed his legs. "I'm here to coerce these people into handing the money over to the police once they find it."

Clawhauser nearly jumped in his seat. The money. The Blue Goliath. The Blue Goliath is sitting in a plastic box right between them! "Captain Bitter... that won't be necessary."

Bitter arched an eyebrow. Clawhauser pointed straight down at the tarantula between them. "The tarantula? What about it?"

"Her. Do you know what she is?"

Bitter scowled and opened his mouth to ask. He froze when it dawned on him. "You mean to say that this creature is the Blue Goliath?"

"She's a Blue Goliath Birdeater." Clawhauser squeaked, his voice rising in pitch from sheer excitement. "Biggest bug in the world. That's her enclosure right over there." He pointed to the silver tent. "I bet you three hundred and fifty thousand Gs that the heist money is hidden under there!"

Bitter stared at the tent like it was the Ark of the Covenant. "My god... all this time..."

Clawhauser leapt to his feet, hyperventilating with a paw over his heart. "I'm freaking out. I'm totally freaking out here! I wasn't supposed to have anything to do with this case! I was supposed to just get Bogoga home safe and sound while you guys look for the Blue Goliath, and it turns out that I had the Blue Goliath all along! Do you have a paper bag?"

Bitter sat him back down with an amused smirk. "Settle down, officer."

Clawhauser breathed slowly through his nose and out his mouth, until he'd calmed down. "Sorry. I just never imagined that little old me would wind up holding the key to closing this case. What do we do? Should we try to dig it up ourselves?"

Bitter shook his head. "The plan is to let the suspects lead us to the money. We probably shouldn't do anything unless we have to. Besides, what would we use?" He held up his empty hooves.

Clawhauser giggled nervously. "Sorry, I got carried away."

Bitter relaxed himself a bit more. "We've found the location. Let's just sit here and stake it out until someone else finds it." Finnick sprinted back across the green at that moment, noticing neither them nor the tent. Bitter's ear twitched. "This could take a while."

Clawhauser twiddled his thumbs. "If we're gonna be here a while, do you mind if I ask you something?"

Bitter nodded. "Shoot."

* * *

Pop-Pop came to a halt beside the Little John Memorial Fountain. He'd had enough. "ALRIGHT, ENOUGH! COME ON OUT, ALL OF YOU!"

Stu and Bonnie rushed to his side, looking upset from their brief reunion with Judy just now. Raymond and Kevin emerged from behind a bush a second later. Gideon Grey, Travis and Cotton popped out from behind a stone bench. Bucky and Pronk came in from a side path. A soaking wet Finnick clambered out of the fountain, scowling from his unsuccessful underwater search.

At the edge of the fountain's clearing, Chief Bogo watched the suspects gather from behind a thick oak tree in the north side. From the east and west, Nick and Judy watched from within thick leafy bushes. Their eyes flicked from side to side, keeping an eye out for the missing Bruce Wood and hoping that Judy's parents were doing the same. How did he get free of the sidecar?

"This is ridiculous!" Pop-Pop raged at his rivals, who all looked more than a little disgruntled. "What are we doing, fannying around like this when we all know that we're all here?!"

"What's it to you, prune-tart?" Raymond asked snidely.

The kick Cotton gave to his ankle was surprisingly painful. "Don't you talk to my Pop-Pop in that tone of voice, ya hear?!"

"Honey!" Bonnie looked in shock at Gideon. "What is she doing here?!"

Gideon wrung his paws guiltily. "I couldn't leave her in the van. It's hot."

"Shut up! Look, we all know that we're all here, so what's the point of scurrying around like lunatics when we know that no-one's going to get out of here with the money without the others knowing! So why don't we just get organised?!" Pop-Pop yelled.

"Did you all hear what Pop-Pop said?!" Cotton cried.

"Thank you, dear!"

Raymond and Kevin were especially seething, but mainly because the infuriating little old codger was right. "Alright, what do you suggest?"

"We're all here in the north, right? And none of us have been able to find the Blue Goliath by ourselves!" Pop-Pop said. "I say we stick together and check the areas one by one!"

No-one present noticed Bruce Wood slightly poke his head out from a flower bush behind the rabbits.

"Fine." Bucky said. "Me and Pronk will check out the castle."

"It's a big place. We're going with you." Kevin said.

"We'll check out the glades." Bonnie said. "Finnick, dear, could you stay here and keep looking around this fountain?"

"Sure, darl'." Finnick nodded.

"Cotton, come with me for a bit." Bonnie took her grandniece's paw. "Gideon, thank you for looking after her."

"No biggie, Mrs. H." Gideon said with a shrug.

"Hey, wait a sec!" Stu cried as they all started to scatter. "Wait, have any of you seen this woodchuck? Nearly as tall as a fox, but nowhere near as nice lookin', I mean he was  _ugly_! He's got a real nasty sneer, so nasty it would kill a clock! Has anyone seen a guy like that?"

By the time he was finished, he was alone. There was a rustle behind him, but when he looked round all he saw was another bush.

* * *

"I'm been wondering about this case." The bench was tall enough that Clawhauser's feet didn't quite touch the ground, so he kicked them a little. "The amount of money underneath that enclosure is supposedly six-point-five million. When I read the case file, it said that over four hundred million had been stolen from those three casinos."

"Four hundred and six-point-five million dollars, to be precise." Bitter replied.

"Woah." Clawhauser said.  _I can't even imagine how many donuts I could buy with that kind of money..._  "So where's the missing four hundred? Why didn't Mousekewitz mention it?"

"Maybe he died before he could." Bitter said. "Maybe his mind started to slip as his condition worsened. Or maybe he'd spent it all in the years since the heist."

"He spent four hundred million dollars in five years without anyone noticing?" Now it was Clawhauser's turn to arch an eyebrow. "I'm not the brightest bulb, but even I find that hard to believe."

Bitter chuckled. "You underestimate yourself, Clawhauser. And you're right. I've been asking myself that question for years."

"And there's also how he managed to hide so much money." Clawhauser said. "Six-point-five million is plausible, but four hundred..." He stroked his chin.

"I have a theory, actually." Bitter said. "A relatively new theory, but it could explain how Mousekwitz was able to hide so much money. Hang on." He pulled out his phone, tapped on the screen for a few seconds and then showed his spotted companion a photo. "Are you familiar with these, Clawhauser?"  
Clawhauser peered at the picture, which was hard to see with the sun being so bright. "Rubies?"

"They are not rubies, Clawhauser. They're diamonds. Very, very rare red diamonds." Bitter said. On the screen, eight square cushion-cut red diamonds sat on a sea of black velvet.

"They're beautiful." Clawhauser said softly. "I didn't know diamonds could look like that."

"They're not just any diamonds, Clawhauser. On their own, they're eight-carat diamonds that would still set you up for life. Together they make up the Eyes of Goliath."

"The Eyes of Goliath?" Clawhauser asked curiously, looking down at the Goliath sitting in her box.

"Much of its history is unclear, but here's what I've come up with. It's almost unheard of to find a red diamond bigger than five carats, but in the fifteenth century, eight eight-carat diamonds were unearthed in a mine in India and gifted to Maharaja Shere Khan. His family held the diamonds for three centuries, as a symbol of strength under the name of the Khan Diamonds, until they were gifted to Prince Pedro Capybara of Brazil as a token of goodwill in between their countries. It was there that the set was renamed the Eyes of Goliath, after the Khan family died out soon after the diamonds were given up. The Eyes of Goliath stayed in Brazil for a hundred and fifty years until for whatever reason they were sent to North Animerica and placed on the black market."

"What happened to them after that?" Clawhauser whispered, enraptured to an almost comical extent.

"Someone bought them, obviously." Bitter put his phone away. "And this is where I found a possible connection to the Triple-Casino-Heist. You see, two weeks after the heist, someone bought the entire set for four hundred million dollars."

"Mousekewitz?"

"The name was Oswald Yesnid, but I have evidence that it was a fake identity. I found out about the purchase very recently when I was looking up a lead on a jewelers shop robbery."

"You think Mousekewitz bought the diamonds to hide the money?"

"And make it easier to transport it out of Zootopia, yes." Bitter said. "But even if I'm right, the jewels and the money are still missing. And the truth died with Mousekewitz." Bitter looked down at his knees, sullen.

Clawhauser drummed his fingers on his own knees. "Then... we'll just have to find the truth without him!"

"How? Aside from the Blue Goliath, we have no leads. And even if my theory is right, Irons would just claim the credit for himself."

Clawhauser smiled coyly. "Didn't stop Wildehopps."

Bitter tilted his head. "You meant Wilde and Hopps."

Clawhauser's cheeks went slightly pink. "Yeah. That's what I meant. Anyway, we shouldn't give up just because we don't have any leads and your boss is a glory hound. Loads of people lost their jobs or got downsized because some jerk decided that he deserved that money more than they did. He didn't care who got hurt so long as he got rich, and if that four hundred million gets lost forever, he still wins."

Bitter swallowed, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. "So what do you suggest?"

"We work together and keep looking." Clawhauser patted the moose's shoulder. "We could see if we could get Hopps and Wilde assigned to the missing four hundred. If anyone can find it without any leads, it's them."

"And Chief Irons wouldn't take the credit."

Clawhauser looked at Bitter sternly. "Never mind Irons. This isn't about credit. It's about serving the city." His smile returned as he had a thought. "Maybe you could serve the city more if you transfer to our precinct."

Bitter blinked. "Transfer?"

"I could talk to Bogo." Clawhauser's smile grew the more he thought about it. "I don't think he'd refuse. He hates Irons like the dickens, but he respects you. Tell you what..." He pulled out his own phone and activated the voice memo app. "Everything you just told me, the theory about the Eyes of Goliath, everything, say it again. Then Irons can't claim the credit if you're right."

Bitter stared at the phone, then at Clawhauser. "Bitter, you stupid old fool..." He stood up. "Clawhauser, thank you. Wait right here, I have to call my friend and cancel."

"Cancel?"

Bitter smiled ruefully. "I was planning an extended vacation to Mexizoo, but your idea sounds better."

* * *

Gideon wiped the back of his neck with his hankie, feeling wearier than when he'd been redecorating. They'd systematically searched the north and the east, and were now gathered beside the Wolfman Rink in the south. Still no Blue Goliath.

Stu had taken off his cap to scratch his head, looking around at the polar bears, Oryx-Antlersons and rabbits that were with him. Gideon and Cotton were resting on a bench while Travis was suspiciously circling the painted blue drinking fountain next to them. Judy and Nick were around here somewhere, but Gideon and Stu didn't see them.

Stu had found a crumpled up map of the park in a trashcan in the glades, and he had just crossed out the eastern area, having already done the same to the north. "Two down, three to go." He scratched the pen against the side of his head as his brain worked to figure out the riddle.

"There must be something we're missing!" Bonnie snapped. It had been one of the longest days of her life, and she'd spent most of it travelling in half a dozen different vehicles, and she'd just been running around Ripe Carrot Park on a very hot day. She was reaching the end of her rope. "Are you absolutely sure that poor mouse hadn't said anything else?"

"All he said was that the money was hidden with a Blue Goliath and that we'd see it!" Stu said. "Isn't that right, fellas?"

Everyone who had been present when the mouse died nodded.

"Then we'd better stop hurrying about for a few minutes and think." Bonnie said. "There's obviously something in this park we're overlooking."

"Speaking of overlooking, you sure none of ya saw a woodchuck?" Stu asked.

There was a thud behind him and his wife, inside a sparse shrub. They all looked to see a woodchuck freeze as he was about to pick up his trowel. Bruce Wood turned white. "Oh no."

"Oh yeah!" Stu grabbed his pick, fire raging in the brown of his eyes. "That's him, alright! Come back here, you mangy muzzler!"

Still sore and burnt from the last time Stu Hopps had gotten his paws on him, Bruce ran for his life. Stu waved his pick over his head as he raced after the wretched supremacist, punching his way through the shrub Bruce had just fled through.

"Woah, what're you doing?!" Gideon cried. There was movement to his right and left as a vixen in purple and a rabbit in sunglasses also took off in pursuit.

"That beast betrayed my son and tried to kill him and Trudy's fox!" Pop-Pop hollered, physically held back from joining the chase by Bonnie.

" _What?!_ " Before he knew it Gideon was pushing through the shrub, eager to help his friends stop the criminal from getting away. He could hear Stu shouting death threats and Bruce screaming excuses and begging for mercy. He reached the expanse of green that neighbored the Insect Zoo and caught sight of the others. Bruce Wood was leaping across the purple flowers right as Stu was swinging the pike vertically at him. He missed by inches and fell face first into the flowerbed, something Gideon would have laughed at fifteen years ago. Bruce didn't stop, closely pursued by the fox and rabbit as he fled into the garden of insect enclosures. It only occurred to Gideon then that those two mammals may not be strangers. He followed them into the zoo, and struggled to keep the pace as they made a one-eighty near the other side and ran back out the way they came. They raced out past the silver tent containing the zoo's star attraction and continued straight across the green into the foliage past a bewildered looking cheetah and moose sitting on a bench. By that point Stu Hopps had gotten back up, albeit covered in purple and green stains. His stamina already drained from the hot sun and at least two hours of wandering around a park, Gideon was visibly slower as he emerged from the zoo from between the silver tent and a smaller red one and made to reunite with Stu.

Halfway to the flowerbed, he stopped dead.

His entire body froze like a tree, his apron swaying slightly from momentum.

He stared at nothing, his expression blank as something deep within his mind clicked.

In a church near the park, a choir of rabbits began to sing.

Slowly, silently, Gideon Grey turned back round towards the Blue Goliath Birdeater's enclosure.

"Why that's it!" He breathed. "That's the Blue Goliath, I tell ya! It's the Blue Goliath!"

He staggered towards the silver tent, staring at the sign bearing the spider's name.

As if he had cast a magic spell, mammals began to gather from all directions. Raymond and Kevin came in from the right, both carrying digging tools. Bucky and Pronk came in from the left. Stu and Finnick came in from behind Gideon. Bonnie, Pop-Pop, Cotton and Travis came in from the shrub where the chase had started. All of them looked like Christmas had come early, and were more than ready to dig for their presents.

* * *

Bitter sighed and wiped his forehead. " _Finally._ "

Clawhauser made sure his recording of Bitter's theory was saved and put his phone away. "Looks like they've found it, Captain."

"I'll message Chief Irons and make sure he's ready." Bitter pulled out his own phone. "You better message Chief Bogo."

Clawhauser did just that and watched as the mammals all converged on the silver tent, stopping just before the entrance. He quickly received a response from Bogo that he was in the west area and would be there as soon as possible. There was a rustling to his side as Judy and Nick returned. "Darn it, we lost him!" Judy hissed and punched the arm of the bench, making Clawhauser recoil.

Clawhauser gently patted her shoulder with two of his fingers. "Look on the bright side! We've found the Blue Goliath!"

By the time he'd finished explaining how the Blue Goliath had been the spider he'd been delivering all along, Judy and Nick were looking shocked, embarrassed and happy.

"Irony sure is a jerk!" Nick chortled. "To think that our favorite cat has been holding the key to solving the case!"

"Yeah." Clawhauser lifted the plastic box onto his lap. "I just hope Bogoga hasn't been too shaken up by all this."

"Bogoga?" Judy frowned.

"Oh. Yeah. Turns out, Bogo's a girl."

Nick and Judy blinked and looked at each other. "Whuh... wait, what?" Judy asked.

The shouting from the zoo grew louder. The two polar bears had lifted the tent free from the ground and tossed it aside, exposing the glass case.

"Good job, foxy loxy!" Bucky shouted. "When we dig it up, I say he gets an extra share!"  
"Seconded!" Pronk said.

"Er, I don't know what... aw shucks!" Gideon said, blushing.

"This is making history, you know." Bitter stood up. "What do you say we take a closer look?"

"Sure thing, sir!" Clawhauser stood up, holding Bogoga's box. "Come on, guys!"

"Wait, what do you mean Bogo's a girl?!" Nick demanded as he and Judy followed the larger mammals.

As the four undercover officers approached, Bucky and Pronk had lifted the glass case off its pedestal, allowing Raymond and Kevin to lift the heavier object. The two pairs staggered away from the dry patch the tent had been sheltering and set both the case and pedestal down a few feet from the site.

Then the excavation began.

All the mammals that had brought picks and shovels, Stu, Finnick, Raymond, Kevin, Bucky and Pronk, all picked a spot on the dry patch and started digging with all their might. Shovels hacked and picks stabbed at the dry, crumbling earth. Around them, those without tools watched and shouted encouragement. Gideon and Travis had their arms around each other's shoulders, waiting for the secret of the Blue Goliath to be unearthed with almost frightened anticipation. Pop-Pop shouted for the diggers to step on it until a shovelful of dirt hit him square in the face. Cotton pointed and laughed as her grandfather coughed and swatted uselessly at the dirt cloud with his cane. Bonnie couldn't resist pulling out her camera and taking a picture of the scene. Bitter smiled, glad that this insane affair was coming to an end. Clawhauser felt a warm hoof on his shoulder. Chief Bogo had joined them. He looked up to see his boss smiling down at him. Clawhauser smiled back and glanced at Nick and Judy. His heart nearly leapt out his chest when he saw them holding paws in their exhilaration. Even though more than half of the mammals present knew that nobody was getting the money in the end, and some were hiding it better than others, every single one of them was filled with an excitement so intense they were on the verge of exploding. This was it. The end of their journey. The craziest day of their entire lives was reaching its climax.

When the dry patch was a foot deep pit, they determined that the money wouldn't be buried near the edge. Panting and sweating from their exertion, Raymond, Kevin, Bucky and Pronk stepped out. They joined the circle of mammals watching, leaning on their picks and shovels for support. Stu and Finnick came together in the middle and resumed digging.

With more mammals in the audience, the shouting grew louder, almost drowning out the sound of earth being stabbed and shoveled. Bogoga's plastic box was growing heavy in Clawhauser's arms, so he carefully set the box down beside her larger, more permanent glass home. He noticed that the grid-like lid had come loose and slipped so it was half-inside the case, so he went to fix it.

The depth of the pit soon grew to two feet. Bogo sensed he was being watched and looked down to see Nick eyeing the buffalo's crotch curiously. A sharp snort from the larger mammal stopped the unwanted attention. Judy scowled and smacked the fox's arm. Bitter chuckled at their behavior. They never had this kind of silliness at Precinct Two, and Bitter was sure that he would see a lot more if he decided to transfer.

Silly was too much of an understatement for today. It was mad. A mad day full of mad animals in a mad world. That line sounded so corny in his head, but it was true. In just one day, so many mad things had happened.

Zootopia's first fox officer had been forced to de-pant a senior citizen.

Zootopia's first rabbit officer had forced an escaped criminal into a ditch with a vintage motorbike and sidecar.

Her grandfather and a drunken fool had engaged in a sword fight with golf clubs.

Stu Hopps had beaten and tazed the crap out of a domestic terrorist.

Bonnie Hopps had taken an impromptu ride on a runaway golf cart.

Finnick had crashed his van and caused a minor juice flood.

Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson had wrecked a jetski, a bridge, and ran an expensive, technological marvel of a yacht into the Tailuca Docks.

Raymond and Kevin had spent nearly the entire day trapped inside their own yacht because of the Oryx-Antlersons, and eventually had to resort to using gunpowder to get out, leading to the aforementioned dock disaster.

Gideon, Travis and young Cotton only got involved in this mess after they were nearly obliterated along with the docks.

Benjamin Clawhauser's well-intentioned journey to deliver a rare and valuable arachnid led to a kidnapping and the discovery that he'd been holding the fabled Blue Goliath all along.

Chief Bogo had crossed an entire state to rescue Clawhauser and literally brought down the Zootopia Freedom Party's hideout. Bitter was fairly certain that the officers reporting the apprehension of Harold and Stripes had meant 'figuratively'.

All that mayhem had led to this. Bitter couldn't wait to see how this ended.

"I'm done!" Stu shouted suddenly, looking ready to collapse in the now three foot deep hole. "I'm washed out! It's all yours, son!"

He clambered out the pit. It was only Finnick and his pick left, now. He wiped the sweat off his brow and continued digging with increased fervor.

_Tak! Tak! Tak! Tak! Tak!_

The sound of his little pick striking the ragged earth could still be heard even over the clamor of the mammals egging him on.

_Tak! Tak! Tak! Tak! Bang!_

The silence that fell was as deafening as the shouting that had preceded it. Finnick froze, both paws on his embedded pick.

The mammals surrounding him came right to the edge of the pit, an excited chatter steadily growing from the silence. Finnick threw the pick aside and got down on his knees, swiping at the loose dirt until he saw exposed, flat wood. Stu and Travis leapt into the pit, helping the small fox to pry a flat wooden board free from the earth. They brushed away more loose dirt until they found dulled black metal. The chatter grew louder.

Within a minute the three small mammals were lifting a filthy black aluminum case that was just the right size for a fox or a beaver. They carried the case to the edge of the pit and set in on the grass at Bucky and Pronk's feet. They dropped to their knees, struggled to undo the small claps, and threw it open.

They paused, staring at the inside of the case in disbelief.

"Empty." Bucky breathed. "It's freakin' empty!"

"That's a cloth to protect the dough, you idiots!" Raymond shouted.

Pronk pulled away the black cloth, and there it was. Sitting pretty in the form of hundreds of thousands of dollar bills the size of confetti, were six-point-five million smackaroonies.

"BINGO!" Bucky screamed to the high heavens as Pronk threw himself around his husband. Stu and Finnick fell back on their rears, exhausted and satisfied with the knowledge that their efforts will have very likely earned them lighter sentences. Bonnie took a picture of the cash to add to her scrapbook later. Raymond and Kevin traded glances, silently congratulating each other. Pop-Pop was silent for once. Gideon merely gaped, having never seen so much tiny money in his life. Travis pumped his fist in the air, whooping. Judy burst out laughing and hugged a stunned Nick. Clawhauser bounced on the spot beside a grinning Bogo and Bitter. Bogoga ignored the sight of the money in favor of her water dish.

"What do we do now, do we take the money somewhere?" Kevin asked.

"It's okay, there's nobody around!" Travis yelled. "Let's just get it out already, and nobody have any arguments,  _'cause everyone's getting an equal share!_ " He shrieked the last few words.

"He's right!" Cotton cried. "That's the only way to do it! Shares for everybody! How many are we?" She pointed to herself first. "One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten... eleven... twelve... thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen... seventeen!" She pointed to herself last. "Okay, that's seventeen people and seventeen shares!"

Pop-Pop gently tapped her back with the tip of his cane. "Sweetheart, it's sixteen. You counted yourself twice."

Cotton turned pink and giggled. "Oopsie."

Travis turned to Stu. "Well what're waiting for, short stuff? Get your notebook out and start figuring!"

Stu started patting his chest to find his notebook, but then stopped and frowned. "I'm afraid that won't be necessary."

Travis glared at him. "And why the heck not? You're not planning to cut me out, are ya?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Pronk snapped. "You weren't there when that poor mouse died in Sahara Square this morning, so shut up!"

Stu stepped between them to prevent things from getting physical. "I'm not cutting him out! It's just..." He hesitated, unsure how to break it to the others.

"Just what?" Travis asked.

"Just that no-one is getting a share, Mr. Ferretter." Bitter finished Stu's sentence for him.

"What the heck do you mean no-one is-" Travis stopped in the midst of pointing at the case of money. His ears flattened and his eyes narrowed. "How did you know my name?"

"Yeah, how did you know his name?" Cotton asked, her paws on her hips as she eyed the moose.

"We know a lot more than his name, Miss Cotton." Bogo spoke with a smirk.

Cotton blinked. "How did you know  _my_  name? I ain't never seen you round these parts."

"Yeah... yeah, who are you guys?" Bucky asked, standing up from the case. "We never saw you, did you guys?" He looked at the polar bears, who shrugged.

"If we've never seen you before..." Raymond glared at the three strangers standing beside the Blue Goliath enclosure. "Then who are you?"

Bitter gave his biggest smirk yet. "I'm Captain Bitter, and this is Chief Bogo and Officer Clawhauser of the Zootopia Police Department."

Already aware that the police had known all along, Finnick and the Hopps' merely looked nervous. Travis, Gideon, the bears and Oryx-Antlersons on the other hand looked ready to faint.

As for Cotton, she threw her arms in the air in disappointment. "Aw nuts."


	24. In Which Pop-Pop almost doesn't Make It

In the ZPD Control Room, Officer McHorn received the second best news that he, Higgens and Wolford had heard all day; the missing six-point-five million dollars had finally been found beneath the Blue Goliath Birdeater enclosure in the Ripe Carrot Park Insect Zoo. He and his colleagues cheered at a job well done as Deputy Sven of the Bunnyburrow Police relayed the news on the radio currently being manned by Officer Tantor, a perpetually sunburnt elephant. Tantor wasn't listening to the report, too busy cleaning the buttons and switches with an antiseptic wipe.

"Where is the money now?" McHorn asked with a curled grin. He was still feeling chipper after receiving the earlier news that Chief Bogo had successfully rescued Officer Clawhauser and captured two members of the Zootopia Freedom Party in the process.

_"_ _Still with Chief Bogo and his officers."_  Sven said.  _"Once they've dealt with the suspects, they'll deliver it straight to the station. It may be a while before we can send it back to the mayor, though."_

"Speaking of the mayor, someone should call him and give him the good news." Wolford said.

"On it. Be right back." Higgins left the room.

"So it was just six-point-five million, right?" McHorn asked.

_"_ _Yes. There's no sign of the remaining four hundred million. We may have to assume that Mousekewitz used it all up before his death."_

"Darn." McHorn snorted. "The mayor will be disappointed. All the same, we appreciate your cooperation and assistance on this case."

_"_ _Just doing our duty. I'll call you again once everyone gets back from the park."_

Higgins returned soon after the conversation ended. "Just spoke with the mayor. He's coming here so we can give him more details. He says he wants to speak with Chief Irons as soon as possible about his role in solving this case."

"Great." McHorn dropped himself onto the chair beside Tantor. "Thank god this is all coming to an end."

* * *

Raymond, Kevin, Bucky, Pronk, Stu, Bonnie, Pop-Pop, Cotton, Finnick, Gideon and Travis watched with downcast expressions as the black aluminum case containing six-point-five million in miniature dollar bills was carried out through the east park entrance by Chief Bogo. After everything they had been through, everything they had done, it was all going to end in handcuffs. Perhaps this was the way it was always going to end.

Chief Irons stood beside Bitter, Clawhauser, Bogoga, Hopps and Wilde and watched as Bogo placed the black case in the front passenger seat of Irons' black unmarked police car. Then he shut the door and turned to face the guilty-looking group of mammals standing before him and the other officers.

"Errrrrrrrr..." Stu trailed off, his hat twisting in his paws. "I don't suppose you... could maybe give us dumb bunnies a break?"

"Hey, we've had a pretty rough day, officer." Bucky said nervously. "I mean, we had the mafia chasing us and we got our boat torpedoed, and..." He stopped talking, perhaps realising that he wasn't helping their case.

Chief Irons looked at the other officers. Bogo and Bitter remained impassive. Hopps looked very upset and Wilde looked sorry for her.

"I... I know they messed up, Chief Irons..." Hopps looked right into the hippo's eyes. "But if there is any way you could go easy on them, I'm sure they will learn from their mistakes and go on to live better lives."

"What she means is that she hopes that her family's assistance in this case and the rescue of Officer Clawhauser will be taken into account." Wilde said. "And while we're on the subject, I want to point out that we never would have been able to find Clawhauser if my friend hadn't reported the kidnapping and given us descriptions of the perps and their vehicle." Finnick gave him a small smile.

Bogo scowled. "Your family and friends may have redeemed themselves, but your neighbors and those bears have caused a  _lot_  of property damage. And someone in this group has vandalized those two vehicles." He shot the two polar bears a dark look.

"We didn't slash those tires." Kevin said quickly. "Why would we? We got here first!"

"We did, too!" Pronk cried.

"And why would I sabotage my own van?" Gideon asked, a panicked look in his eyes. "I need it for my business!"

"You all have a point, but we'll let Forensics decide if you're innocent." Bitter said. "Chief Irons, you're in charge. How we go about this will be up to you."

Chief Irons looked over the mammals and their wide, pleading eyes. He sighed, coming to a decision. "Well... there is one thing. I don't know if it would help them or not. Perhaps instead out  _us_ turning them in... they turn  _themselves_  in. It might look good for them in court."

Gideon smiled hopefully. "Really? You'd let us do that?"

"Well, despite everything you've done, most of you aren't really criminals. Just ordinary people who did stupid, dangerous things." Bogo admitted. "You in particular haven't done anything illegal, but we still need you and Hopps' niece as witnesses."

"Oh, thank the lord!" Gideon breathed.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Pop-Pop cried, grinning in relief. "Let's turn ourselves in!"

Travis looked at his taxi and Bogo's unmarked red car, the two vehicles that had their tires still intact. "You sure we'll all fit in them?"

"Well, you can't take the others and we have to confirm that the motorbike wasn't stolen before we let you use it again." Irons said, getting a glare from Finnick. "And us from the police will need to take a different car for it to count as you turning yourselves in."

"But then how will the six of us fit in one car?" Wilde asked. "I may be flexible, but the same can't be said for-"

"Nick!" Judy silenced him. "Sir, couldn't we put the case in the trunk?"

Irons shook his head. "I want that case where I can see it. Clawhauser and his spider can join the others."

Bogo took a moment to think this over, then turned to the other mammals with a cold glare. "Make sure he gets there safe. He may be the last officer you speak to as free mammals."

Some of them chuckled nervously as they started getting into the two cars. "Heh, that's funny!" Travis said as he got into his cab. "You're a real comedian! Better than Gideon, I say!"

Clawhauser adjusted his grip on Bogoga's box so he could hold it with one arm, while the other reached for his pocket. "Chief Bogo, there's something I need to tell you."

"Later, Clawhauser. At the station." Bogo replied. "Right now I want you and the spider to be back in safe hands before anything else happens."

It took nearly a full minute for the twelve mammals to squeeze into the two cars. In Bogo's unmarked car, Kevin, Bucky and Pronk clambered into the back seat, while Raymond took the wheel and Clawhauser took the front passenger seat with Bogoga once again on his lap. In Travis's taxi, Gideon joined his old friend in the front while the four rabbits and Finnick took to the back, somehow managing to fit thanks to their small sizes. It also meant that Pop-Pop and Finnick and Bonnie and Stu had to share seatbelts.

The red car was the first to begin the drive back down the road towards the street, the taxi close behind. With the suspects on their way, Bogo, Hopps, Wilde and Bitter went into the back of the black car while Irons got into the driver's seat. Once all the doors were shut, Irons looked though the metal grid separating the front and back seats and saw that Wilde and Hopps were fit perfectly in between Bogo and Bitter like small children, quietly discussing the possibility that Bruce Wood may have slashed the tires after escaping. Smirking at the silly sight, Irons picked up the police radio.

"This is Chief Irons. It's over. Pull all units back to the station." He said.

_"_ _Are all the suspects in custody?"_  Maximus asked.

"They're on their way. It took a little longer than usual because there was a joker in the deck that nobody knew about." Irons replied, as Bruce Wood emerged from beneath the front passenger seat and pointed a loaded handgun through the partition at the four officers. He put the radio away, relishing the looks on their faces. "Am I right?"

* * *

The two cars reached the two-way street and turned right, using their cat-navs to find their way to the station.

In the taxi following the red car, Cotton looked at Bonnie. "Great-aunt Bonnie, a witness is someone who watched something bad happen, right?"

"Right, honey." Bonnie said. "You just need to tell us and the nice policemen everything that happened, and that's it."

Looking pleased with herself, Cotton cleared her throat. "Okay. Right after Gideon finished doing the bakery, Mr. Travis came in and told us that a big boat had-"

"Your great-aunt meant that you explain at the station, kid." Finnick chuckled.

In the driver's seat, Travis's ferret senses were tingling. "Why does that guy wanna give us morons a break, huh? Kinda a funny thing for him to do after what Judy said about him."

Finnick leaned forward towards the front. "Yeah, I've been wondering about that, too."

Gideon shrugged. "Judy's got a lot of influence in the ZPD. Maybe he doesn't want to make an enemy out of her."

Travis scowled. "I'm telling you he's got some kind of angle. I don't trust him."

"Look, we're already in enough trouble." Stu said. "We should just do what he says."

"But what about those slashed tires?" Finnick asked. "If the Chief was really staking out the entrance the whole time, how come he didn't see anything?"

They all looked at each other, none of them able to give an answer that didn't involve implying that Irons was up to no good.

* * *

In the red car, Clawhauser stared into Bogoga's plastic box in silence. Something was troubling him. "What's up?" Raymond asked.

Clawhauser kept watching the tarantula as it clambered up the side of the box and onto the underside of the lid. "How did the mammals who kidnapped me know about the Blue Goliath?"

"Didn't their leader pose as a hitchhiker and get the info from your fox buddy?" Pronk asked. "Bruce Wood, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, that's his name." Clawhauser said, craning his neck to look at the mammals in the back. "They're the Zootopia Freedom Party."

"Those supremacist scumbags?" Kevin snarled.

"Yeah. But if Bruce Wood posed as a hitchhiker and spied on Nick and Mr. Hopps..." He felt a chill run up his spine. "Then who told him about this race?"

"It wasn't us bears, obviously." Raymond said.

"And we've never associated with them." Bucky said. "Look at our records and you'll see."

"I believe you, but..." The feeling of cold dread grew in Clawhauser's gut as he reached the only possible conclusion. "The only other people were Judy's family and a few predators. Whoever gave the Intel to Bruce... must have been an officer assigned to this case."

With that, Pronk turned round in his seat and looked out the back window. "Stop the car! I see them!"

Raymond pulled the car over to the side of the road, and the taxi stopped behind them. The occupants of both cars clambered out and watched as the black car carrying the police officers reached the two-way street. Like the taxi and red car, the black car would have to go right to get to the station.

The black car stopped, as if the driver was making sure there was no-one about, and turned left.

_Oh no_ , Clawhauser thought.

"And just what does he think he's doing?!" Finnick shouted.

"That certainly is strange!" Pronk said.

"What're they doing?" Gideon asked.

"They're going the other way!" Cotton cried.

"I knew it!" Travis yelled. "Come on, after them!"  
It was pandemonium as they collided with and shoved at each other in their race to get back into their cars. Clawhauser leapt too far inside, overshooting the passenger seat and ending up behind the wheel. Adrenaline surged through his body as he righted himself in the seat and jerked the key. Chief Bogo would never betray the ZPD for money, and neither would Judy and Nick, and that meant that they were in trouble. He had to do something. He had to catch that car. He managed to wait until Raymond, Kevin, Bucky and Pronk were back in their seats before setting off at full throttle. "Keep a hold of that box!" He shouted at Raymond, who now had Bogoga on his own lap. A quick look at the radio told him the wire had been cut. Bruce must have done that after slashing the tires. The car screeched as it did a full one-eighty, the centripetal force pressing the mammals inside into the side of the car, the taxi with the smaller mammals inside doing the same.

Clawhauser heard someone screaming as the car turned and looked out Raymond's window. He gasped when he saw Judy's grandfather flying through the air beside the car, clinging for dear life to the cane he had managed to hook on the side of the open window before the car sped off. "Get him!" He cried. Raymond quickly reached out and grabbed the rabbit, pulling him inside the car.

Pop-Pop had lost his glasses, and his fur was severely windswept as the stunned polar bear set him on top of Bogoga's box. "Holy Mackerel! I almost didn't make it!"

Clawhauser barely heard him, his eyes fixed on the black speck in the distance. Chief Bogo had risked his life to save him, and he couldn't call himself a cop or a friend if he didn't do the same.

* * *

There were a lot of angry bunnies and foxes in the taxi, the oppressive atmosphere leaving Travis cowering in the driver's seat.

"'Not really criminals', he said. 'Turn yourselves in', he said." Gideon growled. "He planned it! He wanted the money for himself and wanted us to take the fall!"

"Judy would never be a part of this! Never!" Stu cried. "Bonnie, something's happened to her, I know it has!"

Bonnie hugged her husband. "Keep it together, Stu! We'll get her back and give that hippo what for!"

"Great-uncle Stu, where's Pop-Pop?" Cotton asked from between them.

"Never mind the old coot!" Finnick shouted. "Lucille gets first crack at him, no arguments!"

"If we get the money back and turn it in ourselves, we could be in the clear!" Travis said excitedly. "Where's he goin'?"

"Just keep driving! Don't lose him!" Stu said.

The black car turned left on a turn, entering a rough narrow road that stretched out into a sea of carrot fields. With the red car in front of them, the taxi followed the black car, keeping its distance. Travis passed his binoculars to Gideon, who looked through them and reported that Chief Bogo and Captain Bitter all appeared to be in the back seat, with Chief Irons at the wheel. Someone appeared to be in the front passenger seat but with the rough road making the car shake he couldn't make out who it was. He couldn't see Judy and Nick, but that was likely because of their small size compared to the size of the car. Cotton was starting to look a little green in the cheeks.

The black car made another turn, heading towards a large barn that stood on the corner of a field of small pumpkins.

* * *

"It was you." Bogo said, seething. "You tipped off Wood about the Blue Goliath."

"Yes." Irons said, keeping his eyes on the road.

"You freed him from the sidecar." Judy said.

"Yes." Irons said.

"You're a member of the Zootopia Freedom Party, aren't you?" Bitter asked.

"No. I just work with them." Irons said.

"You're an embarrassment to the ZPD, do you know that?" Nick asked.

"Pretty high and mighty coming from a conman." Irons said. "Now shut up like good little cops."

They shut up. After Bruce had forced them to throw their weapons and radios out of the car, there was nothing else they could do without getting a bullet between the eyes.

It had to be done. Those glory-hoarding mammals from Precinct One had given him no choice. If Bitter had felt the same way, Irons might have let him in on the plan. But Bitter had been acting cold towards him since Irons' call with the mayor on the rooftop. He must have heard everything, and had very likely chosen to side with Bogo in revenge. Bitter had picked the wrong side, and nobody was closing this case except Irons. As unfortunate as it may be, that moose can't make it back to Zootopia. None of them can.

Irons looked down at the black case beside Bruce's feet. As for the money, it would have to disappear along with the Zootopia Freedom Party Leader. He knew exactly what he would tell Maximus and Sven; the Precinct One officers hadn't thought to check Bruce for a weapon, and they paid for their incompetence with their lives. Only Irons survived with a bullet wound or two in the arm. It wouldn't look good for Irons, but only for a while. Once he recovered from Bruce's attempt on his life, he would go after the Zootopia Freedom Party with a vengeance while Precinct One floundered without its daring duo and Chief of Police. It was people like Bruce that kept people like Irons in power and they both intended to keep it that way. Once Bruce resurrected the Zootopia Freedom Party and amassed enough funds, he would lose the missing six-point-five million in a raid orchestrated flawlessly by Irons. Irons would be redeemed in the eyes of the mayor and the public and in return, he would discreetly make sure that no-one could jeopardize the Zootopia Freedom Party again. For a small fee every now and then, of course.

They reached the barn, a dilapidated building that likely hadn't been used in years. Irons turned the car around and backed into the barn, facing the exit in case for whatever reason they needed to make a quick getaway. "Keep your gun on them, Wood." He said as he stopped. "Best not to do it until they're out the car."

"You're a fool if you think you can get away with this." Bogo said.

Irons ignored him. He opened his door, not bothering to wipe the fingerprints from the wheel. He would just say that Bruce had forced him at gunpoint to drive them to the barn. It was easy enough to lie. He just had to make sure he lied with a convincing expression of sorrow.

He killed the engine, but its dull hum didn't stop. He frowned when he realized the sound was coming from outside. He stepped out, his hand on the door, and saw two cars screech to a halt just outside the barn, a red car and a taxi.

_Oh sugar honey iced tea._

Officer Clawhauser was the first to climb out, shouting Bogo's name. The rest of them came right after, pouring out the car like angry bees from a disturbed hive.

"Irons?!" Bruce had turned his gaze from his flabbergasted hostages and seen what was happening from the front.

"Get your belt on, Wood!" Irons threw himself back inside and gunned the engine as their pursuers charged into the barn. The black car took off, barely missing the mammals and their cars as it fled the barn.

This time the dozen mammals didn't even think about which car they were getting into. With Clawhauser back behind the wheel of the red car, Stu leapt in beside him and sat on top of Bogoga's box. Into the back went Finnick, Raymond, Bucky and Gideon. Travis maintained his place as driver of the taxi while Pop-Pop joined him at the front and Bonnie, Cotton, Kevin and Pronk clambered into the back. The two larger mammals had to press into each other to give the two rabbits space.

Both cars spun round and took off after Irons and his detainees.

* * *

McHorn, Higgins and Wolford were waiting in the lobby for Mayor Hornbull to arrive when a call from Officer Tantor summoned them back to the Control Room. "What's up, Sheriff Maximus?" McHorn spoke to the radio. "Are they back at the station, yet?"

_"_ _Not yet. One of our units reported something strange happening on the outskirts of town. Chief Irons' car and those two cars carrying the suspects were just spotted going at near eighty miles an hour."_

"The suspects are making a break for it?" McHorn's heart sank. There was no such thing as a safe pursuit, especially in a place as heavily populated as Bunnyburrow.

_"_ _No, and that's what's strange. The unit reported that Irons' car was at the front of the line. It looks like_ they're _chasing_ him _!"_

"Chasing  _him_?" Wolford stared in shock at his colleagues. "What's going on here?"

Before McHorn could answer, Mayor Hornbull burst into the room. "Where is Chief Irons?" The more smartly dressed rhino asked, beaming. "I want to speak to him immediately!"

McHorn nodded for Higgins to explain the situation and turned back to the radio. "Sheriff, we'll try to reach him and Chief Bogo on our end. You and your people find out what the hell is happening over there."

_"_ _We've tried to reach them ourselves, but they're not picking up the radi- hang on-"_  McHorn heard a mumbling sound as Maximus came away from the radio to speak with someone.  _"I've just spoken with my deputy. Stu Hopps just called us reporting the situation and said that the fugitive Bruce Wood is in the front of the car with Irons."_

* * *

Stu tossed Finnick's phone back to him and held on for dear life as Officer Clawhauser tore down the road in pursuit of the black car. In every photo Judy had shown him, the cheetah was smiling, looking like he didn't have a trouble in the world. Now there was fear and desperation in his eyes, and his teeth were clenched as he pulled a sharp turn on the road that brought them deeper into town. The mammals in the back were shouting, urging Clawhauser to go faster. Stu wished he hadn't used up all the juice in his Taser. His little girl was being held at gunpoint in that car up ahead, and so were her friend, her boss, and that moose. Stu prayed that Sheriff Maximus and his people would catch up to them soon.

Panic took over and he joined the others in encouraging Clawhauser. "Come on, son! Step on it! Don't let them get away!"

"I won't!" Clawhauser cried. Their red car was currently leading the chase, the taxi carrying Stu's family less than five meters behind as they chased the black car up Pumpkin Avenue. "Where's the light?"

"What light?" Gideon asked.

"The police light that goes on top of here! It looks like an upside down cup!"

The black car went over the curb and onto the pavement, sending pedestrians fleeing in terror. "What is that idiot doing?!" Finnick hollered. The black car ripped through the poles of a striped canopy overlooking the entrance to an Italian restaurant. The large cloth came fluttering down over the road, ready to cover the red car's windshield. Clawhauser swerved, missing the cloth and escaping a crash but ending up on the curb himself.

"Nice one!" Raymond yelled. The black car moved off the curb, in the process taking out a fire hydrant. A thick jet of water rocketed high into the air like a volcanic eruption. Clawhauser took his own car right over the ruptured hydrant, the car lifting very slightly as if it were going over a speed bump. Stu was nearly lifted into the air, landing back on Bogoga's box with a hard thump.

"Come off of there! I'll hold the box so you can get your seatbelt on!" Raymond yelled.

The chase took a left turn onto Tri-burrow lane, the road that stretched across the river that brought in water from Lake Tailuca.

* * *

The taxi managed to miss both the cloth and the ruptured hydrant.

"Great-aunt Bonnie, I don't feel so good." Cotton now looked fully green in the face and was holding her tummy.

Bonnie patted her head. "Does anyone have anything that could be used as a sick bucket?"

No-one answered her, their complete attention being on the car that carried their friends and the stolen millions. The black car took them all the way down Tri-burrow lane to the huge roundabout that lay roughly in the heart of Bunnyburrow. They were now halfway through the town, and still maintaining a steady distance with the black car. The black car went straight over the flowerbed island in the middle and onto the bridge that crossed the river, destroying dozens of innocent flowers. More perished as the red car and taxi ran over them as well, crossing the bridge into the other side of town.

On the sharp turn near the end of the bridge, the taxi lost control and spun wildly. Everyone inside wailed as the force squished them against each other like sardines in a tin, the car eventually coming to a stop halfway on a curb. With his cane Pop-Pop walloped Travis on the back of the skull. "You galoot! You nincompoop! Hurry up before we lose them!"

"O-okay!" Travis winced as he spun the car in the right direction, but by then the black and red cars were so far into the distance he almost didn't see them take a right turn.

"Great! We'll never find them now!" Pronk yelled as the tax set off at full speed.

"I wanna puke..." Cotton mumbled.

"Does anyone have a cup or a bowl?!" Bonnie anxiously raised her voice.

"I know a shortcut! Turn right here!" Pop-Pop pointed with his cane.

"But that's an alley!" Travis yelled.

"Shut up and do it! We're gonna get Trudy and that money!"

"That rabbit is somethin' else." Travis muttered as he made the turn into the alley in between a garage and a small shop.

Two rabbit punks dropped their sodas and flattened themselves against the walls as the taxi sped past them, sending discarded trash and junk flying as it headed straight for the chain link fence blocking the exit. They caught a glimpse of the black and red cars speeding past on the street outside. "Are you crazy, rabbit?!" Kevin shouted, and then let out a yell when the taxi smashed right through the fence, severing wires and ripping the fence clear of the brick walls.

Travis made a sharp turn towards the black car and its crimson pursuer and reentered the chase.

"Have you gone freakin' senile?" Kevin yelled at the mammals in front.

"Leave them alone! We caught up to them, didn't we?!" Pronk yelled.

"Oh shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME, SHE'S GOING TO BE SICK!" Bonnie hollered.

The chase continued on, every street they took taking them closer and closer to the abandoned amusement park on the edge of town.

* * *

Sweating buckets, Chief Irons weaved recklessly through the streets of Bunnyburrow, wishing he would hurry and think of a way to get himself out of this clusterfudge. At his side, Bruce Wood had given up on trying to keep his gun on the mammals at the back, instead choosing to keep a tight grip on the precious black case. Irons cursed the mammals that had put such a huge spanner in the worlds. How the hell did they find out? What if they'd already contacted the police and told them what was happening? Would the police believe them? Officer Clawhauser was with them, of course they would. Irons saw the summit of a log flume above a line of apartment blocks they were passing along, and a rollercoaster and a tower ride. They must be near the old amusement park, near where the festival had been set up.

No matter how hard he tried, Irons couldn't see any way he could talk himself out of this. It was only a matter of time before the Bunnyburrow and Zootpia Police Departments figured out what he was doing.  _Damn._  That left him and Bruce with one option; lose their pursuers, split the money, part ways and hope the police never find them.

"Is that  _Ben_  driving that red one?!" Wilde exclaimed. He and the other captive officers had turned their heads to watch the progress of the cars tailing them.

"Told you he was a good driver." Bogo said, his tone laced with pride. He turned back to look at Irons. "You're not getting out of this, Irons! Give up!"

"Shut up!" Irons growled as he made another sharp turn, throwing the mammals inside off balance.

"It'll look good for you in court if you turn yourself in!" Bitter said, throwing Irons' own words back at him.

"I said shut up!" Irons roared. "Bruce, we're going to have to make a break for it!"

"Irons, we don't know where the hell we are!" Bruce shouted.

Irons turned into a narrow street in between two hotels, the two cars behind him doing the same. Mammals of all sizes rushed to safety as the three cars raced down the street at maximum speed, eventually reaching a small square surrounded by tall buildings and alleyways. Irons cursed his poor knowledge of the town's streets and tried to make a full rotation to escape. The entire car jolted as the red car driven by Officer Clawhauser slammed into the rear right corner, destroying a taillight and sending Bruce's gun flying from his paw. Irons muttered another profanity and tried to get the car going again, only for the taxi to stop right in front of the narrow street, effectively trapping them.

Irons snatched the black case. "Run!" He shouted to Bruce.

"Irons, my gun!" Bruce shouted back.

"Leave it!"

They leapt out of the car and ran for the nearest alley as their pursuers poured out of their own cars, shouting angry threats. Finnick led the way, clutching Lucille.

While most of the mammals took off after the two criminals, Clawhauser was the first to reach the black car. "Guys! Are you okay?" He cried as Stu, Bonnie, Pop-Pop, Gideon and Cotton rushed up to them.

"We're fine, get us out of here!" Judy yelled.

Clawhauser went to the front and unlocked the back doors, releasing his colleagues. Bogo, Judy, Nick and Bitter clambered out, all of them looking like they'd love nothing more than to taze Irons and Bruce into oblivion.

"Let's get those dirtbags." Judy growled. Together the sixteen mammals raced into the alley.

It was time to end this mad case, once and for all.


	25. In Which Captain Bitter Sails Out There

Six and a half minutes had passed since Stu Hopps' disturbing call, and Officers McHorn and Wolford were still trying to contacts their colleagues in Bunnyburrow. None of them were answering their radios. Nearby, Officer Tantor was maintaining radio contact with Sheriff Maximus and Deputy Sven, who were giving rapid updates on the pursuit through Bunnyburrow.

McHorn held the microphone up to his face, his expression growing stonier with each passing second of silence. "Chief Bogo, come in! This is Officer McHorn, what the hell is Chief Irons playing at? Sir, come in!"

Beside him, Wolford was trying to get in touch with Officer Hopps with his phone, being one of the few coworkers who knew her number. "Office Hopps! We've just received a report that Chief Irons and the fugitive Bruce Wood have hijacked the car and taken you hostage! Please clarify, over!"

"What's this about hostages?" Mayor Hornbull called from the other side of the room, with Officer Higgins beside him to keep the worried mayor from interfering. "Tell me what's happening!"

"Sir, please stay calm. We're handling this." Higgins said.

Wolford slammed his phone on the console. "She's not answering! None of them are answering! McHorn, they must have been forced to get rid of their radios! What the hell is Chief Irons playing at?"

McHorn snorted angrily. "He's in cahoots with the Zootopia Freedom Party. They knew about the Blue Goliath and Clawhauser's involvement because Irons told them. It's the only explanation."

"Let me try!" Mayor Hornbull pulled out his sleek black phone. "I have Irons' number! If he really is a traitor he won't pick up!" McHorn, Wolford, Higgins, Tantor and every other officer in the room watched anxiously as Hornbull made the call.

Seconds passed. The phone beeped.  _"This is Chief Brendan Irons. I can't take your call right now, so leave a message after the tone."_  The phone beeped.

"Irons, this Mayor Hornbull! I was just informed that you found my stolen money and I wanted to personally congratulate you on closing this case! Cut out this nonsense and answer me! This is Mayor Hornbull speaking!"

Nothing. The phone was as silent as the room. Mayor Hornbull seemed to deflate as he slowly sat down on the nearest chair. Higgins put a hand on his shoulder, sympathetic to the rhino's disappointment. Wolford muttered a small apology for Chief Irons' betrayal. McHorn sighed and turned back to the microphone. "Sheriff Maximus... there's no more time to doubt."

_"_ _Well... that's that."_  Maximus spoke, sounding just as embarrassed and betrayed as McHorn felt.  _"All units. Arrest Chief Irons."_

* * *

The angry shouts of Irons' pursuers seemed to come from all around him as he ran through the alleyways of downtown Bunnyburrow. The hard edges of the black metal case holding the six-point-five million dollars dug painfully into the inside of his arm, but there was no way he was letting go of it. It was all he had left. He was barely aware of Bruce Wood running alongside him, not looking quite so cruel and smug after leaving his gun in the car. They ran into a fork in the path that offered two alleys for them to flee through.

"There he is, get that hippo!" came a shout that belonged to the accursed Chief Bogo. Irons spun round to the alley he and Bruce had just emerged from and saw the cape buffalo leading a group of eight mammals, including Judy, Nick, Stu, Bonnie, Cotton, Finnick and Clawhauser. Irons looked to the right alley and saw Pop-Pop, Bitter, Raymond, Kevin, Bucky, Pronk, Gideon and Travis charging toward him and Bruce.

"Run!" Bruce yelled, making a break for the left alley. He ran right into Pop-Pop, sending the old rabbit falling backwards into a tiny trashcan. His legs and cane jutted out of the can, kicking and swinging.

"Get me out of here!" Pop-Pop hollered. Most of the mammals ran right past the trashcan in favor of pursuing Irons and Bruce down the left alley.

"Don't just sit in there!" Bonnie eventually cried as she and Stu stopped to pull him out.

"I'll sit on you in a minute!" Pop-Pop shouted.

Once they had extricated him, they joined the chase, followed closely by a panting, wheezing Clawhauser. "Are you okay, Mr. Benjy?" Cotton asked, looking less green than she had while in the taxi.

Clawhauser did his best to smile assuredly. "Cheetah... high speed... low stamina..." He briefly stopped to catch his breath by a dumpster, and Cotton stopped with him. The others kept running and disappeared around a corner.

"Is the big grey guy your boyfriend?"

Clawhauser nearly had a heart attack. "No! He's my boss!"

"Is Nicky Judy's boyfriend?"

"I can't even begin to tell you how much I want that to be true." He took several deep breaths until he stopped wheezing. "It's Cotton, isn't it?"

"Yep!" Cotton beamed at him getting her name right first time.

"Do you wanna see how fast a cheetah can get?"

"Yeah! I bet you won't get as fast as Aunt Judy!"

Clawhauser picked her up, grinning slyly. "We'll see about that."

It took three and a half seconds for him to sprint down the rest of the alley and round the corner to see Irons and Bruce clamber up a set of rusty metal stairs and disappear through a door marked with an  _Authorized Personnel Only_  sign. The fourteen mammals ahead started climbing up after him and stopped right before the door. At the front of the group, Bitter looked down at Pop-Pop and Bonnie, who were still on the ground. Clawhauser set Cotton down so she could reunite with her mother and ran to join the others on the stairs.

"Alright, now we've got them!" Bitter sounded a little breathless from the chase. "You rabbits stay here!"

"What do you mean you rabbits stay here!" Pop-Pop shook his cane at the moose. Bonnie didn't protest, aware that someone had to stay behind to watch Cotton.

"Just stay here, okay, guys?" Clawhauser said. "Actually we need you to go back to the cars and look after Bogoga, okay? Don't let anything happen to her!"

"We won't!" Cotton gave them a thumb's up.

"Block the door so they can't sneak back out this way!" Nick shouted.

One by one the thirteen mammals rushed up the stairs and through the door that led through the great wall that circled the abandoned amusement park. They passed through a small corridor framed by the inner metal beams that formed the wall's structure, and entered the southern area of the park. Around them was a restaurant that hadn't been dined in for years, a helter skelter, a fun slide, a red and gold themed waltzer and a haunted mansion over six stories tall. There were two paths on either side of the helter skelter leading deeper into the park, and no clue of which one Irons and Bruce took.

"Which way did they go?" Bogo wondered out loud.

Clawhauser tugged his arm and pointed up at the haunted mansion. "Maybe one of us could go up there and be the lookout?" Personally Clawhauser didn't want to. The mansion had grotesques and skeletons and zombies, and he feared all three of them. But it was the tallest building they could easily get access into.

Bogo nodded. "We'll both go. Two pairs of eyes are better than one. The rest of you, find them!"

Clawhauser handed Judy his phone. "Me and Chief Bogo will call you if we spot them." Judy nodded.

While Bogo and Clawhauser forced the faux metal gates of the haunted mansion up and went inside to search for the maintenance stairs, the others split up so they could take both paths. Bitter took Raymond, Kevin, Gideon and Travis and went right. Judy and Nick took Stu, Bucky, Pronk and Finnick and went left.

Both groups sprinted round the haunted mansion, passing a log flume, a topspin, a dunk tank and a statue of Roger Rabbit before reuniting on the other side of the mansion. Around them were a drop tower, a rollercoaster, a ferris wheel, a large square trampoline surrounded by a safety net, a tall swing ride, a pirate ship, a traditional carousel and a giant dartboard advertising the numerous prize stalls.

Most of them started shouting, growing frustrated at the numerous paths and doors Irons and Bruce could have fled through. Raymond and Kevin started cursing. Bucky and Pronk started yelling at each other to shut up. Finnick and Stu started arguing over whether or not to try splitting up again. Judy and Bitter started debating over whether or not to stop and wait for the police. Gideon and Travis just looked lost.

"SHUT UP!" Nick hollered, startling everyone. "Stop! Now wait a minute, listen!"

They fell silent and listened. The ferris wheel creaked. The wind blew at a dirty flag high above the log flume. On the other side of the wall was the clamor of the nearby festival. The rusted padlock holding together the entrance gates clinked against the bars.

Something creaked above them. The tall metal stairway leading up the side of the rollercoaster. They all looked up to see Bruce two storeys up. Five storeys up were Irons and the black case.

"Freeze!" Judy yelled, her demand drowned out by the angry shouts of the other mammals as they charged for the stairs.

Bruce and Irons fled in terror, moving up the stairs as fast as they could as their pursuers rapidly gained on them. Raymond and Kevin reached the stairs first, leading the way with near-murderous intent as they clambered up the old steps. Near the middle and rear of the group, Judy, Nick and Bitter called in vain for the others to go back and let the officers handle the arrest. The bears were bigger and faster than Bruce, catching him on the fourth storey. Raymond tripped on a step, falling on the stairs but managing to snag a claw on Bruce's jacket. Bruce slithered free of the jacket and ran for it. Raymond tried to get back to his feet, only to knock Kevin off balance and make the other bear fall down next to him. Now the two biggest mammals in the group had become a big white obstacle for the other mammals, who cursed and yelled and struggled to climb over the fallen bears in their desperation to catch the crooks and their loot.

At the top of the stairs, eight storeys up, Bruce reunited with Irons, and together they began the long, vertigo-inducing climb up the tracks to the tallest ramp of the rollercoaster. They had to find a ladder to climb back down before the others caught up to them again.

* * *

Bogo found the stairs leading to the mansion's roof behind a plastic coffin containing a mummy straight out of a B-movie. He and Clawhauser climbed up the six stories until they emerged through a trap door onto the flat section of the saltbox style roof, in the middle of the shorter, steeper side of the roof. On this flat space was a metal box connected to electric wires and bearing a warning sign. Clawhauser decided against looking inside, instead joining Bogo at the edge of the roof. The buffalo pulled out a pair of binoculars he had grabbed from the black car and started scouring the area for signs of Irons and Bruce.

"Damn it, there's hundreds of places where they can hide!" Bogo growled, his teeth clenching beneath the binoculars. "If we lose that money again, the mayor will have our heads on a silver platter!"

Clawhauser reached for his pocket. "Sir, it's not so bad. You see, I-"

"Not now! Don't distract me!" Bogo snapped. Clawhauser obediently went quiet. There would be better opportunities to tell him.

The view was amazing. They could see every ride, amenity, and exit the park had to offer. Right away Clawhauser saw that all the north, west and southeast exits were locked, eliminating the possibility of Irons and Bruce escaping through them. That was good news for them. On the other side of the roof, which was longer and not so steep, they could see right over the wall and watch the festival. On a wide expanse of grass on the other side of the road stretching alongside the park, hundreds of rabbits, pigs, sheep and other species that made up Bunnyburrow's population were enjoying themselves with stalls and small rides. Clawhauser wondered how many of them were Judy's relatives. On a temporary stage very close to the road, a rabbit Clawhauser assumed to be the mayor was giving a speech, gesturing frequently to a family of lions dressed in suits with traditional African accessories. With a jolt, Clawhauser recognized them as the Pridelandi Royal Family, and recalled reading an article that they were visiting Animerica for a few weeks. The entire family seemed to be there; King Mufasa, Queen Sarabi, Prince Simba, Princess Nala and the sullen looking Prince Scar.

The young golden lion cub, Simba, suddenly pointed at something beyond Clawhauser and Bogo and yelled, "Dad! Look up there!"

Mufasa looked and stared in shocked confusion, as did the other members of the family when they also saw what Simba was pointing at. The crowd listening to the mayor's speech started murmuring and pointing.

Clawhauser followed their raised fingers, gaped in amazement, and tapped Chief Bogo's shoulder. "Sir... sir! The rollercoaster!"

Bogo lowered his binoculars and looked up. His jaw dropped. "Those unimaginable idiots."

The black case tucked under his arm, Irons was climbing up the tallest ramp of the rollercoaster beside the drop tower, with Bruce right behind him. Fifteen feet below them and quickly gaining, Judy, Nick, Bitter and the other ten mammals were climbing up after them, some of them yelling to get the case.

The mayor stopped his speech. He'd noticed that his audience's attention had been diverted and seen the mammals on the rollercoaster. "Hey! HEY! HEEEEEEEEEY! What are you doing?! Those tracks are not safe!" The mayor and the crowd started forward, yelling for the strange mammals to get down from there, that the rollercoaster was old and dangerous, that they were trespassing on private property. The police officers assigned as security for the festival rushed across the street to intervene before someone got killed. When they reached the west exit, some of them yelled for bolt cutters.

Clawhauser watched, terrified, as Irons and Bruce reached the very summit of the ramp and started to climb down the other side, but Bitter reached the two thieves and grabbed at the case. The other mammals reached them soon after, and a fierce struggle ensued. Bogo was cursing like a sailor as he watched his officers endanger their lives. Judy and Nick could be seen grabbing at Bruce, who was trying to slip away from the skirmish and make his way down the ramp alone. The rest of them were grabbing at the case, which Irons was holding on to with all his might. Mammals started pouring into the park to get a closer look at the action; the police must have found bolt cutters and opened the gates. Now they were forming a semicircle around the rollercoaster, keeping the crowd at a safe distance. Sirens filled the air as a line of police cars came to a halt on the street alongside the wall. Sheriff Maximus came out the front and pointed at the royal family, ordering several of his men to keep them safe until the situation was resolved. "Sheriff! Up here!" Clawhauser cried, letting the police know his and Bogo's location, then turned his attention back to the commotion on the rollercoaster. Irons shoved at a polar bear, Clawhauser couldn't tell which one at this distance, causing the bear to fall back onto the tracks with a loud thud.

It happened with an earsplitting crash. Weakened by years of neglect and no longer able to bear the weight of thirteen mammals, the section of track the mammals were fighting on broke away from the rest of the rollercoaster. Clawhauser screamed as loudly as the crowd as he watched the piece of track, along with a hundred feet of wooden supports, topple sideways toward the nearby drop tower with his friends still on it. They all clung for dear life to the crumbling wooden planks as the tracks collided with the top of the drop tower, and when the whole thing crumbled entirely and fell to the ground, they were all left hanging on to the tower's metal support beams nearly nine storeys up.

"Holy..." Bogo was too stunned to finish the phrase. Clawhauser remained speechless, his heart barely able to take the stress.

They heard Pop-Pop shouting from down below. "Trudy, what in tarnations are you and Stu doing up there?! Now I  _know_  you're crazy!" They looked over and saw the old rabbit rushing to the front of the crowd, with a horrified looking Bonnie and Cotton not far behind.

"Get the suitcase! Get the suitcase!" They heard Bitter yell.

Up above on the drop tower, the mammals had recovered from the shock of their near fall and continued their struggle for the black case. Irons wrestled and kicked at the mammals grabbing at the case, doing his best to hold onto the precious item and the tower at the same time. Judy, Nick and Gideon Grey were tugging at the other mammals, seemingly trying to make them abandon the case in favor of climbing down the tower to safety. Bruce was trapped at the top, unable to climb down past the others. Irons finally resorted to sticking out his arm, the one holding the black case, to try to keep it out of the others' reach. He hadn't counted on Bitter, the polar bears and the Oryx-Antlersons having a farther reach, and they all reached out to grasp at the case at the same time. Their fingers and hooves scrabbled for purchase, blindingly picking at the handle, at the corners, at the latches...

Clawhauser's heart skipped a beat when the case flopped open.

At first it looked like a tiny greenish-grey cloud had emerged from the case. Then the cloud burst into six-point-five million tiny dollar bills that caught the wind and fluttered away in all directions. The mammals on the tower froze and turned their heads to the sight, their faces bearing differing variations of the emotion of blank shock. The crowd's screams turned to cheers as they raced to grab as much of the raining money as they could despite the police's efforts to control them. Pop-Pop swatted at a pig with his cane for daring to try and grab a few hundred dollar bills. Maximus yelled for the police to save as much money as they could, but it was useless. There were hundreds and hundreds of mammals. They would never get it all back.

Bogo let out a tiny moan, the binoculars falling from his hoof as the loot of the infamous Triple-Casino-Heist case literally rained down upon the crowd. Clawhauser had never seen him look so devastated. He wanted nothing more than to hug the buffalo and tell him that all was not lost, but a loud creaking sound drew their attention to a much bigger problem.

The drop tower was just as old and neglected as the rollercoaster, and the blow from the section of fallen track had damaged its foundations. The tower tilted very slightly to the side, the mammals still on it yelling in terror and holding on for dear life.

"Guys, hang on!" Clawhauser cried. He clung to Bogo's arm, too terrified for his friends and the other mammals to recall Bogo's aversion to physical contact. He felt his boss's other hoof tightly enclose around his paws, the buffalo's eyes fixed on his officers. Together they watched, helpless as their colleagues hung between life and death.

The larger mammals kept trying to climb down, only for the support beams beneath them to break and fall away. They shimmied and climbed all around the top of the tower, causing it to sway from one side to the other. Pieces of metal and plastic broke away and fell to the ground each time the tower moved. At its base, the thicker metal twisted and creaked. The tower's collapse was only a matter of time. The police pushed the crowd further away from the tower. Clawhauser thought of Bogoga, but soon spotted her box safely stored in the front police car. Maximus must have picked her up.

The crowd parted, letting a screaming fire truck into the park. It came to a stop at the base of the tower and spilled a dozen firemen.

"Maxwell!" Bogo shouted, making Clawhauser look back up at the tower. A support beam had broken beneath Captain Bitter, sending him plunging towards the ground. Clawhauser let out another scream, barely aware of Bonnie Hopps also screaming somewhere in the crowd. Instead of hitting the hard ground, Bitter fell right onto the trampoline and bounced higher than Clawhauser had imagined anyone could ever bounce... right into the topmost window of the helter skelter. The cheetah clapped his paws to his mouth as the moose crashed right through the plastic panes, and a loud series of crashes ensued, going all the way down the skelter as if a descending elevator was demolishing everything in its path. When the sounds hit the bottom, the bottom window beside the door imploded. Clawhauser and Bogo stared in stunned silence as Bitter's dirty hoof grabbed the windowsill, and the disheveled moose pulled himself up and looked out through the window. "Bloody hell, he's still alive." Bogo uttered. With a dazed look on his face, Bitter's eyes rolled up and he collapsed out of sight.

One down, twelve to go.

Up on the swaying tower, the other mammals screamed, yelled and held on for their lives.

"Help! Someone help us!" Gideon yelled.

"Carrots!" Nick yelled from one side, having been separated from his partner in the earlier struggle. "Carrots, where are you?!"

"I'm over here!" Judy cried.

"Where?!" Nick cried back.

"Stop standing on my head!" Irons shouted at Finnick and went ignored.

"MOMMYYYYYYYY!" Travis screamed.

There was a loud scream as Raymond lost his grip. "Omigosh!" Clawhauser squealed. The polar bear plunged straight down into a roasted chestnut kiosk and punched a hole through the entire structure. Someone must have forgotten to empty it while the park was being closed down, for ancient chestnuts went flying everywhere. Firemen rushed to over to the kiosk as the sound of approaching ambulances made itself known about the uproar of the crowd.

"What the hell are they waiting for?" Bogo growled. "Where's the ladder?"

"The tower's moving too much. It's no use." Clawhauser replied. "Oh my gosh, please don't let anyone else fall!"

His prayer went unanswered. While trying to reach a lower beam, Bruce Wood's sweaty paws slipped from his handhold and he too fell from the tower, feet first-  _Clang!_  Right between his legs onto the pole holding the motor of the pirate ship. There was a collective "Oooooooo" from the crowd. Clawhauser's entire body cringed, and so did Bogo's. Bruce was white as a sheet as he slipped sideways off the pole and crashed straight through the hull of the ship.

Even Clawhauser had to admit that the woodchuck deserved it.

There were ten mammals left on the drop tower, which was becoming more unstable by the sec- make that nine. Kevin had just fallen with a splash into the cloudy-looking dunk tank, soaking Sheriff Maximus and several officers and civilians. Luckily Sheriff Maximus recovered quickly and was already climbing up the side of the tank to help the firemen get the hapless polar bear out.

Clawhauser was now bouncing up and down with one paw digging into his skull, completely tense, waiting apprehensively for the next mammal to fall. "Omigoshomigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh..." He was whimpering non-stop.

He didn't have long to wait. Finnick the Fennec lost his grip when the tower jerked suddenly. Unaware that Finnick was an adult, the crowd screamed even louder as he fell onto the same trampoline that had catapulted Bitter into the helter skelter. His baritone cry cut through the air as he went flying in the opposite direction, landing with a dull thud in the arms of the statue of Roger Rabbit. The tiny fennec fox shook his head and stared at Roger Rabbit's face like he was looking at the devil himself.

"Get us down! Get the ladder! Get the chopper!" Bucky screamed as his legs dangled above the crowd, the only thing keeping him from falling being the big cage ball at the top of the tower, the one covered in blue and green light bulbs.

Stu had curled into a tiny ball around a horizontal beam below Bucky's legs. "Our lord in heaven, please forgive our sins, please spare us with your ever-loving grace..."

The tower started to tilt. "You gotta pray louder than that!" Pronk shrieked.

"OUR LORD IN HEAVEN PLEASE FORGIVE THE SINS WE HAVE COMMITTED IN OUR-"

"Hold on!" Judy cried. Far below, the crowd ran for their lives. The tower's base had finally given up the ghost, and now the entire structure was toppling towards disaster. More specifically it was toppling towards the swing ride, and hit the slightly shorter ride right above the spindly looking swings. The shock of the collision threw Judy, Nick, Gideon, Travis and Irons clear of the tower, and all five of them barely managed to grab onto a swing each. The tower was now propped on the swing ride at a forty-five degree angle, and the remaining three mammals wasted no time climbing up on top.

"Judy! Nick! Gideon!" Stu cried. "Are you okay?!"

The three mammals, along with Irons and Travis, were swinging from the seats like pendulums. "Don't worry about us!" Judy cried. "Just get down before the whole thing collapses!"

There was a rumbling sound coming from higher up the tower. The big cage ball on top had broken loose from the impact and was rolling down the side of the tower like the boulder from  _Raiders of the Lost Aardvark_.

"Oh crap, look out!" Nick shouted, but it was too late. The cage ball rolled straight into Stu Hopps and Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson, knocking them off the tower in all directions like plastic bowling pins. Stu crashed through the canopy above a fishing game stall and hit the pool of water with a splash that sent rubber ducks flying. Bucky crashed into a shooting range, destroying the long table the targets sat on. Pronk plunged through the roof into the stall next to the shooting range and wiped out all the tins inside. The cage ball reached the bottom of the toppled tower, rolled along the ground and smashed through the glass dunk tank, spilling dirty water, Kevin, Maximus and three officers onto the concrete.

"I will not be writing the report for this." Bogo said numbly.

Clawhauser was quite sure that at this rate, he would soon be able count the number of rides that hadn't been damaged with one paw.

There was more screaming. Travis Ferretter had lost his grip on the swing. With a girlish shriek he crashed through the roof of the carousel.

The aged rusted chain holding Chief Brendan Irons snapped right as he swung in the direction of the Ferris wheel. With a loud curse that had hundreds of parents slapping their paws over their children's ears, he flew straight into the center of the ferris wheel. The metal of the wheel's spokes buckled from the impact. Irons was limp as he plummeted to the ground.

Now Clawhauser could count the number of rides left undamaged with one paw.

"Cheese and sprinkleeeeees!" Gideon Grey cried as he too fell from the swings, falling tail-first into the giant fake pie that sat atop another small restaurant.

Clawhauser tightened his grip on Bogo's arm. It was just his friends left now.

Nick managed to swing his seat far enough to grab the chain of Judy's seat. He quickly transferred to said seat and pulled Judy up so they were sitting together. "Carrots!" He yelled. "Carrots, are you okay?"

"Yes!" Judy said.

"I've got an idea and you're not gonna like it!" Nick removed his police shirt, leaving the dark blue t-shirt underneath. "Do you trust me?"

"What do you think?" Judy replied.

Down below, the precarious state of the ferris wheel after Irons crashed into it had prompted the police to eject the crowd from the park entirely. Soon the only mammals left in the park were the police, those fallen mammals that hadn't yet been extracted, and the two mammals still watching from the roof of the haunted mansion.

"What're they doing with his shirt?" Bogo asked.

Judy had gotten behind Nick and wrapped her arms around his neck. Nick held the shirt in his paws like a rope and jumped from the seat.

Clawhauser yelled in horror, but they didn't fall far. Beneath the seat was a power line that had been out of power since the amusement park's closure, and now Nick meant to use it as a zip line. The shirt caught the line, and now the two partners were sliding down at break-neck speed towards a disused pole. Nick let go right as they were passing over the log flume, and both fox and rabbit dropped onto the tallest of the three slides and slid all the way into the water.

Clawhauser laughed, glad beyond measure that his friends at least had gotten down safely. "They did it, Chief! They're okay!"

Bogo wasn't smiling. "Clawhauser, the wheel!"

Just when they thought that things wouldn't get worse, there was an incredible sound, like claws scraping against a chalkboard with a microphone beside them, as the ferris wheel broke free and started to roll away from its foundations.

Clawhauser couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was like something out of a slapstick film. Or a disaster movie.

The police and firemen scattered in all directions as the wheel rolled south, but it didn't get far. It wasn't like the wheel of a car or a bike. Unable to support its own structure, the wheel began breaking apart as it continued slowly rolling along the ground. Carriages and light bulbs and pieces of metal hailed down upon the park, weather that was far less welcome than the rain of money not long ago. A carriage broke off and fell towards the haunted mansion roof.

"Chief, look out!" Clawhauser yelled.

They didn't make it to the trapdoor in time before the carriage slammed into the roof behind them. The wood lifted up beneath Clawhauser's feet, sending him toppling over the ridge of the roof onto the other side. He felt Bogo grab at Clawhauser's arm, but the cheetah was unable to stop himself from dragging the buffalo down with him. Clawhauser bounced painlessly off a chimney covered in fake barbed wire and into Bogo's arms. His own arms wrapped around Bogo's thick neck and he screamed in terror as they slid helplessly towards the edge of the roof. It was going to take them straight over the wall and into the street below. Bogo remained quiet, but the look his face screamed 'oh crap'. This was probably going to hurt a heck of a lot more than a kidney stone. Clawhauser closed his eyes and waited for the fall.

They went over and fell for exactly one second.

_THUMP!_

Hitting the tarmac didn't hurt nearly as much as he thought it would. Then Clawhauser felt the surface beneath him and found cool, silky smooth metal. He loosened his grip on Bogo and opened his eyes.

They hadn't landed in the street. They were now lying on the roof of a vehicle that was taking them away from the park. It was some kind of sleek, dark purple double decker bus, judging from the size of the roof and how high they were.

"Clawhauser." Bogo said quietly, sounding just as relieved as the cheetah felt. "Are you alright?"

Clawhauser chuckled nervously. "My butt hurts, but I'm well padded. Are you okay?"

"I'll live." Bogo then sighed, his relieved smile fading as he released Clawhauser and lay down on the purple roof. The bus was moving slowly, so they were okay to relax for a while. "But probably not by the time the mayor's through with me."

Clawhauser patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry about the money."

"Don't be. If anyone's to blame, it's Irons." Bogo growled the name. "That miserable old fool ruined everything."

"Yeah. He betrayed us all." Clawhauser smiled comfortingly. "But it's okay, sir."

"No, it's not okay. We've probably got around a dozen mammals in the ER, and nothing to give to the mayor. This whole mess has probably caused hundreds of thousands of dollars in damages, and that's just the amusement park. Bunnyburrow will probably never let us forget what we've caused here... what the hell are you smiling at?" Bogo sat back up, scowling at Clawhauser.

Clawhauser scooted closer to him. "Sir, do you remember how much Jerry Mousekewitz stole from those three casinos?"

"Yes. Four hundred and six million, five hundred thousand dollars." Bogo said. "But we only found a small fraction of that beneath the Blue Goliath."

"Yeah. Beneath the Blue Goliath." Clawhauser was now fully beaming as he stuck his paw in his pocket, an impish glint in his eyes. "Everyone said that Jerry Mousewitz kept rambling that it was 'with' the Blue Goliath. Guess what I found in Bogoga's burrow."

He handed Bogo a small black pouch. Intrigued, Bogo loosened the string and emptied the bag's contents into his hoof. He stared for some time at the eight red jewels. "Benjamin Clawhauser..." He spoke slowly and softly. "What are these?"

"The Eyes of Goliath. Very rare red diamonds. The most valuable set of gems in the world." Clawhauser said happily. "Captain Bitter figured it out. A little while after the heist, someone under a false identity bought these gems for four hundred million."

Bogo had the same reaction he had when Clawhauser reported Judy finding all fourteen missing mammals during the Night Howler Incident. "Of course. Mousekewitz bought these gems to hide most of the money."

"You will tell them that Captain Bitter made the deduction, won't you?" Clawhauser asked. "If he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have thought to check inside Bogoga's enclosure."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he gets the credit he deserves." Bogo carefully put the diamonds back in the bag. "I can't say I'm not looking forward to the look on Hornbull's face when he sees these."

"Yeah, he'd probably have a heart attack and die!" Clawhauser chuckled.

Bogo chuckled with him and patted him on the back. "Clawhauser, thank you. You've probably salvaged the ZPD's reputation and saved all our careers."

Clawhauser saluted him. "Just serving and protecting, Chief. Just like you protected me."

The bus started to slow down on the side of the road. Bogo looked at the black sunroof nearby. "I think it's about time we get down from this purple tin can."

"Sounds like a great idea!" Clawhauser said. "Case closed, right, sir?"

"Not quite." Bogo put the gems in his coat pocket. "I still have to get you and the little blue monster home safe."

The bus came to a halt. When the engine fell silent, Clawhauser and Bogo heard voices inside.

"I'm telling you, I heard something hit the roof!" Someone said.

"Probably a branch or something. I'll check it out."

Bogo pulled out his badge, ready to show it to whoever was inside and explain the situation.

The sunroof opened and a gorgeous male tiger's head and shoulders popped up. He blinked in shock when he saw them. "Who. The hell. Are you?"

Bogo displayed his badge. "Chief Bogo, Zootopia Police Department. This is Officer Clawhauser. I'll explain when we're back on solid land."

Clawhauser stared. He knew this tiger.

"Chief Bogo?!" Came a very familiar female voice that made the fur on the back of the cheetah's neck stand on end. "What is the Chief of Police doing on my roof? Let me see!"

The tiger moved back, allowing a gazelle to come up and see the two stowaways for herself.

No. Not a gazelle.  _The_  Gazelle.

Best. Road trip. Ever.


	26. In Which Gazelle meets her Biggest Fans

It turned out that Gazelle's tour bus was passing through Bunnyburrow on her way back from a tour, as Bogo and Clawhauser learned when Gazelle and her dancers allowed them to descend through the sun roof into the lounge and bar area of the bus. They would have to drive for a further three miles to make a legal turn to get back to the amusement park, so the star struck police officers used the time to explain to Gazelle and her backup dancers the recent events that led to them putting a double-ass-sized dent on her roof. As they sat with Gazelle on the sleek black couches that lined the walls, they left out the more sensitive information concerning the Zootopia Freedom Party, Irons' betrayal and the red diamonds, instead giving the general story of a police pursuit ending in the near-destruction of the old amusement park.

Gazelle uttered some Spanish, astonished by Clawhauser's telling of Nick and Judy's escape from the swing ride. "And what happened to you two?"

"The ferris wheel fell down and made us fall off the haunted mansion." Bogo spoke dazedly. He still couldn't believe that he was speaking to Gazelle, and that he and his young officer had landed on her tour bus of all vehicles. Clawhauser himself was ready to pass out.

Gazelle put a slender hoof to her mouth. "Oh my gosh! That must have been terrifying!"

"It was. It really, really was." Clawhauser squeaked. "I'm so sorry, but I have to say that I am your biggest fan and you have no idea how amazed I am to finally meet you!"  _In your beautiful custom tour bus as well_ , he added mentally.

Gazelle laughed. "I figured that out when you fainted on the roof." Clawhauser blushed. "It's good to meet you too, Officer Clawhauser."

"I apologize for your roof, ma'am." Bogo for his part did his best to remain professional.

"Oh, it's nothing my insurance can't cover. Besides, it's better that you fell on my bus instead of the tarmac."

"I'd ask for your autograph, but I think we've bothered you enough." Clawhauser said sheepishly, tapping his forefingers together. "Is it much farther to the amusement park?"

"Another fifteen minutes." Yelled Alexander, the tiger currently driving the bus. "Maybe more if this traffic doesn't let up."

Bogo and Clawhauser looked out the window behind the couch. There was indeed a severe traffic jam surrounding the bus, which had come to a complete stop. Bogo let out a small groan. "Must be because of the incident at the park. We could be here a while. Is there somewhere private so I can make a call?"

"You can use the bathroom at the back." Gazelle said.

Once in the bathroom, Bogo made a call to Sheriff Maximus. "Sheriff, it's Chief Bogo."

 _"_ _God, we've been looking for you since you fell off the roof! Are you injured?"_  Maximus sounded furious as well as relieved, and Bogo couldn't blame him. His town had suffered some significant property damage because of their actions.

Bogo's buttocks were still a little tender, but that wasn't worth mentioning. "We're both fine. We managed to land on a bus and escape injury."

_"_ _You lucky bovine. Where are you now?"_

"We're on our way back, but we're being held up by traffic. Now you can answer my questions. What happened to the other mammals? Are Officer Hopps and Wilde alright?"

_"_ _All of them are on their way to the E.R., but there's a good chance they'll all live."_

"And the Blue Goliath Birdeater? The money from the case?" Bogo had to ask.

_"_ _The Blue Goliath is at the station, undergoing questioning."_

"It's undergoing what?"

_"_ _Just kidding. As for the money, we recovered a few thousand but the rest must have been picked up by the crowd."_

_That's not a problem anymore_ , Bogo smiled as he remembered the bag of diamonds in his pocket. "What about Irons and Bruce?"

_"_ _On their way to the E.R. with the others. Your mayor knows what happened, by the way. He's not happy."_

"He'll get over it. You'll found out why soon enough. Which hospital are they being taken too?"

_"_ _Tri-Burrow General. Don't bother coming back to the park, my men are handling it. Check on your people, then get to the station so you can explain what the hell has been going on!"_

"Alright, we're on our way." Bogo said. "And take good care of that spider. Clawhauser will have your guts for garters if anything happens to it."

When Bogo hung up, he became aware of music coming from outside. His ears perked and he opened the bathroom door.

_"_ _Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase! Hakuna Matata, ain't no passing ca-raaaaaze!"_

While the three tigers at the bar were preparing some Tequila Sunrises, Gazelle and Clawhauser had gotten themselves two microphones and turned on the stereo. Bogo stood frozen in the doorway, watching his secretary sing a Disney classic with the idol they both adored.

Gazelle, usual was on top form.  _"It means no worries, for the rest of your daaaaays!"_

Clawhauser spotted Bogo, beamed, and held out a third microphone.  _"_ _It's our policy!"_

 _"_ _Philosophy!"_  Gazelle beckoned him with a hoof.

_"_ _Hakuna Matataaaaa!"_

One of the tigers, Ian was his supposed name, approached and offered him a cocktail. Bogo accepted the beverage and gazed at the microphone Clawhauser and Gazelle were offering. He was the Chief of Police, but at the same time he didn't want to be a spoilsport in front of the Angel with Horns. Besides, how many fans would  _kill_  for this opportunity?

"Oh, what the hell..." Bogo muttered and took the microphone.

* * *

With all four limbs in casts and his head covered in bandages, Captain Maxwell Bitter looked and felt like hell, and the other mammals in the hospital ward looked just as banged up and sullen. Moans and groans filled the large room, just like the beds were full of broken, bruised and bandaged souls. The only two injured mammals not in beds were the mammals least injured in the incident; Judy and Nick. Judy had a broken arm and some bruised ribs, while Nick had a broken nose and a tail so tightly wrapped in bandages that it looked like a mummified rat's tail. They were sitting on uncomfortable metal chairs beside Stu Hopps, who had both ears in bandages and both legs in casts, but more than happy that his little girl was for the most part okay. Bonnie, Pop-Pop and Cotton had yet to arrive from the station.

With so many mammals at once being rushed into the E.R. the hospital had been forced to place them all in this one room until separate rooms could be found for them. This was bad news for Irons and Bruce Wood, even if none of them were in any condition to exact revenge.

"It's all your fault." Bucky said, lying directly opposite from Chief Irons. He'd lost one of his horns and his entire upper torso had been wrapped up. "It was all your fault right from the beginning to the end."

Chief Irons, with his entire skull covered in bandages and both legs and one arm in casts, didn't reply.

"It's people like you who give us prey a bad name in Zootopia." Pronk said acidly to Bruce Wood, having lost both horns and broken an arm and a leg.

"I was trying to make the world a better place!" Bruce Wood snapped, his head the only part of his body that wasn't in a cast.

"You don't even know what that means, Wood." Judy replied without looking at him. "So shut up."

"You know, even for a corrupt policeman, your behavior was gosh-darned outrageous." Gideon said, his head poking out of his neck brace and unable to turn.

"Yeah, you could have taken a fair share like the rest of us." Travis spoke, suffering from two sprained ankles and a hairline fracture in his femur. "But no, you had to go and grab up the whole scene, baby!"

Sporting six broken ribs and two broken arms, Raymond stared morosely into space. "We had six-point-five million bucks right in our paws."

Stu looked at the fingers on his paws, deep in thought. "Eighteen, into six-point-five million dollars..."

A chorus of curses and shouting ensued. With a broken nose, a dislocated knee and a busted humerus that wasn't humorous in the slightest, Kevin glowered at the rabbit. "Shut up!"

Stu shut up, looking sheepish.

"I wish I knew what they were going to do to us." Finnick said, looking miserable with his broken leg and cone of shame. He could barely get the banana from the nearby fruit bowl into his mouth.

"I can't say for sure what's going to happen." Nick spoke, his voice embarrassingly nasally with his bad nose. "But no matter what happens to us..." He turned his cold gaze to Irons and Bruce. "What happens to you guys I hope will be worse!"

Chief Irons looked up at the ceiling, his eyes the only thing visible through the bandages. He seemed to be in his own little world. "I don't think you have to worry too much about that. I've been stripped of my position as Chief of Police... Captain Bitter is the favorite to replace me... Bogo is returning to Zootopia to a hero's welcome... my car and furniture have been iced..." He came out of his little world to peer frostily at the other patients. "And the only reason... that you eleven idiots... will very likely get off lightly... is because the judge will have me up there to throw the book at."

"Oh, that's so awful!" Bitter laughed humorlessly with a sneer.

Irons sighed, not even trying to defend himself. "I'd like to think that sometime, maybe ten or twenty years from now, there'd be something I could laugh at. Anything."

Finnick rolled his eyes and threw his banana skin, which missed the trashcan and landed in the middle of the floor.

Soft footsteps came from outside; the three Hopps' had arrived. Bonnie was holding little Cotton's paw tightly, her expression sour. Pop-Pop led the way into the ward, looking livid as he gazed upon the busted mammals.

"Now see here, you big galoots, this is all your fault! If you hadn't been messing about on the-" He slipped on the banana peel and fell two feet from the air onto his fluffy little backside.

"Pop-Pop!" Judy yelled, her cry drowned out by the ensuing uproar.

* * *

When Bogo and Clawhauser heard the sound of laughter coming from the ward as they approached, they wondered if they'd walked into the wrong hospital.

Then they entered the ward and saw nearly every mammal in there laughing their heads off as a protesting Pop-Pop was lifted onto another bed by two rabbit nurses. "Get off me! Leave me alone! Who threw that banana?!" He was quickly wheeled out, followed closely by Judy, Bonnie and Cotton. Nick was half-sprawled on Stu's bed, paralyzed from laughing so much. Stu and Finnick guffawed. Gideon and Travis cackled. Bucky, Pronk, Raymond and Kevin roared. Bitter chortled and Bruce howled. Only Irons wasn't laughing, but a grin was steadily creeping across his face.

Bogo heard Clawhauser start to giggle and raised an eyebrow at him. "Ha ha... sorry sir... ha ha ha... it's this ha ha laughter... it's so contagious!" He was soon bent over, laughing with the rest.

Bogo heard another voice join the commotion; Irons had given in to his sense of humor.

"Oh god, you're right." He said, barely able to hear his own voice. "Let's get out of here before I catch it too!"

It was time to take Gazelle up on her offer of a lift to the station. Bogo dragged the hysterical Clawhauser from the uproarious ward, a small chortle escaping his own lips. Maybe if he asked nicely he could get them both a signed t-shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's a mad, maaad, maaaaad, maaaaaaad... WORLD!"
> 
> THE END.
> 
> And now for a short synopsis on my next endeavour...
> 
> "Mysteries get mistier in this sequel to the hit movie Zootopia.
> 
> What starts as a calamity at the Greener Grass Mall becomes a race against time to stop a budding terrorist group with Zootopia's most famous celebrity in their sights. Judy and Nick's second big case leads them to the infamous Casel family... a family which harbours a dark history with the ZPD's Front Desk Officer."
> 
> Keep an eye out for Zootopia: #2!


End file.
